Part 1/3
Thanks to my dear friend who made my OC come to life; she produced the perfect image of Siri
Wordcount: ~4900
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Jungkook didn’t want to be back in his hometown again. He avoided the place like it had an outbreak; only coming back during holidays or special birthdays to see his family and friends, and even then it was only for a few days. It was why he was home, because it’s his mother’s birthday this weekend.
It’s been ten years of him living away from his friends and family, and there was a reason he didn’t like coming back. A painful reason. One person in particular who ruined his home. Ruined his heart.
Serena. The woman Jungkook thought he would spend the rest of his life with.
They were highschool sweethearts, getting together when they were at the fresh age of fifteen. They were each other’s first kiss, first love, first time, and they were even each other’s first heartbreak during their final year at highschool when they were eighteen.
For three years Jungkook was utterly and madly in love with Serena—or Siri, as she liked to be called. He loved her smile, her laugh, her beautiful blue eyes that sparkled like the ocean. He loved everything about her. She loved him, too—or so he thought. She used to say she loved his doe eyes, his angry face when he ate, and his pouty lips when he talked.
They were the ‘it’ couple with plans on living together and going to the same university. They were going to get married one day; have two kids and two dogs, and maybe a rabbit or two.
But one day, near the end of the highschool year one late afternoon, Jungkook saw something that broke his heart. Broke his faith in love. Broke his faith in her.
There she was, his girlfriend, bent over a desk with a teacher behind her, fucking her brains out. Jungkook had never been so devastated in his life.
In that moment, with betrayal and heartbreak filling his entire being, Jungkook hated Siri more than anything. He didn’t want anything to do with her. Didn’t want to look at her, touch her, or hear her. He wanted nothing to do with her.
They broke up that evening obviously, even though Siri begged Jungkook to not leave her. She tried to tell him it wasn’t what it looked like, but of course he didn’t believe her. Especially when all he could see when he looked at her was her scrunched up face in pleasure while telling the teacher to, “Please don’t stop.” His pride had been shattered, and he couldn’t look at her the same way anymore.
In the new year, he left her and his home.
Rather than going to the university he and Siri planned to go to, Jungkook escaped to a different country for his studies. He travelled and met new people to get rid of the memories of her. He made new memories with many other girls, and made a new life for himself. One without her in it. And he was happy.
At least he thought he was.
He thought he was content now. Thought he had gotten over her. But if that was the case, then why the fuck, after ten years, did his heart skip a beat and race upon seeing Siri again? Like it was the first time he saw her.
He felt a wave of shock wash over him as his mouth went dry and chest tightened, and he blinked repeatedly to make sure he wasn’t imagining her.
Siri. His first love. The woman who shattered him was here. After all this time.
He hadn’t thought about her much, not for the last couple of years anyway, but there she was, walking along the street, and he couldn’t look away.
He stood there like a deer in headlights, checking her out up and down, seeing she wore a creamy long coat with a pink scarf wrapped around her neck to keep warm. Her cute button nose was a little pink from the cold, and her blue eyes were focused on the ground while her hands were in her coat pockets.
She looked good—great even—but… tired? Or maybe haggard was a better word going by the dark circles under her eyes. But it wasn’t just that. There was something about her eyes. They were distant and empty, as if she had been hurt or disappointed too many times. In that moment, Jungkook’s hate for Siri disappeared and he was worried about her.
She walked right past him, though. Didn’t even see him as she didn’t bother looking up. Jungkook didn’t know why, but he was disappointed that Siri didn’t see him. Part of him wanted to see her reaction. He wanted her to see how well he’s doing now without her. Show her that the heartbreak she caused didn’t completely ruin him. In fact, it strengthened him—physically ’cause he’s much musclier now, as well as emotionally and mentally.
But it seemed his heart still carried a trace of weakness, because for some reason, Jungkook was following his ex in the dark of the night like a lost loyal puppy following its owner.
He wondered where she was off to so late as he remembered she was a home-body. She loved to stay in, cuddle and watch movies or play games rather than go to parties during highschool, and Jungkook preferred to do that with her, too.
After about ten minutes of following her, Jungkook started to feel confused because the part of town Siri was walking to wasn’t very safe. And then his feet—as well as his breath—stopped when he saw her walk inside a building with red and pink neon lights.
