Chapter 1
Boyfriend and Girlfriend had no idea how they got here. One minute, they were chilling in Girlfriend’s bedroom, playing an old copy of Super Mario Bros., and the next… they were inside the game.
But this wasn’t the Mario they knew.
The sky was a sickly shade of red. The once-colorful blocks were cracked and dripping with something dark. The pipes oozed black sludge. The ground was damp, stained with splatters of what looked like… blood.
“Uh… B?” Girlfriend whispered, gripping his arm. “I don’t think this is a normal level…”
Boyfriend gulped and took a cautious step forward. The ding of his shoe tapping a brick sounded warped, almost like a scream. Then, the ground beneath them rumbled.
Something moved.
From behind a massive green pipe, a figure emerged. His overalls were torn and soaked in deep red. His hat was tilted, casting a shadow over his face—except for his glowing red eyes, locked onto them. In his white-gloved hand, he clutched a long, gleaming knife.
“W-w-wahoo…” Mario croaked, but his voice was wrong. Glitchy. Echoing.
Girlfriend let out a small gasp, stepping back. “Nope. Nope. Nope. I don’t like this—”
Mario lunged.
Boyfriend yanked Girlfriend out of the way just as the knife slashed through the air, barely missing them. Mario turned his head unnaturally, his twisted grin widening. Then, the world glitched, and in the blink of an eye, he was standing in front of them again.
“No escape.”
Boyfriend clenched his fists. His heart pounded, but he wasn’t about to back down. If Mario wanted a fight, then he was gonna get one the only way Boyfriend knew how.
With a confident smirk, Boyfriend took a deep breath and let out a sharp beep-bo-bop!
The air shifted. The glitching stopped. Mario twitched, his head jerking as if he was processing something.
Then…
Music started playing.
A distorted, eerie version of the classic Mario Bros. theme, warped into a rap battle beat.
Mario’s eyes flashed. His fingers tightened around the knife. But instead of attacking, he opened his mouth—and rapped.
The battle had begun.
Mario’s voice was a mix of robotic glitches and deep, demonic growls. His verses were fast, his words layered in cryptic, broken Italian. The world around them shook with every beat.
Boyfriend matched his rhythm, countering every line with his signature scats and beeps, his voice cutting through the cursed melody. He wasn’t just fighting for survival—he was taking control of the game itself.
Girlfriend cheered from the sidelines. “That’s it, B! Show this glitch who’s boss!”
Mario twitched violently, his pixels distorting. The knife in his hand pulsed like it was alive. He wasn’t done yet.
The background changed. The ground crumbled beneath them, and they fell—landing in a dark, endless pit. Pipes lined the walls, leaking thick black sludge. The music sped up, turning into a chaotic mess of Mario sound effects mashed together into a terrifying beat.
Mario didn’t give Boyfriend time to breathe. His next verse was relentless, his words distorting into overlapping echoes. The screen behind them flickered with horrifying images—Luigi’s lifeless body, a Toad with empty eye sockets, Peach’s castle covered in… something red.
Boyfriend wiped sweat from his forehead. His fingers moved in sync with the rhythm, his voice rising in intensity. He wasn’t just keeping up—he was winning.
Mario let out a furious, glitchy screech, his entire body vibrating like a corrupted file.
The level transformed again. They were back at the flagpole, but the castle in the background was burning. The fire reflected in Mario’s eyes, his grin wide, his knife twitching.
But Boyfriend wasn’t afraid anymore.
He took a deep breath, unleashing his final verse—a rapid-fire sequence of beeps and boops that shook the entire game world. The glitching intensified, the screen cracking like glass.
Mario looked At them, “It’s - a- me!” He laughed as his face began to be distorted.
The world shattered.
