Rebel Youth

There’s many things that demotivate thousands of children in their teenage years. Especially the so-called "norm" in society. Many of these children manage to survive, but some of them don’t make it. It’s unfortunate, very.

Baekhyun is a kid who loves many things. He’s supported by many people around him. But he has always had a secret to keep, hoping nobody ever finds out. He’s afraid of facing the consequences of that, even if it’s something he can’t control himself.

“Baekhyun-ah,” his mom’s voice called him. He’s been called by his mom lately. She’s getting older as the days pass, and she gets tired more easily too. That’s why she calls out for him every time.

“Yeah?” He asks back. His mother probably needs some help with some things in the kitchen, as she’s supposed to be making dinner.

“Come here, Baekkie,” his mother says softly, softly enough for him to hear.

He makes his way towards the kitchen.

Unfortunately for him, his room is not on the second floor like his parents’ and older brother's. He has to deal with his room being on the first floor. And that’s boring.

“What’s up?” He asks once he gets to the kitchen. His mother is humming to a song she has been obsessed with lately, one Baekhyun is tired of hearing by now. But he doesn’t say anything about it.

“Here,” his mom signals him to get closer and see whatever she has on her hands.

As he gets closer, he then notices what his mother wanted him to see. It’s a hummingbird.

“Isn’t it pretty?” He asks him, not receiving an answer. “I found it outside the front door. I think it got hurt and one of its wings isn’t working right now, probably got hurt from falling off a tree or something.”

Baekhyun loves hummingbirds.

He often thinks that if he was an animal, he’d choose to be a hummingbird. Because they are beautiful and small.

“It’s so pretty,” he says in awe. Receiving a hum from his mother, who stares at him with a smile on her face.

“It reminds me of you, Baekkie.” She says happily.

There’s no one in his life who seems to love him more than his mother. She has always been his number one supporter in everything.

“Why? Hummingbirds are beautiful, Mom. There’s nothing to remind you of me.” He jokes, receiving a small punch from his mother.

“Don’t say that, Baekkie! You’re the most beautiful kid in the world, so of course this beautiful bird reminds me of you.” She says softly. “It’s a little colorful, isn’t it? You’re a very colorful person, son. You’re like a rainbow to me!”

Mom, don’t say things you might not like to be true in the future… Baekhyun thinks to himself, sighing in the process.

“Okay, Baekkie. What should we name it?” His mother asks him, managing to get him out of his thoughts.

“We’re keeping it?” He asks, dumbfounded.

“Of course we’re keeping it, Baekkie!” She says, as if that’s the most normal thing to do in this situation. “We’ll keep it until its wing is completely healed. We will take them outside and set them free! And if they choose to stay, then so be it.”

Baekhyun smiled at that. He would love to have a hummingbird as a pet for a short time. He knows he and his mother would take good care of it.

“Mmm… I don’t know. What’s a good name for a bird, generally speaking?” He wonders. His mother seems to be in the same boat as him.

“What about 'Baekkie'?” She comments, waiting for her son’s reaction.

“Why would you give it my name?” He asks his mother, not really understanding her reasons.

His mother sighs. “Because you and the bird are alike, Baekhyun! I just told you that.” She pouts at her son. “You’re both like rainbows; you’re both very colorful. This could mean only good things will happen in your life, Baekkie.”

He nods. “I understand. Then… let’s name it Baekkie.” He gives his mother a sweet smile.

His mother nods back. They both smile at each other for a while before she tells him to babysit Baekkie so she can get ready to make dinner. Otherwise, his father would get a little angry when he gets home from work later. Even his older brother could get very annoying if there wasn’t anything to eat.

Baekhyun wasn’t sure what time it was, but he definitely didn’t feel like getting up yet. He had made a mistake by falling asleep at 4 a.m., knowing he had to wake up for school at five.

“Baekhyun-ah!” His mom called him at the other side of the door.

“I’m awake!” He replies, because he knows his mom will get inside his room if he doesn’t.

He sighs. He really shouldn’t have gone to sleep so late. But he’s used to it by now. It’s the same mistake he makes almost every day, and yet, he never stops doing it.

He decides it’s time to get out of his bed and goes to take a quick shower before getting ready for school. Exams are starting soon; he probably should start studying one of these days. He may be smart, but even if he is, he needs to study to get smarter.

Soon he’s done with his quick shower. He puts on his clothes and starts doing his hair and then brushing his teeth. Suddenly, there’s a constant knocking on his door. They’re soft knocks and he smiles, it’s always the same routine.

“Hey, Baekkie,” he greets the small bird that’s flying at the other side of his door. Opening completely to let her know she can get into his room.

About four years ago, Baekhyun and his mother went to see a veterinarian to inform themselves more about the bird. They found out that it was true that the bird had fractured one of its wings, and they also found out it was a female bird. The veterinarian told them many things about hummingbirds so they could manage to keep her. And now she’s healed. She can fly like she was supposed to.

