HE
"Who? Him. The one who makes my day feel amusing."
"My story back then has become a memory to this day."
High School, 2015
Click.
Click.
That was the sound I heard in the morning, the distinct click of a camera as someone prepared to capture an image. My name is Alia, a second-year high school student, and beside me is my friend, Aura. We were sitting in the school yard, surrounded by other students who were enjoying the fashion show competition. At the same time, some student photographers were busy capturing pictures of the models as part of a photography contest during the school festival.
I was fully immersed in the scene, taking it all in, until my friend beside me called out to me.
"Al, look at that guy! He's acting so funny, oh my gosh!" Aura said, nudging my shoulder.
I turned to see what she was talking about and instantly burst out laughing. How could I not? That guy was sitting—well, almost lying down in a weird position, it's hard to explain—just to get a shot of a student dressed in a Muslim outfit. Unbelievable.
"Hahaha... Yeah, yeah, you're right, Ra. That's so funny," I laughed, and Aura joined in.
"But Ra, he's doing it to make sure the result looks great, so he can win," I said, trying to justify his actions.
"Hahaha... Yeah, you're right, Al. Let's just wish him luck," my friend replied.
One by one, the fashion show models came out, showcasing their talents. The guy we were talking about was still doing the same weird pose, and I found myself watching him more and more. I wasn’t sure if it was because of how funny he looked or because I also enjoyed photography like him—except without the bizarre moves, of course. Somehow, he had become the center of my attention. I kept watching him until...
"Hey, Al... Aww, someone can't take their eyes off him!" Aura teased me.
"What are you talking about? No way... aaahhh," I said nonchalantly, though deep down, I knew the truth. I was watching him... What a liar I was—pfffttt..
The fashion show and other events ended right at noon, though it wasn’t completely over yet—just the final closing ceremony left. My friend and I were still sitting in the same spot, but something was different. The guy we had been talking about earlier was now sitting to my right, along with his friend. I was startled and quickly told Aura, who was sitting on my left.
"Ra... That guy is sitting next to me. He's right here... Oh my gosh, what do I do?" I whispered excitedly, my heart racing.
"Really? Aww, Al, someone's happy now, huh?" Aura teased, sneaking a glance at him.
"Why don’t you just scoot closer, Al..." Aura said, nudging my shoulder, but I refused. Deep down, though, I really wanted to. But no, that would be too fast—too bold.
>>>>
The event ended, and all the students who had been watching the competition had dispersed and gone home. I asked Aura to head home with me, but suddenly, I couldn’t stop thinking about the guy who had been sitting next to me earlier. When I looked to my right, the spot was empty. I wondered where he had gone—maybe he had already left. For some reason, I kept looking for him, but oh well, I had to go home too. Maybe I’ll see him tomorrow, I thought.
Two weeks after the event
For some reason, over the past two weeks, I’ve felt shy and nervous whenever I run into that guy. I’ve been trying to shake off these feelings, telling myself it’s just because Aura teased me about him that day, and now I can’t stop thinking about him. Ugh, it’s so frustrating—really!
Today, Aura and I bumped into him again. The more often I see him, the more he stays on my mind. I don’t know... is this what people call missing someone? Maybe! But we still don’t know his name, though we suspect he’s a first-year student, a year younger than us.
The thought of him being younger makes me feel so dumb and silly. Ugh, I feel old. Why do I have to like a junior? It’s so embarrassing. And yet, because of him, I’ve started to feel something.......What feeling?A sweet feeling :D.
That afternoon, after classes ended, Aura and I planned to go straight home.
As we walked down the corridor, Aura and I were chatting about funny things that made me laugh. I was so happy, but suddenly, that laughter turned into a soft smile filled with many emotions when I saw him in the hallway. Who, you ask? Of course, it’s him.
"Alia... Your junior is sitting over there," Aura said, pointing toward where he was.
"Yeah, whatever," I said nonchalantly, and walked away. But deep inside, I thought, I’m so happy. A small smile appeared on my face, finally.
One month after the event
As time passed, the feelings of shyness and nervousness turned into curiosity about him. I started looking for his name and class, but couldn’t find anything. Aura helped me, of course. It was break time, and once again, we were on a mission to find out more about him.
For days, I’d been searching for his name, and so far, nothing. That’s when I came up with a nickname for him—"Mr. Pou." I’m not sure where that name came from, it just popped into my head. Maybe it was because of the funny Pou character from a game, and he reminded me of it. So, I gave him that name. I know, it’s weird.
Aura and I continued searching all over the school, running from one classroom to another like crazy people. I knew it was exhausting—really exhausting. After all, there were more than five first-year classrooms at our school, and the worst part was...
We had to go up and down the stairs to get to the first-year classrooms, but that didn’t make me give up. How devoted I am.
Aura always said... "Don’t give up, I want to see you smile, and I know he’s your source of motivation. So, keep going..."
Yeah... Aura was right, I couldn’t give up. He was my motivation, like a phone charger when the battery is low—he’s the one who helps me. Hahaha, it’s funny and feels so weird, but he’s the one who made me think like this. Totally whipped, haha...
