A fun short read

"I liked the story, but I feel it would do better as a one-shot comic rather then a short story. For a short story it has too much dialogue and characters, whose names are hard to remember as the plot progresses. I would personally give them a character trait which can stick to the reader's head instead of a name. The writer is good, the only gripe I have is there are a lot of sentences with similar structure. Overall it's a fun short read."