Chapter 1
September 2018 marked a new beginning for me. Although graduating high school felt like an end, recent news made me believe this year would offer a fresh start instead. I had long understood that every ending carries the seeds of a new beginning.
I had been living with this understanding for a while, but didn’t expect it to feel so real. My mind kept returning to it, as if something was about to change. Something inside me stirred, and although I couldn’t pinpoint it, knew this year would be different from the rest.
As I crossed the street, the voice calling my name from the other side made me freeze. When I turned toward it, the face I saw matched the voice perfectly. Alec. The first thought that crossed my mind was that I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I quickly pushed that aside. I waited for him to speak first, keeping my shock hidden behind a neutral expression.
Alec had been an old friend, but now, he was nothing more than an acquaintance. Our group had fallen apart in our second year of high school, and as the distance between us grew, Alec became more distant and even antagonistic. His behavior toward me often felt colder than friendship, and at times, it almost seemed like we weren’t old friends anymore, but strangers—or even enemies.
“Looks like you’re going to have a good year this time,” he said, his tone carrying the same sarcastic edge I remembered.
I didn’t even flinch. “You can be sure this year will be amazing for me. As for you... who knows?” I emphasized my words, drawing a clear contrast between us. Alec wasn’t the type to settle down, not now. He’d always talked about making a mark on our college’s history—about doing something dramatic, something unforgettable.
Alec looked at me with his usual indifferent expression, shrugged, and kept walking. I turned and walked into the school yard, my mind still racing with our words. The sunlight seemed to shine a little brighter, almost as if it knew Alec had just turned. Maybe it was just the shift in weather after yesterday’s storm, or maybe the sunlight meant something different to me today. I wondered if he had already arrived, and if I looked around, would I see him?
Out of the corner of my eye, saw Alec heading toward his closest friend, Liana. Whatever she was saying surprised him, and they both stared at something in the school parking lot. Without thinking, I followed their gaze.
A motorcycle.
Shaking my head, I decided it wasn’t worth thinking about and continued walking, thoughts drifting.
My mind wandered, as it often did, back to the past instead of staying in the present. Though walking away from Alec and Liana, they lingered in my thoughts. Their faces kept appearing, the way things used to be.
We used to always be together. It wasn’t just the three of us, though. Our group had been bigger: Alec, Liana, Faye, Crystal, and me...
Things had changed suddenly at the end of Sophomore year, and it still didn’t make sense. First, Liana started distancing herself from us. Then Crystal... She had completely disappeared. Her parents had separated, and she moved with her mom. Everyone went their separate ways. From that wreckage, only Alec and Liana came out unscathed. Before Crystal left, we weren’t much different from them. Maybe, in some ways, we were.
Glancing back at Alec and Liana, doubt crept in. Had our friendship been a fleeting thing, a brief illusion? Was it just a phase, a fleeting connection that couldn’t survive time? Maybe it wasn’t for us to question. After all, everything changes. Some questions didn’t have answers.
Turning my back, I kept walking, mind swirling with questions I couldn’t answer. Not looking for her, I’d run into her eventually. She didn’t need to know I knew he was coming. Had she reached out in the past months? No. Had I? Countless times. Had the years of friendship melted away in the months we hadn’t spoken? Questions piled up, no answers.
Entering the classroom, I hoped to see the person I had expected, but when I didn’t, I thought of heading to the yard. Turning around, I was caught off guard by familiar eyes that froze me in place. My body stiffened, and for a moment, time seemed to stop. Not just my ability to move, but my voice seemed to disappear too. If someone had told me I couldn’t escape this moment, I would’ve agreed without hesitation.
Wishing to stay in this moment, to stay with her.
A year and a half had passed since I last saw her, and in that moment, my body seemed to surrender to her, as if I couldn’t escape the pull of the past. The feelings I had for her hadn’t changed. She still held the key to my heart, and this time, my silence wasn’t a choice; it was her seal on me.
I had to break it.
As my eyes met hers, my thoughts intensified. I saw the change in her eyes, and though it unsettled me, I didn’t want to focus on it. Maybe it was because I hadn’t seen herup close in so long. Was the speed of my breath related to how close we were standing? My thoughts fragmented within a few seconds, while her eyes squinted, and a radiant smile formed.
