My Cute Zombie Girlfriend

Day 1

I was at the mall, just getting a bite at the food court, poking my head into the shops, and wasting time. You know, the normal stuff. Mid-bite on a nacho-burrito, some woman screamed. I almost bit my tongue.

Then there was a stampede of people running through the food court and some gym-bro knocked over my table, covering me in the food I just bought. I was starting to tell him off when I noticed he was bleeding from his neck. It was kind of funny when he tipped over and fell into the coin fountain. I mean, I hope he’s okay. He’s probably not but it was funny at the time.

That’s when I realized that a lot of the people running past me were bleeding or at least splattered with blood. When I looked up the hallway, that’s when I saw them.

Honestly, I thought it was some movie thing or something. When I waved at Tom, a friend of mine, and he got caught by a group of them though... Well, he went to pieces and it was clear this stuff was all real. I mean... real zombies? It’s crazy.

That’s how the world was ending though, I guess. Is ending, really. It’s taking a while.

I ran. Tom was gone. And I ran. I’m not sure how I managed to get through the parking lot. People were driving blind, running into other people and the zombies. Blood was everywhere, broken people. It was hard, after a while, to tell who was undead and who was dying.

Somehow, I managed to get to a side street. It was empty. The streetlights were casting shadows and my footsteps were almost the only sound. Almost.

Someone was walking behind me. I looked over my shoulder and that’s when I saw her, stumbling in and out of the lights. She had stains all over her clothes and something was dripping out of the side of her mouth. Other than that, she was incredibly cute! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone cuter. Living, dead, or undead!

Too bad she’s one of the walking dead. Not that it completely deterred me. I mean, when else was I going to get to flirt with a girl like her, other than at the end of the world. So, I jogged back a bit... well I was back and forth but I made it back to her, eventually.

I asked if she’d give me her number. Stupid, right? As if a zombie is going to have the ability to use a phone! So stupid of me... But I’ve never been too good at flirting, so there you have it. I asked the cutest zombie girl ever if I could have her phone number.

She tried to bite me.

More than once.

Luckily, I’m still faster on my feet than the dead, so she missed.

She’s pretty when she’s frustrated and there’s bloodlust in her cloudy eyes. And when those perfect lips curl up in a growl and she lunges at you? Let me tell you, it would be easy to forget you should dodge.

I decided to keep my distance from her, just to keep her interest peaked, you know? I made my way down the road, trying doors at different houses, looking for one that was open and empty. I wasn’t going to make it home and I wasn’t sure she’d be able to follow me the entire way either.

I did find a place. I mean, that’s clear enough. How else would I have the time to write this journal?

I’ve left that cute zombie girl outside for now. Locked and barricaded the doors and windows as best I could. I know she wants me bad but I think it’s important to wait for the right time for things like that.

She’s still pounding on the front door, grunting and moaning in the sweetest way you’ve ever heard. Not sure how much sleep I’ll get.

Day 2

She was pounding and clawing at the front door all night. She didn’t stop when the sun came up either. She’s just out there. At the door. Every minute. Endlessly beating her little fists against it!

I hope she hasn’t hurt herself. I didn’t get any real sleep but that’s not nearly as important. I don’t even know if she can heal if she hurts herself! I can at least find some earplugs or something and get some rest... I think.

Gosh! She must really have a thing for me though. Talk about being persistent. I’m sure there are easier guys but she’s got her unbeating heart set on me. That’s just so sweet!

I peeked out the windows at her while she was working away, after the sun came up. It’s not just in streetlights and darkness that she looks good!

She has long brown hair that’s just a little matted with blood and gore. The ponytail she has it in is getting looser and she’ll probably let her hair down soon when the holder falls out. I bet that’ll look good on her too!

Even though her teeth are broken into jagged edges, she’s got almost all of them. I swear, somehow, those sharp points on her teeth make her smile even more beautiful than some normal, living, girl could ever pull off.

Sure, she’s an undead monster that wants to tear me apart, eat my guts, and leave my corpse to rot... but every relationship has some obstacles to overcome. It’s just the way falling in love and dating goes. Besides, maybe she’ll turn me into a zombie before she manages to kill me.

This place should be pretty safe for me to figure out how to make this work. The doors are solid and the windows were already mostly boarded up when I got here. I wonder why they left it behind and unlocked. Oh well. Guess I’m just lucky they did. Whoever they are or were...

