Course Correction

Saturday night, and I was alone.

When we were young, my best friend, Hannah, and I spent almost every Saturday evening at the club, just dancing and drinking and having fun. I’d dragged her along, of course, for her own good, being as shy as she was, and our friend, Mia, had joined us too, once she’d come into the picture. Being young, hot, and somewhat exotic at the gay bar definitely had its appeal for me. Boys danced with me, bought me drinks, and invited me home with them. Not that I always went—I wasn’t a complete ho—but just having the option was gratifying.

It wasn’t long though, before nights at the club became less frequent, giving way to board game nights, which were much more the girls’ speed. I missed the bar, sometimes, and made them come out with me every so often, but those nights grew fewer and farther between, until they were practically non-existent. By this point, I wasn’t really bothered by it anymore, as it had kind of lost its appeal. If I wanted shallow hookups, there were all kinds of dating apps for that. Way easier than getting all dolled up to join the faceless crowd at whichever gay bar was in existence at the time.

I’d gotten used to those Saturday nights with my girls. From sleepovers to dancing the night away to having my ass kicked while playing our favourite games, I’d settled into a routine, one that I’d been in since I was fourteen years old. Me and Hannah. Hannah and me.

But now she had Liam, and although I was over the moon for my best friend, because she, of all people, deserved to have found her soulmate, part of me was sad that she had moved on from our routine. She tried her hardest to keep Saturdays for us, for the market in the morning and game night in the evening, but the more she struggled to keep things the same, the more obvious it was that things had changed.

She had Liam now. And I was left behind.

I wasn’t angry with her, of course. I was happy for her, but a part of my heart mourned what we’d had, that inseparable bond between us that felt looser and looser as the weeks and months passed. It wasn’t her fault. It just was what it was.

So, it was Saturday night, and I was alone. Liam had whisked Hannah and their daughter, Emily, away for the weekend, and Mia, our third Musketeer, was off visiting family for her mom’s birthday. And I was here, with a Saturday to myself for the first time in over a decade.

What the hell was I going to do?

Why don’t you go to the bar? Just like old times?

That particular voice in the back of my head hadn’t spoken up in so long, I’d thought he was gone for good, but here he was, springing up as soon as it suited his needs.

Go to the bar for the first time in years? I wasn’t sure about that idea.

And yet, I found myself getting ready to do just that.

God, what did guys even wear out to the bar these days? It wasn’t like I could wear, now, what I used to wear back in the day. Not at almost thirty. God, I was old. Maybe I should just stay home.

No. No, I was doing this. This would be good for me. I needed to get out and do something for myself. I needed to find myself again, and the bar was as good a place to look as anywhere else.

Finally, I settled for my slim black jeans and a silky charcoal button down shirt. I left a couple of buttons undone and then scrutinized myself in the mirror. You know what? A tiny bit of eyeliner wouldn’t hurt either.

A thin, gold chain around my neck completed the look, and then I was good to go. I sighed. I wasn’t sure about this. My first time going to the bar in forever, and I was going by myself. How pathetic. Could I even do it anymore, especially without Hannah by my side?

Of course I could. I was Jaison fucking Bao! I could do anything I wanted and look fucking hot while doing it.

Still, I took a few shots to stiffen my back, and then I was ready to go. The uber ride was quick, and before I knew it, I was at Stardust. There was only one gay bar in town, and it seemed to change names every few years. The last time I was here, it’d been called Manhole, and I had to say, I think I preferred the new name. It looked a lot better inside too, with rainbow graffiti on the black walls and silver streamers and fine metal chains hanging from the ceiling so that when the lights hit them, they glittered like shooting stars. I was impressed.

The cute, nerdy-looking bartender looked me up and down as he handed me my drink. “You’re cute! I haven’t seen you here before!” he shouted over the music.

“I’m new to the city!” I shouted back. A complete lie, but better than admitting I was probably way too old to be in a place like this anymore. I glanced around; the place was full of boys who looked barely legal. I would place a hefty bet that some of them probably weren’t. By comparison, I was ancient.

The bartender gave me a look that told me he knew exactly what I was thinking. Was I that obvious? Were my nerves showing that much? Hannah’s anxiety must have rubbed off on me after a decade and a half of friendship. Great.