“Felix! It’s really you, I can’t believe it!”
I couldn’t decide if the change I saw in her eyes came when she realized it was me or when her expression softened. My heart raced as her hands settled on my back. A part of me had expected it, but a part of me hadn’t.
Why didn’t you expect it, Felix? She’s your closest friend, isn’t she?
I couldn’t help myself. I pulled her into a light hug, my voice soft, “Crystal…”
Were you happy where you went? How about now? Are you happy? More importantly, are you okay?
As we pulled apart, I found myself avoiding her gaze. Didn’t want to look at her too long, afraid that the truth would come through. I was afraid of change.
“Of course, the first person I was going to see and hug would be you. I’m not surprised.”
We both smiled, but Crystal, who had broken the silence between us, seemed at ease. I, however, felt the weight of everything unsaid. There were so many things I wanted to say, but my words were stuck.
“I’m glad you’re back.”
Instead of responding, Crystal just smiled and gave my arm a reassuring pat. Her eyes wandered over to the classroom and the hallway behind us as she spoke again.
“I can’t believe I’m here... It feels like it’s been so long.”
I managed to breathe deeply and said, trying to keep the mood light,
“It’s only been a year or two, don’t exaggerate.”
Seventeen months.
The strange look on her face made a rush of discomfort rise in my chest.
“Sixteen months. It felt like centuries.”
Her admission made my mind whirl. Had the place she’d been to made her suffer? Or the people she met?
We hadn’t known anyone but each other. We should’ve learned together.
“Do you want to go to the yard?” I asked, smiling as she nodded. We walked together, but I stayed silent, wanting to hear her speak more. My excitement wasn’t just about talking to her again, it was the comfort of simply listening.
I had so many questions. I wanted to know what she had been through, what she had felt, and if she had faced difficulties since leaving. But I kept those questions to myself.
“I missed the school. Most of all, I missed hanging out in the yard. I wanted to walk around, but the principal saw me and called over.”
Clearly, in the year and a half since, Crystal had become more talkative. She used to be the quiet one, speaking only when necessary, but now she was speaking more freely.
“We used to always run there, away from everyone and everything,” indicating the woods with a hand gesture.
“But we never ran from each other,” I said.
It was inevitable that we were thinking the same thing at the same time. Nothing had changed. Both Crystal and I were the same. Only the calendar had changed, and I was more certain than ever that, in the face of time, we would remain stronger.
Crystal’s eyes narrowed, a wave of intense emotion reflecting in her gaze as she hugged me once again, and I felt as though all the burdens of my life had been left behind.
“I missed my best friend the most.”
I couldn’t hold back the sarcastic tone in my voice.
“If I still have that spot?”
A shadow passed through her eyes, and she laughed lightly, but there was no playfulness in her tone.
“Did you put someone in my place?” she asked with a more serious undertone.
“No, not replaced. Ask me if I’ve made a new friend.”
Crystal shifted slightly, her curiosity evident in her eyes as she prepared to ask something. But then, her lips sealed as if she changed her mind. She started gently biting her bottom lip.
“If you’re curious, just ask. I’ll ask too,” I said, smiling at her. After a moment, she finally asked,
“How’s everyone else?”
“Alec and Liana are the same as always. Honestly, everyone got a little weird before you left. Faye drifted away too, and she didn’t come to school last semester.”
She nodded thoughtfully, her voice softening as she spoke.
“Everyone has something going on in their lives.”
“Does it have to? If not, would we even appreciate the calm?”
For a brief moment, I thought I saw a glimmer in her eyes, but then I wondered if I was mistaken.
“Calm doesn’t really suit me,” she murmured.
Silence descended upon us. Then she continued.
“I wasn’t here, but my thoughts belonged here. After I left, I thought a lot about it. How did we become friends?”
Seeing the curious expression on my face, she elaborated.
“Not just us, but all of us. You, Alec, Faye, Liana, and me. From a distance, it’s hard to believe we were all friends.”
I didn’t have the answers to her questions either. Were there answers? Maybe not, but the one thing I was sure of was this: everything between Crystal and me was going to be better from here on out.
When we entered to the classroom after forgetting to leave our bags, the familiar eyes we encountered made the coldness in the atmosphere palpable.
