Chapter One | Gossamer
|Wednesday, Decem 22nd, 537(TG)—Dor-Sanguis, The Lucidian Catacombs|
Aleksei didn’t want to die. They didn’t want to burst into flames, they didn’t want to melt into black sludge—they didn’t want to end up like those other boys. Unworthy. Discarded. Forgotten. But how were they supposed to learn to do it right if they were never let out of this cold, empty room?
They hated those women. Abbess Brânduśa and the others. They’d feed Aleksei just enough to keep the hunger from killing them—though it was never enough to make it stop. Those women all looked at them like they were pathetic, like they were just another kid soon to fail. And the longer Aleksei sat in the freezing darkness, the more they began to believe it themself.
When was the last time Lilith let them out? How long had it been since the priestesses had brought them blood—since anyone had even passed their door? There were no windows, no way for them to see the corridors outside. The only thing that came under the tiny gap between the silver door and the cracked brick floor was a bitter breeze, and when it carried the smell of death, they knew that another boy had failed.
Aleksei asked themself the same things every single day. Had they made a mistake? Did they do something wrong? Was Lilith not happy with them…again? The last time she tested them, she hadn’t shouted, she hadn’t slapped them; the last time they saw her face, she smiled. But what if it wasn’t the kind of smile that was supposed to make them feel the way they had felt—content, relieved? What if it was the same smile that Abbess Brânduśa and the priestesses gave them? Those mocking smirks, those patronizing sneers.
What if she’d abandoned them? What if she’d decided that they didn’t even deserve her lessons anymore? That smile…what if it was cruel, what if it was telling them that Lilith was done with them, that they’d disappointed her so much that the idea of leaving them in this room to rot and starve made her glad? Gladder than executing them.
Tears pooled in their eyes. Despite knowing that it was no use seeking warmth, they curled into themself in the corner, arms wrapped tight around their knees; but the cold gnawed through their torn, bloodied clothes as if not there at all, making them shiver, making their limbs stiff and sore. They hated this room, they hated this place, but most of all, they hated themself.
Something rustled by the wall.
Aleksei sharply turned their head, their instincts flaring, their dismay immediately buried beneath desperation and hunger. They saw it—the rat.
Food.
They lunged. The thing barely had time to squeal before their hands closed around it, its body thrashing, clawing, fighting for its life. They didn’t care. Their fangs sank deep, piercing through fur and bone, and the taste of blood—thin, sour—spread across their tongue. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t human. But it was warm, and it was something. They swallowed it down, ignoring the way the creature twitched, ignoring the vile aftertaste.
Blood was blood.
The hunger didn’t fade, though. It never did.
They looked down at what remained of the rat; hollow, drained of everything that made it real. For a moment, they felt regret. This creature was the first living thing they’d seen in so long. Maybe they should have let it live. Maybe it would have liked them, maybe they’d have someone to talk to. But the bloodlust always won.
Aleksei let the corpse drop, nothing left inside but absence. They desperately searched for more, hoping that the rodent might be one of many, but no more came.
They dragged themself back to the corner they’d come to know better than anything alive, and when they huddled up, they let the sorrow constrict them once more—
There was something else.
Wherever the rat had scurried out from, another creature was following.
Aleksei’s instincts awoke again. Their claws extended, eager to grab whatever else dared wander into their room.
But it wasn’t a rat.
A spill of shifting colour broke through the darkness—black, deep red, something new that they had no name for. It seeped into the room like a liquid shadow, somehow fitting between a gap that the rats barely managed to squeeze through. It pooled at the floor before it rose up, stretching, taking shape.
Another living thing, half their size, nothing like a rat—it was…wrong. It had too many pieces, none of them familiar, all of them twisting together like they were meant to be, but Aleksei had never seen anything like it before. Its fur shimmered despite the lack of light, an uneven, shifting pattern that made it impossible to tell where one colour ended and another began. Its ears were tall, tufted at the tips like brushstrokes left unfinished. A long, ringed tail curled behind it, moving in slow waves, and it had wings—not like Lilith’s, not like the priestesses’, but with feathers…real feathers, like the ones the priestesses used in rituals.
It had horns, too. Small, spiralled things that rose just as high as its ears, curving back in a way that should have looked heavy. The creature blinked at Aleksei with blood-red eyes—those looked like Lilith’s eyes.
Whatever it was, it shouldn’t be here. It couldn’t be here.
And yet…there it was.
Watching them.
Smiling at them.
Aleksei tensed up, slowly rising to their feet, keeping their back against the wall. Whatever that thing was, it was bigger than any animal or beast they’d ever seen, big enough to hurt them, big enough to kill them. And as it prowled nearer, their heart beat frantically, their mind racing, torn between fight or flight.
