May we Meet Again

I walk Tarus city, my footsteps barely audible amongst the moving crowds. The streets are buzzling with people, the laughter and conversations filling my ears with a seething sense of bitterness. I can feel the joy surrounding me, making the ground crackle beneath my feet, but in my heart, all that remains is a deep ache that never leaves. It’s been a month since Sylus has passed in the datura field. My heart is bleeding for my dragon, like an open wound that’s impossible to heal. I am haunted by his absence that follows me everywhere I go, like a shadow clinging to my skin. The joy that is bouncing around me feels like a dagger to my chest, pressing the air out of my lungs, making me all the more aware of every moment I can no longer share with him. Whether it’s couples holding hands, buying trinkets….Or the faint fragrance catching the scent of flowers, or the distant echo of a song I know he’d like to hear, I am consumed by thoughts of him. He may be gone, but I feel his presence everywhere around me, and his absence even more so.

But beyond that grief that makes my chest tighten, I’ve also been grappling with a devouring sense of rage…A rage I can feel deep in my bones. From time to time, when I would walk the streets, I would hear people talking about the fiend who finally perished. They cheer and celebrate my beloved’s death which only deepens the ache in my heart…And it feeds my rage, like I am a madwoman starved. My beloved once told me that to share my life with a fiend might be a punishment worse than having my life devoured, but he was wrong. The worse punishment in life isn’t an existence with him, but an existence without him. My dragon took a stand against fate, and removed himself from existence, but I wonder if he realized….that to me, this is a punishment worse than death itself. I’d rather have died by his hand than suffer a life in which he no longer exists. Because such a life…is a woven of grief, tangled in with more sorrow than I can bear….One I just wished I could be liberated from, but I realize, there is no escaping the whole he left behind in my life, even less so in my heart. I keep treading through the busy streets, the loud noises around me all weaving together in a web of silent buzzing I can barely hear. I lift my hand slightly, my finger preciously tied around a single black datura petal, the only remain of my beloved. I hold onto it like a lifeline, the only thing still tying me to this life, to his life. And this little petal, like an echo of me, accompanies me, granting me a strange sense of comfort. And more than that….dreams. My life and Sylus’ were bound together. Sharing a soul, we were joined by a force greater than life and death itself…And even now that he’s gone, I can still feel him. And I dream of him. Whenever I feel like the world is too overwhelming, I’m wrapped up by the gentle embrace of a dream, where Sylus is waiting for me. I would close my eyes and be back at the datura field with my dragon. This is Sylus’ lingering presence, trying to soothe my tormented heart by granting me these moments where I can find some relief, even temporary, from my grief. My little black datura petal sweeps through my soul, bringing me to my beloved again. In many ways, Sylus was right. From the moment we bound our souls, our lives became intertwined, along with our deaths… And I find myself craving for the moments I sleep rather than enduring the moment when I’m awake.It feels more real than the numbing reality I wander through, my body drifting through life like a shadow.

At dusk, I go to the datura field where Sylus perished. The air is soft there. I can hear the soothing sound of the wind in my ears, the datura flowers curving slightly, accompanying its movements. The entire landscape greets me with a warmth that floods my heart with joy, because I know, my beloved is waiting for me. I lay down among the flowers that seem to lean toward me, as if wrapping me in a comforting embrace. They waver around me, red as blood, a stinging peace that engulfs me and I can already feel Sylus around me….as if he’s calling to me. I hold onto the little black datura petal gently, my eyes closing as the petal shakes in my hand. My body sinks into the earth, feeling so heavy before I suddenly find myself floating, as if outside of my body. The entire world turns silent for a fleeting moment, when I suddenly feel the wind pick up around me. I feel the faint shift in the air as shadows approach me, before I am being clasped by a warmth that is all too familiar. I turn around only to see Sylus, his steps firm as he heads toward me. At the sight of him, my heart instantly quiets, all the ache vanishing like dust in the wind. He walks up to me, his crimson eyes bearing into mine with an intensity that sends a shrill through my spine. He gives me that smiles, the one only I ever got to see, the one I missed so much, and before I even realize, my legs start moving of their own accord, eating the distance between us. I swing my arms around him, my tight desperate, as I seek the comfort and familiarity of his embrace. He holds me, a low chuckle echoing through my body. “You’re here, sweetie.”

“Where else would I be?” I ask.

He answers with a soft smile, but there a heavy tint in his eyes. It’s barely perceptible, but undeniable. He kisses my forehead gently, before cupping my face, his thumbs tenderly grazing my skin. His touch is as delicate as ever, but there is a sternness on his face that’s different from the last times I was here. “Is something wrong?” I question him.

He shakes his head before he embraces me, his arms around me noticeably tighter. “There is somewhere I would like to take you, today.” He then declares as he steps back slightly.