Crystal and I sat in the last two remaining empty seats. Our desks didn’t seem to be next to each other like they used to be. Alec had taken the middle seat in the back row. Since Crystal left, I recalled how Alec used to sit in her seat.
“Did I interrupt something?” he asked with a laugh, making it clear that he was enjoying this situation. From the way he spoke to how he sat, it was evident he was savoring the moment. Crystal and I exchanged glances and chose to remain silent. Liana, sitting in front of Alec, slowly turned, locking eyes with me first, then Crystal.
“You look the same, just a bit thinner. I guess your troubles didn’t end with leaving this place.”
Liana’s pointed words made Crystal break her silence, while I couldn’t help but focus on what Liana had said. Did she have to attack her with her family’s personal problems?
Crystal, without hesitation, responded in a way Liana would understand.
“Alec, I see your girlfriend’s still the same, talking about everyone’s life but her own.”
“You know very well that we’re not together,” Liana said, exhaling sharply in frustration. The tightness in her jaw was evident as she clenched her teeth.
“Just like I know how much saying that pissed you off,” Crystal replied. Though she appeared amused, I could tell from the coldness in her gaze that something troubled her.
“You two actually make a pretty good couple,” Alec said to Crystal, subtly backing her up, while he looked at me from the pages of his notebook.
“I can’t say the same about you two,” I said, trying to keep my cool.
Then Alec turned to Crystal and flashed me a smirk, the kind that made me uncomfortable.
“I could actually see myself with you, unlike Felix.”
I pretended not to hear Alec’s words meant to provoke me and looked at the person entering the classroom. Faye, who had placed her bag two rows ahead of Crystal, lifted it and sat down next to us.
“What, decided to reunite the old team?”
Faye's words added even more tension to the already charged atmosphere. Alec, not getting a response from Crystal, continued, unbothered, with his next target.
“Our last escapee is here.”
“How did you manage to skip a whole semester without anyone noticing? Care to share?”
Liana asked this with a mocking tone, but Faye calmly turned to her and began speaking. The fact that no one else was in the classroom except us made it feel oddly comfortable; our current situation would be the talk of anyone who loved gossip.
“I’m guessing you’ve been throwing jabs at each other while I was gone. Too bad I missed it.”
Crystal, pleased that Faye wasn’t backing down, launched her own attack on Liana.
“If you’re that sorry, maybe we should mention how well Alec and Liana look together…”
Faye, always one step ahead, passed the figurative bomb to Liana’s hands.
“Since Liana broke up with her last boyfriend, they might have a shot.”
We had all forgotten that Faye was always one step ahead.
“Hey, how do you know that?”
Liana’s shock quickly turned to anger, while Crystal seemed to enjoy the scene. I, however, had no intention of intervening in the girls’ verbal sparring. They had always exchanged barbs when they were friends, but now, this familiar dynamic felt far more dangerous than before.
“Let’s just say I know as much as you don’t, darling. Far more than you might guess.”
Faye’s words left no space for a reply, causing Liana to stop fighting and let out a frustrated sigh. I was surprised by her behavior, but I thought it was probably better for all of us.
“Shall we go?”
Crystal seemed to eagerly get up, as though expecting me to ask this question, and she made her way toward the exit ahead of me. I followed her, and just as I was about to step out the door, Alec’s annoying voice echoed behind me.
“Am I the only one surprised by how easily Felix could ask that?”
I silently thanked the universe that Crystal had already left the classroom. Turning around with patience, I met Alec’s smirking face.
“Alec, if you keep acting like this…”
Before I could finish my sentence, he cut me off.
“Already fighting on the first day? That’s my favorite thing.” He tried to stand up from his desk.
“I won’t give you what you want.”
I wasn’t the type to get angry easily, and I certainly wasn’t one of those people who lost their temper and made a scene over their ego. Alec, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. Just a single sentence from me, and he shot up from his seat in a fit of rage. I knew it was time for me to leave.
“You won’t give it to me out of your kindness, but out of selfishness. Who do you think you are?”
He started walking toward me, but I didn’t care. I walked out of the classroom, leaving Alec and his ego behind. I needed to catch up with Crystal.
