Chapter 1
A/N: This is my first story, so forgive me if it’s a little awful. But regardless, please enjoy!
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I sat on the side of the road, searching for the path to my grandparents’ old manor. The manor was almost 100, founded way back by my family’s supposed ancestors. When I found the path, I hopped back into my car, despite the fact I was soaking wet from the rain. It had begun to storm when I left. The rumble of my car’s old engine seemed to echo as I approached the old gravel path, the dark looming manor coming into view. It was put into the will of my nana when she passed almost two years ago. I refused to live it in, not because it would remind me of her, but rather, due to the opinions of my parents.
As I pulled into the circular driveway, I cut the engine to my car. I let out a sigh as I opened the door and shut it. Quiet, that’s all it was. Eerily quiet. It was never so bad when I grew up. I guess it was different without my Nana’s touch. It used to be so lively. I took in the place. My Nana’s garden was empty, the flowers shriveled and dead. When it came summer, I would most likely use it again, in honor of her.
She was a sweet woman. She saw life through a lense not even most people could see through. I never understood how she did it. How she saw life so positively, especially when her daughter became a total bitch for god knows what reason.
I never understood what made my mother hate my nana so much. There were times over the summer where I’d spend weeks with my nana and pepaw. Those moments were over now, especially now that I was an adult. Even if they were still here, I’d stay with them instead of her. It was what I was used to.
Enough about that, I reminded myself as I shook my head. I gazed up at the manor, at the shadows looming over it. It was hard to remotely look at this place. The memories stuck out, even though I would always cherish them. It felt strange, especially as I entered through the front door. I coughed immediately. There was a lot of dust, which meant lots of cleaning. That in itself would take a while, but I knew I could handle it. I tugged my suitcase up the stairs to where my room was when I grew up here.
As I set the suitcase on the old, rickety bed, my phone rang. I let out an irritated groan, but answered regardless. “Hello?” I huffed. The voice on the other line gave me a sense of relief.
“What’s up, girl?” The lighthearted voice of Taylor, my best friend, came through the other line. She was the one I spoke to more than the rest of the friend group. She is awesome. The one who encouraged me the most to become a travel photographer.
“Not much,” I sighed as I put her on speaker and set my phone on the bed. “Just unpacking. Settling in.” I mumbled as I began to sort through the dresser and put my clothes in it.
Taylor was silent for a moment before her voice came through again. “Hey, I know it’s hard, hun,” She sighed. The loss affected her too, but not as hard as me, and she knew it. “But it’s gonna be alright, you know? It’ll get better.” I knew she was right. It would, eventually. At least I hoped it would.
“I guess.” I mumbled. I knew she was concerned. I hadn’t exactly been myself since the day that Nana passed. I still remember pulling up to the sirens, being held back by Taylor and Rae. That night played in my head a lot. I remember yelling at my mother for being so ungrateful, for being such a bitch when Nana didn’t want that. I told her to get out, to never come back because nobody gave a damn about her. Truth was, I meant it. I couldn’t bring myself to give a single shit about her.
“Well, hey, if you want to talk, I’m here, okay, Liz?” Taylor’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I let out a sigh, before I’d responsed. “Yeah, I guess… and, thanks for being there for me.” I muttered before she spoke again.
“Yep, goodnight.” She hummed before she hung up. It was a long day. I sighed as I opened the door to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and huffed. Sometimes I hate how I look. My parents opinions always justified how I looked. I often was told I ate too much or ate too little.
I took off my shirt and sighed. I was skinny, I knew it. I hated it, but it’s not my fault I have ED. I knew it wasn’t. You don’t tell a teenager to eat more or less due to how insecure a teenager already can be.
Because of that, I had so much wrong with me. All of it caused by my parents’ constant belittling. I despised them for it, really. For all of it. I sighed as I looked at the scars on my wrist. Old scars, of course, from when I was more suicidal. I still am, I’ve tried so many times. There were times I couldn’t will myself to do it because of Taylor and Rae.
They were the only ones I could trust now, that much I knew. I wouldn’t just… die. Not when I still had them. Besides, I was receiving therapy, and I was three weeks clean. Both in the self-harm and the drugs I used to take. I discarded those drugs after a while, so… I guess I was doing well.
I discarded the rest of my clothes, my breasts exposed to the chill air. I let out a groan. I’d have to fix the heater too, so it wasn’t so damn cold. I turned on the shower, hoping that there was plenty of hot water still left. To my good fortune, there was.
I hopped into the shower when it warmed up enough, closing the curtain. It felt nice to get a bath after having to travel for a few days just to get here. I washed my hair, reveling the feeling of the cleanliness. I made sure I didn’t miss a single spot on my body, wanting to go to bed fresh tonight.
I turned off the water and opened the curtain, grabbing the towel that lay on the sink. I dried myself off, and dressed myself in a clean shirt and a pair of shorts and socks.
I grabbed my toothpaste and toothbrush soon after I finished drying my hair. I turned the faucet on, wetting my toothbrush. I brushed my teeth as well as I could, and when that was done, I nestled up into the sheets of my bed before my phone buzzed. I sighed.
Rae: Hey, I wanted to check on you. Tay said that you weren’t doing so hot.
Me: I guess she’s right. I’m still adjusting, so it’s gonna be a while. Thanks for checking on me, R.
Rae: No problem, Toots. What’re friends for, huh?
I chuckled. Typical. I loved Taylor and Rae, truly. They were the only two who stuck around since the friend group dispersed after High School.
Me: I suppose you’re right too. Again, thanks for checking in. Goodnight, Rae.
Rae: Goodnight, E. Call you in the morning.
Me: Yep, goodnight.
I put my phone down, putting it on the charger then setting it on the nightstand. I felt uneasy, but I shrugged it off as nerves. I’d get to work on cleaning the place first thing when Rae called.
As I lay my head on the pillow, sleep took me immediately. I felt almost content, even as the darkness of sleep took me…