They tried to set her free, but the bird didn’t want to leave. They tried to get inside the house just so she could leave, but it didn’t work. She only flew around the house, and then went back to their front yard. She stayed there for a couple of minutes before flying to the front door, knocking nonstop. As if she knew.

That’s when his mother couldn’t stand it anymore, and she opened the door, letting Baekkie back in. The bird entered the house enthusiastically, as if it were her home. And it was her home, actually. That’s why she never left them.

They would often let her go outside and fly as much as she wanted. They even were okay with her not coming back too. Her nature is to be free, and they wouldn’t want to prohibit her from going outside. But she always came back.

One day, though, she didn’t come back. They let her go outside to fly around very early in the morning, and she didn’t come back by the evening, like sometimes she did. That’s when they thought that maybe she had finally decided to be free. But they were wrong again. She had come back a few days later, but she didn’t come alone this time. She came back pregnant. They didn’t know who the father was, of course, but they knew she trusted them enough to come back to them and give birth in their home.

They did everything they could to help her during her pregnancy. Pregnant birds were so cute and even more delicate than usual. But they managed to make her feel comfortable enough. She gave birth to tiny baby hummingbirds about 20 days later. The veterinarian told them that mother hummingbirds tend to get very protective and aggressive of their eggs, getting even worse when the eggs become actual baby birds. But Baekkie was never like that with them. She always seemed to trust them a lot.

The babies grew up to become strong adult birds. But unlike their mother, they decided to leave the house after a few tries at letting them go free. They come back to visit from time to time. They seem to always remember where they were born and grew up.

But Baekkie never left. And Baekhyun is thankful. She has become his best friend ever since she made an unexpected appearance in their home years ago. Nothing can break their bond. Even Baekkie is clingy with him every day.

His mother even made a joke and said that maybe Baekkie had chosen him as her life partner before she got pregnant, but since he couldn’t give her children, she decided to go outside, find another male, and use him just so she can have kids. Baekhyun had become a bird father at a young age, and he didn’t even know.

“You know, Baekkie?” He says to the bird that is on top of his study table. “You’re probably the only female with whom I’ll be having children. I can’t give children to any other woman because I don’t like women at all, not in that way at least.”

The bird doesn’t say anything, of course. She just stares at him as she watches him get his backpack ready before heading out to the kitchen to eat breakfast. She follows him around the house, and once he’s done with breakfast, she also follows him to the main entrance.

“Bye, Baekkie! I’ll see you later!” He says to the bird, who is only flying and sending him off.

Baekhyun goes outside after saying goodbye to the bird, before completely leaving and going to school.

He likes school. He’s finally turning sixteen this year, and he believes life will get better for him after he’s turned sixteen. His older brother always told him that life tends to get better after turning sixteen, so that’s why he’s excited to turn that age.

What he doesn’t expect, though, is seeing how everyone is murmuring about another student. It’s a new student who got transferred a few days ago. Everyone seems to be too conscious of him, and he doesn’t get why.

“Hey, Baek!” He hears his name being called by one of his friends.

“Hey, Dae.” He greets him back. Apparently, even his friend seems to be very conscious of the new student. “What’s up? Why is everyone staring at the new student?”

He just asks. He wants to know, so that’s why he asks. But he didn’t expect to see his friend grimacing.

“Uh… I don’t really know,” he answers, not entirely sure. “Well, I did hear about something, but I’m not sure.” He comments afterward. “I heard a rumor that he’s gay. I don’t even know who started it, but that’s all it is about.”

Baekhyun panics for a moment.

The new student is gay? That’s a first. Not that he’s the first gay guy at their school, but definitely the first that is known for being so.

“And why is everyone staring at him? Just because he’s gay?” He asks uncomfortably.

Jondgae hums and nods.

“Well, yeah, I guess. I have nothing against gay people, but I would want to be involved with one either. I don’t want others to think I’m gay too or something, so I’d prefer if I don’t cross paths with one of them at all.”

Baekhyun stood there dumbfounded. He didn’t even know what to say to that, much less how to react. Jondgae had been the nicest guy he’d ever met in his life, that’s why they were friends. But right now, he can’t even comprehend it.

But then again, they do live in a society where being gay is a minority, and gay people are seen as creeps or something disgusting. There’s nothing much he could say; that’s the sad reality they live in.

“Jondgae, I don’t think you should worry too much about that. Whether he’s gay or not is none of your business.” He says as he’s glaring at his friend.

Jongdae seems to be taken aback by his words, but he doesn’t say anything. He simply hums and decides to make his way to their classroom.

In their classroom, everyone seems too comfortable talking about something that has nothing to do with them. Baekhyun doesn’t get it, and he will never get it. Being so bothered by someone being gay… that’s even more creepy than anything else.

