Namless
Broken heart, i only heard it from others. Used to wonder why they look like this. Why people become unstoppable. Why they choose negative ways. But i never knew i will also trapped in it. The smile, the joy, the laugh, the happiness, the spirit, the confidence everything vanished when reality hits me. How can the most sharp confident and active girl become silent like she lost her voice. She herself doesn't know
—•• All i want to do is to cry and scream let it all out because it's killing me inside🥀••—
I surrounded with guilt only guilt. The feeling of that killed me day and night. The guilt which covers up my heart with shades of tears. The voice of crying could be heard in darkness. That time of suffering alone was pathetic. I burned my own happiness from my hands. Watching that fire was feeling like someone is cutting my heart. It was killing, Loosing control over emotional make it feels more brutal. I wish i could able to end myself but that was also a sin. But still its beautiful.
—•• Allah looks at you when you are in the state of hardship, and smiles, knowing your relief is close 🥀••—
At the edges of breaking when Allah holds my hand it was beautiful.That prayers, thats recitation, that peace i found. I don't think i will able to get from anyone. Thats time i understand the real meaning of prayer. I thought now everything is going to be ok but no it was the end.
—•• All the clouds in me are raining 🥀••—
My expectations turned toward me very brutally. My trust towards them slapped me very badly. My dreams of years flew away like a pieces of feathers. I lost my most precious dream of years. It was unbearable when i tried but everyone ignored me like it is nothing. I loose my value and i started to feel i am talking without voice. Feeling of being alone while living between several people. Those tears came out which i thought will not be. The regrets of trusting, the pain of forcing myself and everything falls on me like a curse.
Everyday spend like an hour. I tried a lot but time didn't stop at all. The mistake of past always make me feel the most pathetic person still i choose to believe and have faith in Allah. The tears that came out of my eyes was burning. Infront of Allah i become weak. I started to share with him. But reality give me the most unexpected situation. My days become dark. The reality that i never wanted to accept. The reality thats i never ever thought. My loss was not that small but i myself step back from it.
—•• Behind her smile is a hurting heart, behind her laugh she is falling apart🥀 ••—
But still it was beautiful because the thought of Allah love keeps me alive. Everytime i face something there was someone who kept me happy. Who was the reason of my smile. Peace of my mind, thats person to whom i don't have words to say thanks. She gives me something thats no one can. She was the most beautiful creature of Allah. She was like a living happiness for me. She was the spring of my autumn. She was the beauty of my smile. She was reason of my happiness. My heaven's flower🌺. My everything.
—•• I don't know what love feel like until I meet you but now i know what a broken heart feels like🥀 ••—
I always make myself ready for the situations but never knew. My days become dry when i felt like loosing her. My world apart when i losses the most important person of my life. The fear, the tears again came out once again but for the most bitter reality. My heart sank everytime i hear her name. My tears came out everytime i hear her voice. I want to move on badly but it seems impossible.
—•• I acted like it wasn't a big deal, when really it was breaking my heart🥀 ••—
I want to ran away somewhere where i couldn't be able to see her again. But situation throw me at the same place where i spent memories with her. Watching the building, chairs, shops, ways. Everything make me remind of her. I trapped in that place again for years but without her. What can be more hurtful that it.
—•• At some point,
You realise that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life🥀 ••—
Still it was beautiful yes it was. My mind started to like the way i was. It was pathetic to love the sadness. But i feel like it is a part of my life. My heart who used bear dozen of burden now become weak. It couldn't even feel if i am fine or not. I kill my feelings, i burned my love forever, i lost my smile, i lost my everything. I feel like a body with lifeless organs. But still it was beautiful cause Allah was there for me.
—•• For those who have no one, remember you have Allah🥀 ••—
At that time i understand what's is the meaning of when someone said "Allah test those who are beloved to him".
Trust him all the pains will no more hurt you. Even though how much you bear it the time comes when Allah will say
"Oh Angel give her comfort my servant is tired now"🥀
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It was never ending but still beautiful. I put my all felling in my writing. Don't ever loose hope, whatever happens today was because of a reason. Allah has saw everything which you don't. Trust him he always choose what's the best for you. If in this world you didn't find peace remember he is testing you no matter how much time it takes. He will make the akhira easy for you🫀🕊️🥀💫