But where would they go?
“Don’t be scared, Aleksei,” came a silky, purring voice.
The winged creature stopped and sat a few feet from Aleksei, still smiling.
“My name is Gossamer,” the same voice said.
This time, though, Aleksei saw the creature’s mouth move.
They stared into its crimson eyes, their heart still racing. Unlike with the rats, they weren’t immediately drawn to the idea of killing it, of draining it. Their instincts warned them to remain alert, to be prepared to fight or run when and if the time came.
The creature’s tail swayed behind it, sweeping through the grime on the floor, stirring up faint trails of dust. “I am Gossamer,” it repeated.
Aleksei wasn’t sure whether they should reply or not. Their instincts were still on edge, but if this thing was going to attack them, why was it telling them its name? And why hadn’t it struck already? They weren’t sure, but this creature was the first thing to speak to them in what felt like forever. So they slowly slid back down, keeping their sights on it. “V-vhat…vhat are you?” they murmured.
“I am Gossamer,” it replied.
They frowned unsurely, sitting down. “Vhat are you doing ’ere?”
“I was following that rat,” Gossamer said, glancing over its shoulder at the rat that Aleksei had just killed. “But you got to it before me.”
Aleksei shifted their sights to the rat before focusing on the creature again. Was it about to tell them that it was going to eat them instead? “I vas ’ungry,” they told it defensively. “Zhey vorget to veed me sometimes.”
The creature tilted its head ever so slightly. “The priestesses?”
They nodded.
With a quiet growl, Gossamer shook its head. “Abbess Brânduśa and the rest of them are awful,” it said quietly.
Their frown thickened. “’Ow do you know zhem?”
The creature smirked. “I’m a cat, Aleksei. I see everything.”
“Cat?” they murmured.
“A cat,” it confirmed, placing its paw on its chest. “Gossamer.”
Aleksei’s racing heart began slowing, and their nerves gradually settled. They’d never seen a cat before. What was it doing in their room? What was it doing in the catacombs? Was it one of Lilith’s creatures? How did it know their name? “’Ow do you know my name?” they questioned.
Gossamer shrugged its small shoulders. “I know everyone’s names.”
If this cat saw everything and knew everyone, then maybe it could answer their questions, maybe it could help silence their despair. “Is Liliv out zhere? Is she angry vith me?” they asked desperately. “Did I do someving vrong? I can do better, I promise!”
The cat gave a small chuckle. “Oh, Lady Lilith is far from angry with you, Aleksei.”
They didn’t understand what that meant.
“Lady Lilith has such grand plans for you.”
Grand plans? “Does she vink I’m veady?” they asked, unsure whether they were eager, anxious, afraid…or all three.
“Not yet, not yet. But soon,” Gossamer replied.
“Vhen?”
“Soon,” the cat insisted. “You must endure a while longer. There are still things to be done, more lessons to be taught, and then your time will come. Don’t let your desperation to please Lady Lilith urge you to do something before you are ready.”
Aleksei was certain that they were worthier than those other boys, ready to serve at Lilith’s side just as their mother had—they could do what they were born to do. But the cat was right. They had to endure. They had to wait. If they attempted the ritual before they were ready, they’d die…just like everyone else. “’Ow can I be veady? Zhey zon’t let me out. Zhey zon’t give any of us lessons like Liliv told zhem—zhey vant us to vail.”
Gossamer looked like it was thinking, purring quietly. “You are far more than a ritual component, Aleksei,” it murmured, leaning closer to them. “They don’t teach you because they fear you.”
They frowned confusedly. “Vhat?”
The cat’s smile widened—
A loud slam echoed outside the door.
Aleksei tensed up, their eyes snapping to it, their heart racing again.
Footsteps.
They got closer…and closer….
“Be strong, Aleksei,” Gossamer said, darting for the gap in the wall.
“Vait!” they called desperately, reaching out.
But the cat was already gone.
They set their eyes back on the door, breathing raggedly, listening to the loudening footfall. Were they coming for them? Were they going to take them to the chamber? Were they going to tell them to speak the words and draw the runes? Would they stand there and sneer as Aleksei’s skin tore away from their body like ash? Would those priestesses discard their body in the pit where every other child before them ended up?
Closer…closer….
But then further…and further.
The footsteps receded down the hall.
Aleksei let out a shaky breath, trying to relax their aching limbs. And then they tried to block out the sounds coming from the boy that Abbess Brânduśa was dragging back the way the footsteps had come. They were taking someone else.
For a moment, Aleksei wondered if this boy might be the one, if this boy might prove himself as the one worthy enough to serve at Lilith’s side. But deep down, Aleksei knew that he wasn’t. Minutes from now—maybe sooner—the smell of death would creep under the door again.
