ATA: Good People, Bad Things

My life is managed from the time I wake up to the time I sleep.

Do this, don't do this. Act right, you act too deep in character. Think before speaking, don't speak. Don't accept food from others, don't be rude by denying meals. You don't need friends, you keep to yourself too much.

It's so exhausting. I just want to not have to perfect all the time. And when I am, it's also a problem.

This life is also scary. There's a reason I am living with my aunt and not my parents. My existence is a secret, for my and my family's protection and if word got out before time, troubling times will begin.

I only feel two emotions. Overwhelmed and scared for my life all the time. Sometimes I feel butterflies when I go to Hendricks. But once, I am crowned only those 2 emotions going to be me my life forever.

I just want to drop it all and live a quiet and selfish life. But I can't. The life I live is not my own. You make do with what you are given.

Something my doctor mom tells me all the time. It's worked for her life and her aspirations. She has lived a life of sacrifice for her siblings and her passion for medicine.

I don't agree. I don't want this. My life is my life. I want to live selfishly, think selfishly . I want to make my own decision. I want to make decisions for just me.

I know more what's best for me. I mean I am with my self 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. Yet, I can't make one decision for myself.

I wonder. What will happen if I were to break the rules? Little by little until I am too unfit, undesired to be queen.

Then I can finally live for me outside the identity of a princess, the only hope for a nation. I can live like Sara.

Starting today, I am going to make decisions for strictly for Sara and as Sara.