Set free

Kamala was seated on a swing in a park, and Ravi stretched on the grass in front of her, watching her.

It was magical to him, always watching Kamala on a full moon night. She was wearing a red cotton saree that night, her pallu casually tossed over her shoulder, accentuating her curves, her long thick braid sprawled over her breast. His eyes fell upon her toenails bearing a red nail polish which he had put on her a couple of days back. He smiled recalling how she had admired her own feet and the red-coloured toenails, placing them on his bare chest, and how she had tickled him hard as she tried to write her name with her toe over his heart. His heart was leaping with joy, even thinking of the incident.

“How much pain can you bear for me, Ravi?” She asked, interrupting his train of thoughts

Puzzled he replied, ” I don’t know. Why do ask?”

“Can you push the swing, please?” She casually asked.

Coming closer, he gave the swing a gentle push and sat watching the strands of hair brushing dreamily over her face and the end of her saree pallu waving with the breeze.

As he sat lost in admiration, when the swing came closer to him, she stretched her legs forward, pressed her feet on his chest and swung higher with a kick over his heart.

She laughed aloud seeing him tossed to the ground

He sat up smiling, and kept stroking his chest.

“Come on, sit tall! I need another thrust!” she demanded cheerfully.

He readily knelt before her, waiting for the strike.

She kicked his chest hard and giggled again watching him squirm in pain.

With every swing she kicked him harder, her toes drilling over his heart each time. He was gasping and sweating but quickly gathered himself and sat with his chest up and hands over his head, bracing for more.

She kicked him with a loud thud as the balls of her feet pounded his chest hard. He clasped his chest, moaning in pain

“That’s all?” she challenged, with a chuckle watching him massage his chest hard.

He sat up taller and welcomed her with open arms.

She kicked over his heart again with all her strength. He shuddered but sat tight. More violent kicks came piercing to his heart. She watched him tremble with pain, at each kick. She stopped the swing and kicked his chest hard until he fell to the ground, gripping his chest, coughing and breathing heavily. She continued to swing while watching him. Mustering all his strength, he dragged himself again and sat up tall on his knees before her. He couldn’t control his tears this time when he saw her eyes. She jumped out of the swing and ran to him.

She rubbed his chest, saying,” I am sorry. Is it too painful? Let’s go to the doctor,” she said, pressing over his heart with one hand and wiping the sweat on his face with the end of her pallu.

” I can take even more. Why did you stop? Go back to the swing,” he said as he rose to his feet and led her back to the swing.

“ Oh, I know that. I couldn’t take it anymore,” she said, and broke down into tears, holding him tight by his shirt.

“Kamal, don’t cry. I am ok. It didn’t hurt at all,” he said pressing her hand to his chest.

“Liar, “she said, wiping her tears in vain, trying to gather herself.

“ No seriously. Let’s go back. I can prove it.” He tried to lighten the moment

“ I never thought I would make you shed tears in pain. My heart must have been made of stone.” She said locking eyes with him.

He held her tight to his chest and said,” I didn’t cry out of pain from the kick. I cried because you kicked in a manner it should hurt me more. That hurt, Kamal”, he said pressing her cheek over his heart.

Burying her face in his chest, she began to sob profusely.

“Kamal, I am sorry. I know I was wrong. You must just have taken liberties with me, that’s all. That’s fine. You have all the right to that. I am a fool. I mistook you. Look at me, please,” he pleaded as he cupped her face in his palms.

She shook her head fiercely and said, “ You were right! ”

“ I wanted it to hurt you a lot. So much that you would hate me.”

He was still holding her tight in his arms. Her hands pressed over his chest, she could feel him breathe heavily, his heart thudding aloud.

“ Ravi, I am about to tell you something that will hurt you even more. I don’t know how I can prepare you for that, “she warned.

His eyes turned serious. He looked at her anxiously.

“ My marriage has been fixed. My engagement will be next week.”

Like a thunderbolt had struck him, he let go of her.

She let out a wail at that and began to sob uncontrollably.

“Why are you crying, Kamal? “ he softly asked, his face red with emotions.

“I know this will kill you“, she muttered

“What about you? It wouldn’t kill you?” he asked.

“I have made up my mind. So, I will live with my decision. I cannot marry anyone against my parents’ wish. I know they will not agree to get us married. Our families are very different. It’s not practical, Ravi. It’s not even about my parents to be honest. You and I are very different. You can sleep under the sky, you can enjoy a bus ride on a footboard. You can live on the same T-shirt for a week. Live in a shed for life. I am very different. I don’t want to change you one bit. Nor can I. This! Whatever we had between us was pure, was honest and heartfelt. This was like a dream. Your love and your expansive heart felt like heaven to me. I don’t want our families to ever meet and kill this. I will never show you to anyone, “ she said, battling her tears “We can’t stretch our fantasies beyond this. We will have to end this, Ravi. Bury each other in our hearts!”

He stood like a stone taking in every word of hers.

“Will you forgive me?” She asked.

He looked at her long and hard.

“Can I change anything, Kamal? Shall I fall at your feet and beg you? Will it change? I will take a dip in all the holy rivers and come back. Will you consider me clean enough? Will I have a chance then, to at least stand before your father? Or you tell me what I should do now. You have decided everything so far. Tell me what you had in mind about my future. Let me hear that too. Or should I assume that you imagined I would be dead by now.” He choked with tears at that.

“I wish you had kicked me harder, Kamal. You could have crushed me like an insect under your foot. I wish I had fallen dead right near that swing. I would have never heard all this.”

She thrust herself on him, tore open the buttons of his shirt and hugged him tight, digging into his chest as much as she could. She kissed his bare chest, wiping away his sweat with her saree as she hugged him from all sides. Resting her chin over his heart, she looked up at him and said, “ You are the purest I know. I want you to be that way always. My world will not suit you. It will hurt you a lot, mock at you, try to change you and then kill you. I cannot see that happen. “

As he gently wiped the tears off her eyes, she softly implored,“ You will have to bear this pain for me, please! All your life. Will you do it for me?”

He nodded with a pat on her cheeks, her pleading eyes were more than he could bear. He breathed so heavily as if his heart was about to explode.

She hugged him again so tight, hoping she could pierce through his chest and go within, pressing her face hard over his heart. He shook with tears. They cried their hearts out like babies in each other’s arms.

She never saw him after that night. He vanished from her life like a dream!

She had traveled around the world, over the years that followed, had many rides on flights, yachts and Mercedes, but not one to match the warmth she felt on those footboard rides on crowded buses, leaning, thrusting her entire weight on his chest, trusting him with her life. His memories gave her warmth.

Anything vast spread before her eyes, the sky, the sea, the mountains or a huge tree, they reminded her of Ravi, his pure, expansive heart! She smiled with tears every time she saw a bird fly high. It was her Ravi, she thought! Set free!