The bartender leaned across the counter toward me, ignoring all the other gorgeous guys waiting for him to serve them. I could see my own surprise in the reflection in his black-rimmed glasses as he reached out a hand to me.

“May I?”

I had no idea what he was going to do, but I found myself nodding anyway, glancing down as he undid a few more buttons on my shirt, exposing my toned, mostly hairless chest.

“There,” he said as he stood back again, surveying his work. A smirk curled up one side of his mouth. “Now all the boys will be falling all over you.”

His words and the appreciative look in his eyes made the nerves fall away, and I smirked back at him. “Thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“You’d better.” He paused a beat, looking me up and down again, and then, “I’m Ethan.”

I smiled at him. He really was cute. “Jai.” I paused for a moment too, then gave him a big tip and turned and waded through the crowd, drink in hand.

He was right. All manner of guys danced up on me, grinding against me for a few moments before moving on through the crowd. I did the same, dancing with guy after guy and moving on when I felt like it.

It was like old times—minus Hannah, of course—and I fucking loved it. I was hot. I was sexy. This was just what I’d needed tonight. A bit of that old spark back.

I was a few drinks in and nicely buzzed, though, when it started to lose its appeal. The excitement I felt at having the attention from all these men was fleeting, because the attention itself was fleeting. So a few guys thought I was hot. So what? It didn’t mean anything. I wanted more.

I wanted what Hannah and Liam had. I wanted love, romance, companionship. I wasn’t going to get that here, not at this meat market of guys.

I heard my name being called from behind me then, and I turned toward the voice.

“Oh my God, Jai? Is that you? It’s been forever!”

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. It’d been over a year since I’d last seen Andrew. Over a year since he’d stood me up on what would have been our first date. Over a year since he’d unexpectedly disappeared from my life. He hadn’t changed, though. He was still just as hot as he was the day he’d asked me out, his straight, white teeth gleaming in the black lights as he flashed his gorgeous smile at me.

And I still couldn’t figure it out. He’d come into the café where I worked, and every day for over a month, he’d ordered a non-fat latte and flirted it up with me and even admitted that I was the reason he kept coming back! I’d been so thrilled when he’d finally asked me out...and so disappointed when he’d stood me up.

Who even does that? Who pursues someone that intensely and then just disappears right when the prize is yours? Unless the prize was just the ability to win me over, and not me, myself.

There was a depressing thought. One that made me angry.

After the disappointment I’d felt last year when he’d stood me up, there was no way I was falling for his shit again. No way I was entertaining anything he had to say. I gave him a withering glare and then turned on my heel.

“Wait!” he exclaimed from behind me and grabbed hold of my arm. I wrenched it free, but he just reached for me again, gripping my wrist and maneuvering me around to face him again. “Oh come on, Jai, you’re not even going to talk to me?”

He had the audacity to look hurt. It didn’t sway me in the slightest. “Please,” I scoffed. “I gave you my number. You’ve had over a year to talk to me, to tell me why you stood me up out of the blue, and now, because you randomly ran into me, you suddenly want to talk? No thank you.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I was an idiot. Clearly. I mean, look at you, Jai. You’re fucking gorgeous.” He looked me up and down, heat in his slightly glassy eyes. He was buzzed too, just like me, but the interest was clear.

But I couldn’t let myself be drawn in. It was becoming clearer to me that he’d bailed on me because something “better” had come along, and that really pissed me off. I really should just go, leave him behind the way he’d done to me last year. And yet... “I looked fucking gorgeous that night too. Too bad you weren’t there to see it,” I told him coolly instead. Dammit, I could feel my resolve slipping.

“I wish I had been.” He sidled up to me then, equal parts apology and seduction in his eyes. A sexy smirk spread across his face as he pressed himself against me. He knew I was wavering.

I swallowed at the feel of his hard body grinding against mine to the beat of the music. This was a guy who knew he was hot. Who got what he wanted, when he wanted. I couldn’t let him win today. But the way he ground against me felt so good, and when the bulge in his tight jeans rubbed up against the bulge in mine...

He moved in close, his free hand cupping my neck, his lips grazing my ear as he spoke. “What can I do to make it up to you, Jai?” he asked in that seductive voice, his hand sliding, slowly, from my neck, down over my chest, his fingertips brushing lightly over my heated bare skin. I shivered at his touch, hating that he affected me like this.

“Nothing,” I told him, but my voice sounded weak, even to my own ears.