CAPTAIN D AND THE MISSING CROWN PRINCE

They came at night. Typical! But can you blame them? Who wants to be out and about in IImperia City in the middle of the day; right bang in the middle of summer?

Binius had already set for at least one IIMPER, but my temperature regulator was still on full blast. It was a blistering hot (I mentioned that!) and windy day. The three of us and Drakey, my chizz, lay on my living room floor staring up at the Prezambian Belt, slowly rotating past us on the ceiling. I am not going to tell you how much Lorrihue’s birthday present had cost, but it had not been cheap. The idea was that she would use it as a school aid. And, yes! I am guilty as charged! I did spend more time staring up at the Belt traversing my living room ceiling than Lorrihue ever had. Maybe it is true that I bought it for myself. It is a masterpiece of stellar understanding. It can project seventeen different clusters at the touch of a button. The Prezambian Belt’s my favourite. The entire slide show takes three IIMPER to pass by and we had been watching it for just over an IIMPER.

The first person to call out the correct name of a named astral body, would get a fizz-a-lit. Farlith was getting up my nose. Where did he learn that much about the Prezambian Belt? He had already named twelve stars and nine moons. Every time he got one right, he would hammer his chest and chant, “Fizz-a-lit! Fizz-a-lit!”, which over-excited Drakey, who would bark at him, and upset Lorrihue, who would tell him to shut up. I had suggested that we switch over to another cluster, but I was voted out! What was that lazy Drasiàn doing in my apartment anyway? Nothing to do! Nowhere to go! So, who does he pester? Me! I am supposed to be his boss! Not his buddy! Or, so I remind myself every now and again.

Meet the crew.

Tagris was not there the day we had nothing to do and when it was too hot to leave the apartment. Tagris was a married man with children. He and I went back a long way; all the way to flight school followed by a stint in the Imperial Force. Like me, he is a born and bred IImperian. We shared a militarized zypod during the twelve-day war against Av Mardarvians then went our separate ways for a couple of years. He stayed in Imperial Force and I wrote my detective’s exam and joined the Public Order Department, where I learned my trade in the mean streets of Port Side, IImperia City’s roughest district. I only branched out on my own because all the hoity-toity ladies from New Town kept asking me to find their missing jewellery without involving the PO Department. It turned out to be far more lucrative than trudging the mean streets of IImperia City. It was also a lot more exciting. Chasing jewel thieves and wayward spouses provided an excellent opportunity for interplanetary travel. I cannot remember exactly when, but Tagris soon followed me and I must admit I was relieved. I am a pretty good pilot, but it is comforting to know that there is someone to cover your back, especially on the long voyages.

Tagris just happened to be one of the best pilots out there. He had even been to Yithar, which is something he was never keen to talk about. I doubt very much if he will ever win the Mr P. Belt competition considering that he tends to be a little too blunt and likes to get to the point. Yet, under that gruff and rough exterior is a heart of gold. Heart of gold or not, we were all very surprised when he got married. Not because he got married, but because someone as small, dainty, sociable and ladylike as Mrs M wanted to marry that giant of a grump! Ever since, he has been very much the dedicated family man and I have always admired him for that.

It was Tagris who recommended a navigator after my previous navigator quit for the love of zook. There could not possibly have been a bigger contrast between Tagris and Farlith. Tagris was the strong, silent type and Farlith was loud and funny. All the naughty girls loved him and he loved all the naughty girls in return. He is not an IImperian. He hails from the beautiful planet of Drasià. IImperia might be the centre of the Deladoringu Empire, but the planet of Drasià, with its two little moons, is the prettiest place you can imagine. Its quaint villages are nestled in picture-perfect valleys surrounded by rugged mountains that change colour as Onius, Binius and Trinius set and its greener than green plains and ragged coast lines look like a children’s tale come to life. Even its capital city, Drasiàdor, does not look real as you come in to land. The whole of Drasiàdor seems to be made up of pastel coloured houses and buildings with decorated doorways, chimney tops and red tiled roofs.

To the reserved and rather haughty IImperians, Drasiàns have never seemed quite real. They are an easy-going, friendly and gregarious people and, not unsurprising, have turned tourism into a fine art. Never a season goes by without tourists hogging some section of the planet. You will find half of IImperia City’s population in Drasià when IImperia’s summer temperatures reach their zenith. No crazy temperature fluctuations on Drasià! Even the winter snow somehow seems less cold than elsewhere.

Farlith is a typical Drasiàn. All cheer and good humour. He was the best navigator I have ever known. Do not ask me how he does it, but I swear he can smell his way around the Prezambian Belt. He most probably learned his navigation skills from shepherding tour groups around Drasià.

