The Backdoor

“Lucia,” I whispered.

She pressed her naked body close to mine. “It is nearly morning,” I whispered, running my fingers through those soft curls. “The Master will wake within the hour, my love.” She shook her head, sleepily pressing her lips to my skin. Tears began to roll down her cheeks, and opening her eyes, she ventured to let out a quiet sob. “I hate him,” She whimpered, “I hate him so terribly, Julia. Don’t make me go back to him…” I wrapped my arms around her and captured her lips in a kiss. Then, for a moment, we quite lost ourselves in one another. Our limbs began to tangle, and soon enough, we were one. She pulled away from my lips and made bold kisses along my jaw and down my neck. Her passion---fiery and unrelenting. Her love---infinite and warm like the hearth. Her tears fell as she kissed my skin, and pulling her sweet face back up to my own, I looked her in the eyes.

“I won’t be far away, my love.” I whispered, pressing my hand to her uncovered chest. “Whenever you think of me, know that there are merely minutes and hours separating us.” This seemed to calm her. She sat up, wrapping a sheet around herself. In the moonlight, she looked so divine. Gone were those elaborate styles that the wealthy so adored---instead, what sat before me was simply her true nature. Her hair fell in tresses which cascaded down her back like a honey colored waterfall. She ran her hands through her hair, shaking it as she always did in the morning after she awoke from a night alongside me. She stood in the moonlight, entirely nude, waiting for me to dress her.

Each time my hands touched her skin as I secured her robes, she let out a soft sigh. Bruises and scars lined her beautiful arms and legs, and she flinched each time I ran my hands across them by accident. “Has he done it again?” I asked, touching the fresher bruises on her back. “Has he hit you again?” I cried. She clasped her hands together, and smiled graciously. “I spoke harsh words to him,” She said, “And I was given the appropriate response.” I could feel tears prickling my eyes as I pulled her near. “You aren’t going back to him,” I decided, “I won’t allow it.” Lucia began to cry again.

“I must go back,” She breathed. “It is not my decision to make. I order you to drop the subject immediately.” I grew quiet---above all, she was my mistress. I had no other choice but to attend to her every demand. When it was just the two of us, she allowed me to do as I pleased. But when there were others around, I was a slave, and she was the mistress. And other times, in moments in which fear and terror got the better of her, she used her privilege as a means to end an argument that proved too difficult for her to bear. As soon as she said it, she looked as though she were sorry for it. “I cannot leave such a man as Rufus,” She told me, “He will kill me. Do you realize that? He will not rest until I am dead and gone, and….oh god, if he found out about you! I couldn’t bear it if he hurt you as a means to torture me! I should fall into a terrible pit of despair if any harm every came to you. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to talk to you in such a way, my love. I am afraid, I am so terribly afraid…” She began to sob uncontrollably into her hands.

When she was quite finished, she allowed me to dress her in her night clothes. Then, after dressing myself, I took her to Rufus’ chambers. Just before we reached where he slept, she assumed a regal posture and wiped her tears. She turned to me, and taking my right hand in hers, she kissed it and smiled. I watched as she walked through the doors that led to him, and saved my own tears for the moment the doors were closed. I turned away, my face wet with tears.

It was all a matter of minutes and hours until we would be together once more.

I accompanied Lucia to the forum.

It was quite busy, as it always was. But she and I found our way into the market place, and began to search for new jewelry. In silence, we looked through many sets of necklaces and bracelets, but did not dare to glance at each other even once. “This is lovely,” She said softly at one point, holding up a necklace with a beautiful pink stone carved into a circle on it. I looked at her as she set it down, and taking the only chance I had had all day, I reached out to carefully stroke her hand. Immediately, she began to melt. She brought her eyes up to mine, and I could see the look of silent torture behind them. “Would you like that necklace, miss?” A man asked, coming up behind us. Lucia immediately swiped her hand away. “Well, I might,” She smiled, “I am just looking. It is quite beautiful, however. How much is it?” The man told her a rather high price but then, changed his mind. “But I suppose for the wife of Rufus, I could allow you to have the necklace free of charge.”

I knew that once he said that, Lucia wouldn’t take it. He was a renowned member of the community. Well-known for his kindness and graciousness to the poor. She feigned a proud smile, and told the kind man to have a good day. Then, she turned away, and ordered me to follow close behind her. We arrived home later that afternoon, and she began to order the other slaves about, while telling me to tend to her daughters, as her son would be away at school for much of the day. Her daughters were very young---twins. They were called Claudia and Gaia. When I looked at them, all I could see was Lucia---in their honey blonde curls and their soft and gentle ways. I dressed them and sent them off to play in the garden.

