A Drop in Eternity
Darkness around me.
Darkness beside me.
Darkness inside me.
It seems to be everywhere. Everywhere except the window. Only a few brave rays of sunlight dare to venture into this dark and gloomy place.
But the window is high. Oh so high, and I can never reach it.
But I try. Every single day. Even though it’s never day here. Always an eternal night.
But, I try. What else do I have to do? Apart from walking from one corner of my box to another. It only takes a few steps to walk around the perimeter.
The walls are hard and cold. Just like my heart.
At the start I thought they would come for me. Break me out of this shell.
But after years, decades or maybe even centuries I realise that I’m on my own.
The last thing I remember before I forgot how colours looked like, was a memory of my son. He was my pride and joy. Ambitious and proud just like his father. It was his name I whispered in the dark. Until darkness stole that as well.
It also stole my dignity. Every last ounce of respect I had earned has been stripped from me.
They used to call me a doctor. A title that showed people a mind capable of great things.
A loud echoing scuttling sound brings me back to the present. A silhouette of a rat in the window makes me go quiet. My hands start shaking. Food.
My stomach shrieks at the idea of meat. Something other than that hard substance pushed out of the window every so often.
I can hear my breath, hear it all around me. I pick up a tooth between my fingers. Aim as well as I can, and throw. The tooth hits its mark and the rat squeals and falls down. On the other side! I scream and throw myself against a wall. My hands claw at my eyes. What have I become?
I gasp as a door opens. Sunlight hits my face but it feels… different. My eyes squint, trying to adjust. A beautiful woman basked in golden light steps forward. Mila? Is that you? The woman gives a mellifluous laugh. ‘It is.’
Those words shock me. Did they finally find me? Come to rescue me? And, Mila? I reach out to touch her but instead of feeling soft skin I feel cold stone. Mila vanishes along with hope.
I cry without tears. I have none of those left anymore. I see the rat in the window again, but this time I have nothing to throw at it.
I can clap, scare it. And I do. It falls out of the dappled light and somewhere onto the ground. I throw myself onto the ground and grope my hands in the darkness desperately trying to find the rat. I crawl frantically forward, in the process scratching my knees. There was a rat, wasn’t there? But I’m not so sure.
I stop my efforts and close my eyes. What more is there to do? I have been here forever, and I will stay here forever. I lay on the ground on my back. I will never get up. I decide. The cold stone almost seems to swallow me. It caresses my body and I feel like I’m on a cloud.
No more jokes today. I’ve had enough of chasing after hopeless visions. I pull the covers over my head, trying to stay warm. My head rests against a pillow. At least I can dream.