Then, of course, there is my angel of a daughter, Lorrihue. The sweetest, most gentle child who ever walked the planet. She is as pretty as a Carandover lily in bloom; as sweet as Kessendar toffee and smarter than a whiz kid from the Imperial University! But then, I am her father. Of course, I think she is perfect. At that point in time, I had raised her on my own for nine years.

We found her in the accelerator’s bi-room on our way back from a job. She was a six-solar year old stowaway and the skinniest and the most petrified little thing I had ever seen.

She is an Acrodite. As you most probably already know, you can only tell if someone is an Acrodite if they are standing in kor light and, obviously, kor light is only used in operating theatres, control rooms and the captain’s bridge on board very expensive ships. Then you can see the faintest tinge of orange under her skin inherited from millennia of Acrodites mining acrodite, that indispensable mineral used mainly in communication technology. Acrodite, the planet, i.e. not the mineral, is as ugly as Drasià is beautiful. On approach, you can see the entire planet shimmering in an orange haze.

It does not matter where you land on that stinking planet, but if you are not an Acrodite you wear an oxygen mask. The air is thick with acrodite dust, which explains why Acrodites do not live long. They need to fit a whole lot of living into a very short time frame. There are more orphans on that miserable planet than anywhere else in the Empire and a lot of them try and escape as stowaways. The unlucky ones get caught and sold into slavery. It is illegal, but it still happens. I will, though, say one thing for our current Emperor. He has cracked down on piracy and slavery with unexpected efficiency. Both have been illegal since the Deladoringus came to power one thousand four hundred lunier years ago, but no-one ever enforced the laws against piracy and slavery quite as effectively as Emperor Dorfisian.

The luckier stowaways land up at the Imperial Academy of Excellence in Haffanig, ten Astroidal miles south of IImperia City, where they become wards of His Most Imperial Highness. They get fed solid, healthy meals and wear smart uniforms at The Imperial Academy of Excellence. They engage in sports and dabble in the arts and all of this on tax payers’ money. But for these stowaways, it comes at a price, because they are also trained for the armed forces. My guess is that at least a third of the Imperial Armed Forces are made up of graduates from the Academy and a lot of them make fantastic careers for themselves. In fact, the current General Supreme is an Acrodite and a graduate of the Academy. But there was no way I was going to give my little girl over to the Academy. By the time my ship descended into IImperia City’s portal two solar months after Tagris and I enticed her out of the bi-room, the little girl had crept into my heart.

I try not to make a habit of using my connections for personal gain. Yet sometimes I have no option but to throw my weight around a bit and let everyone know who I really am. I only do that if I really, really want something and I did not want that little girl to go to the Academy. So, I threw my weight around and within three lunier months, she was officially my adopted daughter.

A mother figure? Of course, she has a mother figure! Tagris’ wife, Mrs M, is her mother figure. If Lorrihue needs motherly advice, or needs to do girly stuff, Mrs M is always there for her. When I meet ‘The One’, I will review the situation.

The crew would never have been complete without Drakey, the chizz. I found him three lunier years ago while I was on the job, haunting the mean streets of Port Side looking for clues and drunks who would talk. A group of small, under-fed boys in rags, were throwing stones at something in the gutter. As I approached, I saw that the object of their derision was a baby chizz. The tiny chizz was not moving, yet I shouted “Stop!” The group of mini gangsters looked at me with surprise. I stuck out like a sore thumb in this quarter. One boy lifted his arm in defiance; the stone he held was clearly visible. I simply took out my sharp shooter and pointed it at him. They scattered like eudaids caught in the light.

As I bent down to look at the tiny chizz, I was amazed to see that it was still alive. At that very moment, a toothless wonder appeared in the doorway of a tenement building where some of the boys had fled into. She screeched foul language at me. A man appeared behind her. He looked straight into my eyes and pulled the woman from the doorway. He knew who I was.

The chizz survived. All it took were two lunier months in an animal hospital and lots of TLC and it was allowed to go home. The hospital staff had named it Drakey after Drakiria Faranoqwean, the media personality with the big hair. I pointed out that this chizz was a male chizz. They thought that was hilarious and pointed to the unruly tuft of hair on the top of his head.

Trying to find a home for Drakey proved to be difficult. I was born into a family of chizz lovers, but it seemed they only loved the pedigreed ones. Eventually, I gave up and Drakey found a family. Lorrihue loved that chizz. Where ever we went, Drakey went too. He was a great one for the chizzy ladies and marking his territory. A short stint at chizzy school and he learned some manners. Regular walks in chizzy park and he learned that he did not own the Empire and to be completely honest, that crazy looking chizz also crept into my heart. A chizz really is a humaner’s best friend.

According to Tagris, Drakey only counted as half a crew member, because he did not know how to operate the controls; he could not read a planetary map, or even put the ship into auto-pilot. All he could do is eat, sleep, poo, pee and bark. I accepted Drakey’s half crew status, but reminded Tagris that this did not make the chizz any less of a crew member.