We Let Go

Anna May Jenkins may seem like a simple girl with simple needs, but first impressions can be deceiving.

My name is Rasha Yarrow, and others sometimes called me a loud-mouth, shameless rascal. I needed a friend who knew how to listen. Naturally, Anna May and I attracted each other, or rather, I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

We went to the same college - Elysian City State University. She was working at the checkout counter when I was checking out my library books. Her wild curly brown hair suited her small, round face. I thought her red cat-eye glasses were attractive and made her look intelligent.

That girl at the checkout counter mumbled, “Why do demons exist?” as I approached.

I chuckled. “I love your glasses.” I smiled at her while handing her my books to be checked out.

Scanning the book’s barcodes, she blushed shyly and said, “Thank you.”

I wonder what her first impression was of me - a tall girl with short cropped red hair and an androgynous look. I must have looked incredibly dashing. I’ve modeled part-time, and my face was even on the cover of that magazine near the counter.

“Ooh, a new magazine - have you seen this?” I picked that magazine up, stealing a glance at Anna May. I then casually flipped through the magazine, making sure she saw the cover.

“I stocked it up today,” she smiled.

“Who is that incredibly cool woman on the cover?” I wondered aloud.

Anna blurted, “Her name is Rasha Yarrow and she’s standing right in front of me. Perhaps I should get a signature.”

“I could sign your bra.” I teased her. “Are you a freshman too?”

“Yes, we actually are in the same Celestial History class. Professor Flynn. Angel 101.”

“Hey, we have the same assignment due tomorrow! Let’s suffer together!” I said, perhaps too excitedly. “What time do you get off work?”

“In about thirty minutes. But I finished the assignment.” Her black eyes darted to her binder. She immediately regretted the action.

“Even better!” I exclaimed with glee, glancing at the binder that she just identified as containing a specific treasure. “You can help me with the assignment! I’ll wait for you right over there.”

I took a seat on a bench directly across from the checkout counter, keeping a close watch on her and smiling at her from time to time. No, I’m not insinuating to copy her assignment, I’m just here to make friends. She was clearly flustered and looked at me with disdain; perhaps deep down, she did like me. I’m very likable. I have lots of fans, I have lots of friends.

Our friendship developed naturally from that first homework-copying session, which turned into many study sessions, or in her words, homework-copying sessions, and eventually led to us graduating together.

Ten years later, we were still close friends. We had many coffee-dates, movie dates and drunken karaoke festivities, which sometimes ended with one of us puking our brains out in an alleyway of this dazzling Elysian City - population five million and decreasing.

Not really a good time to stay in Elysian City these days. There were way too many one-on-one celestial showdowns of Our Lord Cassiel and She-Devil Lucifer.

Like tonight, there was a white dragon from the Lord’s side and a red demon from the Devil’s side duking it out in the night sky. Amidst the blaring emergency sirens, I grabbed Anna’s hand and rushed to the nearest shelter, our waffle ice creams victimized in the chaos.

The nearest emergency shelter was a subway station, by the time we got there it was already filled with people to the brim. We had to make do with a spot close to the entrance—still protected, but not as much.

The five-minute battle ended quickly with Lucifer’s side victorious. In the battle’s aftermath, a huge chunk of dragon flesh struck a construction crane, causing it to topple all the way from the top of a building onto the street below. Metal pieces of the crane were propelled near the subway entrance and it split Anna May’s head. Her blood graced my face, and I saw only red before fading into black.

—

Days went by so quickly. Grief slowly replaced by acceptance, with many tears and a hole in one’s heart that one cannot be too sure if it will ever be filled.

This morning, I found myself getting used to a rather odd situation. I glanced at the wailing alarm clock and confirmed I was on schedule for work. I made myself oatmeal with fresh blueberries for breakfast and followed it up with a long, relaxing shower. I finished applying my natural makeup as I greeted Anna May who was watching the morning show.

“Good Morning.”

“Why do angels even exist?” she mumbled, her brow furrowed with the weight of the news about the recent celestial street brawl between a pink-haired angel and an imp.

She asked me a question, but I didn’t answer. This was our world, our universe, our reality. Angels and demons existed, they fought, and humans were caught in the middle. Elysian City was just another miserable city among countless others. Every day, we binged on mortal pleasures and drowned in mortal sorrows while cursing the celestial antiques. What was new?

We rode the elevator together in silence from the twenty-first floor to the lobby.

“It’s gonna rain today.” Anna May casually remarked. “You didn’t bring an umbrella.”

Meh, I shrugged. “I’ll just grab one from the office.”

It took thirty minutes to get to my office from home. If taking a bus, one could get there in fifteen minutes.

I waited patiently for the bus and glanced at this ghostly apparatus of a young female next to me. Even in death, Anna May was as cute as I remembered. Her wild, curly brown hair floated around her as she drifted from corner to corner of the bus stand.

No one was with us in the bus station. “Are you jealous that I can do this?” Anna May smirked at me as she floated upside down, her hands cupped my head.

“Anna May, this can’t go on forever,” I sighed. “You’re dead. We have to stop this.”

