Chapter 1
“What do you want to make of your life?”
There was no simple answer for a question like this. An answer to such uncertainty. A easy answer will be get married, reproduce, make life long friends, love. But those answers were hollow and empty. You can’t make your life, you can’t prepare yourself for the causalities life decides to throw at you, what happens when your life completely changes due to one situation and it takes a different route? Am I the one really in control of making my life?
I gave her a long, lingering stare, then gave the same answer as always. “I don’t know.” It was the only truthful response I could give, the only one that made sense for me. There was no point in trying to plan what kind of life I wanted to make. It was more about what life would make of me. And that answer had become clear over the years.
Lillian let out a long sigh, pulling her hair back. Her white strands contrasted with the deep black of her roots, a reminder of how much time had passed. I couldn’t believe how much she had grown. Yesterday, she was a 34-year-old woman, dyeing her hair in funky colours, taking in a helpless kid like me. Now, she was older, more serious version of herself.
“Kael, at least switch your answers up once in a while,” she groaned, slouching back in her chair and pouting her lips. I smiled weakly, my gaze dropping to the ground. Having these conversations was always unbearably uncomfortable It felt embarrassing, especially since my life wasn’t like that of a typical 24-year-old—soon to be 25. Uneventful and miserable.
I knew she wasn’t happy about it. Any caring person wouldn’t be. She’d expected that by the time I was 24, my issues would have disappeared, that life would have smoothed out, and conversations wouldn’t revolve around how miserable I was but would be about my wife, my friends, and how far I’d come. But here I was, a failure, running to a old woman ever second Saturday, to burden her with my problems.
“It’s okay if you don’t know. You’re still young—only 24. Not everyone has a plan. Hell, I didn’t have one when I was your age.” She passed me my tea with a soft smile.
But when I looked deeper into her eyes, I saw a subtle twitch, a flicker of worry, and something that stung—disappointment. I looked away, my throat tightening, I’d seen this before, her patience thinning in small, almost imperceptible ways. Her eyes and gestures felt rehearsed, like she was bracing herself for the same tired story.
“Though, Kael...”
I looked up immediately, my chest tightening. Today was definitely the day she would lose her patience.
“I expect you to come up with something soon,” she said, nudging my shoulder with a playful look.
My heart thudded in my chest, and I sank deeper into the chair. “I’ll try my best,” I blurted, forcing a laugh that sounded hollow even to me.
I didn’t come here to unload all my problems today though. I came here to tell her something important—something I’d spent the entire morning rehearsing. It wasn’t just about moving out but the place I was moving to. I’d replayed every possible reaction in my mind, every answer I could give to her inevitable questions.
I put my tea down and readjusted myself in the chair. Her favourite show, Peter and Roslyn, played on the TV—a rom-com she’d adored since I’d known her. She was still focused on the screen, completely unaware of my gaze. A pit formed in my stomach. I didn’t want to ruin her moment, but it had to be now.
She turned to face me suddenly, her mouth half-open as if she were about to say something. But then she froze. Her expression shifted as she noticed my fidgeting.
“Kael, is there something you want to tell me?” she asked, her tone calm but laced with concern.
I barely managed to whisper, “Yes.”
“Super important?” Her eyes widened, and I nodded.
She reached for the remote, her fingers hovering as if reluctant to interrupt her show. “No-no,” she teased, drawing out the words with a silly smile, as if trying to buy time. Then she clicked off the TV.
We both laughed—though mine was a nervous attempt to mask the fear bubbling inside me. I shut my eyes and took and deep breath.
I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath, and opened them again to meet her sharp gaze. Her piercing blue eyes didn’t help; they pinned me in place, like I was drowning in her sea of curiosity.
She snapped her lips shut and leaned forward, reaching for the remote.
“What is it?” I blurted out, quickly placing a hand on her shoulder to stop her.
“You’re taking too long. Are you going to tell me or not, love?” she said, slapping her knees for emphasis.
Great. I’d only managed to make things more tense.
“I will,” I murmured, patting her back in a half-hearted attempt to reassure her.
“Go on,” she urged, her voice softening as she folded her arms.
“Well—”
“No ‘well,’ Kael. Go straight to the point. You know I hate it when you beat around the bush.”
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. My stomach churned. Maybe I shouldn’t do this after all.
“I’m thinking of a new start…”
Her expression shifted to one of confusion, her brow furrowing as she gestured for me to continue.
“I’m thinking of moving. Moving places,” I finally said, the words tumbling out in a rush. Her mouth slowly widened, her eyes turning bright. She slaps my back hard, I gasp.
“Are you thinking of buying a home Kael?!”