"Tired??..." Aura asked, checking on me.
"Yeah... but my curiosity is too strong. I’ll go check over there," I said with a tired expression, standing next to Aura.
I was still curious about his name, so I kept searching. I left Aura behind and continued walking down the corridor, checking each classroom. Other students stared at me strangely because of my behavior, but I didn’t care.
>>>>Half an hour...
"Did you find him, Al?" Aura asked, looking tired as she approached me.
"No..." I replied, feeling down.
"Well, don’t worry, you’ll run into him later. If you keep searching, you won’t find him. But if you stop looking, you’ll bump into him. That’s usually how it goes," Aura said. What kind of advice is that?
"That’s... not... funny. Oh my gosh..." I said, feeling confused and weird.
"Hahaha... it’s just my opinion," she laughed, and I couldn’t help but laugh too.
Yeah... Aura, she always makes me laugh when I’m struggling. I really like her.
"Hahaha... okay, I like it... it’s very... interesting... hahaha..."
"Hahahaha..." We laughed together.
>>>>>>>>
As Aura and I were walking toward our classroom, suddenly...
"Al... your junior is walking this way," Aura said.
"Eh, yeah, oh no... is that really him? Wait, shh... shh... be quiet!" I whispered, urging Aura to stay quiet. The excitement that had faded before came rushing back. Truly, she’s like a charger. I’m so awkward now.
Aura and I walked slowly, each step feeling so slow. The ticking of the clock seemed so loud, and I focused all my energy on each step I took. I hoped that at the exact moment he walked beside me, time would stop for a brief moment. Let me look at him, without fear or embarrassment. Let me say,
'Hey, I’m here beside you. Look!'
Forget it, those words would never come out. We walked past him calmly, even though my heart was pounding loudly. Thump... thump... thump... After passing him, we turned around again.
"Al... let's go back. We can see which class he's in..."
"Oh, yeah, Ra... let’s go!" I said, then turned back.
It felt like the positions had shifted. What was once face-to-face now had him walking ahead of me. I thought, he’s in front of me, but it feels so far. Should I keep going like this? But I’m happy, I like this about myself. Like a crazy person, strange, without knowing the meaning of tiredness...
'It’s indeed fun, chasing something that seems out of reach. Not just the body, but the heart and mind feel it. It hurts!'
Two months after the event
"AURA..." I said excitedly, running toward the classroom to meet Aura. I couldn’t wait.
Today, I was so happy. After finally discovering which class he was in, I had also learned his name... it was a miracle. I was so, so happy. I ran and immediately hugged Aura.
"Hey... hey Alia, what’s going on? Why are you acting so different?" Aura asked, confused, and I just responded with a happy smile.
"Oh... you must have met Mr. Pou again, right? That’s why you’re acting weird. I figured it out," Aura said, crossing her arms.
"No, this time you’re wrong, Aura..." I said, not backing down, crossing my arms with a sly smile.
"Huh... really? Or... could it be that there’s someone new?" Aura asked, quickly grabbing my arms with a shocked expression.
"Hey... no, I’m still loyal to Mr. Pou," I said, annoyed, pulling my arms away from Aura.
"So, why...?" Aura asked, curious.
"Last night, I was on Facebook. Since I already knew which class my junior was in, I searched in our school group. And finally... I found his photo and..." I said, raising my eyebrow with a wild smile.
"His name..." Aura said, guessing correctly.
"Yess... I know his name, yayyy... I’m so happy, Aura!" I said, holding her hand and spinning around like I was dancing.
"Ck ck... oh my gosh, you already know his name? I’m happy too. It wasn’t a waste searching for him like a crazy person."
"Hahaha... yeah, yeah... thanks, Aura... love youuuu!" I said, hugging her tightly.
"Who is it??" Aura asked, curious. I leaned closer and whispered his name to her.
"Nice name!" Aura said, smiling along.
I only responded with a smile. Finally, my dream came true by knowing his name... I would remember it. But even though I knew his name, Aura and I still called him Mr. Pou.
Aura and I thought about introducing ourselves to Mr. Pou, but it was just me, not Aura. When I met Mr. Pou, the happiness was overwhelming, and my heart kept pounding. Especially because I had to introduce myself to him, what should I do? I didn’t know, I was confused, shy, and nervous. But I never followed through with the plan because I was afraid. Aura often said... "Just introduce yourself, and that’s it. Why be shy?"
I didn’t know what to do, I preferred to be like this. Being a fan, where the person doesn’t even know who we are. But I was too shy to meet him. I liked watching him from afar rather than facing him because when I did, I felt like Mr. Pou was close to me. But when I passed him, and we were so close, he felt so distant, and I couldn’t bring myself to say "hi." I also thought it was too soon to do that.
'I’m afraid that if I do it, my curiosity will fade, the awkwardness I felt while looking for him will go away, and the fun and silly days I’ve had will vanish. I don’t want that to happen.'
