Chapter 1
For the longest time, it was just me against the world. I was the one who would make dinner, who would do mom and I’s laundry, who would tuck us both into bed. Later on, I would be the one paying the bills and making the money, too.
After the divorce, Mom was never the same. I don’t know why she never was able to fully recover, but she was irreparably heartbroken. I was too, considering neither my dad nor any of my brothers ever reached out or came by.
I don’t remember much about my dad—except that he worked more than what should’ve been humanly possible—but I remember my brothers. In my eyes, they were my everything.
I can’t recall specific memories, but I can recall feelings, and vague snippets of what I think was the past—although it could all be a byproduct of my imagination considering the fact that I was only three when they split.
Either way, I thought they loved me. But when someone completely cuts off their three-year-old little sister over something that wasn’t her fault, I think it’s safe to say they don’t love that sister. I was that sister. I am that sister.
I know I shouldn’t expect much, considering the fact that they never bothered to care since my toddler days. But every time I think of them, all I can think of is Alessandro’s eyes and his voice saying, “You’re our moon and our stars” each night when he tucked me in.
Maybe it’s my abandonment issues speaking, but it’s absolutely gut-slashing to have someone say they love you, and then to find out it was all just pretty lies.
At least Mom never lied to me. She told me she loved me, and she did. She just loved drugs more. Maybe that’s why she overdosed—actually, scratch that. That was definitely why she overdosed.
My phone started ringing. It was an iPhone 11, one of the two nice things I ever bought for myself. The second thing was my 2015 Toyota Prius.
I worked three jobs in and did… other things in order to afford them, and to pay the bills and put food on the table. I was relatively lucky in the fact that Mom gave me a percent of the child support money that came every month to buy necessities and, as she put it: “something nice for myself.”
I don’t think she knew much about our finances, because there was no money left over to buy “something nice” for anyone. The only reason I bought the car and the phone was because they were technically necessities. I needed a way to transport groceries, and I needed to at least try to have some form of contact with her.
She had bought her own phone with her own plan, even though it was cheaper to stay on a joint one. But, it was little things like that that showed she cared. She knew that she would probably lose her phone twenty-million times in the various crack-houses she visited, and she didn’t want me to pay for it.
It took her a mental-breakdown-and-a-half for me to figure out why she didn’t want the money for more drugs or booze—which I didn’t approve of anyway. But, she ended up admitting it to me while sobbing so violently she threw up—a trait that I’ve sadly acquired.
My phone rang again. I picked it up.
“Violet speaking,” I said, maneuvering to hold my phone and put the nozzle back in the gasoline-pump-machine-thingy.
“Vittoria,” a cold voice bit out through the phone, as if my very name was an annoyance to him.
I sighed and pressed ‘yes’ for the receipt on the station. Shit like this was exactly why I wasn’t about to get my hopes up that they actually cared about me anymore. I mean, seriously? He couldn’t even call me by my preferred name? It wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was the principle of respect that was lacking.
“Alessandro.”
“I’m calling to ask when you will arrive. You’re already late by…” There was a pause, as if he was checking a watch. Who even wears watches anymore, anyway?“Ten minutes.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. There’s been crazy traffic and then I had to get gas. My gps is saying that I’ll be there twenty—but I’m not sure with the amount of traffic that there’s been.”
“Call if you’ll be any later than a half hour. You have the code, yes?”
“Yeah, I do.” I bit back a sigh at his clipped words. If he didn’t want to talk he could’ve just texted. And, besides, ten minutes wasn’t horrible considering I’d been on the road for three days straight. California was a long way from Chicago.
“Good. See you in twenty.” And then he disconnected the call.
Lovely.
It took exactly twenty-three minutes to get to the De Luca estate. Alessandro had owned it ever since Dad died, apparently.
I pulled up the gate and punched in the code. Thankfully I got it right the first time, because otherwise someone probably would’ve thought I was breaking in—or at least attempting to, because there wasn’t a single person on Earth who could break into this place. It looked to be guarded better than Fort Knox. Security cameras were everywhere, and so were seemingly armed guards.
I wasn’t an idiot. I knew that something’s amiss. There was no need for anyone to have that much security for one house—no matter how rich. It was ridiculous.
I wondered what their work was like. If it was this heavilly guarded here, did they just have personal bodyguards follow them around the whole day? Why? What was the point? There were so many questions floating around in my brain as I pulled into the seemingly endless driveway.
The damn thing honestly should’ve just been a road considering how long it was. Eventually, I found my parking spot—and, I meant my parking spot. It was labeled and everything inside their ginormous garage.
I tried to take deep breathes as I unloaded my luggage: a large suitcase, a duffle bag, and a backpack. Everything I currently owned resided somewhere in those two bags.
I took another deep breath, needing to calm myself down somehow other than music. I had a sneaking suspicion that walking in with my headphones on would be considered disrespectful.
I called Alessandro again, because I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to just walk in through the garage door, or if they wanted me to use the front one. You never know what people prefer… especially when they’re seemingly cruel assholes.