I raise my face in surprise. “Really? Where?”

He chuckles. “If I tell you, it won’t be a surprise” he proclaims as he enfolds his arms around me. “Hold on tight, and don’t let go.” I instinctively seal my hands over his neck as his arms pull under my knees before lifting me up. My body presses into his chest as his two majestic wings soar from behind him, beating powerful around us. In an instant, we are in the sky, his wings pounding against the strong wing effortlessly. The landscapes skim around us, like lively paintings unfurling before my eyes. Sylus takes me for a long ride, bringing me to see the most astonishing displays there are to enjoy. The moment is intimate and special, but there is something else too, something deeper, some strange sense of heaviness I can’t quite put my finger on. There is almost a sense of finality in Sylus’ hold, in the way he’s taking me to see all these beautiful sights, as if it was the last time I’d ever see them. “Being so high in the sky, it gives us perspective, does it not?” he says.

I smile as I lift my face to his, my eyes locking with his. He looks as collected as ever, as he carries me through his world, in this dream that now feels more real than any reality ever could. Sylus moves with ease and grace, his expression one of calm, and yet, there is still that slight tension in him I can’t completely shake. “I remember you telling me you liked coming high in the sky like that, mostly at dusk. You said it made you feel like you were the sovereign of it all, and that is enabled you to discard any discontent. Is that why you brought me? Because you have something to discard or get rid off? Something weighting on your mind you wish you could dispose of?” I ask, hoping I might be able to get what’s bothering him out of him.

He smiles. “Well maybe you are the one with something weighting on your mind you could dispose of.” He teases me.

“Is that so? And what would I need to dispose of, then?”

He doesn’t answer. But I notice his face instantly turning firmer, the strain unmistakable in his expression. His teasing, is immediately replaced by a serious look that completely engulfs me. “Look sweetie. We’re there” he declares as he descends. I hold on tighter, the wind battering down against us as Sylus nears the ground. He lands, his feet sinking in the ground as he releases me from his embrace. I take a step forward as my eyes fall on a large field. My eyes fall on datura flowers, but they are different from the one from before. These ones are pitch black, like the little petal from my datura flower, the last remain of Sylus’ passing, the lasting proof of his existence. The black daturas are numerous, and they are surrounding a tree, a large thick tree with spiked branches that lurch toward the ground, as if desperately trying to reach the datura below. I instantly notice something is wrong with the tree. Its trunk and branches are dark, almost as black as the daturas. Only a few branches tips remain untouched by the impending darkness. I observe the tree for a moment, a strange stirring sensation whirling inside my heart. I turn toward Sylus who is standing beside me, in a thick and almost stifling silence. I can feel the seriousness in his gaze, the rigidness in his posture, and I already know something bad is coming.

“I…I don’t understand, Sylus. Why did you bring me here?”

“You’ve been coming to see me for quite a while, here” he replies, ignoring my question.

I nod. “I’ve missed you. Are you going to complain I’m coming to see you too much?” I try to light up the mood.

Sylus gives me a tender smile as he hovers over me, his fingers finding my face. “As cheeky as ever” he whispers in a lighter tone, before his voice turns more serious again. “But you need to realize that you do not belong here. This…is not reality. It is not your reality.”

“I know but….these dreams. They make me happy. It makes me feel like…I’m not drowning all the time. They give me respite. I need them.”

“But they are not real and you should not be here” he repeats, and if needing to make sure I understand his words.

I frown. “I know. But…why are you saying this to me all of the sudden? After all, you’re the one who’s been giving me these dreams.”

He looks at me sternly as he shakes his head. “No, I’m not.”

“I…don’t understand.” I murmured, confusion overcoming me as I look up at him, trying to grasp the meaning behind his words.

“Don’t you see? You are the one who is doing is, doing all of this. The bound between us exists through time and space, through life and death. Out of your desire to be with me again, you conjured these dreams.”

For a moment, I am left speechless by his declaration, but then I quickly regain my composure and declare: “What if I have? Why are you saying that as if it’s a bad thing? We can be together again, you and me. Isn’t that what you want?” I press him, hoping to see him reaching out to me in return.

A sad smile washes over his face, like a cold wave crashing through a stormy tide. “Of course it is. But…not like that, sweetie. You need to stop coming here.”

“Why?!” I cried out. “I want to be with you! Why would you tell me to leave and never come back.”

He caresses my face gently, as if trying to soothe my burning soul, or perhaps, he’s only trying to give me comfort so I can brace myself for what he’s about to say. I’m not sure, but I can feel that through his gesture, he is trying to bring me comfort. “Because…this reality isn’t yours. Look at the tree” he commands. I turn my head to the sick and decaying tree, surrounded by the black daturas. “Do you understand what this tree is?” I shake my head no. “Come on, sweetie concentrate. I’m sure you can feel it. Its connection to you.”

