Chapter 1
The moment the clock hit five, a collective sigh floated up from the half-dead employees in the small office, coupled with the never dissipating smell of chemicals, it’s the sound of liberation.
The beginning of it.
There’s the groans, the slumped shoulders, the temple rubbing, chairs scraping the floor, the rustling of papers, hisses from paper cuts, the popping of a pacifier, a song from Moana.
I don’t join them, at least not out loud- that would be too weird. I barely have a sense of presence at all and the only reason most people look in my direction is because of the need to pee or take a dump- courtesy of the bathroom right behind me.
The hand speed with which I pack my things though makes up for the lack of vocalization of my excitement. We’re all excited and who wouldn’t be on a Friday?
It’s a collective feeling shared among institutional zombies across the board from workers to students, there’s that extra spring in their steps each time.
Though the excitement is a little more this time since they can work from home indefinitely while they finally finally repair the office and the goddamn AC.
A second after I have this thought, our supervisor Gary stands up and walks to the door then clears his throat to get everyone’s attention even though I’m pretty sure what really makes everyone look up is the fact that he’s blocking the only exit.
“As you all know, you’ll be working from home until further notice. During this time, you are to maintain normal work hours and work attitude and ensure you are reachable. All your tasks and daily quotas must be reached.” Gary’s voice is almost drowned out by the sound of everyone packing up. It doesn’t help that you’d have to stretch your neck to find him.
He continues his exhortation. “Failure to adhere to this will result in a query and if the behavior persists, permanent discontinuation of work. Take care of yourself during this period. Any further updates and information will be communicated to you.”
The second Gary stops speaking, Jamie’s the first one out the door like always, looking like he just left a concert rather than work-and it’s not because it’s Friday. His table still looks like it’s been for the past week. Nothing’s different, not even the position of the dead spider or the files piled in the corner.
I watch the others leave from my small corner in the office a very respectable distance away from the rest of my colleagues, which placed me right next to the bathroom with all the fumes, constipated sounds and as much drama as you can glean from an office of seven-me and the baby excluded.
Something I realized I didn’t mind much if it meant I could have more space to myself and still be there without being there.
I push up my glasses, prop my chin on my palm and daydream about how much sleep I’ll be able to get from now on while I wait for the usual five minutes to pass so I can leave without bumping into anyone on the way home.
No more waking up early, no need to leave my apartment or even my bed and most of all no people, it’ll just be me and my space.
It’s better than a bonus.
Once five minutes pass, I give it another minute for good measure before I head out. The office is practically empty save for Kyle who’s still unfolding his son’s stroller and Shiv who’s trying not to look impatient as he waits for Kyle to leave so he can lock up.
Neither of them look up as I pass by, one is too busy and the other too annoyed, but Kyle’s son smiles at me though. He always smiles at closing time and cries the rest of the time, he’s the reason I invested in good noise cancellation earphones.
I smile back at him. No more of your crying.
Despite my careful calculation, I still lag a few steps behind two of my co-workers who should be long gone by now, meeting up with the others for a drink to celebrate this wonderful vacation…ehem, temporal change of work environment, something they didn’t bother asking me to tag along to.
If they spot me now they might just invite me out of embarrassment and I really didn’t want to go.
Great.
While I contemplate maneuver tactics, I’m just within range to catch the conversation of the duo which happens to be our office’s most lively female, Rhae and the new guy, Ethan who’s recently been promoted to Rhae’s two days and counting boyfriend.
“We really not asking her to come?” Ethan says in what could be considered a whisper for him but a little short of a shout to anyone else.
It doesn’t take me much time to figure out who the ‘her’ is. You just kind of know when you’re the subject in question in a conversation you’re not part of. There’s also the fact that there are only two ‘hers’ in their office-myself included.
Now I definitely can’t let them spot me.
I find it harder to catch Rhae’s words since she actually makes an effort to not be heard from down the street and I’m flattered to no end by the gesture.
Rhae’s voice is bland. “There’s no point in asking. She won’t come. She never comes.”
Ethan scratches the back of his head right where my not-so kind eyes are fixed on seeing his hesitation. “It wouldn’t hurt to ask her, you know? Maybe she’s just shy or something.” He whispers again.
“Sabrina isn’t shy.” Rhae’s response is quick and sharp. “She just prefers to be on her own. You don’t need to feel bad for her, babe.”
I have never felt as much appreciation for Rhae as I do right now.
Rhae wrestles her indigo hair into a ponytail and adds. “Trust me, it’s what she wants. She’s made it pretty obvious.”