“Alright, youngsters! Go sit on your desk now, I have something to tell you.” Their teacher says as he enters the classroom.

Everyone complains a little, but do as they were asked to.

“You will be having a new classmate from today. He got transferred a couple of days ago. He didn’t like any of his previous classrooms, and this is the last option. Make sure to make him feel comfortable. You hear me?” The teacher keeps saying, then signals someone standing outside their classroom to get inside. “Let me introduce him to you, kids. This is Doh Kyungsoo. He’s the same age as you, and he got transferred because of personal reasons. Like I said before, he didn’t like any of his previous classrooms, and this is his last option. I hope you guys can be friendly to him.”

The kid stands there, with his head held high.

He doesn’t seem to be intimidated by the way his new classmates seem to be mumbling about him. Baekhyun thinks he may already know what they are mumbling about, and that’s why he doesn’t care. Baekhyun thinks that guy is so cool.

“Hello, I’m Doh Kyungsoo. It’s a pleasure to meet you all. Please just don’t talk to me if you don’t feel like it. I’m not here to make any friends. I’m here to study, and I’m okay with being alone. Just leave me alone. That’s all I ask of you.” The short guy says as he bows to the class.

The entire class starts mumbling even more loudly now after he introduced himself.

Baekhyun thinks that guy is so cool.

“Alright, Doh. You can sit wherever you like. There are a few seats available, so make yourself feel comfortable.” The teacher tells him as he signals all the empty seats.

Doh Kyungsoo nods and stares. He stares for a while before humming to himself and making his way to an empty seat. It was the seat in the empty desk in front of the one Baekhyun and Jondgae sit on.

Baekhyun feels happy. Maybe he will try to talk to him and see if he can also befriend him. He seems like a good guy, probably just being misunderstood.

“Why did he choose that seat.. Ugh.” His happiness was interrupted by Jongdae’s ignorant mumble.

Baekhyun looks at his friend, feeling completely pissed off now.

“What’s your problem, Dae?” He asks him, just loud enough for his friend to hear him.

Jondgae looks at him with a frown on his face.

“I don’t want to be close to someone like him. I don’t care what you say, Baek. I can think however I want, just like you do.” He says, knowing that this comment will piss Baekhyun off even more.

Baekhyun can’t understand. What is so wrong about this new kid that bothers everyone so much? Just because he’s gay, it doesn’t mean he will like any boy he crosses paths with. It’s stupid.

“You’re a piece of shit, Dae. I hope you know that.” He finally says before getting up from his seat and walking to the desk in front of him.

The new classmate seems to be taken aback by this action. They hadn’t said a word to each other, yet, Baekhyun simply goes to the seat next to him and sits. Without saying anything.

“Sorry about this. But can we share this desk? I no longer feel comfortable in my old one.” He says softly so the other guy can hear him perfectly.

The guy looks at him awkwardly, but nods anyway. He makes sure to make enough space so Baekhyun can sit more comfortably.

Baekhyun smiles at him. “Thank you so much, really. I’m Baekhyun, by the way.” He greets him, looking at the other guy enthusiastically.

“Uh… Doh Kyungsoo.” That’s all he says back.

Baekhyun chuckles.

“Nice to meet you! If you don’t mind, I hope we can be friends. We’re going to be desk mates anyways, so…” he says jokingly, trying to break the ice.

He notices how uncomfortable the other guy seems to be with all this, so he decides to leave it at that. The last thing he wants is to make the new, cool guy feel uncomfortable because of him.

He doesn’t fail to notice how everyone in their class is murmuring about him sitting with the new kid. And he also feels the strong gaze on his back. He knows Jongdae must be so mad at him right now, but he doesn’t care. He will not be friends with a shitty person. If he doesn’t like Doh Kyungsoo for being gay, then he doesn’t like Baekhyun either, because Baekhyun is gay, too.

“Uhm…” his thoughts get interrupted by a shy voice. When he looks up to his side, he notices it’s the new guy talking to him. “Can I get some of your notes? I would like to have a few right now, before exams start, so I can study.”

Suddenly, Baekhyun feels too enthusiastic and nods impatiently. Wide smile on his face as he stares at the short guy, who is looking at him dumbfounded. As if this was a first for him.

“Sure! You can take some of my notebooks home and copy all my notes. You can take them as long as you need them. I don’t mind. In fact, please feel comfortable doing so!” He says so fast the other guy has a hard time keeping up.

But eventually, the short guy chuckles. And Baekhyun thinks he has such a beautiful laugh.

“Well, thanks, I guess,” the short guy says as he sends Baekhyun a sweet smile.

Baekhyun feels his heart race.

This is a new feeling for Baekhyun.

“You’re welcome!” He finally says before going back to pay attention to the class.

Or act like he’s paying attention. When he’s actually trying to calm his heart down. He has never felt like this before. He even thinks his ears are getting too hot, and he panics at the thought of his ears turning red too.

