Still Growing Up

"I am sorry." Rose spoke solemnly, her gaze downcast with a frown, her hands shaking as she finished writing the letter, tears streaming down her face. "You deserve better and I...I can't be that for you, Ben." She whispered out.

She had finish putting the letter together, breaking down in tears softly while in the sanctity of her own bedroom, her left hand reaching up to cover her mouth and stifle any sobs.

She didn't want to do this. Leave, but she had no choice. She had to and it was the most difficult thing in the world for her in the moment.

Within a couple minutes, she left the note, grabbed her bag and left without another word and being as quiet as she could, not wanting to get caught.

Rose had fallen in love, and that ended up causing her more pain than she originally wanted or sought for. The man of her dreams, the one that she found out she couldn't live without anymore, had supposedly died and she was sent into a grieving panic.

The day she found out he died was the same day that she found out that she was Pregnant. She was supposed to tell him in excitement when he got back from deployment but instead she was greeted by a few uniformed officers with a folded flag and dog tags. That sight alone caused her to fall in a panic and break down in front of the men.

She knew what had happened without a word being said and that day, that moment, replayed in her head for months on nonstop. She was alone, with absolutely nobody except her baby.

So, once she could figure something out without that sick feeling or the emptiness of her loss, she left. She took only her necessities and left on a trip that sent her offgrid with no trace or way to find her.

Having spent the nine months staying pregnant and giving birth. Her and Matthew, her now deceased love, had spent so much money on IVF and she wasn't going to waste it, but she was financially unable to raise the child on her own afterwards.

It was the worst decision that she could have done, but she had no one and not enough money for a Babysitter or Daycare. She had to leave her Son with someone and she went to the one place she sought safe.

"You'll be safe here, I promise Ben. Mommy's always going to look after you." Rose quietly and shakily cooed out to the sleeping infant before hastily leaving a gentle kiss to the baby's head and then pulling away, tucking a letter in between the baby and cushioning of the carseat he was in before leaving as she continued to cry. She lost both of the most important people in her life and she couldn't handle it and worried something rash would happen. Something that she needed to make sure Ben was protected from and looked out after.

"You'll always be Mommy's little angel, Ben. Remember that." She quietly whispered and choked out to herself while having her right hand rest on her chest, reaching up to cover her mouth to stifle the cries and choked back sobs as she walked away and left her baby boy.