Belladonna

Man after man waited to take their turn with me. Not in a sexual way, of course. They could only dance with me. Those were the rules. They would wait patiently, but not so patiently that they wouldn’t get a space on my dance card.

My feet ached, but that was not their worry nor priority. They only wanted to say they danced with the princess. They only wanted a chance at being king. Every man did. I couldn’t blame them. I’d be king if I could. Unfortunately, god cursed me to be born a female. Therefore, I am below any man that I come in contact with. Peasant or lord, my vagina means more than my title.

I sighed with relief as the last spot on my dance card was finally filled.Lord Terrin.He was disgusting, but then again, so was every man. As long as it was my last dance of the night, I didn’t care. I smiled at my mother on the throne, a political smile that told only her how much I hated all of this.

The saddest part was that I loved dancing. I could sway to the music all night, never minding how hard my feet ached. Unfortunately, that would require a decent partner. Some of these men seemed as though they’d never taken a single dance lesson in their lives.

Lord Terrin led me to the dance floor as all the other men had done. He placed one hand on the small of my back and the other in mine. I mirrored his position, placing my hand on his shoulder and leaving the other in his.

His hands were slimy, becoming sweatier by the moment. I could feel the wetness seep into the silk of my corset as he fondled my back. I smiled, though every ounce of the woman in me told me to walk away. Truthfully, I would do more than that if I could. I spied my mother in my peripheral vision as she gossiped with the ladies.

Part of me detested her. I hated her for everything she made me do, for every sleazy lord I touched. She got to gossip with her companions while I must seek a husband. If I must be honest, I will tell you that I think I could rule without one. A husband, that is. What do they do anyway? I have seen my parents’ relationship. Mother rules in secret while father drinks himself to death. Even now, he sat on his throne with a goblet of wine in his hand.

I’d like to rule, and I wouldn’t like to do it in secret.

I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize the dance had ended until I felt fresh air brush against my back. We pulled away from one another, him bowing and me curtsying. He smiled triumphantly as though he had won a prize: me. I was but an object to these men.

Not just men, I thought, as my mother waved me over to her group of girls.Belladonna, the object at my whim.She must think.Mother, my master, and controller, I follow your whim.I must think.

Still, I did as I was told and walked over to my mother with a painfully bright smile. “Princess Belladonna! How kind of you to grace our presence.” Duchess Alis said, curtsying with the rest of the ladies.

I curtsied in return, though not nearly as deeply. “My deepest apologies for my lateness. I meant to greet you ladies when you arrived. Unfortunately, I have been dancing all night.” I laughed as though the dances had not caused me the pain they had.

“You’re in demand then, I see.” Lady Eloise said, quirking her brow.

“Perhaps we will have a new king soon.” Countess Linota chuckled.

They all giggled together, and I had no choice but to laugh and smile. “Oh, you jest! I-”

My mother cut me off before I could finish my sentence, probably because she knew exactly what I would say. “We are still looking for a husband,” my mother said, as though she was being forced into an arranged marriage as well. She wrapped one arm around me in the way I imagined real mothers to do. “My sweet Belladonna is particular. Then again, she must be when she chooses a king for the realm.”

The ladies all nodded, smiling at me as though I should be thankful. But I wasn’t. My entire country depended on my ability to pick a man. Not to mention, I didn’t even want to get married. Unfortunately, if anyone ever knew that, I would be ended.

The annual Snow Ball was a few months ago, and I had still yet to pick a groom. Once my mother learned I would not marry any men from the ball, she was more than worried. She had organized the entire thing for me to find a husband, yet I did as I always had and pushed every man away as quickly as possible. I gave them nothing more than a dance.

She wouldn’t let that go on, though. It was the child naivety in me that thought I could go on avoiding marriage. My mother realized now she had been mistaken even to give me the choice. Now, she had chosen a man for me, and he would arrive any moment.

Prince Johannes.

I waited by my bedroom window, looking down into the courtyard below. It was spring now, and the chill of winter was slowly fading away. Prince Johannes was unable to come to the Snow Ball due to some sort of politics in the South. Of course, that meant he was now the only eligible suitor left. If you could even use the word eligible. He was young and wealthy but harsh. He was everything I was scared of marrying this entire time. Yet here I was, stuck with him. Karma really did come to bite me in the ass.

