The Wedding Proposal

The heavy, relentless beat of the rain drummed against the roof of my tiny studio apartment. I entered my apartment drenched and shivering with my shoes hanging in my hands. I shut the door behind me, leaning against it. I let the tears flow down my cheeks, my legs gave way for my body to slowly touch down.

No matter how hard I struggled, I could not let go of the memory of the evening. The more it replayed in my head, the more I cried. I felt my heart break over and again, and each time, the pain felt deeper.

I remembered the look on his face. They wore a stone cold and a mean look while his lips formed a thin line. As I stared, I was scared, looking at him. I wondered. What is wrong with him tonight? How can a sweet loving soul like Kent suddenly change? I tried to recall if there was a fight before now or any wrong I did, but there was no record of such.

Ever since the incidence at my former place of work, the cool evening outings with Kent kept me going, apart from my passion for photography. But tonight, it felt different.

I still couldn’t believe it was over between.

“Sarah!” He started. You’re inconsiderate, selfish, and uncaring. You gave your body to other men while you kept it away from me. I saw the pictures in your studio! Of men you went around messing with. You became a shameless whore while you were mean and cruel to me. I regret the day I met you. It is over between us Sarah.”

He made a scene in the garden, causing all heads to turn in our direction and by the time he left, I found no strength to stand. I sat there in ridicule and confusion. I couldn’t move. I was jolted back to reality, when the rain started drizzling.

If anyone was ever at fault, it was him.

If anyone was to call it a quit, it is me.

He betrayed my love for him, sleeping with several ladies. The height of it all, he cheated on me with my best friend Epiphany. Though he kept his affairs secret, I knew of them all. Yet I turned a blind eye.

I was positive he will change, that I can change him but tonight, when he finally called it off, I was shattered.

I did everything within my might to keep the relationship going. I overlooked how domineering he always was and I did not care if my happiness was sacrificed for his own happiness.

My offense was to love him to a fault. Over and again, he broke my heart, shattered my soul but I never stopped loving him. I was holding on and consoling myself that things will change hopefully.

Can anybody wake me from this nightmare? I still struggled with the thoughts that what was happening to me wasn’t real.

Somewhere inside of me, I still expected his call.

I cried out my eyes till I was tired of crying and tears could no longer flow. I still wanted to cry but I had lost the strength. I sat there behind the door, staring into the blank. My eyes are already swollen, blood shut red, half-opened and they ached badly.

After the humiliating and shameful maltreatment that followed the dismissal I suffered at my office, my passion for photography, love for Kent and the thoughts of seeing his ever alluring and captivating eyes with his little pink lips kept away the pain of loosing my job. But now, the pain just doubled.

I was lost in thought when I heard the buzzing sound from my bag. I crawled to my bag where I had thrown it, my mind racing and my hands in a hurry to reach for my phone.

The phone clutched tightly in my hands while my eyes searched but my expectation was dashed. It was not Kent. My eyes were fixed on the email flashing on the screen. Somewhere inside of me still wished he came back.

I gathered all the strength my hands needed to punch the email open.

I read and re-read the message, each word settled like a weight in my chest. It was from the last wedding client I had worked for, a wealthy bride.

“I promise you, apart from the high pay for your work, my photos would be a stepping stone to high-paying referrals and magazine spreads for you.” She had said.

“How could I have been sheepish and gullible to fall for this?!”

I had been banking on this until right now. The email added to my grief and crashed all my expectations.

“We regret to inform you that due to unforeseen budget issues, we will not be able to proceed with the full payment we agreed upon. We’ll  send a reduced amount that should cover basic costs.”

Tears flowed down my cheeks again. I could feel the hotness. “Basic costs?” My lips mumbled. My jaw tightened in grief as my heart ached reading the mail over and again.

The thought of how I gave everything for that wedding gnawed at me- extra hours, custom edits, new equipment rented on credit. I was thinking this was finally my chance to break out in the industry.

I had maxed-out my bank account, all in the hope of making this the most perfect wedding shoot I had ever done.

As I read cold dismissal email with no apology, my hands and my lips trembled.

After months of struggling to keep my photography business afloat, this was supposed to be my breakthrough. I had risked everything, and now…nothing.

I felt used and dumped. “How do I pay my due rents?”

“How about the high quality camera and other expensive photography equipment I had borrowed?”

