Chapter 1
Years have gone by. John has become a lost love, yet, no one you have dated as compared to them. Then out of the blue one day while working around your house your phone pings. As you pick it up and read who it’s from your heart sinks. Dropping your phone onto the floor, you can’t decide if you want to read the text or not. Slowly picking up the phone off the floor you open the text.
“Lynn, I hope this is still your phone number...I was wondering if you wanted to meet up while I’m in town....”
Falling to the floor yourself your hands start to shake. Staring blankly at your phone you can’t stop the shock you read. Not knowing what to do you call up your best friend Tracy. She answers and by now you are crying.
“Lynn, what’s wrong?” You pull yourself together enough to tell her she needs to come over now. Once she arrives, she finds you against the wall in your kitchen still staring at your phone. “Shit Lynn, what’s wrong?” Your whole body starts to tremble as you try to hand her your phone.
You and Tracy became friends when you met her one night at a bar. Ever since they you have been inseparable; she knows what happened between you and John and has always wondered what happened.
Taking your phone, she looks at the text message still open. She sits down next to you picking her jaw up off the floor. Placing your arms around you she speaks.
“Holy Fuck! He definitely took a leap of faith hoping this was your number still, didn’t he?” You nod as you start crying again. “It’s been how many years and this asshole just NOW decides he wants to talk??? What are you going to do?” You pull back still visibly shaking.
“Tracy, I don’t know....” Tears start to shed down your cheeks. “I mean it’s been so many years. What if he’s married, kids, all of that? I can’t let my heart get hurt even more than it still is.” Tracy is wiping your tears away with the back of her hand.
“Maybe just reply back asking why after all this time?” Tracy shrugs.
“Well, that may work....” Tracy can see the pained look in your eyes.
“Here, why don’t I text him back and forth for you. Then if I sense something off, I’ll just end the chain and delete it all so you can see it.” Sniffling your nod.
“Hell, why not.” Tracy picks up your phone and starts typing.
“Yes, this is still me. Why have you messaged me after all these years?” While waiting for a reply, Tracy convinces you to get off the hard floor and into the living room onto the couch. * PING * Your phone goes off. Tracy looks at it reading it before she speaks.
“I’m sure you don’t want to hear from me after what happened all that time ago, but I was hoping to just catch up and grab a coffee or something. And to let me explain what happened.”
Tracy reads this out loud to you. As you both look at each other, Tracy sees how you want to respond.
“Tracy, how would you respond? If this was you, would you want to know? Do you risk all those feelings coming back just for them to be brutally broken again?” Tracy gives a small half smile.
“Do you want to know my honest answer?” You glare at her.
“YES!” She gives a small giggle.
“Take me with you, then if I feel it’s getting too bad, I can fake we have to be somewhere or my phone vibrated and we need to leave. Give some sort of excuse to get you out of there. But I don’t think you should go alone. Don’t even tell him I’m coming, just show up with me. Who knows, he could show up with his wife or kids or both.”
“Wait, if he would want to explain what happened, why would he bring his possible family?”
“True. Well, what do you say? Meet him with me?” You nod as Tracy starts to text again.
“I guess I can make time to meet. Why not meet at the lil’ restaurant on the square across from the bank.”
An immediate response comes in.
“Tomorrow around noon?”
“Sure, see you there.”
Tracy hands you your phone back.
“Ok it’s all set. Tomorrow, noon at the restaurant there on the square. Now let’s get you an outfit that will make him regret ghosting you for all these years.” Getting up off the couch Tracy is pulling you dragging you into your room. Going through your closet you have two choices. After trying both and showing them off to Tracy, you make a decision.
“So, we now have the outfit, Tracy. But what if he wants to speak privately?”
“Well, if that’s the case, then I’ll excuse myself, go sit in the car. If I don’t hear from you in like 10 mins then I’ll text you. If you’re ok just give me a quick “K”. If I don’t hear anything from you, I’ll know that you’re in way over your head and I’ll come back to save you.” Letting out a big sigh you agree. “Ok now that, that is settled, let’s get some food, I’m starving.”