I remembered only months ago when Johannes had made his debut. We heard stories all the way from Fallin of how dangerous he was. He fought for the throne, killing two of his brothers in the process. Still, he didn’t make it. They sent him off here before he could kill any more heirs. And we were supposed to be thankful?

His murdering started wars and famine within his country. People fought and starved as the kingdom mourned the princes he had killed. That didn’t stop him, it took making a third attempt of murder for any real repercussions to happen. And those repercussions were ours to deal with now.

My breath stopped when I saw his carriage through the trees lining the driveway. The horses slowed at the front of the castle, stopping the carriage by the grand doors. I moved closer to the window, nearly pressing my face against the glass.

The door to the carriage opened, and two figures stepped out. One of the figures was a woman. She was tall and muscular, weapons covering every ounce of her body. She was clearly Johannes’s bodyguard, but a woman? That wasn’t something you saw often.

Johannes, however, looked just as menacing as I had pictured. He was tall but thin, with an angry scowl on his face. He looked like a young boy trying to be a man. Then again, royalty was always forced to grow up faster than they could.

I turned when a knock sounded on my door, and my lady maid walked in. Isabelle was her name. She wore a simple blue gown with her blonde hair bundled high on her head. She was my only true friend here.

“Princess!” she exclaimed, “Prince Johannes is here. You must be at the entrance to greet him.” I stood from my perch by the window, smoothing out my silk gown. Isabelle looked me up and down. She frowned, then quickly smiled. “It will have to do, we don’t have time.”

Without another word Isabelle dragged me out of my chambers. We rushed through the halls to greet the Prince by the door. I had just seen him get out of his carriage, he would be there any second. We made it just in time, stopping to line up with my mother and father moments before the grand doors opened and Prince Johannes entered.

Isabelle stood directly behind me, snooping over my shoulder to get a look at the infamous prince. He stepped through the doors, his guard following close behind him. He was even more intimidating up close. With his blonde hair, striking blue eyes, and tall figure, he was more mean looking than I thought. Seeing him from the window in my room didn’t do him any justice.

“Hello, Prince Johannes.” I spoke, curtsying to him. “I am Princess Belladonna, we welcome you to Calemest.” I stood, looking at him once more.

“Princess Belladonna, it is lovely to meet you.” He grabbed my hand in his, bowing down to lightly kissing my knuckles. I tried not to cringe, only smile. “I look forward to our engagement.”

I cleared my throat, “As do I.”

“So do we,” My father said. “We are thankful for our country’s new alliance.” He bowed.

Johannes turned toward him, returning the bow. “Fallin is grateful for Calemest’s trade. It is our hope to be in alliance for many generations more.”

As he spoke with my father, I looked at his guard behind him. She wasn’t as tall as the prince, but she was close. She looked straight at the wall, as if she were devoid of anything human.

I didn’t notice I was staring until his guard began to move, following behind him. Prince Johannes was escorted to his chambers, servants dragging his luggage behind him as he went. He would get settled in and there would be more talk of weddings and alliances at dinner.

Dinner was served that evening over seven separate courses. My father sat at the head of the table, my mother on his left and the prince on his right. I sat next to my mother across from Johannes’ guard.

“Are you sure you want your guard at the table with you Johannes?” My father asked worriedly, he wasn’t used to having people so “below” him dining so close.

Johanne nodded, “Yes, King Rolph. She is my guard and therefore must be with me at all times.” He didn’t leave it up to discussion, only smiling and taking a sip of his champagne.

“Well, I suppose we can allow that then!” My father said, awkwardly laughing to cover his discomfort.

“Now now, enough with the jests.” My mother began, in an attempt to save father. “Shall we talk about the wedding?”

Prince Johannes sat his champagne glass down on the table, smiling right at my mother and father yet somehow ignoring the subject,me.“Yes, we must get the final things in order.”

They talked like that awhile, debating trade and alliance. They talked as if I was not there, as if this was entirely political and not my life. I suppose that is what being royalty is like. You’re nothing more than a political pawn to these people.

I downed the goblet of wine in front of me, not bothering to be ladylike when I was being completely ignored. The only person that seemed to acknowledge me was Johannes’ guard. Of course that acknowledgement was nothing more than a sideways glance, but it was something at least. At least someone knew I even existed. I don’t think I would have mattered if I weren’t holding together this alliance with my virginity.