She squeezed my shoulders as she shook me back and forth. My stomach churned more. If she was thinking I’m going to buy a house, imagine her reaction when I told her where I’m going to move to. A place so terrible. It would kill her spirit.
My body tense, her squealing ringing in my ear. I leaned forward to squeeze my knees, I don’t think I can even face her anymore. I pressed my hands over my face.
“…Kael”
She reached for my hands, gently pulling them away. I resisted, clinging to the thin barrier they provided, but she was persistent. The silence between us grew louder, so loud it was suffocating.
“Kael, I’ll let you finish…” she whispered, her voice softer now. She rubbed my back in slow, soothing circles, murmuring, “Sorry.”
I swallowed hard, my throat dry and raw, as though all the air in my body had been sucked out. Slowly, reluctantly, I let my hands fall from my face. I felt exposed, ashamed, naked under the weight of her gaze. Her eyes pierced through me, filled with pity, and I hated that.
I cleared my throat, hoping to shake the choking feeling, but it clung to me stubbornly. I couldn’t take this anymore. It was now or never.
“I’m planning on moving to a new apartment,” I finally said, my voice cracking. “The place is at 76 Levenson Street.”
The words felt foreign, as though they didn’t belong to me. I squeezed my eyes shut, my chest tightening. I wasn’t about to cry in front of her—not again, not like a helpless child. I saw her hand twitch at the corner of my eye. I turned my face away.
“Why?” Her voice was sharp, as if she were trying to mask her distress.
“Lilian, I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear—” I said quickly, standing up and reaching for my scarf. I couldn’t handle this anymore.
“Kael, that’s not the point! It’s just that—”
Her expression shifted as she stood abruptly, watching me with a mix of frustration and disbelief.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
She grabbed at my shoulder, but I shrugged her off, fumbling with the scarf in my trembling hands. Wrapping it was nearly impossible with how badly I was shaking.
“Kael!” Her voice rose, trembling with both anger and fear. “Why the hell would you move to 76 Levenson Street, of all places? That street is dangerous! Don’t you hear the stories about that place? Huh?”
I ignored her, my focus fixed on tying the scarf. When I finally managed to wrap it, I headed for the door without a word.
“Kael!”
Her hand clamped tightly around my arm, stopping me just as I reached for the doorknob.
“You’re not going anywhere until you give me a reason!” she shouted, stomping her foot in frustration.
I turned to face her, the weight of her anger and concern bearing down on me. I didn’t even feel like myself anymore—just a hollow version of who I was.
“I’m sorry, Lilian,” I murmured again.
“Kael, stop apologizing!” she cried, her voice breaking. “I’m asking you for a reason. Is it the money?”
Her fiery, red-rimmed eyes searched mine desperately for answers, but I shook my head. The truth clawed at my throat, threatening to choke me.
But it was the money. Work had become unbearable—physically, mentally, emotionally. I had taken too many days off, unable to face the grind. My pay check couldn’t stretch far enough to cover rent anymore.
I didn’t feel like I deserved my current apartment—something so nice for someone like me. It felt wrong. I deserved something else, something that reflected the wreckage I had become.
76 Levenson Street.
A ghost town. A so cursed street. Rumours swirled about it—stories of misfortune, of a shadow that clung to those who dared live there. It was dangerous, unwanted, abandoned. A place that felt like me.
I shook my head again, unable to voice these thoughts.
“Kael, then give me a good reason why you’re moving there!”
Her voice softened, and her grip on my arm loosened. She rubbed my shoulder gently, her tone pleading now.
“Please, Kael. Just tell me.”
I looked around, my eyes darting as though I could find an answer in the corners of the room, or maybe in the air itself. I had an answer—I knew I did. But it slipped away from me, like a word stuck on the tip of my tongue.
“I don’t know,” I finally said, my voice barely audible.
Her face crumbled instantly. Sadness took over, and tears welled up in her deep blue eyes, threatening to spill over.
“Kael…” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Why do you like punishing yourself?”
Her words hit me harder than I expected, their weight sinking into my chest. Her voice turned into soft cries, each one like a needle pricking at my resolve. I couldn’t stay here any longer. If I did, I’d only make everything worse.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, gently removing her hand from my arm. Without another word, I turned to the door, opened it quickly, and stepped out into the cold night air.
Behind me, I heard her footsteps following for a moment, then stopping abruptly.
“Kael!” she cried out, her voice trembling. “You do know. You do know, I know you know!”
Her words echoed behind me, each one a sharp pang of truth I didn’t want to face. I kept walking, my hands stuffed into my pockets, my scarf pulled tight around my neck. I entered my car.
I didn’t look back once.
