HANNA
Natalie, her real name given by her mother, was replaced by Hanna. Since the start of her new college experience, her friends no longer liked talking after breakfast. Depending on Tuesday or Friday, their personas used up after Monday college classes, Natalie thought it best to remain silent, and not risk the friendship by a simple correction. However, confused, and conflicted about being called by a fake name - she is afraid to bother to ask herself why.
Reaching 1:35 pm, Natalie (or Hanna?) masks her expression from irritable to depressed, checking her hair sparingly. Then, attempting to lay her arms on the table, she hears, “I guess we could ask Hanna. How about it?.” She looks up and sees her friends stare, hesitating - since no one spoke first Natalie says, “What about?”, maintaining that subtle humor she noticed in others adapting around her age.
Her friend Leo, with his two-month girlfriend, asks, “We still want to know if you’re eating with us, this evening?”
“Yeah, of course,” Natalie said. Then quickly adds reluctantly, “Haven’t eaten anything all day.”
Nice people (are we considered ‘people’ yet?), she thought.
Emily, Leo’s 3-month friend, nods - Charles, Emily’s 2-month friend, smiles. Connected, what feels like before Natalie was born, they all, and always, agree to look upon themselves - only to go back to speaking with each other.
“We could try something different. Bro, how about the cute burger joint down the street?” Charles said, using his fake glasses to point to Emily.
“Sure… but we did that last weekend. What about the Mexican place, the one near your dad’s church,” Emily said.
An hour later Natalie sat on her phone, looking up to react to a joke or someone smiling at her every nine seconds. Afraid if her shirt matched her shoes, or her jeans had tightened through the semester, a depressed thought deepened. She places her smartphone with a sparkly phone case on the table.
She knew she was here for effect in this group. She didn’t want to get up then go, also realizing going home wouldn’t do her any favors. Wasting potential for social development; aware the next group she would find herself in next year, they would have to be stimulating at least. Even if it hurt her by the end of the day, out of all the attempts to make the friendship meaningful ( college friendship, to be specific) there was really nothing she could do until she had more thoughts, feelings, and conflicts to tell, ceasing to exist if she didn’t. Right now, she was left empty.
She thought about picking up her phone again when Emily called: “Hanna? Yo, Hanna!”
Natalie possessed herself to be Hanna and looked up from her shoes and saw all staring at her from the lunch table.
“What's up?” she said softly.
“Do you have suggestions for a restaurant?”
Natalie answered; - a small restaurant to match everyone's expectations, vibes, and occasional gossip and thoughts and prayers, she thought. Finally, for the moment, she could contribute.
“What about the cute burger joint down the street,” she said.
“Good,” Charles said as if she answered correctly. He left his fake glasses in his hand.
“We'll go there then,” Emily said. All of them went back to speaking to each other again.
Natalie (or was that her real name?), meanwhile, went back to looking at her old shoes, waiting until her sociology class started at 2 pm. Thinking alone - waiting for another attempt to speak.