That night, when I was supposed to be in my chambers, I walked down the servants halls to the kitchen. Someone of my standing wasn’t supposed to be in there, but I was hungry at night and wouldn’t wake the servants for something so frivolous.

That’s how I ended up seeing the guard again. She sat in the kitchen, leaning against the island with a glass of water in hand. I poked my head into the room, catching her attention. “Here I was thinking you never left the Prince’s side.” I laughed, she didn’t.

“He gives me nights off.” She said, taking a sip of her water.

“Right, I guess you have to sleep at some point.”

I moved past her, finding my way to the pantry. I shuffled things around, knowing exactly what I was looking for and exactly where they were hidden. Finally, I found them, soft jelly filled tarts on a platter. I brought the platter out of the pantry and placed it next to the guard.

“Would you like one?”

The guard shook her head, though I could see as her pupils dilated she was lying. Still, I kept them out for her in case she broke. Hoping up onto the counter, I took a bite into the soft doughy texture of the tart.

“So, what’s your name?” I asked, swallowing the bite of the tart.

She hesitated for a moment, considering if she should talk to me. Then she must have realized how much I needed company because she finally answered. “Yasmina.”

“Yasmina the knight.” I repeated. “Nice to meet you.” I stuck my hand out and she shook it.

The room was silent for a moment, neither of us saying a thing. The silence wasn’t awkward, though, it was almost comforting. The fire crackled behind us, fighting the chill of the spring night in the depths of the castle.

The silence was broken when Yasima finally spoke. “You don’t want to get married do you?” She asked, though I suspected she knew the answer.

I laughed, “Who wants to get married?”

She shrugged, “Some people love each other.”

“Yeah, well royalty can’t really afford love.” I scoffed, taking another bite of the tart in my hand. “We can only afford jewels and fabrics.”

“You’re blunt. Not a good trait for a princess.”

“Well, I never asked to be royalty just as I never asked to be blunt.”

“Yet you are both.”

“Yes, I suppose I am.” I sighed.

Without so much as a goodbye Yasmina the knight turned and left, leaving the empty water cup on the counter next to the tray of jelly filled tarts. I too would take respite now. The once comforting silence was now deadening. It seemed without a person to hear the lack of noise, it became too quiet.

I was ordered by mother to get to know Johannes better, and oh I did. In fact, I must have learned everything about him. The man never stopped talking about himself! We walked through the garden together, Yasmina trailing behind. I secretly wished she was the one I could speak to. She was silent yet somehow much more interesting.

“And that is how I triumphantly beat everyone in Hags!”Hags being some game he had made up as an excuse to hurt his fellow students in whatever royale academy he had attended as the sadistic child he once was.

I pretended to smile, “Wow, that’s quite impressive.” It pained me to say.

He shrugged, smirking. “I suppose it is.”

He continued talking, about some more sports or academics or whatever it is he drilled on about. I was admittedly not listening. I looked at the bushes of flowers out in the garden. They were just beginning to bloom, opening up as the air became warmer and spring awakened. If I had it my way I would crawl into one of these bushes and let Johannes walk on without me. Unfortunately I was sure my mother would come and drag me out with a lasso of thorns if I did such a thing.

The thought brought a scowl to my face, but that didn’t last long before I was gasping with surprise. A hand was placed on my shoulder and forced me to the ground. My gown dirtied on the floor of the garden.

I looked up to where Johannes was seething over me. “You’re not listening!” He yelled, looking down on me.

My brows furrowed. I couldn’t tell if I should be angry or laugh. Mainly I was confused. He had shoved me to the ground because I wasn’tlistening?Of course he was right, I had tuned him out long ago but despite his past I hadn’t expected him to use force on me so early.

“I’m sorry?” I said, though I posed it more as a question.

He scoffed, clearly angry. He turned back to Yasmina, the scowl not leaving his face. “Bring the Princess back to the castle. I shall continue on this walk alone.”

He stormed off into the garden, stomping his feet like a child. I was still on the ground and still covered in mud, but now I was laughing. I laid my head back, letting the laughter consume me.Did that really just happen?I asked myself.

“Let me help you up.” Yasmina said, breaking through my laughter.

I quieted and nodded, taking her hand and letting her pull me to my feet. “What is his problem?” I chuckled.

She shrugged, “He doesn’t like being ignored, who does?”

I frowned, she didn’t get it. “Well who likes to be shoved?” I scowled, “Not me.” Hiking up my muddy skirts I huffed and walked away. Yasmina walked behind me unrelentingly. “Go away.” I ordered.

