Chapter 1
It's ten in the evening. Our class just ended. I can sense that someone's staring at me as I grabbed my books and snuck them in, until Samantha and Nicole grabbed me by the wrist as we walked outside.
We went our separate ways after a few blocks. I felt the cool breeze of the night as I walked on the dimly lit sidewalk. The food stalls are already closed, so I will just have to open a canned tuna for dinner again.
When I arrived at my apartment, my stomach's already grumbling. I cleared the table of pens, codals, index cards, and stationery. Same old routine, tiring and never ending.
I ate my dinner silently, listening to a YouTube video on torts without really understanding anything. My mind is traveling to the time when I was filled with vigor and passion; where did that woman go? I barely understood this person passively listening to a YouTube video.
*phone rings*
It's my mom. I picked up the phone and answered her call, but before that, I braved a smile.
"Hi mom! How are you?"
"Hello, love! I'm great! I was just calling to ask how your day went."
"Good, mom. It was the same."
"Are you going home this summer, Sophie?"
Am I? I don't think I am. My head went blank for a moment. I don't know what to answer.
"Hello? Are you still there?"
"Oh, yes, mom. I'm still here. I'll see if I can get home this summer; you know how crazy our schedule can get... law school is a jealous mistress, you know..." I sheepishly said and said my good byes.
I've been avoiding it for two summers already. Maybe because a part of me is still afraid of meeting my ex again. I flew as far as I could to get away... to move on... in the facade of embarking on a self-development journey. Of reaching my dreams. Of becoming a better version. But from the moment I started going to law school, my life's been going downhill. What a joke! I sometimes ask myself what I'd put myself into.
But it helped me forget about him. About his eyes, his lips, and the way he left me for another. It's enough that I heard he's married and is expecting a child. How I cried and begged him to choose us. How I loathed him for throwing 7 years of our relationship down the drain like it was nothing. How I punished myself for a year, thinking it was all my fault.
No, I'm never going back to that feeling again. A tear escaped my eye. I brushed it off. No, I would never shed a tear ever again. I'm okay. I'll be okay. It's been 4 years already. I should be okay by now. Fuck him! I cursed under my breath.
I fixed my table and started to grab the thick black book on torts. I should stop thinking about irrelevant and useless people. I have to focus on my dreams. I won't let anyone disturb my peace.
At around 12, I feel the sleepiness crawling in. I turned the light off and snuck into bed.