Dread and anxiety turned Jungkook’s stomach every which way as he tried to come up with reasons for why Siri would be at a place like this. A place he never thought he’d see her go into. A place he never thought he’d end up going into himself because he had no need to. But for once, he had a need. He just had to follow Siri to see why the fuck, out of all places, would she go into a fucking brothel, a whorehouse.
Maybe she’s a bartender here?? he thinks to himself. Maybe she manages the place??
God, please don’t let her be what I think she is. I may hate her and I wished for her to hurt the way she hurt me, but I didn’t want her to end up in a place like this.
She was meant to be a teacher. She always told me she loved kids and her plan after highschool was to study education so she could help the children of the future. What the fuck happened to her plans and why the hell was she in this place??
Jungkook was nervous as he entered the brothel, looking around like he didn’t belong there, which he obviously didn’t. He’s never had to pay for sex; he can get women left and right. But as he looked around, there were scantily clad dressed women flirting with men at the bar. Majority of the men were older than him which was no surprise. But what was worse was that Jungkook had already seen three men with wedding rings on their fingers.
The place had a sort of strip club atmosphere, and part of him hoped Siri was just a stripper—but since this place is known for one thing, he had big doubts.
“Hey there, handsome,” a pretty and slightly older woman in a sexy business outfit came up to Jungkook while she held an ipad, her name tag had the name ‘Jessi’ on it. “You look like you’re up for some fun. Care for a night with one of our girls? We have a great selection you can choose from.”
The woman turned her ipad around towards him where there were multiple profile pictures of pretty girls, and it wasn’t hard for Jungkook to guess that this woman was either the manager or business owner.
When he spotted Siri’s picture, Jungkook’s heart dropped to his stomach. Holy shit, she actually works here.
He had so many questions running through his mind: How the hell did she end up in a place like this? Why was she resorting to selling her body? Do her parents know? Do any of my friends know? What the fuck happened after I left??
God, it was so wrong of me to be in a place like this, too. What if someone I knew—apart from Siri—saw me? I had to find Siri quickly to get some answers and then get the hell out of here.
“Uhh... I um...” Jungkook cleared his throat. “There was one girl that caught my eye as I came in. Brunette, blue eyes, long coat and pink scarf?”
Jessi’s eyes light up. “Oh, you want Serenity!” That amused Jungkook a little as he recognised Siri gave herself a name quite close to her actual name ‘Serena.’ “She is gorgeous isn’t she? Able to bring in a handsome man like you off the street—oh, that girl is good!” she says with high praise. “A lot of the men like her and I think you’ll love her, too!”
Well, I used to love her, Jungkook thought straight away. But then his stomach churned when the rest of the words hit him. All the men...
“Serenity is one of our popular girls so she is a bit pricier than others. $400 for 30 minutes, $450 for 45, and $500 for an hour. How much time would you like with her?”
Jungkook’s eyes practically bulge out of his head. Damn, she’s expensive!
But then he thought the longer she has with him, the less she’ll have with some scumbag. So begrudgingly, Jungkook gets his wallet out and takes out his credit card. “An hour, please.”
“I’m not surprised. A man of your age? I’m sure you can go multiple rounds with her! She’ll love it!”
Jungkook winced and cringed at the thought that Siri must deal with dirty old men here. An uncomfortable feeling settles in his chest, along with a deep sadness. There was no situation he could think of that would lead Siri to resort to working in a place like this. He had to find out what happened.
“Oh, and she doesn’t like to kiss or do anal, so those are a no-no. They’re her hard limits. And obviously condoms must be used. Serenity has plenty in her room.”
Jungkook furrows his brows with confusion about the kissing part, but nods anyway to accept. The anal thing makes sense; he remembers Siri always said she wouldn’t do that when they were together.
But does this mean she hasn’t kissed any men for a while? Why not? Sex is already intimate so why not just include kissing?
After he pays, Jessi taps on her ipad and leads Jungkook to a pink hallway. He sees many rooms in which the doors are closed with a red or green light above them—obviously indicating whether the room was free or not, and there were definite sexual sounds coming from the ones with the red light.
They walk up some stairs and Jungkook’s nerves shoot through the roof once he’s at the top. Jessi points to a door with ‘Serenity’ on it, all in a seductive cursive font, and the light above the door was green—for now, anyway.
The woman knocks on the door, then says loudly, “Serenity, sweetie, you have a customer! He’s rather handsome, too!” Jessi winks at Jungkook while giving him a big grin.
Fuck, I should not be here. I should not be here. I. Should. Not. Be. Here.
