It Is Lonely In The Outer Space

They say waking up from hypersleep is like waking from the most restful slumber of your life, I had even joked about it to the flight attendant. “I finally get to catch up to my sleep debt!” I told her and the awkward smile combined with the feigned friendly chuckle told me it had not been the first time she had heard it. My husband had teased me about my gawkiness, even getting our daughter to join him before lifting Lila into her cryopod and giving her one final kiss before our departure from Earth.

Leaving Lila alone in the children’s shuttle did not feel right, but the movie they were playing had taken her attention away from our temporary separation and we joined the other leaving parents so the stewards could begin their preparations. The song from the movie echoed behind us as we walked away.

"The moon is round and has a face

And the stars are shiny and have a name

Yet still, it is lonely in the outer space

So, grab a friend and fall asleep

It is lonely in the outer space after all"

“Well, that isn't a very comforting melody to someone who’s soon shot into the space,” I had chuckled as we walked further down the hallway, which had large windows to let us admire the view of the sea almost two kilometers away, I would have liked to visit it before our departure, but walking there and back would have certainly made us miss our shuttle flight to the cruise ship far above the atmosphere.

“I’ve heard it before, it’s about finding a crew member if they happen to wake up during our trip,” Amar chimed in, “I wonder if they let them even watch the movie to the end before they put them to sleep?” I had no real answer for him, “Maybe they let them see the rest once we arrive, the first morning is said to be the worst after the meds wear off, and watching movies like when we were sick as kids might make it easier for them.”

“I hope so, at least you get to catch up to your sleep debt,” Amar had laughed and to be honest I think I laughed too. I had worked hard to get those tickets and spent many sleepless nights buried in my work, trying to earn as much as possible to afford this trip. Yet my awakening had not been restful, for me it had been like dropping from a high place, suddenly jolted awake, groggy and startled. When I finally sobered up, I saw that my cryopod was still enclosed in the darkness, but the lid of the cryopod let in a little bit of the fluorescent light of the main sleeping shuttle and I swore I could hear muffled speech coming from the outside.

My mind was hazy and I tried to remember what they had taught us during the introduction video. Was there something about staying calm if your pod stays closed? I think there was and the meds they had us on should help us to keep calm, yet I couldn’t help but feel a shiver creeping down my spine. The jell-like liquid I had been immersed in after falling asleep to prevent bedsores had almost completely drained and I could feel the soft padding under me. Some of the jell had stuck to my clothes, hair, and skin, making me wish I would soon get to a shower, but the lid stayed closed. Whatever space I had, I tried to use it to clean myself a bit, brushing off the jell to get my mind off the rising panic. Humans were not meant to stay in confined spaces and I thought I had endured it enough for one life. Part of me was still slightly confused, I could swear my whole body, along with the pod I was in, was floating. Staying in the liquid for a month must have felt like that, even though I had been unconscious.

I could see someone moving outside as a shadow passed through the light coming under the lid, filling me with excitement. I didn’t know how long I had been awake, but I was sure it wasn’t as long as it had felt like, when suddenly I could feel another slump and my pod began to move from a horizontal position to almost completely upright.

I thought they would keep us lying down after the hypersleep, I thought, and suddenly the noises from the outside disappeared, leaving only the soft low hum of the machinery around me. I banged at the lid, trying to get someone’s attention. Maybe my pod was malfunctioning and they didn’t know I was already awake? I banged the lid only a few centimeters from my face furiously and yelled.

But there was no answer.

“Hey! I’m awake! Let me out! Out!” I yelled again, only hearing the echoing sound of my knock traveling through the hull of my cryopod. Was I still having a dream? I panicked, my breath now fogging up the glass between me and the metallic lid. I could almost feel the walls of my pod collapsing on me, moving closer and closer as the light coming from the outside became fainter and fainter until I was left in complete darkness. I tried to knock on the glass again and again until my knuckles began to hurt. There was no one outside and nobody could hear me. They had left me all alone.

I closed my eyes and thought, trying to remember if the pods were soundproofed or not. My mind traveled back to the moment I was about to fall asleep in the white-colored ward, one of the stewards stood on my left side as Amar was lying in his pod on my right. He had put his palm against the glass and kissed it.

“I love you, see you on the other side,” he had said and I had heard it. The flight attendant had also told me to lie down and relax as the anesthesia began to muddle my mind, meaning anyone outside my pod should be able to hear me now too, leaving only one other option: I had woken up too early.

They had warned us about this, there was a 0,0013% chance, but it happened sometimes, and it had happened to me. Had the instruction video told us how to call for help? I couldn't remember. I thought about my little girl, what if this had happened to her instead? What if she had been in the darkness all alone, crying for help only for nobody to answer her cries? The thought almost made me weep yet I was glad I had been the one locked inside my cryopod. There was only a 0,0013% chance I told myself, Amar, and Lila were peacefully unaware of what was happening to me and we all would laugh about it later once we got to our destination. Now I only need to alert someone and get back to sleep.

Everything would be alright if I could just reach someone.

Even though the pod should have sent the crew an error message or something after malfunctioning, it might have also glitched, but it was still keeping me alive, it had dispensed the jell, so it wasn’t completely broken, and I had to believe that was why nobody had noticed it. I knew most of the crew would be awake, taking care of us while we slept and making rounds every half hour to make sure every cryopod was working correctly, and that had to be the shadow I had seen before. The sudden darkness had to be because the crewmember left the room, he turned off the lights, and moved to another section!

Right?

