Who I Am

Born in 1967 during the “Summer of Love”, my parents, Ann (Hagen) and Gary Kraske, named me John Michael. My father was the first-born son of German descendants and World War Two US Army Sargent and RESCUED POW, Elmer Kraske and his wife Maxine (Claypool). My mother Ann was the 4th of 6 children of Minnesota farmers Mary Catherine (Torpey) and Albert Hagen. “Al” was the last of 7 children born to German Catholic farmers Frank Hagen, who had emigrated from Germany as a young boy, and Elizabeth(?), also of German descent and one of 12 children! My grandmother, “Kay”, after losing her big brother to a freak football accident at 14, basically grew up an only child to Irish farmers settled in Pocahontas, Iowa. Awe-inspiringly, she was literally a child prodigy trained concert pianist! She ended up becoming the Catholic Church Music Director/choir teacher/piano player/band leader for 2 different Minnesota tiny towns called Bird Island and Olivia, as well as for the local Knights of Columbus! My grandmother’s mother, Mary Helen (Pattee), was the first born of 10 siblings. She had 3 younger sisters who would devote their lives to Christ and the Catholic Church as Nuns: Adelaide (Sister Mary Agatha), Agnes (Sister Mary Xavier) and Veronica (Sister Mary Katherine), as well as a brother, Francis Aloysius, who would become a Catholic Priest (Father Frank). My grandmother’s first daughter, Loraine, also followed the same path into the church and became Sister Paula. Sr. Paula was a Prioress for a period of time in Saint Paul, Minn. She’s still very active at this time. My own mother, as a matter of fact, had the convent on her mind for a time. Until the time came to choose between the convent and college, and she made the ultimate decision to pursue an education.

From my birth, I was raised as a Catholic Mass attending, weekly Catechism going, buzz cut (until I could finally get it (not) cut by myself) “Air Force Brat”. As is my heritage, I have ingrained in my soul as well as have been personally intrigued by the stories of The Bible. Plainly as it happened, I enjoyed learning about Jesus as a child. I naturally felt the desire to “think like Jesus”. You know, the “What would Jesus do?” mentality. I remember feeling remorseful the first time I said, “God damn it!” because I thought asking God to “damn” something was seriously too harsh of a statement. I decided right then that I never wanted to use that mad outburst ever again. I truly felt a respect for a “higher power” from the beginning of my memory as I matured through childhood.

I was still a young child as I began feeling and sometimes seeing what appeared to my mind to be spiritual activity around me at night while in bed. Being a kid, I tried to brush it off like “I must be dreaming”, but I would remember in the morning of sometimes feeling “touched” and be curiously scared. I kept this strangeness to my own young mind thinking it was no big deal, “I must be dreaming”. Eventually, after the realism of what I was experiencing had me believing in ghosts, I begged it to stop in my prayers. It did...for a while.

My dad was a pilot in the Air Force. He flew during the Vietnam War. So, we always lived near a military base. I was born in Oklahoma, little brother Kevin was born in North Dakota, then we moved to Louisiana, then to California!! I dug being a teenager living in California. I made some way cool friends! It was the late 70′s and 70’s ROCK was in our ears and on our minds. (One of my Cali friends would “direct me” in a HUGE WAY later in life!) The nearby creeks and the lakes all around, where my brother and I would fish and learn to water ski, were our playgrounds. Outdoors in nature was where I loved to be! Life in general was sunny. Right up to when my dad got transferred to Omaha, NEEBRASKA?? (14 yr old me) “Noooooooh, this is NOT OK!” We moved during Christmas break of my 9th grade year. OF COURSE, it was BELOW FREEZING and SNOWING when we arrived!! I hated it right from the start. Pulling into the driveway of our new residence in the neighborhood of Leawood South, I remember telling myself, “I WILL NOT live my life in this state!” My attitude turned rotten. Sadly, as well as madly, I tried to “keep away” from my parents and brother as much as I could by “trying” not to be around. But I did meet a great group of friends! Naturally, Rock N’ Roll, drinking, and smoking marijuana would be the way of my High School world. After I graduated HS, with my only one true skill of playing billiards not being the best future outlook, I still had NO IDEA why I even existed. But hey, fate happens!