“Good deal, let’s order some pizza.” Once the pizza comes, you and Tracy plan for tomorrow. Tracy leaves and you head off for a shower then bed. Lying in bed, your mind races on what could be told tomorrow. After tossing and turning for hours you finally get to sleep.
The next morning you get up still groggy. You decide to take a hot shower to get ready for day. After your shower, you put your robe on and decide to make a quick breakfast. Sitting at your table picking at your eggs you hear a knock at your door and you scream.
“Lynn! Are you ok????” You hear Tracy outside.
“Shit, yeah I’m coming.” You open the door and let Tracy in. “Sorry, I was lost in thought and the knock scared me.”
“Well, perk yourself up. We are going to make you beautiful. John is going to wish he never ghosted you in the first place.” Grabbing your wrist, she drags you off to the bedroom where she does your hair and makeup. “Ok girl, time to get in that hot outfit of yours! Let’s make him drool.” You laugh as Tracy steps out while you get dressed. Once dressed you walk into the living room and Tracy lets out a whistle. “DAAYYYUMMM GIRL!!! You’re going to knock him dead!!” You playfully smack her arm as you grab your purse and phone and head out with Tracy.
You get to the restaurant and start to get nervous.
“Tracy, I don’t think I can do this. I feel like I’m going to throw up.” You can feel yourself getting upset and your heart starts beating fast. Tracy looks over at you and takes your hand.
“Girl, you got this. I’ll be there for a bit, if not the whole time. You need to know what happened and get closure. Just breathe. Inhale, exhale. You’ve got this.” Tracy gives your hands a quick squeeze before she gets out of the car. You follow Tracy out of the car. Heading into the restaurant you already see him sitting there. He’s just as handsome as the last time you saw him. You feel a lump forming in your throat as Tracy gives you a slight nudge.
You slowly walk up to the table as John pulls himself from the booth. His eyes look you up and down.
“Wow,” John clears his throat. “You look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you.” He leans in to hug you. At first you are reluctant, but then you give in. As your bodies touch, you can smell his scent. It hasn’t changed. He gives your back a quick rub before he parts. “Have a seat.”
“Thanks.” You and Tracy sit down in the booth opposite of him. “Sorry, I am so bad, John, this is my best friend, Tracy. Tracy this is John.” Tracy reaches out her hand across the table to John. John takes her hand and shakes it.
“Nice to meet you, Tracy. I’m sure Lynn has told you all about our past.”
“Yes, she has. I hope you don’t mind that she brought me.” John pauses. Finally, the silence is broke.
“Well, I mean I guess it’s ok, I really was hoping to talk to Lynn in private.”
“Sorry, I was just coming for moral support, but if Lynn thinks it’s ok, I’ll go ahead and leave. Lynn?” Tracy looks over at you, and she can see that your nervous still. She takes your hand under the table squeezing it. Giving you the sign that you’ll be just fine.
“Yeah, Tracy, it’s ok. Sorry I brought you; I just am a bit scared.”
“You’ve got this. Have a good time catching up. Make sure to text me later.” Tracy gets up from the booth. “It was nice to meet you, John.” John nods as Tracy leaves you alone.
The waitress comes up and takes your drink order. You both decide you’re not going to eat, just have some coffee and tea. After you take a sip of your tea, you set it down on the table.
“So, it’s been a while huh?” John staggers as he rubs the back of his neck.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” He looks down at his coffee cup.
“Do you realize you broke my heart into a million pieces John? You left my house and never even texted me again until now. So many years have gone by and just out of the blue you text me? Why?” John looks up at you.
“Lynn, I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t honestly know what I was thinking. You were saying things that scared the shit out of me and I didn’t know how to process them. I blame my immaturity, but also blame brain.” John starts fiddling with his coffee cup. “I know this isn’t going to make you feel any better...” John trails off as your heart starts beating fast. “After some serious long soul searching, I actually realized I broke my own damn heart.” You look at him shocked.