“Yes?” He sounded annoyed by my very existence. Lovely.
“Do you want me to enter through the garage door or the front door?”
“The garage door is fine. I’ll meet you there.” As soon as he finished speaking, the dial tone sounded, and I sighed for what seemed to be for the fifteen-millionth time.
Living here was going to be hard. I knew that from the moment Alessandro said his first word to me—well, his first in fourteen years. But still, the reality of the situation was sinking in. Most likely they would pretend that I didn’t exist—or worse—and I most likely wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house unless they directed me to.
With Mom, she was gone for the majority of the time, so yes, I knew how to take care of myself. But, I was allowed to come and go as pleased; I wasn’t cooped up in my room. And, we still talked and bonded—even if that bonding was just me holding up her hair as she puked her guts out after a bender.
Maybe I was wrong, and was reading all the signs completely wrong. I hoped I was. But, at the same time, I knew I wasn’t. They had pretended I didn’t exist from the moment that Mom left, taking me with her. I don’t think that they knew that I would trade the world, my soul, or literally anything to go back and stay with them, to still have their love.
I took a deep breath. In. Out.
I rearranged my luggage so I could carry it relatively comfortably, and then I started to walk towards the door. This was my life now. Good or bad, it was what it was. I couldn’t stop it, even if I tried.
So, instead of continuing to wallow in self pity, I grasped the doorknob and twisted it.
In. Out.
Everything was going to be okay. Somehow, someway, it would be. I would make sure of it.
I pushed the door open and stepped through its frame. Alessandro was standing the right of the door, seemingly waiting for me. He was typing something on his phone at first, but he looked up as soon as he noticed me.
He stared down at me disaprovingly as I walked in. He didn’t help me with the door, or offer to take my bags. In fact, he didn’t even say hello.
“Vittoria.” I heard his deep voice say. “Follow me. I’ll let you drop your belongings in your room, and then we will go to my office to discuss the rules for the duration of your stay here.”
So he did want me gone as quickly as possible. He wouldn’t have phrased it that way otherwise. I bet as soon as I finished high school I’d be thrown out onto the streets.
It wouldn’t be that much of a problem, though. I had some money already saved up, and since Mom and I often couch surfed when I was younger, I knew what to expect. And besides, I’ve already hit rock-bottom career-wise—well, rock bottom for me. Sex work wasn’t something to be ashamed of necessarily. It’s just when you’re fifteen and faking your age while doing it, then it might start to get morally dubious. I was—and still am—a minor, after all.
But, regardless, I’d do anything to keep me from being completely homeless. I could work with staying in a hotel, but not on the streets. Especially not in Chicago.
“Of course.” I nodded.
His only response was to wave me forward as he started walking.
I didn’t say anything in response. There wasn’t a point, because I knew that he would just ignore me, or, in a more likely scenario, would get extremely angry. So, instead, I just followed along quietly, pretending like I was interested in anything else other than him.
After a flight of stairs and a lot of walking, we finally reached a hallway that I didn’t recognize. We walked to the end of it, which was where the door to my room was. It was two doors down from the wall, but I highly doubted I’d remember that. If I ever forgot where my room was, I’d probably be stuck searching for a while. There were a lot of rooms in this hallway, and every door was painted the same color.
“This is your room,” Alessandro said, opening it. “This whole wing is yours. You may use the rest of the rooms for anything you would like. Just ask me if you want to purchase anything for it.”
I nodded, knowing that I wouldn’t use his money if I could help it. It would be just one more thing that they could hold against me if I ever tried to leave. I had a serious feeling that Alessandro—and the rest of them, by extension—would have non problem kicking me out whenever they felt like it, but if I ever tried to leave on my own terms, they’d get pissed.
“Thank you.” Fuck you.
The room itself was ginormous with a giant en-suite bathroom and a large walk-in closet. It was mostly a cream color with green accents thrown in. The bed was a chestnut brown, and someone had put up garlands of what I assumed to be fake leaves so they formed a canopy above my bed. There seemed to be fairy lights woven in too.
It was beautiful, but made me wonder how they found out that I liked plants or what my favorite color was. The latter had changed about a million times since I was a kid. I never liked choosing one just one color, until about second grade, when I decided I liked leaves and grass so much that my new favorite color was green. As silly as it was, it stuck.
Either way, it was probably a lucky guess. I was too old to want a completely pink room, so neutrals would’ve been the obvious way to go. I’m guessing that they either had a pinterest account or hired someone to do this for them. My money was on the latter option though. There was no way that Alessandro—the same man that social services had to beg for him to take me in—actually cared about how my room looked. Especially after I was purposely placed far away from everyone else.
I knew for a fact that everyone else’s rooms were in a different wing of the house. My old room used to be among them. So why did they all hate me so much that they didn’t want me near them, even when I was sleeping?
I threw my luggage on floor in front of the massive bed. Everything I owned was old, ragged, and very dirty. It would be careless to throw it all over the white bedding.
Alessandro arched a single brow as I walked back out, almost like he was surprised that I was in and out so quickly. Did he seriously think I was going to keep him waiting?