The outside of the cryopod groaned horrifyingly, forcing me to wince almost like it was disagreeing with my conclusion and in the back of my mind I knew why. My cryopod had moved, turning me from a lying to a standing position. It had happened just moments after the crewmember had left the room. Maybe he hadn't seen or heard it because of the automatic door’s hissing? They had been noisy enough to startle Lila, they would be noisy enough to hide the pod’s sounds, and as soon as the crew member returned, they would see my wrongly positioned pod!

Shrouded in the darkness, everything felt suffocating even with oxygen-rich liquid in my lungs. It was meant to be coughed out once you woke up, like mucus during the flu. The stewards had filled our lungs after we had fallen asleep, and thinking about my lungs slowly filling with gel made me shiver. I would have to wait at least another half hour for the next inspection and I had to stay calm. I tried to remember all the meditation techniques Amar had tried to teach me when we started dating all those years ago, but the cramped-up space made it hard even in the darkness. I thought about my husband, sleeping peacefully, and my daughter who had fallen asleep watching a funny movie. She had inherited her laughter from Amar and when they laughed together it was like she was accompanying him with her bright tone. Thinking about them made me chuckle a bit, but soon I was back in my darkness, their brightness fading away and giving room for the loneliness I was feeling right now, bringing in tears with it.

In the darkness, the time moved even slower than usual, rivaling the feeling in the dentist’s office. I counted silently every second, focusing on the numbers rather than my solitude.

300… 301… 302... 303... 304… 305.. 30-... How many seconds are there in 30 minutes?

How long had I panicked and thought about my family?

I wrapped my hands around myself, feeling the cold glass with my bare elbows. The warmth had faded with the purged jell and the air around me was getting colder. I suppose it was cheaper to warm each pod rather than the whole room for the month.

645… 646… 647… 648… 649… 670…

There are 1800 seconds in 30 minutes and I have waited almost half of it. 15 minutes in this darkness felt like an eternity. Something made my ears pop and I tried to ease the feeling with yawning.

966… 967… 968… 967… 968… 969…

There was some comfort in the low humming of the pod, like what a baby might hear in a womb. I guess these pods are designed that way, to ease us back into that primordial state where we would await to be born again.

1455… 1456… 1457… 1458... 1459…

I must have gotten confused, there was no way it would take this long for them to make their checkups. Although, maybe the guy wasn’t very punctual? It takes a month to get to our destination, even with a powerful propulsion system, doing their rounds every 30 minutes during that time must be exhausting and boring.

2000… 2001… 2002… 2003… 2004…

They relied on the alarm system and did their rounds occasionally. That means they might not be here for a while… I could feel the all-too-familiar dread creeping into my soul again. They might take hours or even days, I honestly hope they do their rounds at least once a day, but even then today’s round would be over and I would have to wait even longer for the next one.

The hull of the pod groaned again ominously.

I had to get out, I can’t wait here for another minute. Desperately, I started to claw the darkness around me, hoping to catch something, a button or a switch, anything! There had to be something to open the pod from the inside. I pulled the small tubes from their brackets hoping it would be enough to ring an alarm, but nothing happened. I could feel some moisture on the ceiling of my prison, slowly dripping down to my face as I panicked in terror. Think! Think! Think! I told myself, were there any guidelines in that damn instruction video? Did I see anything inside my pod when I entered? But my head was as empty as my stomach, the jell had kept me nourished, but it was gone now and one of the first things they did was feed us after waking up. The almost liquid soup from the video looked almost like a fine dinner in my starving mind.

I found something round and hard with my hands, but as I gently pushed it, it gave in a little. Whatever it was, I had to try it and I pushed it in with all of my might. There was a crack and I could feel a sharp pain in my thumbs as the hard surface broke under the pressure, but then a red flickering light flooded my metallic sleeping chamber and I gasped in relief. It wasn’t much, but it was anything other than the darkness I had endured and it revealed how truly cramped up I was. Like a heartbeat, the light turned on and off again and again. I glanced at my thumbs and saw tiny glimmering shards of glass embedded in them, the dark black liquid dripping down from the wounds, its true color hidden by the red light. The stinging pain got only worse as I began to pick out the small shards. The pain I was feeling had cleared my head and finding that light helped me calm down again.

A light that could only be an alarm, soon the crew would be running down to the sleeping quarters and free me. The constant counting down and earlier yelling had made my mouth dry and I hoped they had warm drinks aboard. That would be my first request and perhaps instead of going to hypersleep again, I would stay awake for a while, visit my daughter, and talk to her as she dreamed. Spent time with the crew, anything else but being put in here again.

Any minute now and I would be free.

I put my bleeding thumbs into my mouth and it was like I had just put cold, rusty pipes in there. The thick liquid helped me to dampen my tongue, but it felt disgusting and I was happy when I could feel the blood dry up.

Any minute.

Could I sue them for this? Did my insurance cover this? if it only happened to 0,0013%, then I should be reimbursed. I’m never going to step into these death machines ever again. Knowing the liner we chose, I knew they would try to sue me instead for the damages, but they had to see reason. I had been the one trapped and their workers had decided to skip their rounds, forcing me to take action. I would take this to the news if I had to.

Oh, wow, I’m really hungry and thirsty.

The relief of getting the red light on was fading now. The constant stable rhythm of darkness and barely visible surroundings had become annoying, not helped by the stinging in my fingers. Looking around every time I was able to spot something made me realize how much I had destroyed in my panic. Tubes and wires were hanging all over, but the pod seemed to still work as intended… Or as intended as it could in this state. There was a dark, possibly red, handle with “emergency release” written on it in white letters, but pulling it did not do anything, almost like it was stuck somehow.

Thinking about food made me wonder about other things, what if I need to take a crap? The stewards were supposed to give us something to help with the bowel movement after we woke up, but what if I have to go here? I can’t say I liked that thought very much.

Soon.