When I eventually decided to move myself to Colorado on January 1st, 1989, (to attend The Colorado Institute of Art Music and Video Business), I was FULL of the “knowing” Christ was by my side because of a 3-day ultimate miracle that happened shortly after I turned 18 (my testimony)! Through that real-life experience, I don’t just believe but I know Christ called on me to wake up to his truth. And I did just that! It was an extraordinary weekend of proof that I could never deny happened. My life, my mind, and essentially my heart changed right then and there!! A few years later, before making the long drive across NeeBraska’s stretch of I-80 to BEAUTIFUL Colorado towards my destiny, from my mothers’ kitchen table, I grasped my hands and bowed my head and honestly PRAYED with utter intent and desire for my soul to “walk in HIS footsteps. Show me the way to my purpose. Guide me down the path of life that you have in mind for me. I’m in desperate need for a sense of PURPOSE. Thank you, Christ, for the life I live and for the LOVE that I get to share in your name. Amen.”

While driving away from all that I knew behind me, looking forward to the life that I prayed awaits, I felt 100% faith that I was driving into destiny while being carried by the wings of heavenly angels! I simply still hadn’t even a clue what glorified miracles I would experience through my time here on Earth. Soon, I began to recognize one miracle after the next after the next after the next. I woke up every day excited! Anticipating and looking forward to the next blessing, only to hope another would present itself...and they kept coming! But still, I kept my mouth shut. Who would believe that I was receiving “guidance” from Christ? Surely not me!

Blessed be the life that I live! I would eventually meet my lifelong best-friends at the school (Tom and Marvin) who seemed to be waiting for me to help kickstart life into adulthood as “Charged Particles” (our championship pool league team name!)! With an amazing class of others, the ENERGY we brought manifested around us daily! Consequential doors opened routinely. Then, one fateful day, BECAUSE I brought up my guitar hero's name, Tommy Bolin, in a class sales speech to promote “The Legend That Is”, I was to be introduced to one of Tommy’s actual friends while growing up in Boulder, Mike Drumm! Mike had become a music video producer in the early 80's and had just recently started a new music video program called Music Link TV! Right away I started working for he and his local music TV show! The timing was impeccable for me to meet Mike. He had, seriously, just started the program at the end of the previous year and I started 3 months later as his 1st intern! Then I turned into his editor/production assistant!! I met a plethora of young musical talent, some of which became huge stars! 3 years later, I branched off and created my own jazz TV show called Jazz Alley TV! It aired locally and throughout the Rocky Mountain region. Then eventually BET on Jazz and other satellite networks picked us up for a while. For the next 5 years, my Executive Producer and I shot and edited 60 episodes of Jazz and Blues festivals from around Colorado, then the country, then even some islands as well! I ended up providing jobs and experience for my friends to help run camera on these eventual multi-camera shoots! We had a BLAST meeting musicians like BB KING (My favorite handshake, in his trailer after an interview!! HE thanked ME for giving him the time! SO humble! I was flabbergasted!) and a ton of other Jazz and Blues greats! I was having THE TIME OF MY LIFE!! My unimaginable path AMAZED even myself of what “my purpose” had evolved into with the help of Christ as I continued to “listen” and “follow”, thanking HIM all along the way for the blessings of LIFE, LOVE, and BELIEF!

I had unsuccessfully dated a few girls along the way and never connected or fell in love with any of them. Not that the ladies weren’t beautiful souls themselves. Certainly, they did each play important roles in growing my personality into a man. It was just that the timing wasn’t right for love in that specific moment of my existence. That is, until Father Fate dealt me another blessed hand for me to play out!

On July 4th 1994, after a long morning shift at the Satellite Earth Station running Master Control for a satellite network that all 3 of us “brothers” had found work at, I sat on the couch at home listening to the neighbor’s fire off their supply of fireworks in the street all evening. My roommate and friends had, apparently, all made other plans for their night. Lonely and wishing I had company, I paused my thoughts for a moment and said a prayer, “Lord, I’m honestly beginning to feel alone on this path. I sure would like to find the right woman to walk with. I believe I’m ready to offer my heart to a meaningful relationship. Just sayin’...Thank you Christ for the life that I live and the love that I can’t wait to share, in your name!” Then I went to bed.

On July 7th, a Thursday night, another “brother” Jimmy Tate called me up to see if I wanted to see a local band that we liked called “Caught in The Act” at the Iliff Park Saloon! “Sure, let’s do it!” Jimmy picked me up in a MINT-GREEN BRAND-NEW CONVERTIBLE MUSTANG with white interior that the company he was building websites for had leased him for the year! We were certainly primed for a good time that night! As we sat at the bar enjoying the first set of cover tunes, my eyes caught the very moment a beautiful young lady walked into the club. She appeared to be walking in by herself as I watched her walk by me towards a group of girls sitting at a table nearby. With the honest feeling of “knowing”, I leaned to my buddy Jim and said, "there she is!". To get a better look at this lovely face that I had been drawn to, I decided to walk to the bathroom in order to pass her table where she sat with 4 girlfriends. When I returned, I said to Jimmy, giddily, “I think I’m in love!”