Anna laughed, her pale face brightened slightly . “You know what I want. Head over to my apartment and help me complete my bucket list.”

I remained quiet. I refused her request last time because I knew that saying yes once would lead to me agreeing to fulfill the entire bucket list. Was there any room of negotiation with this ghost?

“I can’t promise to complete your bucket list, but I can visit your apartment.”

“I reassure you—it’s not too bad. You should be able to handle it before my forty-day death anniversary.”

I saw the bus approaching. “Let’s pick this up after I’m finished with work,” I said.

We used to work together at the same company before she passed away. We used to commute to the office together. As I settled down in my cubicle, I noticed that her desk had not yet been reassigned to anyone despite its strategic location next to a window.

The lunch hour arrived, I ate my convenience store sandwich on the rooftop park, where Anna May used to slurp her ramen cup next to me. We didn’t care about nutrition; we saw food as fuel. Now a ghost, she simply stared at me as I finished my sandwich, occasionally trying and failing to remove crumbs from the corner of my mouth.

After work, we took another bus to her apartment, which was only a building away from mine. I rang the bell, and the doorman, recognizing me as Anna’s best friend, let me in.

Anna paid in advance for the whole quarter. Her one-bedroom apartment was a typical size for the neighborhood. As I opened the door, a wave of melancholy washed over me. She lived a simple life and did not decorate her room much. A lot of her furniture was still there. Her family had decided to keep only the necessary things that may still have value or hold important memories; a donation company would collect the rest in a few days.

“We’ve arrived,” I declared. “Now, where is that dreaded list?”

“Let’s go to the bedroom. It’s in a special place.”

The fragrance of strawberry lemonade lingered in her bedroom as I opened the door. The scent bothered me, so I searched for the electric fragrance plugin and unplugged it.

“Do you mind if I play music?” I asked Anna. She nodded.

I searched through my playlist and played my Avicii playlist from my phone. The hippy song “Waiting for Love” now filled the air with excitement and helped reduce the menacing sadness from a few moments ago.

I first assumed that an important note like that would be on the side table, so I immediately went to a plain, simple white side table and opened the drawer. Alas, I could only see various dildos of many different sizes. I grabbed a particularly unique, strawberry-colored one with two small protruding antennas, then stared at Anna, waiting for her explanation.

“One of the worst things about dying is people discovering your secrets.” Anna shrugged, then continued. “The note isn’t there; it’s inside the closet.”

I scanned the room for a closet and opened the door.

“Search for a red jacket.”

The red jacket wasn’t that hard to find. It was in the very corner of the closet, still enclosed by plastic wrap. It’s a very well-made, designer-brand, quilted jacket.

“I don’t recall you ever wearing this jacket. It’s very nice.”

“I haven’t worn it at all; I was saving it for when my future fiancé proposed to me.”

I remained silent. Until her death, Anna May stayed single and never had a boyfriend.

“There should be a note inside the pocket.” Anna directed me.

My hands started to sneak through the pockets inside the red jacket, looking for the note. “I didn’t find it.”

“Search the inside pocket.”

After some time, I finally found the note. The white paper was carefully folded into quarters, and as I unfolded it, scribbles of blue ink caught my attention.

Kiss an angel

Selfie with an imp

Crash a royal wedding

…

Anna, breaking the awkward silence, blurted out, “So, what do you think?”

“You aren’t aiming high enough,” I replied sarcastically. Here I thought she was a simple girl with simple needs. What’s with this unattainable bucket list?

“You seriously thought you could do all of these before you died?”

“Bucket lists should ideally include some lofty goals.”

“The keyword here is ‘some,’ not ‘all,’” I protested. “There’s no way I could do this.”

I started to bring in my objections:

To kiss an angel, you should have access to one.

To take a selfie with an imp, you should identify it first. Imps shapeshift all the time.

To crash a royal wedding, you should be aware of the aforementioned party and get through all the security.

“When did you write this?” I asked Anna.

“About two years ago.”

“It seems like something that you carelessly write in one go.”

“Yes,” Anna admitted. “I was drunk.”

“A drunken bucket list? Impressive!” I chuckled. “Was I there?”

“Yes, it was after we helped Daniel with his proposal.”

Daniel was our mutual friend; at the said venue, he was about to propose to his fiancée of two years. We helped him with his marriage proposal by holding a sign that said “Would you marry me?” outside the restaurant where he and his fiancee dined. The proposal, while simple, was successful.

“After a proposal, one usually is inspired to find a boyfriend and make a list of must-haves, Anna. Yet you make a list of what to do before death.”

“I already found my soulmate; I don’t need to make a list of must-haves.”

To say that I was surprised was an understatement.

“I always share with you, Anna, about my must-haves for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Yet you are always hesitant to share this kind of stuff with me. Tell me more now.”

“I will, only if you promise me to do my bucket list on my behalf.”

I coughed, trying to disguise my nervousness. “Mm... About that, let’s recap my objections again, shall we?”

How do we get closer to an angel?

How do we ever find an imp and recognize it?

Royal weddings are very rare, and how will we ever get invited to one?