•- One night -•

I lay back on the mattress, instinctively crossing my arms over my chest. He was trying to touch me there, to kiss me.

" Relax Takeshi.. I swear you'll love it.. "

I knew my arms were fending him off, I didn't want to, it was just so difficult. If we were going to do this, I told myself, I'd have to trust him, to let him in. I made myself lift up my arms, right over my head, so my hands were resting on my pillow. It was a wilful act - I was laying myself open to the prince, Ōji. He got stuck in eagerly, kissing, nibbling and sucking. It was wonderful. And shocking. It was too new and too weird, and I found myself stepping away in my mind. I became an observer, and the absurdity of us naked in his room, the strange sensations all over my skin, inside me, the tension of it all made me moan in a jerky, hesitant way.

Ōji continued what he was doing to me and looked at me with a beautiful smile, his eyes filled with desire.

" - So, the great Ōji was right, wasn't he?

- M-Mmh..-

- Say my name and show me how much you like it. "

I couldn't help it. I wasn't in control of my own body anymore - it was Ōji who was in control now. My body quivered beneath his, and I bit my lips. The feeling grew stronger and stronger.

" - Just relax, little kitty.

- I’ve never done this before.. I-I'm nervous.. I don’t know how to— A-Ah-!

- It’s fine. You respond so well to what I give you.. I’m gonna give you more, you little obedient doll.. "

I wasn't far de crying now, all my emotions way too near the surface. I drew him down to me, kissing him tenderly, urging him with my mouth to kiss me back. It was better when we were kissing. We relaxed in the softness of each other's mouths, the wetness. It brought me back into my body. I was there with him, plug to him.

He caressed me and stroked me, nervous energy trembling out of the ends of his fingers. He fumbled in the dark and we did it. We really did it - there, on a luxurious bed ( I was honestly ashamed of staining it, but I couldn't hold myself back anymore ), in his room where we had spent our entire childhood playing those ridiculous games that childrens play. But I had to hold back my horniness as much as possible, which was very difficult, especially seeing Ōji starting to let go too - Masako was sleeping in the next room. The mattress beneath us was shaking a bit, the squeaks of it and our moans were likely to wake Ōji's father. It was awkward, mechanical - all over in a minute or so - not worth worrying about. But afterwards, we were different. Not because of the sex, because of the closeness, the intimacy. Out of breath, Ōji stepped back for a moment, leaving a trail of cum dripping onto the bed with a wet sound.

'Huh.. H-Have you done that before?' I asked.

" - Yeah,of course. Dozens of times. "

His lie hung in the air.

" - Huhm.. well, Two or three times ? "

I waited. I raised my eyebrow.

"Okay okay, I've done it once now. With you.' He said shamefully.

I smiled, laughed, and held him closer.

Even then, after all that, he was still fizzing with energy. His hands so restless. He was running his fingers through my long, long blond hair, while the other hand moved over my arm. my stomach, my side, my pelvis. He shifted over, so we were face to face, and softly traced the line of my jaw with his finger.

" - You seem more like a girl with this cute baby face and your long hair. "

He kissed my forehead, my nose, my chin, down in a line. " Your pretty baby face.. '

No-one had ever called me pretty before. I'm fairly sure no-one had ever thought it either.

- I thought I told you never to say anything nice to me..? I hate compliments, Ōji.. "

He snorted. 'Oh yeah, I promised, didn't I? That doesn't count, though. '

- Why not? A promise is a promise, isn't it?' I asked.

' - Yeah, but that was before I fell in love with you.'

It was too much, too new, too kind. Too much compliments, fuck.

I reacted how I always had. I said the thing I always said.

- 'Fuck off!' I yelled.

- ' O-Okay, forget it.'

His hurt was so intense it was physical, a black moon hanging over us where we lay. Oh my God, what had I done?

- " I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..- I don't know how to behave..'

- 'It's all right, little kitty.. "

But he'd let go of me, moved away.

- 'No, it isn't. I'm an idiot..'

If I'd said it back to him, there and then, if I'd said I loved him. If... if... if..

Without his warmth, the blanket was hopelessly inadequate, and the coldness of his room that had been lurking in my hands and feet spread all over me, making me shiver violently. I sat up and began to cast about for my clothes, cursing yet again our lack of a lamp. Whatever I found, I put on, no shirt or boxer, only one sock, and that felt like Ōji's one. Fuck it, the rest would have to wait until there was some light.

A metre or so away, Ōji was doing the same. It felt like something was over between us. I'd killed it with my big mouth. Idiot. I'm an idiot.

I curled up, but even with some clothes on, I was chilled right through. Ōji shifting about as he bedded down. He sighed. Could have been just breathing out, but to me there was frustration, anger, sadness in that sigh. I wanted to reach out to him, but was frightened he'd just shrug me off.

We lay there in silence. I was too cold to sleep, and there was no way I could even try with this wall of silence between us. I needed him. I needed more of him.

'Are you awake? I whispered, my voice nearly disappearing in the darkness of the huge room.

- 'Yeah.' He responds.

- 'I'm freezing.'

'I know. Me too..' A pause. A long, long pause. 'Huhm.. Come here, then.'

I shuffled over to him as he turned over. He wrapped one of his long arms round my shoulders and I snuggled into him.

- 'I'm sorry,' I said. 'For earlier.'

- 'It's fine, Takeshi, shut up. It's in the past.'

- Yeah but... I didn't mean to say it. I didn't mean to..-

- Shut up, Takeshi.

He kissed the end of my nose, moved down to my mouth, and suddenly it was all right again.

And as we breathed in each other's breath and I buried my hands in his beautiful silver white hair, I thought : I want more Ōji. I want more !

I was obsessed with this new feeling.

We came up for air, and lay cuddling. My hands were so cold and he took them and slid them under his clothes onto the bare skin of his chest and stomach to warm them. That was incredible. The feeling of his warm and wet skin under my fingertips.

- ' Wouldn't it be good if you could.. start again?" I said.

He raised his eyebrows. He was surprised by my request and he started laughing.

- ' I told you you'd love this, little kitty ! After all, how can you not love the feeling of having the great Ōji in your— "

I stopped him. I wanted him to start again quickly, harder. I dug my fingernails into his back, feeling my desire intensifying.

- 'Ow! Okay, okay then ! Leaving your mark on me ? '

- " No, just holding you tight to help you to go deeper...'

And he held me too, and we had sex again, only it was making love this time, but it was so fast and harder. And I didn't just lie there, I was part of it; moving and kissing, stroking, sighing ans moaning. It was like I was someone else, but I wasn't. This was me, the real me, and Ōji was the only person ever to have found me, to see me for who I was. And I saw him too. Ōji, my prince was beautiful.

Afterwards I lay in the crook of his arm, my hand resting on his chest, and he was still, loving this contact. We were peaceful and calm together, and I fell asleep with warm breath on my face and his heart beating next to mine.

The next day, Masako was waiting patiently for us in the kitchen for breakfast.

He had heard everything.