Suicide

ON 4 . I Ain't got the strength no mo. Fuck ts. I just wanted to be loved yo. It is with a heavy heart that I write this note, for I have reached a point where I no longer have the strength to carry on. I dont fuckin know what to say. Shi. Im sorry for those i let down. I dont fuckin know what to say. Shi. Im sorry for those i let down.  For those who may be hurt by my suicide, I am truly sorry. I don't know what else to say, I am just so lost and hopeless. To those I have let down, please know that it was never my intention. I can already hear some of you saying "Fuck that Nigga", but I promise you that I didn't make this decision lightly. Please try to forget me and move on with your lives.

By the time this note is released, I will have executed my mastermind plan and will be in a location that is nearly impossible to find me. For those curious about my process, I have left behind notes that will reveal how to properly commit suicide with a 100% success rate. After two failed attempts, I refuse to risk any further failure or potential paralysis. This time, I am positive that I have it right.

Some people may wonder why someone would want to give up on life and constantly feel depressed. Why a nigga wanna go. Its this mf pain. The truth is, it's not a choice. I'm tired yo. I be carrying a heavy weight of pain that I feel like I can't seem to escape from. I try to be strong for others, but deep down I been feeling exhausted and alone. I feel like I'm constantly sinning and too far gone to ever find happiness or love, or redemption. I try be a man a god but keep it a bill I'ma sinner. N if u know me you kno I be sinning hard asf. All I want is to be surrounded by  loved ones, including my children and pets, but I feel like it's just a distant dream.

I'm tired of living in a world where I don't feel valued or loved. Every day feels like a battle, pretending to be okay when in reality they just want the pain to end. It's hard for me to see any light at the end of the tunnel, and with time, it only seems to get harder. I put on a fake facade, telling others to keep living and love like they've they've never been hurt before, when in reality I just want someone to understand my pain and help me find peace. Living with this constant struggle is exhausting and the thought of escaping it all is often the only thing that brings me comfort. It's a tough reality to face, but for some, it's my daily life.

I don't even really feel like there's a heaven for me nomo. I'm to far gone. To gone to love or help anything. I be questioning what the hell is even left for me. Aint got my kids. Aint got my pets. Aint got shi. This shi is dead asf. Tired of feelinng like life isnt finna get better. Tired of feeling like I'll never truly be loved. Tired of feeling. I just have been waking up ready to be put to sleep. This pain hurts n I mean it when i say it hasn't gotten better with time. I just get better at hiding how the hell I feel. And that's why I'm fake.

I feel like life just be so full of shit.  Why the fuck it gotta be just pain yo. Heart just be hurting in my chest. This shit be havin my blood pressure high asf. This shit be killing me for real, literally. I be having heavy pains in my chest for real foreal. I done been laid on the floor cause my chest just hurt bad asf. And I know it's a mean combo of stress, anxiety attacks, and high blood pressure probably. And im supposed to just be cool about feeling like I don't wanna be here nomo. Fuck this shit. I dont wanna feel like shit nomo. I'm ready to go I am. I don't even feel like I have a purpose other than to suffer. Just like the pharoh of Egypt when moses got his people free. He lost his kids, kingdom, and his bitch was goin. He suffered non stop. N that's just how I feel. Was I made to suffer. Fuck that shit. Im not gone keep living just to be a joke, and made to suffer. Bruh wtf do I look like steady living to suffer. Im out this mf. Yall think I'm finna steady keep doin shit to make others feel okay n good when I dont even wanna live. I wake up errday ready to die 4. I hate this shit. I hate this feeling. Full of nun but pain n disappointment. Errwhere a mf look. I feel pointless. Fuck life. I won't let it hurt me anymore. Memos from my last week alive.