“Is he back?” I asked when she came into the garden. “No,” She said, staring forward, “He is away on business.” I immediately looked to her with excitement. A smile was making its way across her perfect lips as she avoided looking at me entirely. “They are the only beauty that could have possibly come from that man,” she told me, watching as Claudia and Gaia played. “I used to believe that my son—Lucius---might be different. I thought that I would bring him up to be a man of good character. But he loves his father, and desires to be exactly like him. Yesterday, he hit me. He’s just a boy of ten, it didn’t hurt. But he did it, Julia. I would not give him what he asked for, and therefore, he thought it best to hit me.” I looked at her, “He is just a boy, Lucia. He can still be taught differently. You mustn’t give up on him.”

But she looked tired as she turned to me and said, “You did not see the expression on his face. You did not hear what he said to me. His father has touched my little golden boy and turned him into brass. He has tarnished his innocence, Julia. I see more of his father in him every day, and as he gets older, he only gets worse. He has done this many times before, but this time…this time, he told me that he was the second man of the house, and I had no right to order him about anymore. He wore such a eerily smug expression on his face too. I’ve even seen it in his behavior toward his sisters---he pushes and shoves them about, pulls their hair if he is not given exactly what he wants when he wants it, and his father rewards such behavior…” She toed the pavement beneath her feet, “He was not wrong when he said I could no longer order him about. Soon enough, he will be a strong young man, and I will have no control over him anymore.”

She laid her head on my shoulder and sighed a sigh of relief. “Mama,” Claudia and Gaia squealed as they ran up to her, “We made you a flower crown!” They were but four years old, and yet, they brought forth such love and pride in their mother. She dropped down to their level, and allowed them to place it upon her head. “It’s beautiful, children,” She smiled. “Better than any other crown in all of the Roman Empire.” The girls giggled happily as they ran off to play once more.

Lucia stood up and looked at me.

“I miss you terribly,” She said softly. “I miss your touch.” She ran her fingers over my arm, and then lifted my hand to her lips. I nearly fainted from desire. As she kissed my hand, I could see Claudia and Gaia watching from afar, hidden behind a pot, giggling. “Lucia, they are watching,” I told her. But in her desire, she did not hear me. Instead, she ventured so far as to kiss my lips. For a moment, I nearly forgot about the girls, hidden behind the pot with flowers in their hair, giggling together. But then, suddenly, Lucia pulled away, glancing in their direction. “They are watching,” She said stiffly, “I forgot myself. I-I-I’m so sorry.” The girls stopped giggling as the scene grew more intense. Lucia buried her face in her hands and tried to grab hold of her emotions. Then, the girls inched closer. “Mama,” Claudia said, fighting her way onto her mother’s lap, “We won’t tell…” Gaia nodded vigorously, “Honest,” She said, “We won’t tell.”

Lucia sighed and pulled Gaia onto her lap too. “You would do that for me?” She asked. Claudia, who was the thoughtful and philosophical one, nodded, “We don’t want Father to hit you again.” My heart began to melt. Suddenly, I felt sure in my heart that if Claudia and Gaia had such kindness in their hearts, Lucius must have it in his too.

*

That night, Lucia clung to me.

They were wealthy---Lucia and Rufus. In a separate room, they had their own baths in their home. I filled the bath with rosewater and then slathered the olive oil onto her sun-kissed skin. When I finished, she did the same for me. “I wish for no one to interrupt my bath tonight,” She had told the servants. “You will each be given a certain amount of money, and be released for the night to go be with your families. Do not mention this night again or there will be no others like it in the future.” Nobody questioned her. Many had no clue as to why she should want to be alone in the house for a night, but there were rumors that she had a lover, though there wasn’t a soul that knew who it might be.

I slid into the bath with her. For a while, we sat there, simply discussing the children, and Rufus. But then, it grew silent. “Come here,” She said seductively. I moved until my body was between her legs. She wrapped them around me, and kissed me passionately on the lips. With bursts of desire and energy, she kissed my whole body, taking care with every inch that she possibly could. “I love you,” She whispered with every touch, “I want to run away with you.”

We stopped for a moment. “Do you…really?” I asked. She nodded, breathing heavily. “I can’t do this anymore,” She admitted. “It is not enough to only have you when Rufus goes away, or when he may not notice. I want you every single day. I want you to be free…with me.” She bit her lip as I washed her arm with water absentmindedly. “Free?” I replied, “I hardly…know what that means. And you don’t have the power to do such a thing.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “We will figure it out, Julia.” She pulled her arm away, “Don’t you want….” She dropped the volume of her voice down much lower, “to be able to make love whenever you want to?” I breathed heavily.

“Don’t you want to be able to hold me through the night? Don’t you want me to be yours rather than his? I know it pains you! Why do you pretend that it doesn’t hurt you just as much as it---“I kissed her. “Is that a yes?” She asked hopefully. I nodded, “But what about the children?” Lucia smiled, “I want to bring the girls, but I wasn’t sure if you would want that…”

I wanted that more than anything.

*

Lucia and I met years ago.