“I guess I’m confused.” Taking a deep breath John speaks again.
“I’ve realized after this time frame that I shouldn’t have ever ghosted you. After realizing I broke my own heart, I figured out that I broke yours as well. I’m so sorry Lynn. I know I don’t expect forgiveness, but I’m at least hoping for something.” Your phone pings. It’s Tracy. You glance at it and reply a quick “K”.
“John, I’ve waiting so long for you to even say anything to me. No one has ever compared to you. I haven’t been able to truly move on to a healthy relationship because they could never compare to you.” You try to hold back your tears.
“Lynn, I can tell you that I feel the same. No matter who has come into my life, I keep comparing them to you and no one seems to even come close to you.” As you look into his eyes you can see his own unshed tears but you see love as well. You don’t realize but a tear starts flowing down your cheek. John stands as much as he can in the booth reaching over wiping your tear. He holds the back of his hand longer than expected on your cheek. You can feel the heat, warmth that you remember from long ago. As he settles back into his seat he speaks again. “I have never stopped loving you. No matter how hard I fucking try, I can’t even get you out of my head. Missing your scent, your kiss, just everything. I just wish I would have gotten out of my own damn way.” That lump in your throat has come back as you try to figure out what to say next. There’s a long pause between the two of you. Finally, you speak.
“John, in ways I wish you could have done that as well. But unfortunately, it didn’t. And all of this has happened. We’ve both moved on, so at least this chapter has finally closed. I got the closure I’ve been looking for.” you look down at the table as you run your finger around the rim of your cup.
“Moved on? Does that mean you are in a relationship? God, I’m so sorry. Maybe I should have just never even texted you.” He starts to fidget rubbing the back of his neck again. “I’m so sorry Lynn.” John goes to get out of the booth.
“Wait.” John sits back down. “I never said I was in a relationship. I haven’t seen anyone in a while.” John gets a smile on his face.
“Well, that makes me happy.” You question what he means.
“You may be happy John, but that doesn’t mean I forgive you. Like I said, you broke my heart into a million pieces. I’m not even sure it’s even started to mend. But right now, I’m not sure I can go on.” You feel yourself starting to cry and you get up from the booth and run out the door. Tracy sees you as you jump into her car.
“Tracy, please go, quickly. I don’t want him to come after me.” Tracy heads away from the restaurant as quick as she can. Once you get back to your house and enter you throw yourself on the couch burying yourself into a pillow crying.
“Ok Lynn, you’ve cried all the way here. What happened???” She sits on the floor next to the couch and rubs your back. You turn your head looking at her.
“Well, he apologized about what happened. Told me that he was scared about the talk we had before he left and he wished that he wouldn’t have let his immaturity and brain get in the way.”
“Well....I mean....”
“Then he admitted he broke his own heart because of this. He told me the same thing I told him about no one compared to him. But when he thought I wasn’t in a relationship it seemed like he excited. Like I was just going to automatically forgive him. I told him that I was glad he was happy but I never agreed to forgive him. I couldn’t even take it anymore. I didn’t want to see what else he had to say so I ran out.”
“Damn. That’s a lot.” As you both sit in silence you are both startled when your phone pings. Rolling your eyes you look at it. It’s from John.
“I can’t take it. You throw your phone.”
“Whoa girl. I take it that’s John?” Tracy is off to get your phone.
“Well of course it is. I don’t even want to know what he has to say. My heart can’t take anymore.” You bury your head back into the pillow. Tracy takes your phone and looks at the text. She reads it out loud.
“Lynn, I’m so sorry that I upset you. I knew this was a long shot, but I also thought that we could close that chapter of our lives. I have to tell you that again, I’ve never stopped thinking of you. I’m hoping you can in time forgive me now that you know the truth. I’ve lost both my best friend and the woman I love. Please let me know, if you ever forgive me.”