It could be them next.
And if it was…they needed to be ready.
Determination shoved away the dismay; they got up and headed over to the gap in the wall that Gossamer had slinked through. It was barely bigger than their fist. There was no use in trying to make it bigger, though; that silver door made it impossible for them to use their ethos inside this room.
But…there was another room through the gap, and when they eased their hand through, they felt their ethos gush into their hand like water bursting through a dam.
Aleksei pulled their hand back through—their ethos withered, leaving them empty, useless.
They thought about how Gossamer had oozed into the room—the cat’s body looked like smoke before it came through the gap. Could they do that? Could they somehow reshape their body so that they could fit through?
Lilith didn’t teach them how to use their ethos—not really. She only taught them what they needed to know to pass the test, to perform the ritual that killed the others.
Gossamer said that they were more than the ritual, and they wanted to believe it. They’d seen what Abbess Brânduśa and the priestesses were capable of. Like Aleksei, they were demons. That had to mean that they could do those things too, right?
They stared at the gap in the wall, and then they eased their hand through again. What were they supposed to do, though? They frowned, focusing on the ethos that rushed to their hand. They felt the warmth of whatever room lay beyond theirs, their stiff fingers finally getting some feeling back to them.
But it wasn’t the warmth that they were seeking. They needed to leave this room, they needed to find a way to prepare themself—to find the things that the priestesses weren’t teaching them when Lilith was gone. Whatever it took, Aleksei was going to be ready—they were going to live, and they were going to leave these catacombs.
They concentrated on that, closing their eyes, focusing on the ethos in their hand.
And then they felt it.
First in their fingertips—a strange, tingling numbness. No, not numbness. It was weightlessness, as if they were unravelling, seeping into the room beyond the wall. The sensation spread up their arm, then to their shoulder, and when they looked down, they saw their body dissolving into smoke, dissipating into the air just like Gossamer.
Panic struck. Their thoughts scattered like the mist their body was becoming. What if this was it? What if they never reformed? What if they faded completely, lost in the air, nothing but a wisp of memory? Aleksei wanted to stop it, to pull themself back together, but their body ignored them.
In a breath, they were gone.
The world blurred into a formless haze. They were everywhere and nowhere, drifting in an overwhelming nothingness. It wasn’t cold, not like the dark room had been, but it was disorienting—an endless, shifting space where they had no shape, no edges. Their thoughts twisted in on themselves, spiralling deeper into fear. What if they were trapped like this? A spectre with no body, no voice, no way back?
No. Aleksei refused that.
They clenched onto that thought, onto the desperate need to exist, to be whole again. Their body—their real body—it wasn’t lost. They just had to reach for it, to want it. So they concentrated, gathering themself, willing their form back together. It was like dragging pieces of themself from the air, forcing smoke to take shape, to solidify.
The warmth came first. It curled around Aleksei, sinking into their skin—their skin. They had skin. Their chest rose with a sudden breath, their legs steadying beneath them as the weight of existence slammed back into place.
Aleksei stood there, staring at their hands in disbelief.
Thet were whole. Solid. Real.
And they were free.
The warmth from the fire graced their skin, and they swore they could feel it all the way to their bones. They had forgotten what this felt like—to be warm, to be something more than cold shadows and dread. They exhaled a shaky sound, but they didn’t care. The darkness was behind them. And for the first time in the five long years that they’d spent in this place…they weren’t trapped.
Aleksei’s gaze lifted, taking in the room around them. It was a lounge—cosy, inviting. The firelight cast soft, flickering shadows across the walls, illuminating portraits of other priestesses. Their painted eyes followed Aleksei with deep judgment, but it was the massive portrait of her that truly caught their attention. Lilith. Regal, imposing, crimson-eyed and knowing. Even as paint on canvas, she exuded power, greatness…the kind of greatness that Aleksei knew they were born to achieve.
Their attention drifted lower, drawn to the table set with wine, bread, and neatly bottled blood. Their throat tightened at the sight of it. Hunger curled in their gut, insistent and deep, reminding them of everything they had been denied for too long. They stepped towards it without thinking, fingers twitching with the urge to seize a bottle, to drink, to feel something more than this gnawing emptiness inside them.
But there was no time.
The urgency slammed back into them like a slap to the face. They had to move. They had to find the room where Lilith held her lessons—that was where they’d find what they needed. It had to be.
Gritting their teeth, they shoved their hunger down, locking it away. Later. They could think about feeding later. Right now, every second mattered.
Aleksei turned sharply and rushed from the lounge, their pulse pounding with something too sharp to be relief. They didn’t know what they would find in that room—secrets, instructions, something to give them an edge—but they had to find it.
Because the test was coming.
And if they weren’t ready….
They’d end up like the others.