But I need answers!
“Thanks! Let him in!” Jungkook hears Siri’s voice shout back.
“Off you go, handsome,” Jessi flicks a finger under his chin flirtatiously before she walks off. “Have a good time!”
Jungkook gulps and wipes the sweat off his hands on his thighs as he stands in front of the door, building up his courage to go into Siri’s room. After ten years, he’s about to see his ex in a situation he never thought would happen.
He shakily reaches for the door handle and opens it, and as soon as that happens, the green light turns red. He slowly enters the room which was all lit up in baby pink and violet colours, with fairy lights hanging around the big king bed in the middle of the room. He could tell Siri put a bit of her style and touch in the room, as though it was her bedroom. That thought made his heart sink. How long has she been doing this to have made the room to her liking?
He sees her standing by the big windows near the balcony, wearing much less than what he saw her in earlier. She was only in red lingerie with some red heels, and she was adjusting her red fishnet stockings as he closed the door.
She looked stunning and sexy in red. And strangely, it was like she knew he was coming because coincidentally, red is Jungkook’s favourite lingerie colour.
“Jungkook??” Siri says once she looks at him and straightens up, her voice soft with a hint of confusion. She was surprised to see him, but there was also a guarded look in her eyes, as if she already knew what he was thinking going off the concern in his expression.
“Siri...” He calls her, his voice laced with a yearning he didn’t know he had.
She didn’t really react right away. Just looks him up and down, her eyes slowly taking him in, assessing him and like she was sizing him up. He appeared taller, broader, more solid, and he held himself more confidently with his straight posture. He looked more handsome than she remembered with his hair short, a sharp jawline and dark doe eyes—although his gaze was rather soft on her at the moment—unlike when she last saw him ten years ago.
Her lips curved into a small smile as she walked to the bed, sitting on the edge casually. She leaned back on her hands and crossed her legs, looking seductive even though she wasn’t trying to be.
“It’s been a while, Kookie,” she says, trying to bring some familiarity by using his nickname, just like he said hers.
Jungkook gets butterflies upon hearing it, but he also feels a sense of sadness and longing for the days when it was said affectionately.
He doesn’t know why he feels this way when all this time he was sure he hated her. How could he feel any longing for her after what she did to him? He didn’t understand the feelings stirring within him.
“Yeah... Ten years,” he replies, trying to keep his emotions at bay.
Seconds pass and neither of them say anything, but then suddenly, Jungkook’s legs move toward Siri, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. His heart pounds hard with every step, but the closer he gets, the more he realises how much she’s changed.
She wasn’t the precious girl he once held in his arms and promised to always protect and to love. She looked different. Thinner, older, but still the same Siri in some ways. Still had her curves, her long brown hair, and those pretty blue eyes. Although, there was something behind her eyes that dulled their usual brightness. Something that made them less blue, as if something deep inside her had cracked. Something had broken her.
Jungkook couldn’t stop staring at her, like she was a ghost, but also the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, breaking the silence and heavy tension between them.
“What does it look like?” She tilts her to the side, trying to be cute, knowing that wasn’t the answer Jungkook wanted to hear when a slight frown appeared on his features, but she wanted to play coy anyway.
“I could also ask you the same thing, ya know,” she says to him next, trying to be playful even though her eyes didn’t have that sparkle like she used to have. “What are you doing here, Kookie?”
“I saw you and followed you here. I just... I don’t understand... This place... Siri, I thought you were going to be a teacher? What happened? How’d you end up here?”
She lets out a little sarcastic chuckle, “Oh Kookie... you really don’t know anything about me anymore.”
Jungkook feels an uncomfortable pinch in his chest.
“Why? Why would you—what happened?" he asks again, frustration and annoyance start to build inside him as he was becoming impatient with Siri’s evasiveness. “You were fine before I left. Why are you like this now? Why are you here?”
“Fine?” she chuckles bitterly. “You think I was fine when you left?” Her gaze hardens and the darkness in her eyes makes Jungkook’s chest pinch again.
She looked like she was about to say something, but after looking into those chocolatey doe eyes she’s missed so much, Siri just closes her eyes and shakes her head as sadness comes over her. It seemed like whatever was left unsaid was too much and too heavy for her to say, or she just didn’t think what she had to say mattered anymore, especially not after all this time.
