The Marrying Man

I don’t have much luck with women. I know that sounds odd, considering I have been married eight times, and only one of them wasn’t happy, but it is the truth. That is a lot of marriages for someone who is 43, but most of those marriages were a little out of the ordinary.

When I was 18, I married my high school sweetheart, Julie. She was a green-eyed, blonde-haired beauty that had caught my eye as a sophomore, and we had been together ever since. We were madly in love, of course, and couldn’t wait to start our new life together. We both went to the same college, me as a business major and her becoming a teacher, and then were able to get jobs in the same area. We had both agreed to wait on starting a family till we were financially ready, and things were looking up. We knew that our future was happy together.

Well, until she decided to get a head start on the family planning with the vice principal at her school, Mr. Mark Richards. She was pregnant, and he was the father.

It was an easy divorce. They were in love with each other, amazing how fast that can change, and wanted to sign quick so they could be married before the kids were born. Yep, kids. Evidently twins ran in his family, and they hit the jackpot. So, five years of marriage and three years of dating were flushed down the toilet, and I was single again. I never saw her again. My heart was shattered, I didn’t even know how to move on, I had been with Julie for so long it was like all I knew how to do was be with her. But that wasn’t an option anymore.

Remember when I said I don’t have luck with women? I lied. I should have said I was lucky once. A few years after my divorce, my coworker Robin set me up with her best friend. Robin and her husband Jeff invited me over for a nice cookout dinner and invited Maria the same night. We hit it off instantly, and slowly my heart was able to mend itself a little bit at a time. She had gorgeous brown eyes, and soft auburn hair that framed her face like the art it was. Maria had grown up next door to Robin, and it was a nice set up having the four of us hanging out a lot. When I married her a year later, it was easy to have Robin be the maid of honor and Jeff be my best man.

We had a wonderful marriage. I had saved enough that we were able to start a family if we wanted, and we were looking for houses to buy near Robin’s neighborhood so we could all be close. We closed on a little bungalow style house on the St Pete side of Tampa Bay and had just found out Maria was pregnant when she and our unborn child were killed while on her way to work. Some drunk driver trying to get home after an all-night bender swerved into her lane and she never had a chance. We had been married all of two years. The best two of my life. Their ashes were still in my bedroom, I could never decide how to part with them, nor where to spread them.

I don’t know that I’ll ever get over Maria, my heart certainly hasn’t, but I always kept in touch with Robin and Jeff. They kept checking in on me to make sure I was all right. I wasn’t, how could I be? But I kept telling them I was, if only to stop them from worrying. Several times I thought about joining Maria, but I could never do it. I’d always get a vision of her telling me that I needed to keep living.

I stayed single for almost three years until I had a fateful conversation with Robin. She called, as usual, to make sure I was doing all right. Of course, I gave her my standard answer, and we just chit chatted about the usual things. I was still working as a business analyst, a wonderful job if you liked meetings, so I hated it. She was working as a guidance counselor at a nearby university and she actually liked her job, so I envied her.

She was worried about her kid sister though, she was about to turn 26 and wouldn’t be able to be covered on her parents’ insurance plan afterwards, and her job didn’t give her enough hours to afford it on her own. I can still remember how things all shook out.

“When does she turn 26?” I asked Robin.

“Two more weeks.”

“How bad does she need the insurance?”

“Well, our family has a higher risk of breast cancer, so we need more frequent mammograms and such, it gets expensive with no insurance,” she explained.

“No chance she can get a job with insurance?”

“She’s trying, but no luck so far. She’s not going to stop looking though.”

“She should get married then,” I suggested.

“Yeah, that would be perfect. She picked the wrong time to dump her boyfriend though. But I wouldn’t want her to marry a cheater like him,” Robin groaned.

“Yeah, I’ve been there, she doesn’t want to get mixed up in that kind of a relationship.” The situation sucked, and I could see there weren’t many options for her. I wasn’t sure why I was even asking; it wasn’t like Robin was fishing for help here.

“Would she go for a marriage of convenience?” I wondered. There were probably people online who would marry her to give her insurance. It might be sketchy or not nearby though.

“No way! I’m not going to offer her up to some creep that would take advantage of her situation!” Robin was offended, and I couldn’t blame her, it was a stupid suggestion. So, I went and swallowed my other foot too.

“What if she married me? You know I wouldn’t do that.”

