A Year...
Present~
One rule that I had was to maintain healthy gaps between the experiments. Not too long, not too short—just enough to ensure I could reflect, recalibrate, and truly understand the outcomes before diving into the next try. I followed that rule religiously, treating each experiment as a chapter in a carefully curated narrative of discovery. It was a system that worked, a balance that kept me grounded even as I pushed the boundaries of what I knew and what I was willing to discover.
But this time feels different. This time, it feels like even the rest of my life might not be enough to reach a conclusion. It’s been a year since I started this latest project, and I have only performed one experiment. It’s taking a lot of time to recoup before I’m ready for the next try. And I know, deep down, that if the timing of these gaps isn’t right, if I rush too much, it could lead to a disastrous end. An end I cannot afford.
Gathering the resources for this project was exceptionally difficult. The nature of the work is so sensitive that it borders on illegal. Involvement in this project could land those involved in serious trouble—possibly even jail time—if it were to come to light. Because of this, I had to be extremely careful about who I selected for the task. Trust and discretion were paramount, and I had to ensure that the person was not only competent but also committed to maintaining absolute confidentiality.
I believe I have the correct measurements and complete information against which I am experimenting, but it feels like my data is incorrect. I also have some calculations from the past, and there’s a vast difference between the numbers, almost unbelievable, if not for the fact that I made these calculations myself. It’s like I’m missing something. Something very important that I think plays a major role in this whole operation.
Lying here in this vast field of wildflowers as the evening sun begins to set, the soft light of twilight should have a calming effect on me. The sun’s fading glow casts long shadows and bathes the landscape in a warm, golden hue, while the gentle breeze carries the faint, comforting scent of earth and growing things. In theory, this serene atmosphere should be a balm for my restless mind.
Yet, despite the peaceful surroundings, my thoughts are anything but calm. My mind is a storm of restless thoughts, the mental gears grinding away in a chaotic dance that refuses to allow me any semblance of peace.
Fiddling with the corner of the page, I glance at it once more, trying to absorb every detail. I study the process, reviewing the calculations and analyzing the outcomes again. Each detail is scrutinized, trying to find any missed connections or overlooked insights. My fingers trace the lines of ink, as if by doing so, I could draw out the hidden truths buried in the numbers. But the answers remain elusive, just beyond my reach.
I give it a final glance and close the diary. Time to prepare for the next experiment.