When she glances up at Jungkook again, her eyes soften seeing his irritation. It seemed like he still cared about her, and maybe he did if he was right here in front of her. In that moment, the softness in Siri’s gaze made Jungkook’s frustration and annoyance waver.
Siri sighs as if defeated. “After what happened with—” she stops herself from saying the name. She couldn’t say it, and it’s not like she needed to since Jungkook knew who she was talking about. The teacher she cheated on him with. “After word got out and you left, my parents and my friends... they all turned their backs on me. My parents disowned me and made sure I wouldn’t get anything; education, support, or work... so I didn’t have a choice. I had nothing and no one, so...” she shrugs, giving Jungkook a sad smile, “I did what I had to do...”
Jungkook’s stomach twists and he felt a surge of pity for Siri. He had no idea things went so horribly wrong for her.
“Oh come on, Kookie,” she says to him in an almost playful tone when she sees his sympathetic and pitying eyes. “Don’t give me that look. I bet you’re secretly happy my life turned out this way. It’s my karma, right? For breaking your heart?” She gives him a small smile, but it was empty, with no real emotion.
Jungkook swallows hard, trying to push back the guilt that was starting to creep in. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you to hurt... But I didn’t want this for you. I never wished for something like this to happen. I just... I wanted you to hurt like I did...”
“Trust me, Kookie,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest, as if it was the only thing she could do to protect herself, “I’ve felt a lot of hurt. Still do.”
Her words made his heart pinch once again, and that’s when Jungkook could really see her. Siri, the girl he had loved, had been abandoned by everyone and left to fend for herself with no one to trust.
And he had been the first one to turn his back, but he had his reasons. He was justified.
...Right?
After some silence, Siri decides to speak. “So… How’s the wedding planning?”
Jungkook’s heart drops and his doe-eyes go wide. “H-how do you know about that?”
He didn’t think Siri would know about his love life. Didn’t think she was keeping up with what he was up to over the years. But him being engaged was another reason he was here in his hometown; to arrange some wedding details with his fiancée, Sohee. After all, their wedding was in two months. It was also why it was so wrong of him to be in a place like this.
“Everyone knows, Kookie,” Siri says with a tight lipped smile, a tinge of bitterness and even some jealousy was laced in her words. “I’ve seen your life from the outside. Your perfect life. Your perfect fiancée. While I’m still... here. Struggling. Alone...”
Jungkook doesn’t know why, but he felt the need to be defensive due to the way Siri said that. As if it was his fault she ended up where she is. “Hey, I didn’t ask for any of this. I wanted a life with you, to grow old with you, but you betrayed me.”
“I see... So you still believe that happened...”
Jungkook frowned, “What do you mean? I know what I saw and heard.”
Siri lets out a half arsed chuckle, “You saw, but you didn’t see.You heard, but you didn’t listen."
Jungkook’s mind floods with memories of that day. He remembers how he had stood in the doorway of that classroom, how he had seen his girlfriend bent over a desk for the teacher. He saw how her skirt was up to her waist, and he remembers the contortion of pleasure on her face while the teacher was screwing her from behind. He heard her tell him to not stop. He remembers the betrayal he felt, the humiliation, and the anger that had driven him away from her.He was so sure she had crossed a line and betrayed him.
But now, looking at Siri again, Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder... Was I wrong??
The thought plagued him and there was a gnawing feeling in his chest. A feeling that something was terribly wrong, like he had missed something important all along.
“You—you were with him, Siri,” Jungkook says it like he was trying to convince her and himself of the truth. “You were cheating on me.”
She shrugged like she had nothing left to defend. “Okay. If you say so.”
Her voice was flat and distant, and it instantly made Jungkook feel uneasy. She wasn’t angry or defensive. It was like she’d given up, like there was no fight left in her. She just... accepted it.
But then a burn ignites in his chest because he was so certain of what he witnessed, and he didn’t like that Siri was trying to gaslight him. He knows what he saw. He had to believe it. He had to, or everything he built after walking away from her would be a lie.
“Don’t try to gaslight me into thinking what I saw didn’t happen! Just because your life ended up shittier than expected, doesn’t mean you can guilt trip me for moving on and finding the love I know I deserve.”
Suddenly, it was like a switch flipped inside Siri. She stands abruptly, taking a step towards Jungkook. She’s in front of him with her face hard and her eyes narrower and darker than before.
“Well then what the fuck are you doing here, Jungkook?” she asked harshly, enough to make an ache in his heart. “Why’d you follow me in the first place?”