I have the urge to put Ethan in a chokehold when I see him still hesitating. “But…”
Rhae sighs before stopping his next words with a kiss that as an innocent bystander I wish would’ve been just a little shorter.
“Just drop it babe. It’s not her me being there is going to make a difference anyway, trust me.” She drops a quick peck on his lips and adds. “Sabrina’s the boring loner type and a bar is definitely not her scene, talking to her would just make it awkward and boring.”
I lift a brow. Well, if you filter out all the unnecessary jabs, it’s not that bad.
“Now, hurry up. We need to catch up with the others.” Rhae grabs his arm and pulls him ahead.
They’re still talking but I don’t bother listening or trying to keep up with them. For one, I’ve had enough of eavesdropping on a conversation about myself even though it’s one of the nicest I’ve heard. Also, the thought of Ethan spotting me and asking me to tag along with Rhae watching from the side leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.
With a fleeting glance in the direction the duo left in, I turn to head home. I don’t mind my boring loner life according to Rhae, I just need to maintain a sense of existence no matter how little.
I just need to exist to them.
……..
The night bus back home isn’t as crowded or noisy as it usually is most nights but I still head to my usual spot in the back next to the windowless…window. It’s almost summer and everywhere is slowly warming up, even the late night breeze.
Once I’m seated comfortably without any springs digging into my back or butt, I plug in my earphones and drown out all the other sounds with music.
I use the ride to tick off the things on my to-do list and roughly plan for the next week, the list isn’t long after I run through it there’s only one thing left to do. As for next week, I don’t really have much plans, for now the only thing that involves leaving home is some shopping that I’m contemplating having directly delivered to my apartment.
The short ride is enough for me to finish up with the list and spend the remaining walk home leisurely shuffling through my playlist underneath the gray-blue sky, relishing the cool caress of the passing breeze as it brushes my cheeks.
My steps slow as I approach the alley up ahead, where I’ll check off the last thing on my list: feed the cats.
I take a deep breath and brace myself. Here we go.
I only manage to take two steps before my nose wrinkles once it touches the smell of musty fabric, mold and the horrible stench I still haven’t figured out that fills the dimly lit alley. The smell feels like a punch every time.
Do it quickly and go home. I tell myself.
I also make a mental note to bring a face mask next time as I squint through my lenses till my eyes adjust to the darkness. My eyes roam past the water stained crates and leaflets racing with the wind till they lock on the old cat bowls in the corner a few steps away from me.
I walk towards them pulling out a pack of dry kiddle, napkins and a bottle of water from my bag. I hum to the next tune that plays squatting down to wipe the bowls, I fill some with the kiddle and the others with water all in one swift motion.
I don’t worry about the cats, I know they’re there in the deeper parts of the alley watching me even though it’s too dark for me to see them. They usually come without further invitation once they know it’s food.
Soon enough, one head pops out from the darkness first, then another and another till eight pairs of different colored eyes are watching me, attentive yet cautious among them are two I’ve never seen before.
Once I’m done, I push the bowls slightly towards them. “Bon appetit.”
I back away a little and wait, watching them watch me and the food in front of me.
The first one moves after a few seconds and the others follow suit, slowly prancing to the bowl before they start wolfing it down.
I don’t move. Though I’m not a stranger, they aren’t too familiar with me yet. It’ll take some more time for them to get familiar with me and even longer before I’ll be able to send them to the shelter like the others.
Totally engrossed in the food, they don’t have much reaction when I inch closer or start running my hands through their fur, scratching ears, stroking chins, rubbing tummies.
A smile curves my lips as I tease them. I’d probably wake up with a smile every day when my apartment starts allowing pets and I can actually take them home.
Suddenly, they all stop moving. Even the one who had been so focused eating it didn’t let me touch it.
It happens at the same time so I think they’re startled by a sudden sound in the distance until I feel the body of the cat underneath my palm tighten. I frown when I realize the others are the same.
They’ve all perked up, tails straight like antennas, eyes scanning around, backs arched. They clearly weren’t startled by a distant sound.
Before I can figure what did though they’ve all shot out like arrows disappearing into the night.
Shit!
I jerk back to my feet yanking the earphones from my ears but it’s all I can do before something grabs onto my ankle, hard.
Electricity slithers from my ankle to my head, my body tenses, and the little hairs on my arms stand as goosebumps riddle my skin.
I exhale slowly as my eyes move down to my leg or rather the what's latched onto it.