Sylus’ words echo in my chest, hollow and aching as I realize what he was hinting at. It all falls into place, the truth crushing me with a weight I can barely endure. I now understand what he wanted to tell me. That tree, that sick and decaying tree, with its roots and trunk consumed with darkness….was me. “The tree…is me.” I whisper, barely able to get the words out of my mouth.

“It is. It is your life, your essence, and it’s fast wasting away.”

“Because I shouldn’t be here.” I understand.Sylus looks at me as he nods. I shake my head. “But I….This can’t be me. I… I haven’t come to see you that much. This tree….look at it. It’s so sick and decaying. I have only came to see for what…a month? This looks like I…it’s not…” I try to grapple with that truth I can barely begin to endure as Sylus’ calming presence envelops me, his arms holding me like a cocoon.

“Do you see the datura flowers under the tree?” he asks. I nod. “Do you see how many there are?” My eyes sweep over to the numerous flowers, too many too count.

“There are a lot. So what?”

“Each flower….represents one time you came here to see me.” I freeze, looking up at him in disbelief. “You haven’t been coming here for a month, sweetie. You’ve been coming for way longer than that. But the longer you come here, the more you lose your footing in reality…And the more your life is being consumed.”

I step back urgently, as I realize what is really happening. “This…is our last day together, isn’t it?” I gasp, the truth of it pulling me under with a wave of sorrow.

I instantly notice the sadness wavering across Sylus’ eyes as he simply replies: “Yes.”

I shake my head, my hands flinging to grab him in despair. He kisses my head softly as he holds me. “You have to go back to your reality, and let me go. If you don’t, you will die here, and I can’t let that happen.” His finger come to caress my face in a easing manner as the tears swell in my eyes. The mere thought of never seeing him again fills me with an ache that almost overwhelms me, here and there. But his protectiveness and care in this moment, strangely ground me.

“I…can’t, Sylus. You’re not just something weighting on my mind I can just dispose of and move on from.” I cry out.

He grins, his hold on me becoming almost reverent. “You do not have a choice.” He leans in toward me as he put his hands over mine. He opens my hands gently, revealing the little back petal. He observes it for a moment, his eyes vibrant with recognition. He then takes the petal between his fingers, before I notice red sparks enveloping it. I gulp as I watch my dragon’s remains being consumed before my very eyes. I look up at Sylus in shock as he destroys my last physical tie to him, cutting off my only way to coming here to see him again.

“Sylus…” I whisper.

He bends toward me, pressing his face against mine. “Wake up now. Go home. And live your life. Try to be happy.”

The tears start flooding my eyes as he wipes them away in a gentle motion. He presses his lips against mine, holding me with silent desperation as I feel the ground shake beneath my feet. My heart stops as everything around us starts dissipating, waning into petals that swirl around us before vanishing into thin air. I watch in shock as the dreams that had kept me alive dissolve before my eyes. My eyes find Sylus with a flash of panic as I hold onto him desperately. But just as my hands wrap around him, I realize that he too, is starting to turn into ebbing petals. The tears flood my face as though I falter at the bottom of a pitiless ocean that is about to engulf me and devour me. I clutch harder onto Sylus, refusing to let go as he slowly disappears.

“Let go.” He whispers, his voice soft. I cry as he pats my back comfortingly. I reluctantly let go and I step back, the grief in my chest uncontainable. I take a step back, feeling my grip on the dissolving dream vanishing by the second. I am losing the dream, and I am losing Sylus, and I know there is no stopping it now.

I watch as his form slowly wanes. He gives me a last loving smile. “Sweetie” he adds, as if needing to say something before we forever part. “I heard you.” He declares as my eyes lit up, both from confusion and an odd sense of hope. “When I died, I heard your curse. So who knows…Perhaps, someday, you will meet your Sylus again. Perhaps, you will be reunited, for real this time. Perhaps, somewhere through time and space, your dragon is waiting to meet with you again. So…if only in the back of your mind, don’t forget the datura field, or the song on the organ. Sing it from time to time, I’m sure….he’ll be dying to hear it again.”

Despite the tears flooding my eyes, a small smile tugs at my lips, and for the first time since he died, I am enveloped by a comforting sensation: hope, the hope of seeing my dragon again. My lips start moving, humming the son my dragon loved so much. I can see Sylus smile, the joy on his face evident as he vanishes. And just like that, my dragon disappeared, forever, only my song lingering in the air.

My eyes jerk opened as I awaken from my dream. My little black datura petal is gone, just like my beloved. But I can still feel the thread of fate connecting us. His presence inside me, his soul living among mine, throbs with a hopeful beat. My dragon may be gone, but my curse endures. My curse….which doomed my dragon to live and be tied to me forever lives on. And through a lingering whisper, my lips utter: “May we meet again, my beloved.”