He feels the strong gaze on his back again. And this time, he feels a little afraid of even looking back. He doesn’t want to face Jongdae. Whatever face he’s making, he can’t seem to face his ex-friend right now.

He feels too conscious of his surroundings at this moment.

When the class is finally over, Baekhyun immediately gets up and tries to walk away from the classroom. But his steps get interrupted when he feels a hand hold onto his wrist, holding him back. He panics for a second.

“Baekhyun, wait!” He breathes out when he notices it’s not Jongdae, but Kyungsoo who was holding him down.

Then he shows his best smile to his desk mate.

“What’s up?” He asks softly.

“Uhm… do you mind if we have lunch together? I don’t know the school well, and I don’t want to eat alone today as well, so…” he murmurs loudly enough so only Baekhyun can hear him.

Baekhyun snorts.

“Sure! Do you want me to show you around right now?” He asks his desk mate.

“Oh, but… isn’t the next teacher coming right now? We still have another class before lunchtime.” Kyungsoo comments.

“Our Philosophy teacher doesn’t come that often. He only comes on Wednesday, so we’re free the entire week for the rest of his classes, so don’t worry. We can go out right now.” He tells him as he gets him up from his seat.

“Oh, I see. Then…. Please, show me around.”

“Gladly!” He answers and takes him out of the classroom.

Not giving a fuck about every one of his classmates looking at them with disbelief and disgust.

“And this is the restroom! The boys’ restroom, I mean. The girls’ one is on the other side of the nursing room.” Baekhyun says as he walks inside the restroom.

They have been walking around the entire building for a while, and now he wants to pee.

“This school is huge. The ones I used to go to before this one were very small, probably because they were cheaper too, I guess. But this one is really big.” Kyungsoo comments, amazed.

“You went to other schools before this? I thought you only went to one, not more than that.” He says quietly.

Kyungsoo seems to freak out for a moment, but then gulps and nods. “Uh, yeah. I’ve been in like four different schools by now.” He shrugged.

“That’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to transfer schools at least once, but my parents said it was stupid and that it wasn’t necessary.” He pouts as he makes his way to wash his hands.

Kyungsoo laughs.

“Well, I agree with them then. I didn’t transfer schools many times because I wanted to, or because I personally needed to. I was forced to do so.” He says as he smiles sadly.

Now this made Baekhyun feel curious. But he didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask more about it.

Kyungsoo seemed to notice his curiosity, so he simply chuckled and inhaled.

“People always talked shit about me behind my back. Wherever I went, it was always the same. It has always been the same. I tried to make friends when I transferred schools the first time, and it went well for a few months. But somehow, the reason I was forced to change schools was made known to the people in my current school at the moment, and many people started talking about it, to the point no parent wanted their children around me.” He says as he shrugs, looking a little uncomfortable.

“Why is that? What’s so bad about you that parents don’t want their children around you?” He dares to ask, thinking he already has the answer to his question.

“You probably heard about it already. I kind of overheard your conversation with your friend before classes started today…” he mumbles, avoiding Baekhyun’s gaze.

Oh.

“But, is it true, though?” He dares to ask. It’s not like he’s going to regret asking, nor that his opinion about Kyungsoo will change regardless of the answer.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. He’s just avoiding Baekhyun’s gaze. They’re in complete silence, uncomfortable silence.

“It’s okay, Kyungsoo. You don’t need to say more. I don’t want you to force yourself to talk about something that hurts you.” He tries to console him.

But then Kyungsoo breaks.

He starts crying so hard that Baekhyun starts panicking, not knowing what to do or how to react. He doesn’t even know why Kyungsoo is suddenly crying this much.

“Kyungsoo! Don’t cry, please..” he pleads. He knows that if Kyungsoo doesn’t stop crying, then he will start crying too.

Baekhyun is a very sensitive person. He can’t stand seeing people crying because he will start crying too.

“I-,” Kyungsoo begins to say. “I don’t want you to hate me too. I don’t want you to find me disgusting too, Baekhyun. I don’t want you to stop talking to me now that we just started talking to each other. I’ve felt so alone for so long, and I feel so happy having someone to talk to that I don’t want to lose you now that I have you…”

They have been desk mates for less than 3 hours and have been talking only for about two of these. So seeing Kyungsoo like this, talking like that, makes Baekhyun’s heart break into pieces.

“Don’t worry, Soo. I will not leave you. I will be by your side from now on, okay? I’ll be your friend, your best friend if you allow me, too.” Baekhyun says, trying to comfort him as he gets closer to give him a strong and warm hug. “I will make sure nobody dares to say a word about you ever again! Not on my watch, alright? I promise, Soo, I really promise it. I will be the closest person to you in this life. Let’s grow up together, let’s be happy together, hm?”