I continued to admire the mingling about of this lovely lady tickling my heart strings as I worked up the courage to ask her to dance. As I was feeling the energy of the band playing Pearl Jams’ “Evenflow”, I turned to see this vision of an angel get up from her chair, begin walking my way, then as she got closer, she looked me in the eyes, smiled and kindly said, “You look like you’re enjoying the music, would you like to go out on the dance floor?” (eyes buggin’) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! SHE JUST ASKED ME TO DANCE!!! Destiny is a magical miracle, I tell ya! With the biggest Johnny K smile of confidence quickly growing on my face, I gently nod in agreement as my mind screamed inside, “Why YES!...YES I DO!”

Out on the dance floor I asked for her name. She smiled and responded, “Angie”. I could feel my heart warm as I gazed at this beautiful young lady begin dancing with joy. When the song ended, the band quickly went into Iron Maidens’ “Trooper”! At which time Angie started excitedly bouncing around mimicking the fast-paced bass line of Steve Harris’ intro to the song! My mind FLIPPED with delight and “danced” along!! Iron Maiden was one of the hard rock bands that I LOVED as a kid! Now, here’s this GORGEOUS ANGEL of beauty ROCKIN’ to one of my own favorites!! LOVE SOLIDIFIED, as far as I was concerned!!! I swear I saw a halo form over her head as we danced to a third song confirming my belief! Then the moment was over as Angie declares, as she walked away to sit back down with her friends, “OK, that was fun. Thank you. Now I’m thirsty.".

(Not so fast)

I went back over to sit down with my brother Jimmy, leaned over with a big, huge grin and said to him, “I told ya!”

(Game on.)

During the next break in music, I watched Angie and one of her friends get up to play pool in a back area. (Perfect) I stood from my seat and suggested to Jimmy as I grinned with confidence, “I’mma-gonna-go make a friend!” I then casually walked back to where she was, stopped to cheer her on, then I just started talking with my smile while she and her friend aimlessly tried to play a game of 8-ball. By the end of the night, after playfully conversing and clearly showing my interest, as last call was being announced, I handed Angie a business card that said Producer/Editor/Camera Guy for Jazz Alley TV with my phone number on it and said, “I enjoyed talking with you this evening. If you’re interested in a friend, please give me a call.” She gave me a smile as she took my card. After a hug and a friendly peck on my cheek, she glanced into my eyes and said, "you sure are a nice guy.", then she turned and walked away with her friends as I then began to search for where my brother Jimmy ended up.

(Hook inserted! Now come on Johnny, real her in!)

I had purposely decided not to ask for HER phone # for the mindful specific reason to “test fate”. Seriously, I let her walk away that destined late night of us coming together with me in her mind. I knew the feeling I had was real. It took Angie 5 days of me wishfully thinking about her, but SHE DID finally decide to call (prayer answered!)! (WHEW!!) We were married 2 years later! Then INSANELY BLESSED a year after that with the ultimate heavenly fate of bringing boy/girl TWINS into the world!! We named our son Zavon Mathias and our daughter Breawna Kay. I can’t express more dramatically how “meant to be” every day has been since!

Now, I’m not saying that my path through life has been easy. No, there are struggles to overcome on EVERY path of life...mine included. Learning how to overcome life’s “madness” with the belief of a better day just around the corner is the key. Knowing, as I feel I do, WITHOUT an INCLING of DOUBT to be considered, has allowed THIS believing in Christ soul to live beyond his wildest imagination through the heartbeat of LOVE!! Many blessings are recognized through my eyes EVERY DAY, ALL thanks to my savior Jesus Christ!!

My path has now led me to live in a house amazingly, coincidentally, located underneath “the largest bulb-lit star in the country that represents The Star of Bethlehem” in Palmer Lake Colorado! I have made it thus far into my existence with the understanding of “life purpose” and a true belief in the guidance from the heavens above! The miracles on my journey have ALL been real! The light I’ve been shown is real! THIS is “who I am”, and I AM real!! Now is the time to share MY TRUTH of Jesus by revealing the knowledge that HE has directed me to learn and to understand. Now is the time for me to tell the story of “My Ultimate Purpose”.

For your knowledge, I did not fabricate any of my journey for effect. I speak only truth. That’s how I roll. Please enjoy with an open mind.