Twelve Letters

It hurts seeing him waiting for her to walk down the aisle. It should have been me walking down to him.

My chest hurts for standing here, smiling at the man I once loved, the man I shared all of my first, the man who was the reason I never talked to any guy because we had something special and we did until things happened.

He’s not looking back at me because he’s looking at her as she walks down the aisle. I tear my gaze from him because I know to myself that memories of us are playing on my head but he’s happy now, with her soon-to-be-wife, Angel, my childhood best friend. The man takes her hand and kisses the back of it.

I tell myself that I can leave once I give them my gift, a gift that would tell them that time is running out. For me thought, not for them. They get to enjoy their happy life.

The ceremony ended and I ran to the bathroom as fast as I can because it fucking hurts. I can feel my throat clogging up and my eyes starts to tear up.

It fucking hurts seeing them tying the knot.

I look at myself in the mirror. The wig is still in place and I check of the glue is still intact. I regret not bringing anyone when they offered to come with me in this wedding. I wiped my eyes because the tears are falling down and I can't stop crying. Fuck this disease.

I composed myself and retouch my make up and send a prayer to to whoever invented lip products, it covers my pale lips very well.

I bend down and see if someone is inside the stalls before talking to myself in the mirror.

“Cali, you have one mission once you exit the bathroom,” I smile at my reflection. “Give the gift and say your greetings then leave”

kay, one mission. I can do it.

“Congratulations Mrs. Walker” I greet Angel as I wrapped my hands around her.

Adann stands up and extend his hand to wrapped them around me but I blocked him by handing him my present to him. His forehead wrinkled and he gave me a tight smile as he brings his hands inside his pockets. I smiled at him back as we stare at each other.

“OMG!! You don’t need to” Angel literally screamed as she took the gift from my hands. “OMGGGG!! Another Callista handwriting letters, I love your letters Cali” she grinned at me as she looks inside but Adan put his hands on top of Angel stopping her. “After the wedding, love” love? That’s what he was calling me before.

“I’m sorry that I have to leave early but I need to catch my flight going back to Chicago” I informed them which is a lie because my flight is still tomorrow morning but I desperately need to leave this event. I need to celebrate back at the hotel for surviving this event. Seeing my ex-lover and best friend get married.

“Oh yeah, I forgot you flew all the way from Chicago for the wedding. I’m sorry” My best friend admitted with a frown on her face.

“No need to apologize, I needed a break from blogging anyway” I smiled at her. “It’s a great venue btw”

“Thanks, Mommy planned it all” she admitted while looking around “I love your vlogs; I can’t wait for your next video” she chirped and Adann is talking to one of his uncles but his eyes are looking at me and Angel. “You will post a new video soon, right?” she asked with curiosity in her eyes. I nod my head which is a lie again. I would if I can but I can’t.

I turned my head to Adann as Angel talked to her mother and he was still watching me. “Thanks for coming” Adann smiled at me.

The smile that gives me butterflies in my stomach.

Compose yourself Callista, He’s married now.

“You did indicate “Please”, you never say please” I laugh as I shake my head as I recall the day, I received the invitation.

“I should go now” I announced getting the attention of Angel who is still talking to her mother with a straight face. Angel looks pissed at her mother but she tries not to show it. That’s weird she never gets pissed at her mother.

Angel hugged me one last time saying that we should hang out soon after their honeymoon, I didn’t say anything, I just smiled at her. I don’t like the idea of Adann, Angel, and a bed.

“Oh, and please don’t read each other’s gift” I reminded them, they both know how Callista Letters works,

Never read them if it’s not written for you.

I leave both of them, not waiting for an answer from my best friend and my ex-lover. They both acted weird as if they were never wanted to get married but I pushed that thought away, maybe it’s jealousy who’s speaking.