The phone was silent.

“Would you really do that?” Robin asked tentatively.

Oh, shit. I wasn’t really expecting that for a reply. But it wasn’t like I was dating, I couldn’t bring myself to even look, so why couldn’t I help her little sister out? My little house was pretty boring and lonely, it might be good to have someone else kicking around, even if it was just to watch some TV or share a dinner. “I mean, if we set up a prenup so there were no strings, she could just stay with me till she got on her feet with her own insurance. You know I’d never force her to do anything.”

“If you’re really serious, I’ll ask her. But I don’t want you to do it if you’re not sure,” Robin added breathlessly.

“Robin, I’ve got nothing going on in my life. If anything, you’d be doing me a favor just giving me someone to talk to. I can put her up in the guest room, and if she can chip in on groceries then we should be fine,” I decided. In truth, the more I thought about it, the better it sounded. The only friends I had were Robin and Jeff, and I hated going to their place because I always felt like the depressed third wheel. Fifth wheel when you included their two little ones.

“Okay, I’m going to call her right now. I’ll give you a call in the morning and then we can work out the logistics,” Robin exclaimed before hanging up.

Needless to say, that was my third marriage. I had just offered to marry Robin’s sister sight unseen, and I hadn’t even known her name. It turned out to be Kimberly, and she was quite nice. We got along well, though there was an awkward adjustment period. I could tell she didn’t completely trust me, but I installed a lock on the guest room door for her to feel more comfortable, and over time she became a good friend. I gave her a small diamond ring, we got a couple of inexpensive bands, we went to the local justice of the peace and had a small ceremony. Robin visited several times over the first few months to help put her kid sister at ease, and that probably helped a bit too.

No, we never had sex. It wasn’t that kind of relationship, and I wasn’t one for random hookups. It was like having a new roommate, and she got the insurance coverage she needed for her testing. She even got my dental insurance and was able to get her wisdom teeth out. All in all, it was a nice arrangement. We had agreed on a five-year marriage if she needed it, but after two she was able to get a full-time job at the same university as Robin, and Kimberly and I got a nice and simple divorce.

The plan worked well. So well, in fact, that Robin set me up five more times with girls that she was a guidance counselor for. Most of them were graduate students going for masters or PHDs that had lost their parents insurance, but a pair were younger girls that had been in foster care, and lost insurance when they aged out of the system without getting adopted. She screened them all for me, and every one of them understood the situation. They were all different in their own way, and yet they brought something of value to my lonely life. The little house was always brighter with another person to keep me company, and it was much better than being alone.

None of the marriages lasted the full five years, in fact none lasted more than three and one only lasted six months. It was always bittersweet when we signed the papers ending another relationship, but I never lost touch with my exes. We still talked or texted, since they had all become friends to me. It gave me a warm feeling to know I helped, even if only for a bit. I’d always look forward to another call from Robin. She was the ultimate matchmaker, always finding me a new bride.

Speak of the devil, I thought as my phone buzzed and I saw Robin’s name on the caller ID. “Hello?” I picked up as I left my appointment.

“Hey Thomas, how is single life treating you?” Robin chuckled.

“Well, with that kind of greeting, should I kiss my single life goodbye?” I asked, smiling at the phone, even if she couldn’t see it. In truth, I was lonely and could use the distraction. I had divorced my last wife, Tracy, three months ago and the house had never felt lonelier. Sometimes it was hard not to let my brain run away with thoughts that were all too negative.

“Well, I hope so. I have a bit of an emergency. One of my best students is in the hospital, her whole family was killed in an accident a few days ago. The auto insurance will cover what is happening now, but she will probably need some therapy afterwards, and she is such a sweet kid that lost everyone. I know you might have some reservations, but you could probably relate to what she’s going through,” Robin explained in a rush.

I breathed deep, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers, reminders of Maria flooding through my brain. “Who and where is she?”

“Avery Simmons, Mercy Central room 413. I can meet you there.” I could hear Robin sigh in relief, she must really like this one. “And Thomas, thanks.”

I looked over my shoulder at the hospital that I had just left, then started walking back in. “No worries. I’ll probably beat you there, I’m close already.”

“Wait outside her room for me then, I’ll need to explain the situation to her.”

“Alright, see you soon.” I ended the call and walked in to meet my new soon to be wife.