“Is everything to your liking?” Everything he said sounded like he was in a business meeting or something. It made him seem cold and detached—indifferent. And, his indifference hurt way worse than his hatred ever could.
“Yes. Everything’s perfect.”
He nodded once, although he didn’t seem totally convinced that I was telling the truth. That was his problem, though. Not mine.
“I’m sure the interior designer will be glad to here that.” Bingo. “Follow me.”
We started walking back towards where we came from, but we turned down a different hallway about a half of the way there.
Even though I had lived in the house for the first few years of my life, it was starting to feel like I needed a map. It was gigantic—far larger than I remembered—and all of the walls looked the exact same: a light cream color with no decor upon them. Good luck to me.
We went up another flight of stairs, and took another turn, and then we arrived at another door.
This one was clearly Alessandro’s office. It was organized chaos in a large room. Papers were everywhere, but they were stacked neatly. Pens were scattered on the desk, but they seemed to be in color-categorized groups. Everything was everywhere, but exactly in its place.
He motioned for me to sit down.
“As I mentioned, there will be a few rules that you will follow during your stay here.” Why does he have to keep saying it like that?
“Of course.”
“First things first: you will be attending the same school all of your brothers—including myself—attended. I expect that you will respect me, your other brothers, your teachers, etcetera. This includes maintaining your current grades. You will never go to basement, and you will not come up to the third floor without supervision from either myself or one of your other brothers. You will not leave this house unless you have permission. If you need to go anywhere, one of our chafferers will drive you. You will not use crass language, nor will you get romantically involved with anyone. Capisci?”
Oh he did not.
Who did he think he was? I was seventeen, not ten—plus, he wasn’t my father.
“No.”
I would say I didn’t know where the bravery came from, but I knew it was out of pure desperation, and also out of rage.
“No?” He repeated, arching a single brow at me. Stop mocking me, jackass.
“First off, I can drive myself places. I can work with letting you know when I’m leaving, but I’m not staying cooped up in my room for the rest of eternity, and I will be getting a job. Second of all, swearing and dating is completely normal for teenagers. Don’t pretend you didn’t do any of that when you were my age. Third of all, respect is a two way street, and right now you’re not giving me any.”
“I understand it’s natural to want freedom at your age, but with how successful our… company is, there are many people who would do anything to blackmail or threaten us.” He said slowly, as if he was explaining this to a young child. But, I wasn’t a child. I hadn’t been for a while. “There are precautions we have to take to keep you safe. To keep all of us safe.”
I rolled my eyes. “Bull-fucking-shit. Don’t act like you care,” I snapped. “You and I both know that by the time I graduate high school, I’ll be thrown on the streets. So just let me do my own thing, and I’ll let you do yours.”
His jaw tensed slightly, but other than that he gave no indication that he was angry. His face looked blank, which I assumed was usual. It was annoying, because I couldn’t get a gage on his rage level. Whatever.
He opened his mouth to speak, but his phone rang before any sound could come out.
“We’ll talk about this later,” he said, looking at the caller ID. “Go back to your room for now. Someone will grab you for dinner when the time comes.”
I nodded once before I walked out. Of course he cared about a stupid phone call more than his own sister. One he hadn’t seen for fourteen years.
If I was being honest, I was glad that he was acting this way now. It made sure that my expectations were already low, so I didn’t set my hopes too high just to get them crushed. It would’ve been ten times worse if he had acted nice at first, just to revert to indifference or hatred.
But, the other part of me was pissed. Could he at least pretend to like me for five seconds? Clearly not.
It hurt, to be honest. They used to adore me the way I adored them—the way I still adore them.
I know that they all probably hate me now, but at the same time, I want to know why. Surely they didn’t believe that I stole Mom away from them. I didn’t, and I know that because she told me numerous times—while she was completely off her face—that Dad was the one who wanted us gone. He considered Mom to be “too soft” and a distraction, and he considered me to be a liability and a weakness. Whatever that means, you fucking asshole.
In my mind, my douchebag of a father was the reason why I lost not only my brothers, but also my Mom and my innocence. If it wasn’t for him, I would at least still be on speaking terms with my brothers. If it wasn’t for him, my Mom wouldn’t have gotten addicted to what became every substance under the sun. If it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t have withered away in front of my eyes, and she certainly wouldn’t be dead. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have had to worry about how we were going to make rent or if we were going to have money to eat. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have had to start selling my body just so we could survive.
So, if Alessandro wanted to claim that he was the” good guy” for treating me like shit, he was wrong. Because, he was proving that he was just as bad as Dad was—if not worse.
I had to get used to the fact that just because my brothers used to love me, didn’t mean that they still did. Just like how they had to get used to the fact that just because I loved the idea of what they used to be didn’t mean that I couldn’t resent them.
If there was one thing I wanted any of my brothers to know, it would be that I resented the entire De Luca family and everything they stood for.
I may carry their last name, but I was not one of them, and I never would be. They knew that just as well as I did… and maybe that was for the best.
I sighed and breathed out. It had been a long couple of days.
