When Summer Comes

CHRISTIAN

Before we met both Athena and Graham our life had been a constant struggle between loneliness and fear. For Chris and I, balancing our duality as a gender shifter was a challenge in itself. The battle between our two personalities and desires felt like a test of wills, combined with the fear of the wrong people finding out about us. It seemed our struggle was never-ending. It was safer to live in isolation, to keep our secret to ourselves, but it was destroying us. We were constantly at odds with each other, both of us wanting more out of life than living in the shadows.

What is a gender-shifter you might ask?

If you’re new to our story, let me introduce you to my unique existence. A gender-shifter is someone who can transform between different gender identities, both physically and mentally. This transformation is not just a change in appearance but encompasses a complete shift in personality as well.

I’m Christian, a 24-year-old male, standing at six feet, two inches tall. I have dark-brown, shoulder-length hair and blue eyes. To maintain my physical well-being, I keep active through running, biking, weight-lifting, and practicing tai chi. These disciplines prepare me to handle any challenge that may arise. I am the guardian of the two of us. If the situation requires brawn, my strength and speed can usually get us out of danger.

My sister Christina, known as Chris, is the feminine counterpart of our existence. Chris is my alter ego, a petite beauty at five feet, two inches, with long dark hair and striking blue eyes. She is the embodiment of my feminine side, possessing her own distinct personality and charm.

The concept of a gender-shifter may be challenging to grasp, but it’s a part of our reality. Chris and I share the same body, undergoing a physical transformation that allows us to shift from male (me) to female (Chris) and back again. This metamorphosis was once random and unpredictable, presenting numerous obstacles in our daily lives.

Of the two of us, I am the more introverted and creative type, while Christina is the wild one, the risk-taker. Our shared existence often felt like a tug-of-war, each of us pulling in different directions, yearning for freedom and authenticity while living within the confines of our secret. As a freelance artist, I was able to make a decent living to support us but when we shifted Chris had to remain hidden, move through life anonymously. With her fiery personality it was like caging a wild tiger. It was no life for her.

When Chris and I were younger, the world felt like a daunting place. We didn’t understand our phasing, and the process was terrifying. As children, all we ever wanted was to be normal. The idea of living a simple life with a mother and father seemed like something out of a fairy tale. We viewed our shifting as a disability, a flaw, something to be ashamed of and hidden. As orphans from an early age, we learned to survive on our own, always hiding the truth from everyone around us.

As we grew older, we learned to embrace our extraordinary ability. The journey was not without its hurdles, but over time, we began to see the mystery of shifting as less horrifying and more intriguing.

Unlike the dramatic monster transformations depicted in movies, our change is gentle and seamless. There’s no cracking of bones, no blood, no howling. It’s more akin to a metamorphosis. The process begins with a tingling sensation in the stomach, which then spreads warmth to the gender areas. A trembling sensation shakes our body as the transformation extends toward our limbs. Although it’s not painful, it remains a startling experience, often leaving us with a migraine headache as a lingering reminder.

After much exploration and introspection, we have finally gained control over our shifting abilities. This newfound mastery allows us to navigate our shared existence with greater ease and confidence. Embracing our dual identities, we have learned to harness the strengths of both Christian and Chris, creating a harmonious balance that defines our unique journey as gender-shifters.

Christina has grown more independent and is no longer willing to wait in the shadows for her chance to live. She has proven that she is a force to be reckoned with and will not bend to my or anyone else’s will. I have to say, I admire her strength and conviction. Her determination has shown me the power of embracing one’s true self.

For as long as we can remember, we have lived our lives cloaked in secrecy. Our existence has been a delicate balance of concealment and caution. We are aware of our uniqueness, yet we question our origins. Are we a different species entirely, or perhaps an evolution of the human species? Despite countless hours spent researching, searching for answers, we remain without an explanation. The fear of being discovered and reduced to mere specimens in a laboratory is a haunting prospect that has dictated our every move.

Years of hiding have shaped us into vigilant beings, always on the alert for any signs of exposure. The effort to conceal our true selves from the world has been both exhausting and isolating. We maneuvered through life like shadows, ghosts of our true selves, never allowing anyone to get too close for fear of them discovering our secret.

Everything changed for us on the day that Chris met Athena. From the moment we laid eyes on Athena there was an undeniable connection. As we grew to understand her kind and accepting nature we knew we wanted to have Athena in our lives. Almost immediately we realized that she could be trusted with our deepest secret. Once we overcame the fear of rejection, we approached Athena with our truth. For the first time, we shared our hidden reality with someone else. Athena’s initial reaction of surprise was soon replaced with understanding and compassion and her warm receptiveness immediately brought light into our dark and secret world.

With Athena, our lives are transformed; the weight of our burden lessened, and we experience a freedom we never thought possible. We finally have a sense of belonging and a place we could call home. Athena has become the love of my life and a sister to Chris. Together, the three of us have formed a bond stronger than any secret. Chris and I are no longer defined by fear and isolation. In Athena we have created a family, unified by love, trust and acceptance.

In any group with closely guarded secrets, the introduction of a new member can be cause for excitement and anxiety. Such is the case with Graham, who has recently joined our inner circle through his budding relationship with Chris. While this unexpected connection is proof of life's uncertainties, it also brings with it an array of concerns which must be addressed to ensure the safety of everyone involved.

Graham is a non-shifter, like Athena. He has unexpectedly entered our lives and, although his relationship with Chris is still in the early stages, their commitment to each other is undeniable. Despite being thrust into a situation he scarcely could have imagined, Graham demonstrated his loyalty to Chris by signing a non-disclosure agreement. His willingness to sign without hesitation speaks volumes of his deep affection for her. While it may seem excessive, the agreement serves as a safeguard, ensuring our secret remains safe while allowing Graham to be a part of our lives.

So how will it work, the four of us in a relationship? Is it possible to divvy up our time between our respective lover? This is a new dilemma that worries me. Chris and I find ourselves at a crossroads in our life.

Each of us deserves to pursue our relationships. Yet how exactly we will accomplish that remains to be seen. With the addition of a new member of our little family the shadow that Chris and I cast has become larger, thus our secret more difficult to conceal. The four of us must keep in mind the challenges ahead and learn to live our lives together with caution and care. For a gender shifter, the fear of exposure is ever-present, one misstep could lead to dire consequences.

As we move forward, we do so with hope and excitement for the future, ready to embrace the fullness of life with our partners and each other. The path ahead may still have its challenges, but I believe that together, we are unstoppable.

Chris and I have lived with this secret our whole lives. But in light of recent events, we have decided to keep a journal, a memoir so that if we ever meet anyone else like us, or if we die before then, a record of our existence will exist, for all that it’s worth.

But what has changed, you may ask. Why would I suddenly want to risk it all and share the story our life with the world? To answer that question I must go back a little bit.