And speaking of eating, I’ve found canned food stashed in a few places, at least enough to last me a couple weeks. Not much in the way of choice so far but, since I’m eating what someone else set aside, I can’t be too picky.

I wonder if I can get the cute zombie girl to try something else for food. You know, ween her off the blood and flesh of the living and onto beans or something.

It’s worth a try.

The electricity is still working on this street. I’m not really sure how long that sort of thing keeps running without people at the power stations. Maybe those places are still full of living people. I mean, they tend to have a lot of fences and thick walls. If people were able to isolate themselves, it seems like that’s the kind of place they’d do it at. Probably.

A motorcycle rode by earlier. The zombie girl wandered off from the porch and stared down the center of the road for a few minutes. I can’t blame her. Motorcycles are cool. Of course, she’d want to check it out.

She might have wanted to eat the rider, I suppose. I don’t think so. I mean, she has me. Why would she start stalking some biker bro? No, obviously, it was just a passing interest in something loud and shiny.

She came right back to the house, stumbled up the steps, and started banging away at the door after a few minutes, either way. I mean, she’s the dedicated type. It’s not like looking is cheating or anything.

I’m going to dig through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and look through the drawers. I hope they left something I can take for this headache. Must be the stress of the world ending. Just need aspirin.

And, as cute as her persistence is, it’d be nice to find some sleeping pills. Just to get some rest in while she makes all the noise.

Day Three

Even with the bottle of sleeping pills I found in the medicine cabinet, getting rest is difficult. She just never stops beating her hands against that door! I hope she doesn’t hurt herself.

I found some canned meat under the sink. It’s apparently pork, chicken, and other? Can they really put “other” on a list of ingredients? Well... I guess it’s protein, anyway.

I suspect the owners of the house might have been using it for cat or dog food, since they kept it under the sink. Some people spoil their pets... I’m not sure if this was spoiling it or bullying it though.

They must have taken the pet with them, either way. The bowls on the floor are empty and I don’t hear a meow or a bark from anyplace in the house.

Well, I hope they took it with them. I did see her chewing on something that looked like it might have been a cat, rat, or small dog - before it became food. I guess humans aren’t the only living thing these zombies eat. I wonder if they prefer people though.

I did try to feed the zombie girl some of the “meat” I found. Just to see if she’d take an interest in it. You know? She might decide she likes that for food and then she might not try to eat me anymore. Not completely sure how I’d feel about that though. Like, I should rate higher than whatever “other” meat is, right?

Anyway, I did give it a try.

There were a few other undead wandering down the street today. It was almost like a parade, just full of blood, gore, rot, and the chance of being killed. So, I waited for all of that to pass by before I slipped out the back door. Couldn’t use the front, of course, because she was still there, pounding on it.

I kept my head below the little fence between the next yard and the wall of the house I’ve been staying in. Didn’t want to draw attention from anything other than my cute girl, after all.

I climbed over the railing onto the porch. She didn’t notice me at first, but when I cleared my throat, her head spun to look at me so fast, I was afraid she might break her neck!

“How about dinner and a movie?”

I asked her on a date, okay? Not that I expected an answer but, you know, it’s fun to talk to someone. Not sure where we’d see a movie though.

She looked back at the door and then at me a few times. I think she was trying to figure out how I got outside. Or she was just deciding between a trapped meal and one that might run. I’m not really sure.

I had the can in one hand and a spoonful of the meat-gel in another, held out for her. Guess she decided on free-range food because she started stumbling toward me after a few seconds.

She leaned forward and I swear she almost ate from the spoon. Almost.

She nearly took a bite out of my hand instead, the little minx! I just dodged her mouth, then jumped over the rail when she tried to grab me. I was up for having dinner together but I’m not ready to be dinner.

Plus, being grabbed by her, out in public... I’m just not ready for public displays of affection like that. She hasn’t even gone on a first date with me!

I’ve never had a girl go after my body this boldly before though. I wonder if it’s just because I’m the last man on Earth. (That guy on the motorcycle is probably dead by now. You can’t lock the doors on a bike if zombies swarm and you’re out of gas.) Even if that is the reason she wants me, hot damn! Lucky me! I’ve got the cutest undead girl in the world after me!