Kyungsoo’s crying calms down a little after a few minutes. He tries to break the hug a little and slowly, as if not trying to break it completely.

“I’m gay, Baekhyun. It’s true, the rumor is true. I am gay, and that’s why nobody wants their kids around me. They say I will spread them with my illness. All of their parents say that.” He finally confesses, as more tears grow on his eyes.

Baekhyun already heard about that. He didn’t know if it was true, though. And he didn’t care if it was true either. Because it’s none of his business, and because he’s just the same, gay.

“It’s okay, Soo. You’re not a sick person, you hear me? You’re perfectly healthy, and this is not something that can get spread away just because a bunch of ignorant people think or say so. You are okay, Soo.” He hugs him again, tighter this time.

And Kyungsoo lets him. He cries and cries as much as he can and needs. He probably hasn’t cried his heart out about this situation before, and now he’s finally able to do it.

They get back to their classroom before the bell rings for lunchtime. They need to go get their money since they left it in their bags.

Once they get to their class, everyone is looking at them with weird faces. Looking uncomfortable even.

Baekhyun snorts. He doesn’t get it.

“Baek, can we talk?” He’s being called by his ex-friend, Jongdae.

Jongdae is looking a little awkward.

“What is it?” Baekhyun simply asks. Not letting Kyungsoo leave his side, holding him by the arm.

Jongdae swallows. “Can we talk just the two of us? Please?”

Baekhyun smiles, fakely.

“Then I can’t. I promised Kyungsoo that I will be having lunch with him from now on, so I don’t want to break my promise. You can join us, though.”

And Jongdae is left standing there alone. He might not be on bad terms with anyone, but he also doesn’t have any other friends besides Baekhyun. And now he’s standing there alone, and everyone is looking at him, with pity in their eyes.

Baekhyun feels bad, of course. He’s not the type of person to do any of that. But it’s not him who made ignorant comments about someone he didn’t know just because he felt like it. And if Jongdae regretted his words, then he’d come to apologize soon.

“They serve nice food here for lunch. It’s a pricey school, so of course they have to feed us well.” Baekhyun jokes, earning a chuckle from his new friend.

“Mmm… we’ll see if you’re right or just saying anything.” Kyungsoo says as he hurries to the dining hall.

Baekhyun only laughs and follows him.

Once they get to the cafeteria, everyone looks their way almost immediately. Baekhyun feels like they overreact, just because one of them is openly gay doesn’t mean it’s something bad. Or maybe not someone who is openly gay by choice, because Kyungsoo most likely got outed.

But then again, society overreacts to the most harmless things and doesn’t focus on the ones that are clearly very harmful.

“I don’t think there’s a seat for us here, Baek..” he hears his friend murmur to his ear.

He starts looking around to see if he finds a table with available seats. He used to be welcomed by everyone at their tables, regardless of whether he was friends with anyone there or not. But he knows it’s going to be different now. And if it’s not that, he thinks Kyungsoo will most likely be the one not to get invited to sit with them.

No can do.

He finds some available seats at the table that are closer to the trash cans. That one is usually empty because it smells horrible there. There’s nothing he can do about it. The other available seats are definitely not going to be given to the two of them.

“Come here, Soo. These are the only seats we can sit on right now. Maybe tomorrow we can try to get out of the classroom sooner than anyone else so we can sit at another table.” He says honestly.

Kyungsoo sighs and nods anyway.

“I guess that’s okay..” that’s all he says.

They rush to secure their seats, and when they manage to leave their belongings on them, they head off to get their meals.

“Well, I guess you’re right, this food is amazing,” Kyungsoo comments. “My previous schools had terrible food, students got intoxicated very often, and those places are still out there as if nothing wrong happens with their food.” He grimaces.

Baekhyun laughs. “This is a pricey school, Soo. If any student ever gets intoxicated then the school will most likely be closed without further investigation. Most of the kids here are children of rich people, so…”

Kyungsoo chuckles. “I know. My family isn’t that rich, but they’re more wealthy than the average citizen. And they are what people call humble, and that’s why they always put me in middle-class schools.” He shrugs. “But it always ends badly, so they end up asking the school principal to transfer me to another school, and that’s why I’m here now. This is their last hope.”

Baekhyun grimaces.

“How did this happen, though?” He dares to ask, not entirely sure if it’s okay. “How did everyone find out that you’re gay? Did you tell them yourself, or were you, uhm… outed?”

Kyungsoo’s gaze softens in a nostalgic but saddening way.

“I used to be very close with one boy. We have known each other since we both entered middle school, and we clicked instantly. We don’t have much in common, but opposites attract, right? In a friendly way, I mean. Everything was okay for a while. But then, in our 7th grade, he distanced himself from me a little, and I didn’t know why. I asked him one day when I noticed he was following me on my way home. We didn’t even live close to each other, so there was no reason for him to take that path.” He sighs deeply. “He told me that he felt weird around me. That he had thought he was sick, and since he didn’t want me to get sick too, he decided not to talk to me for a while. Turns out he had just started liking me, in a way more than just friends.”

