Alive if not broken

All Rights Reserved ©

Summary

There is a lump in my throat the size of a sandstorm and I haven't been able to swallow it since I was 16. I remember my childhood as a play where I was the pessimist. not by choice, but by necessity. Everyone in my life had a way of projecting themselves onto me, their fears, their agonies, their what ifs and could be's. I became the canvas bearing their disproportionate hues. I became a reflection of their shattered hopes. ____________ I wish time were more kinder to me. maybe then my sensibility and reason wouldn't try to beat their wings as they prepared to fly away at every word, every remark, and every twisted smile. I felt robbed of the one thing that was mine- my childhood. Most of my childhood was not in photos but in certain biscuits, the scent of rain on a warm pavement, the moon when it decides to follow me, and the lights of the day. Now I just retreat into myself. I find solace in these four walls. They don't live contrasting lives, all disorganized and stacked up on top of each other in the pits of my stomach. .

Genre
Poetry/Other
Author
Sumayya
Status
Ongoing
Chapters
1
Rating
n/a
Age Rating
16+

ℌ𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔥


Here I am in an almost dead home, yet it blossomed with flowers. As I watered the plants, a sense of calmness surrounded me, it was as if I wanted to stay here. Just a moment. Forever.


The cracked roof, the dry slippers waiting to be graced with wet water and the hundreds of trees stretched across the earlier dead, now blossoming land. It was perfect. Not flawless. But just the right amount of flaws to make it seem perfectly imperfect.


I snapped back to reality, aunty had given me a responsibility, I wasn't one to forsake it. I dashed the slippers by the door, brushed a few stray dead leaves and hurried down the stairs. I picked up the paane filled with raw rice, carefully taking a mental note of all the glasses I had put inside them, daring not to ruin this serene moment, I darted down the stairs, yet again careful not to trip over my Abaya.


I reached the ground floor where my shoes lay, wore them and walked back. The sight of roses growing outside the flat halted me in my tracks as I yet again took in the sweet fragrance and delicate petals. It reminded me of simpler days, of a might life, back when things were not so complicated.


It took every ounce of willpower to snap my mind back to reality. My feet picked up pace, now walking in a more relaxed manner. As I marched further, I saw the earthen tap covered in algae and in an instant - I traveled back in time.


"We'll carry three of them" he said, crouching over to fix his dhoti as he prepared to mount two pots filled to the brim with water on his hips. Mooma must have three already. My grandfather walked ahead, aged, weathered and calloused, the lines on his face bearing the shackles of what he never got to tell me.


"I need to hurry," I murmured quickly, ignoring the fact that if I stayed here any longer, the heavens would have to intervene. A sobbing, weak, and crumbling lady was not good for the streets or the world around her.