“No can do, princess. The prince has ordered me to walk you back to the castle.”

“Well I’m not going back just yet, I’d like to be out a while longer.” I walked between a copse of trees. It looked like I was just walking aimlessly, but I knew exactly where I was going.

“Then I will be with you until you decide to go back.” Yasmina insisted.

I ignored her, walking further into the woods until I came to a clearing. The clearing was home to a lake and a small rundown gazebo. Nobody had been out here for years, nobody except me and now Yasmina.

“What is this place? This isn’t in the map of the gardens.” Yasmina said.

“That’s because nobody knows about it.” I shrugged, leading her further into the clearing.

She was hesitant, but still she followed. We walked into the gazebo, looking out onto the lake. We always seemed to come together in silence, I realized.

“It’s peaceful out here.”

I nodded, that’s why I came out here. It was a nice contrast from the palace, where people and prince’s demanded my attention every minute of the day. “That’s why I like it.” I voiced, “I like to come out here and dance.”

Yasmina laughed, “With what music?”

I turned to look at her, “You forget every voice is an instrument.” She rolled her eyes so I curtsied and offered my hand to hers. “Yasmina the Knight, would you be so kind as to dance with me.”

She smiled, scoffing as though she was annoyed. Yet, she took my hand. “I suppose I can be generous just this once.”

I pulled her close, placing her hands on my waist and mine on her shoulders. “Follow my lead.” I said, and she did. I hummed, leading us in a dance around the gazebo. Step by step she picked up her pace, learning the dance as she went.

I couldn’t help but smile.

The colors of the sunset reflected off the lake, lighting the sky in a golden aura. It felt magical. From the music to the setting, everything was perfect. Finally the song I hummed ended and we pulled away, each curtsying to each other.

She was smiling now, undoubtedly happy, or at least entertained. She looked at my face for a moment, our eyes meeting. Her smile fell from her face and when I thought she was going to say something meaningful she spoke. “We should get back.”

My smile dropped and I sighed, she really never would change. Whatever was drilled into her could not be removed. “Yes, I suppose we should.”

Finally, it was the day of the wedding. I had nothing planned, no escape could take me now. Johannes and I had only talked a few times since he arrived. Which was only a week ago. The wedding plans moved fast and therefore there was not enough time to get to know him. Of course, I didn’t care to get to know him much more than I already had. Despite my highest hopes for humanity, Johannes seemed to knock them down.

Everytime he spoke he would drill on about himself, and everytime I spoke he would shush me and go on speaking. I had no voice in his mind. Of course I’m sure if I gave him a chance perhaps he could come to respect me, but unfortunately, I do not have the patience for that.

I am Princess Belladonna of Calemest. I am more than a wife and a woman, I am a ruler. Of course that could never happen. I will only be a ruler at heart. But I will not be a wife, not in this life and not to this man.

That is why I decided to strap a dagger to my thigh, tucked under my garter. If I could not be the Princess who ruled, then I will be the Princess who killed. The only person I worried about was Yasmina. How loyal was she? And would she really kill me? My head told me yes, but my heart told me no. We had only talked a few times, only when Johannes was busy or asleep, but I saw her stolen glances and I know she saw mine. I hoped our dance in the woods would mean something to her.

Either way, if it wasn’t her that killed me it would be another person. The guards could only be so kind to me, princess or not soon I would be a murderer.

“Belladonna,” Isabelle said, walking into the room. “Are you ready?”

I took one last look at myself in the mirror. The gown I wore was white, customary for any wedding. It was tight around my waist, my corset pulled taught. The bottom poofed out below my hips, waterfalling in a pool of different fabrics. A veil was pinned into my long dark hair, the lace covering my face.

“Okay, I’m ready.” I said, taking in one last deep breath of freedom.

We walked together from my chambers to the chapel where the entirety of the kingdom waited for me. Isabelle stepped in front of me, checking everything from the train of my dress to my makeup that was covered by my veil.

“You’re going to make a beautiful bride. White is your color.” She smiled at me.

I returned the smile though she couldn’t see underneath it the thick lace. “I think red fits better.”

Before she could respond the doors to the chapel opened, revealing the crowd waiting for me. I felt powerful as I walked down the aisle. People looked at me from all different sides, watching as I strutted down the walkway.