Baekhyun kind of understands now.

Kyungsoo continues. “And after he told me that, I started to look at him more than just a simple friend. I don’t know, maybe his words made me realize I liked him too. But I decided to keep it a secret. He didn’t want to be called gay, because according to his parents, gay people were disgusting and a shame to society. He was just a kid, so I get it, and he was afraid of accepting himself. I do get it. I didn’t have that much of a hard time accepting myself for what I liked, it being about liking boys in this case. I just didn’t want to tell anyone because I have always thought that whoever or whatever I like is nobody else’s business.”

Baekhyun snorts.

His friend is completely right after all.

“And one day, we were hanging out as usual at his house. We were playing some video games he liked, and I’m not really into games myself but I found it nice because it was with him. Then he suddenly stopped playing, surprising me. And he was quite competitive in video games so I got worried. I asked him if something was wrong, if he felt sick or something. But he said it wasn’t that.” He says as his breath hitches a little. “Then, without any warning, he snatched the controller out of my hand as well and pulled me towards him. Making me sit on top of him.” He didn’t say anything after that.

Baekhyun thought that maybe a bad memory came from that, and he was about to tell his friend that it’s okay if he doesn’t continue, but Kyungsoo didn’t allow him to speak.

“He told me he couldn’t stand it anymore and asked me if he could kiss me, and I said yes. So we kissed. It was my first kiss, and I think it was his first as well…” he mumbles. “He kissed me so hard I started freaking out. He knew how to kiss, so I thought that maybe he had kissed someone else before, but he said I was the first person he’d ever kissed when I asked him a few days later.”

He breathes in. “We just kissed a lot that day. But even after that, that’s all we would do. It meant a lot to me. I gave him a few of my firsts, just like he gave me some of his. It was perfect while it lasted.” He breathes out.

Baekhyun gulps.

“What happened next?”

“He outed me, ha.”

“What?!” Baekhyun asked dumbfounded.

“Yeah, he was the reason everyone found out I liked boys even if I never directly told him I was gay.” He shrugs as if it’s nothing. But that’s probably because there’s nothing he can do about it anymore.

“He’s a son of a bitch!” Baekhyun was fuming now.

Kyungsoo looks at him sadly and laughs.

“Well, yeah, he is. But I think I know the reason why he did that.” He begins to say again. “One day, we were at his house again. We were just playing as usual. Kissing was a rare thing for us to do, actually. But he suddenly stopped the game and asked me to get closer to him on the bed. I did, of course. I didn’t think much about it. And then he asked me to lie down on the bed, and again, I did it without giving it much thought. He got on top of me and started kissing me after making sure I was okay with it. We kissed for a while, and then he wanted us to change positions. He sat down on the bed and patted on his lap so I could sit on it. I did it, and we continued kissing for some more.”

“His mother is one of the most disrespectful people I know. She never showed any manners when I was at their home, but I guess it’s because she had always felt weird about me. I was the only person her son brought home. But even I would think that’d be a normal thing to do since her son was attending an all-boys school. But maybe that’s just me.” He shrugs. “I guess I’ve always been a little obvious about what I like? I don’t know. The thing is, she opened the door and found us in that position. He obviously pushed me away quickly and then denied everything his mother had just seen. He told her that I forced him and that he didn’t want to do any of that.”

That must suck a lot, Baekhyun thinks.

“You may imagine what happened after that. She called me a predator, a monster, and many other things. Her son never dared to defend me at all; he always stood by his word. It hurt me a lot, but I got over it with time. That’s how the word about me being gay spread. My parents? Uhm… they hate me, too. They think I’m a disgrace to the family and all that stuff. But they hate it when people try to portray me as the worst person in the world because they know I’m not. They believed me when I told them it wasn’t me who forced himself on Jongin because I’m a very reserved kid. I explained everything to them, and they believed me; however, they still think I’m disgusting.”

“I’m so sorry, Soo. None of that would have crossed my mind in the slightest. You have gone through so much. I’m proud of you. And I’m happy that you’re here with me.” Baekhyun says as he gets closer to his friend and hugs him.

Kyungsoo seems to be taken aback by his words, but his eyes get watery. Of course he’d gone through a lot. He’s only sixteen, he’s still a child to many.

“It’s okay, really… it’s been a long time since that happened, and I’ve been getting some therapy too…” he snorts sadly. “Well, the reason I’ve been going to see a therapist is because my parents want me to stop being gay, nothing out of the ordinary.” He shrugs, sighing deeply.

Baekhyun feels terrible. If he could do something— anything for his friend, he would do it without hesitation. But he’s only a kid, just like Kyungsoo. There’s not much he can do other than be there for him when he needs it.