“I—” he started to say, but the words got stuck. He didn’t know what to say anymore. He didn’t even know why he followed her. Didn’t know why his feet had brought him here, chasing the woman he thought he hated.
His mind was full of confusion. He had told himself for years that he had moved on. That he was over Siri. That whatever they had was in the past, buried and gone. He had a new life now and a new woman who loved him. He had everything he thought he wanted.
And yet here he was, standing in front of his first love and he didn’t know why. His heart was still drawn to her for some reason. His stupid heart that still ached when he looked at her. His heart that had never truly let her go, no matter how many years had passed, and no matter how many times he told himself he hated her.
“I don’t know…” he murmured, unsure of himself and his feelings.
There was silence between them while their eyes still stayed on each other. However, Jungkook sees Siri’s expression change where her eyes which were dark with anger just moments ago, were back to being dull again, and maybe even emptier than before.
Then slowly but clearly, her eyes go glossy, filling with tears. Jungkook has seen that look on Siri before, knowing she’s at her breaking point, and it makes him feel guilty.
“Just leave, Jungkook,” she said lowly, her voice hoarse from the lump in her throat. “Go home. There’s nothing for you here.”
Her words felt like a stab to his heart. Her pain, her exhaustion, her defeat… it was all there in that one simple sentence, and it was written all over her face. She wasn’t asking him to stay or begging him like she did back then. She was truly telling him to leave. To walk away, just like he had before.
Jungkook could feel his eyes prickle with tears. He understood what Siri was telling him. She was letting him go. Letting him return to the life he had built with the woman he had moved on with. She was telling him to go home to his new love and his new home, and that there wasn’t anything for him here with her. Not anymore. She was too broken, too damaged to give him the future they once dreamed of.
Jungkook takes a shaky breath and nods, his heart pounding against his chest as he turns to walk away. His legs felt heavy as if each step was him betraying her in some way, and he didn’t understand why.
He reached for the doorknob hesitantly, but just as his hand touched the handle...
“Kookie?...”
He turns around straight away upon hearing his old nickname said in the way he’s missed it. His breathing quickened and his heart was in his throat when all he could focus on were Siri’s eyes. They held so much pain, so much love, and so much loss.
But then Jungkook sees a hint of determination behind her eyes when she steps toward him, closing the distance between them. When he sees her hands reach up to cup his face, he knew what was coming. And so, he reaches for her waist and tilts his head down so they could crash their lips together.
A warmth courses through both of them where they had a burning need to hold on to this moment. To hold on to each other because they both knew it would be the last time.
Their kiss deepened with urgency and with a desire that’s been dormant for ten years. They didn’t need to speak as their kiss said everything. It was filled with longing and regret, with everything they had lost, the what-ifs, everything they could have been, as well as the pain of goodbye.
Siri’s hands tangled in Jungkook’s black hair, pulling him closer, while he wrapped his arms around her waist tight, holding her against him. They didn’t want to let go, but they knew they had to eventually. They couldn’t hold on to each other forever. Life had moved on, and so had they. But the love they once shared would always be there in the bottom of their hearts.
When they finally pulled away, they were breathless. Jungkook’s right tattooed hand moved to Siri’s cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear that had escaped down her face.
They stood there a little longer with their foreheads resting together, breaths mingling, noses nudging, both unwilling to be the first to step away.
But neither of them could stay...
Even though she wasn’t the one in the relationship, Siri was the first to let go.
“Go home, Kookie,” she says softly. “Go live your life. Be happy.”
Jungkook’s heart ached. He doesn’t know why he didn’t want to leave her given the circumstances of how they ended ten years ago, plus there was also his current relationship status, but he knew he had to leave.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers to her as guilt fills his chest.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”
But Jungkook didn’t believe her. He could see the cracks in Siri’s armour with the way her eyes were downcast, and the way her hands slightly shook as she tucked her hair behind her ear. She wasn’t fine. She truly was broken.
He gives her one final kiss goodbye; one filled with everything he had. Filled with every shred of love he still carried for her. A love he wished to have again. A love he knows he can’t get with anyone else. Not even with his fiancée.
And then he turns to leave before Siri gets the chance to see his tears fall, leaving her behind once again.
Jungkook didn’t know what to feel anymore as he walked the streets, getting further and further away from Siri, wiping away the odd tear slipping from his eyelids.
All he knew was that something in him was broken.
Again.
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