When she married Rufus at the age of fourteen, I was a part of his household staff. I was to be her servant. Having been a part of his household staff for many years, I knew him to be a calculated and cruel man---not the pillar of the community in which he prided himself to be. So, when one night when I helped her in the bath, she looked into my eyes. She looked troubled. She crossed her arms over her chest and shivered. I reached out to touch her, but she pulled back, nearly causing herself to fall into the bath. Immediately, I caught her, and she fell into my arms, gripping me tightly, and breathing heavily with fear. That was the first time I noticed the bruises on her thighs.

She slid into the tub. Shivering endlessly, she looked up at me in the sort of way a little girl might look up at her mother when she was afraid. “Would you like me to stay, miss?” I asked. She shook her head, but when I turned to go, she changed her mind. “Please, stay.” She said, breaking the silence between us. I helped her to scrape the dirt away from her body, and rinse her hair. Water dripped from her eyelashes as she watched me. When the bath finally came to an end, she stood up for me to wrap the towel around her. But when I tried to help her out of the bath, she wouldn’t budge.

“Miss?” I said softly, thinking about the bruises on her thighs. She looked at me, terrified. “He scares me,” She whispered. Momentarily, I forgot my place and hugged her. I could feel her body relaxing against mine. She snuggled closer to me, whimpering every time I tried to coax her into getting ready for bed. Finally, she pulled away from me, casting her eyes down toward the floor. “That will be all,” She told me softly. She looked so small as she stood before me with her dripping honey-colored hair and tear-filled eyes. When I didn’t leave her immediately, she looked up at me. For a long time, we stared into each other’s eyes, until she snuggled close to me once more, and I wrapped my arms around her.

She breathed so calmly there that I couldn’t bear to let her go.

*

When we got out of the bath, she dried me off. Then, I dried her off and helped her into her night clothes. “I don’t want to put it on,” She protested. “I want you entirely tonight.” I smiled as she led me to bed where she and Rufus slept. It was grander and more beautiful than the old thing we snuck away to whenever we could. That night, she tended solely to what I wanted---barely wanting anything for herself. Due to this, she was so exhausted that she did not awaken until the next morning. When we both woke up, I smiled. Once again, we lay tangled in one another. I ran my hands over her soft skin and kissed her shoulder. “You are so beautiful,” I told her. “I cannot get enough of you.”

She buried her face in my shoulder, giggling. Her eyes sparkled when she looked up at me. Her skin glowed and as I played with her fingers, she told me that there was never a time where she felt as happy as she did right then. Just then, Rufus threw open the doors in a rage and pulled Lucia from the bed. He beat her without restraint---punching her hard in the stomach, over and over, until she collapsed to the floor, coughing up blood. I almost thought that she was going to die until she saw him rush toward me. She leapt across the bed, and begged him not to hurt me. “Please,” She begged, “Please! She is a slave! I told her to do this. She did not want to.” This was a terrible lie---but she gave me a look that begged me not to say a word.

Rufus roared at me to leave them be. Instead, I stood, picked up one of her perfume bottles, and hit him hard in the back of the head with it, causing him to fall to the floor. “Is he dead?” Lucia asked hopefully. I shook my head. “Go find the girls,” Lucia instructed. “Go find them----we cannot stay here.” She put on her clothes and stabbed Rufus in the leg in an attempt to ensure that he could not run after us. Once I retrieved the girls, she asked me if I knew the quickest way out of Pompeii. “I-I-I know that we could make our way out to Herculaneum, but I’m not…” She didn’t wait. She put her headscarf over her head, took Gaia in her arms, and told me to lead the way.

*

Her marriage to Rufus was not a willing marriage.

In fact, it was a marriage that her father forced her into. Like was the case for many young girls, it was hardly a matter of love. Before her marriage to him, she begged her father to let her marry another. “Father! He has had three other wives!” She cried, “He beats them. His slaves are terrified of him! People think that he is a respectable man, but he isn’t! Please, Father, don’t make me marry him.” But her arguments were in vain. She cried on her wedding day.

She held Gaia close to her, “Mama, where are we going?” She asked. But Lucia didn’t answer, “It doesn’t matter, darling. We will be together, and that is all that matters. Is it not?” Gaia shoved her thumb into her mouth and laid her head against her mother’s chest. Claudia looked up at me, “If we are to be together, why are we not bringing Lucius?” Halfway through out walk to the Herculaneum Gate, we set the girls down and told them to keep up with us. Soon enough, we picked them up again, as they were unable to do so. When we finally reached the gate, we were arrested. The girls were torn away from us---and we were shackled and brought back to Rufus.

Lucia had terror written all over her face. “Find a way to escape,” She begged, “He will kill you simply to torment me.” Tears poured from her eyes as she begged me to save myself. “But…will I ever see you again?” I whimpered. “If the Gods allow it, my love.” I escaped the moment they stopped the wagon that pulled us back to Rufus. I ran and didn’t dare look back, too fearful of what I might see if I did.