And in the end, I decided not to go through with it. Aura was really upset with me, but she finally understood my situation.
Days, weeks, months, and years have passed. Aura and I are now in the 3rd grade, the class where tense times will begin, a period filled with continuous exams, and where personalities and behaviors change. But not me, I’m still the same as before. Searching, acting weird and funny all because of Mr. Pou, I’ve kept doing it until now. Yes, Mr. Pou is now in the 2nd grade, and I’m in the 3rd grade. I don’t see him as often anymore because I have to focus on all these exams.
'I miss him.'
Aura also said...
"Al... I think it’s time to introduce yourself to your junior. We’re in 3rd grade now, we’re having exams all the time, and soon we’ll graduate. We won’t have much time left in school. If you don’t do it now, you won’t have the chance," Aura explained, sounding worried.
"Yeah... I know, but I’m too scared," I said, feeling nervous and afraid.
"Come on, try it. When else? If you wait, it might never happen, and you’ll regret it," Aura said, starting to get frustrated with me.
Yeah... I just stayed silent. What Aura said was true, I thought the same way.
'But my fear was bigger, making me stay silent and unable to do anything.'
"Al... we’re thinking of introducing ourselves because we feel like your junior, Mr. Pou, knows about us. We've been spying on him, and we also want him to know us, right?" Aura explained. It’s true, who wouldn’t notice when someone has been watching them for almost a year.
"Yeah, Ra, even though I like him, I still don’t have the courage. It’s just admiration, nothing more. I’m sticking with my decision," I said.
I like him, but only as an idol and a fan. Even though I’ve felt nervous, shy when I see him, and missed him, those feelings made my days more enjoyable.
"Ra... don’t think too much about it, just go with the flow. I’m tired of thinking about it. If we end up not introducing ourselves, then forget it. This will just be a memory, even if there’s regret. I know Aura is worried about me, but I’m fine, okay?" #Tired but still thinking about it, sigh...
"Well, it’s up to you," Aura said, leaving me behind.
I knew Aura was afraid I’d regret it and feel sad. But I couldn’t do anything about it, it was really hard. But I also understood, because of Mr. Pou, I could feel all of this. And I understood, Aura, my best friend who always encouraged me, had become my love adventure buddy... the love of a fan for their idol.
'Admiration? What is that? The love of a fan for an idol?'
'No, it’s the desire to have but not be able to.'
'Fear, the strongest key within myself.'
I ran to catch up with Aura, who had gotten ahead, and grabbed her hand.
"Don't be angry, my love..." I said, holding her hand playfully.
"You're love? Me or Mr. Pou?" she asked.
"Ohh... of course, it’s you, Aura..." I said, reassuring her, while giving her a hug.
"You're lying, Alia."
"No."
Graduation Day
This very bright morning, I’m about to start something new... maybe!
Today, Aura and I, along with all the 3rd graders, have finished our duties as students and are about to move on to a higher level. On this joyful day, I still want to see him. I don’t know what this feeling is, but I’m happy to see him on this last day. I hope he comes to see me.
I was sitting in the middle of an auditorium, and of course, Aura was sitting next to me. We were enjoying the event, but my mind wasn’t in it, feeling empty. My soul was somewhere else, until finally, Aura called me.
"Aliaa... are you okay?" said Aura.
"Yeah... I'm fine," I said, snapping out of my daydream.
"But not your thoughts, Alia, I know that."
"Yeah, I know that too. If I’m being honest, even though this is the path I chose, I just wanted to see him for today. After that, I won’t again."
"But back then, Alia, you said not to think about it, just forget it. But the one saying that is the one who's thinking about it. You're... lying."
"Yeah... I know, Aura, I know... I’m thinking about it because I truly got the answer from the path I chose."
"So, what’s the answer?"
"Mr. Pou."
"Mr. Pou?? That’s a strange answer... Why would his nickname be the answer?"
"Because Mr. Pou is him, the guy with the funny behavior when he took photos, the one who caught my attention. Mr. Pou made me do things I’ve never done before, so interesting. I like him, I like that figure, and I miss him."
"Oh my God... that’s... interesting. So... you don’t want to forget him?"
"No... I will forget him." #weird
"Why?"
"Because of him. Not because Mr. Pou will only be a funny story."
And that’s the answer, everything becomes a memory.
'There was no introduction, just meetings and farewells for me.'
I felt sad, and it felt difficult, but this was my path, the one I chose. I couldn't do anything about it, and Aura didn’t ask any more. The longing, the desire to meet again, the funny, weird actions, all of that became a story. But not anymore, for now...
"Alia... that’s him," Aura said, pointing to the door ahead.
"Mr. Pou..." I said, smiling when I saw him.
And... it turned out, this was truly the answer and the path I chose. Mr. Pou came, my wish really came true. And in the end, this would really become a story.
(Even though, in reality, he didn’t come, sigh... :')
---
THE END
and by the way, Alia got married in 2023. And I hope they are happy.
Story 5/5/16, YuRa
Publish 8/9/21, YuRa