“Whenever you need someone to confide in or lean on, remember that I’m always here for you, Soo. Do you understand?” He tells his friend, who nods and smiles warmly at him.

“Thank you, Baek, really..” he says honestly and hugs his friend.

Apparently, the two of them had forgotten that they were still on their lunch break, and everyone around them was uncomfortably staring at them. They didn’t care and simply laughed at the reactions of everyone else in the cafeteria.

Time flew by so quickly, and it’s been two years since Baekhyun found his lifelong best friend. He always strives to cultivate long-lasting friendships, but he didn’t anticipate the longevity of his friendship with Kyungsoo. Even though he genuinely believed it would be like that, Kyungsoo remains a mysterious individual. He is privy to many of Kyungsoo’s deepest secrets, including his most challenging moments and ongoing battles. Battles that he is still trying to win and move forward from.

As he gazes into the void, he’s serenaded by his first and most enduring best friend, whose singing fills the room with a comforting melody. A smile tugs at his lips as he spots Baekkie approaching his bed. Her usually composed demeanor seems unusually animated today, hinting at the possibility of something positive and exciting in her life.

“Hey, cutie,” he greets her with enthusiasm. He lets her climb onto his chest and then she sits comfortably on it. He laughs at that.

She rests comfortably on his chest, looking at him intently. Baekhyun has no idea what’s on her mind, but he wishes he could just know. He would be so happy if he could communicate with animals.

“What’s going on, tiny?” He asks her softly.

Starting to massage her delicate head, she calmly lets him touch her as her eyes slowly close. She always seems to feel so comfortable when she’s with Baekhyun. Like he is her favorite human.

“Baby, are you awake?” He hears his mother calling him from the other side of the door.

Baekhyun stops playing with Baekkie’s head and hums in response so his mother can hear him. He doesn’t want to move because Baekkie is finally so comfortable, and she’s been a little restless these past few days.

“Can I come in then?” His mother asks softly, again, Baekhyun hums in response.

Slowly he watches the door to his room open, revealing the image of his beautiful mother entering. But for some reason, his mother looks different today; she has a somewhat worried—no, terrified, look on her face.

Suddenly he’s feeling a little restless for some unknown reason.

“Baby, can we talk?” The tone in her voice makes Baekhyun feel a little uncomfortable. She doesn’t normally talk like this.

Baekhyun nods in response nonetheless. “Yeah,” he replies. “What is it? Did something happen?”

His mother swallows lightly as she sits on the corner of his bed, as if she wants some distance from her own son. Baekhyun’s nervousness only increases at that.

“You see,” he starts. “I went to the supermarket yesterday, and I ran into some ladies whose children go to the same school as you,” she explains. Baekhyun begins to feel his blood run cold. “And I heard something, but I don’t like to believe what others say just because. You know that.” Baekhyun nods. “They said something about that friend of yours, Kyungsoo.”

His mother’s ‘That friend of yours, Kyungsoo’ was enough for Baekhyun to understand where this was going. Because she had never referred to Kyungsoo that way before. She had always called him ‘Our Kyungie’ in the sweetest way possible, but it seems to be different this time.

“Uh-huh,” he says just so she can continue talking.

“The ladies said that Kyungsoo is not a good kid, and that he may be influencing you, since you’re his only friend at school…” she finally says, a little bit uncomfortably. “They also mentioned that he is, um, a homosexual.” she blurts out in the most disgusted tone of voice Baekhyun has ever heard anyone use.

Baekhyun feels disgusted by his mother, but mostly terrified. If this is how she reacts to finding out that Kyungsoo, someone who is not her son, is gay, he can’t even imagine what it’ll be like the moment she finds out her own son is also gay.

“Did you know about that, baby?” She asks him with curiosity. But then smiles, “Of course you didn’t know! You wouldn’t be friends with someone like him if you did, right? You can’t be friends with someone like that. What would other people say, huh? What would that say about you?” She laughs a disturbing laugh.

Baekhyun gulps, suddenly feeling so uncomfortable. He never wanted to have this kind of conversation with his mother, nor his family in general. Because he knows how badly this would go. Because Baekhyun is a person who doesn’t go back on his word, and he wouldn’t lie to them, and much less would he betray Kyungsoo’s trust like that.

He wouldn’t do the same thing that Kyungsoo’s old friend did to protect himself, not caring how the other would feel. He’s not going to save his own skin to make someone else look bad. He’s not like that. All of this goes against his principles and ideals.

So he gulps before saying, “Yeah, I’ve known about it since the moment I decided to become his friend. Why? Is there something wrong with that?”

His mother looks at him in shock, her mouth and eyes wide open. Terrified.

“How is that possible, son?” she asks in disgust. “How can you be friends with someone like him?” she moves closer to him. “Then what the ladies said is true. He is surely influencing you to be like him, that is why you don’t see the harm in it.”

