Will I Live Another Day

I want to kill myself.

Every now and then when I lay in my bed alone thinking about killing myself I think about how I want the darkness to surround me. Every time I close my eyes I don't want to open them in the morning and it’s more than not being a morning person, I just wish to never wake up. Every time I wake up I get sad. I just wish I had died. Having to live knowing no one loves you or cares about you really makes you think, but I'll keep living for now, until I find something to live for. I'll write and I'll write everyday until I find that something. I hope I find it soon I want to find something to live for more than I want to die which should be good enough for today.10/16/2024

I don't know.

Dieing seemed so great but sleeping forever is not as great as it seems. Unless I have a queen size mattress and an AC in my costcit I would sleep being awake for hundreds of years sounds horrible. Even walking around for hundreds of years sounds horrible. I hate walking even if I don't feel it, I will probably witness some crazy things. I'm not old enough or ready enough for that so I'll live another day. I didn't find a reason to live but I found a reason not to die that should be good enough for today.

10/20/2024

It won't stop coming.

I cry and I cry. It's like I have all the tears in the world in my body. I don't want to cry myself to sleep every night, it makes me feel like I can't breathe. But all I have in this world are my tears, my thoughts, and my body. Everything else isn't mine, all these clothes, this room that “I have” doesn't belong to me. I want something and someone who is mine and will stay mine. I know I need help and I want help but it's like I'm the only one out there that can feel sadness.I hate the feeling of my warm tears sliding down my cold face it just makes me feel alone. I try, that should be enough for today.

11/15/24