My heart raced. My body was heating from the inside.

The room felt smaller. My chest tighter. As if all the weight of the whole world were crashing on me. My phone slipped from my hands and landed on the floor, the light from the screen casting a cold glow against the dark, silent room.

“How did I get here?” My mind freely romanced my mishaps.

Series of painful memories flooded my mind. Starting with the night’s break-up. Plans were in place to settle down with Kent. The man I had imagined doing “happily forever after” with.

He still treated me as the most important person in the world, despite his sexual escapades. His secret affair with Epiphany, my closest friend was the last straw that broke the Carmel’s back. Though I felt betrayed by them both it still did not change my love for Kent.

“You’re good for nothing. What exactly can you do right without any mistake? You’re such a failure that if you served at the gate, you are still a liability to this company. How did you get to hold this current office? Why not resign and go get another life other than a professional life?”

This was the verbal abuse I constantly endured at McFosters. This time, it stung deeper as I remembered.

I was an object of constant ridicule, a laughing stock to my fellow employees. I did their jobs for them just to gain their acceptance. But it changed nothing. It only grew worse.

This was the order of the day until I was wrongly accused of conniving with thieves who had broken into our office building and made away with valuables. My offense was that I worked late into the night to meet a deadline needed to save the face of the Company in order to land a multi-billion contract the night the incident occurred.

But that had not mattered to them. I felt used and dumped again. No one listened to my side of the story nor believed I was innocent. Even my pleas to hold my office fell on deaf ears.

I was dismissed with no investigation into the incidence, stripped of my privileges. Company-paid vacation, the company’s fully furnished apartment. My personal ride too was forcefully taken from me as “restitution” for the lost items.

I was thrown into untold hardship. I was escorted by the security men to ensure my immediate evacuation from the company apartment otherwise I risked my properties being seized. I had secured a Studio apartment that I could manage as my work space and as an apartment. I loved drawing and photography. It was my passion capturing memorable moment.

My family too have decided to leave me to myself. My refusal to take over my father’s Real Estate Business did not sit down well with them.

“Sarah, your father and I trained you to become an Architect so that you can take over his corporation that has become an household name. Here you are, about to throw this privilege away. Are you out of your mind? Don’t be naïve. What happens to his legacy when he’s no more? Do you think he’s getting younger?”

The voice of my concerned mum rang in my head.

“If you choose to go, you’re on your own.”

My father had added. “Consider you have no father here” He’s a man of few words yet a man of his words. 

As if all these weren’t enough, my landlord had started making advances. Since the past few months, I had struggled with rent, he would remind me that my debts will disappear if I only gave in to his “offer.” The way he looked at me left me feeling humiliated and trapped. As though I had nowhere to escape. The thought haunted me.

I felt stuck in a rundown studio. No where to run, no shoulders to cry on. Every part of me was tired of life. I was in total despair. I didn’t know when I yelled “I can’t take this anymore!” The tears had started flowing again.

I was tired of hanging on. I was alone and I felt the feeling of loneliness was tearing me apart. I felt my life falling apart one piece after the other before my very eyes and I could do nothing about it. My heart was heavy. I felt defeated at life.

I was in anguish and had fully surrendered to despair when my phone buzzed with another notification. “Please, not another heart breaking message.” My heart cried as I reached for my phone.

“James” flashed on my screen. I met him briefly at the wedding I covered the week before. A polite, well-dressed man who had asked me a few questions about myself and my work. He was genuinely intrigued.

I vividly remembered the drama that played out.

In few moments, he left an impression on me not until his fiancée showed up.

“What are you doing here? Getting a replacement for me?”

“Eve, you’re here,” said James. It was embarrassing but I shrugged off the feeling that it’s a red flag. “Let me introduce to you our wedding photographer. Her name is Sarah.”

“When were you going to inform me and haven’t I mentioned to you before now that I don’t like it when decisions concerning us is taken without my contribution?” Eve fired back.

“I will be waiting for you when you’re done with your acquaintance!” With that she walked out. James exchanged pleasantries and rushed back to Eve.

My fingers shook as I opened the message.

“Hi Sarah. I hope you don’t mind me reaching out. I was impressed by your work at the wedding last week. I’d really like to hire you to photograph my wedding. Can we discuss the details?”

Several thoughts of rejection, failure, disappointment ran through my mind as she read through.