What the heck is Mom’s problem? How can someone be so ignorant? Baekhyun feels the urge to cry. This is what he never wanted to go through. But he can’t back out now.

Sighing, he replies, “Because I don’t mind if he’s gay or not, Mom. Whether he likes boys or girls is none of my business, and it’s not yours either. So why do you care?” He says firmly. “Why is it so important what other people say about me? Personally, I don’t care. They don’t know me, so why should I care about their unwanted opinion about me? They don’t know Kyungsoo either, so of course they’d say the most vile things about him.”

His mother stares at him dumbfounded, unable to utter a word in response, so he takes this as his cue to continue.

“What if…” he is about to say, but stops himself to take a deep breath and then breathe it out. Looking up at his mother, connecting his eyes with hers. “What if I’m gay too?” He asks in confession. “And not because I became friends with Kyungsoo, but because I’ve known that for as long as I can remember?”

It doesn’t take long before he feels a pang on his face. His mother just slapped him, but he can only smile in sadness. He had already seen this coming, that’s why he prepared himself a little mentally before spilling it out to her. But having seen this coming doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel hurt, sad, and heartbroken. He does, in fact, he feels completely devastated.

He wants to burst into tears, but he won’t. Not cry in front of his mother, knowing that she won’t change her mind for anything in the world. But he knows that the tears forming in his eyes are seen by his mother, because he sees how her face changes from a grimace to something regretful, but then back to serious. His parents have never laid a finger on him before, this is the first time. Such a terrible first time, and for a harmless reason too.

Baekhyun laughs between quiet sobs. “Ouch.”

His mother’s gaze changes to one full of anger, and she slaps him again, this one harder than the first. Baekhyun grimaces, because ‘fuck, this one really did hurt’.

“Are you trying to make fun of me, Baekhyun-ah?!” His mother cries out. “This is not funny, Byun Baekhyun. Don’t you dare to play with something like this ever again, or I’ll tell your father so he will have to teach you a lesson. You hear me?!”

Baekhyun bursts into laughter, choking as tears fall down his face. “Whatever, Mother,” he says quietly. “I am GAY! G A Y, gay! And you can’t do anything to change that.” He blurts out. “I’m not kidding. Why would I joke about something like that? I thought you knew me better than anyone else, so you’d know I would never joke about something that’s not funny, Mother.”

Another slap, then another, and another. Then the slaps turned into punches to his chest, to his stomach, everywhere. His mother punched him many times after he blurted that out.

He failed to notice when Baekkie started flying away from them, terrified about the amount of screams and punches his mother was giving him. His face hurt so much. He knew it’d be so swollen the next day. But there’s nothing he can do about it.

He knows he doesn’t deserve any of this, but he provoked his mother intentionally. With the absolute intention to get punched and have a reason to run away from home. He would try to make her regret punching him once he’s gone, not coming back ever again if that’s what life wants for him. He’d be away until he thinks it’s enough, and he strongly believes that that enough will last forever.

He will never be back home.

“You’re a disgrace to the family! And not only the family but the whole country, the entire world!” His mother shouts at him, in the most sincere way possible. Breaking his heart completely into pieces, causing his tears to finally fall from his eyes. “I don’t want to be near you again, you hear me? You are no longer my son.”

A part of Baekhyun regrets having confessed everything to his mother, but another part of him tells him that he shouldn’t regret anything. Because he didn’t do anything wrong, he didn’t make any mistakes. That he’s human like anyone else, and that he hasn’t committed a crime to be treated like a monster, or anything like that.

But it still hurts. It hurts like fucking hell. Because his mother was also one of his best friends, one he confided a lot of things to, and he couldn’t do that anymore. Because now she hates him, detests him, and is disgusted by him. So he cries his heart out as much as he can as he watches his mother leave his room. Calling out to his father, probably to tell him everything as he had just gotten back home from work. Baekhyun knows that he’s going to be punched a bit more, but by his father this time. He will be called names as he is beaten by his father.

‘What about Beom-hyung? Will he beat me up as well? Just like Dad and Mom?’ He wonders, not really expecting an answer, nor wanting to find out by himself.

He doesn’t have much time to prepare himself at least a little mentally when he sees his mother abruptly enter his room, looking completely angry, disgusted and disappointed, being followed by his mother, who also looks at him in the same way.

He gives up, sighing slowly and closes his eyes.

He feels the first punch to his face. He whimpers from the immense pain he feels, but almost immediately he feels more punches to other parts of his body. They are so strong, so heartless, so painful. Baekhyun wants to die.

His father is calling him in a thousand different ways, Baekhyun knows it, but he can’t hear anything. He’s stunned by all the impacts on his body. Little by little his eyes are closing from exhaustion, letting him fall into a deep sleep.

He passed out from all the pain.