Johannes smiled at me from the end of the aisle. I smirked, knowing he couldn’t see it. There was more than my smirk being concealed. There was also a knife strapped to my thigh. Part of me felt bad for killing him, then I was reminded of everything he had done. His stupid smirk from the mouth that had silenced me more than once. Those blood covered hands from every war he had started. Now he would rule my country, start wars and famines for the people I love.

I glanced at Yasmina, who stood on his right. She was silent and stoic as always. Would she really defend this murderer? I wonder if she even knew I was looking at her. Could she see through my veil like she could see through my heart?

I stopped myself. This was no story of love or romance. I had only spoken to her a few times, yet I was so desperate to be seen as human I would latch onto anyone who treated me as such. How good of a person could she be whilst defending a monster?

My train draped over the stairs as I stepped onto the dais. Isabelle hurried behind me to fix it, laying it out gracefully. I wondered if it would stay just as graceful after I had stabbed my fiance? I doubted it.

The priest stood between us, beginning his speech. I had not thought this through, in fact that was the point of it all, to be sudden and quick. But now that I stood on the dais I wondered what would be the right time? Should I stab him before the kiss? During our vows? So many options.

I decided I would do it during our vows. Yet when the time came I found myself hesitating. I had never even hurt an animal before yet here I was committing murder. I looked out into the crowd of people watching. My family, every royal advisor, and even some of my citizens looked at me. These people may find me pious and annoying, but I loved them nonetheless. I was doing this for them.

“Johannes,” I began. “When I first found out you were to come to our kingdom, I threw a fit. I acted like a child not getting her way. The truth is I never wanted to marry, especially not to you. I understand now that throwing a tantrum is not the way to act. No, you must take care of things yourself.” He furrowed his brows but I continued. “I refuse to let you bring war and famine to my country. I refuse to let you kill my people.”

I bent down and lifted my skirts, revealing my leg and the knife strapped to it. Unsheathing the blade, I pointed it at his throat. Yasmina made a move. I watched in slow motion as she sprinted to protect the prince, but I was closer. I lunged at him, plunging the blade into his heart with all my might. She stopped in her tracks, shock written over her face. She was too late.

I stood, blood covering my once white dress. “Citizens of Calemest, I am your princess,” I took the veil off, throwing it on the ground and revealing my face. “Princess Belladonna-”

The blood on my dress grew from my core. This time it was my own.

Yasmina stood behind me, her own sword plunged through my body. I sagged on it slightly but she held me up. I dropped to my knees once she pulled it out, more blood spilling from my heart. I only smiled, my mouth filling with blood that dripped down my chin.

The crowd only watched, surely shocked with the events. Two people had been stabbed within the last second or so. It had all happened so fast.

I stood, barely feeling any pain. My blood dripped behind me as I walked back down the aisle, retracing my steps. I took a shortcut outside, feeling the hot sun of late spring beating down on me. I wouldn’t last much longer but I vowed to walk as far as I could. Nobody followed me, they must have known I was doomed the moment her blade plunged into my skin.

I wondered what was going on inside. Did they crouch over the prince’s dead body? Were they mourning or were they thankful? Maybe both.

My knees buckled and I fell to the ground. I knew then I had walked as far as I could. I had made it to the tree line, I was satisfied with that. Princess Belladonna would die by the trees, having killed and been killed.

I wasn’t angry. It seemed right. I would die by what created me.

Once things had died down inside, Yasmina snuck out of the palace. She was not in trouble, no, it was the opposite. She had killed the Prince’s murderer, princess or not, that’s what she was.

She walked through the field, looking for the place Belladonna had found to rest. The trail of blood led her to the tree line before it stopped. It ended right in front of a plant, one she had not seen before. It was a tall green bush with dark purple flowers and berries.

Yasmina plucked one of the berries from the bush. It dripped with a red liquid. It was only juice, she told herself. She popped the berry into her mouth, feeling the sweetness on her tongue and savoring it.

She sat down next to the plant, picking the berries and eating them by the handful. They were addicting and she was starving. Maybe it was her nerves or guilt but she couldn’t stop. Soon her stomach began to hurt and she began to sweat. Her heart beat fast, faster than she had ever felt before.

What was this feeling?

Her vision blurred as she looked at the bush once again. The berries dripped with more juice, except this time she saw it for what it was, blood. She knew then, it was Belladonna’s blood. This bush was Belladonna as Belladonna was the bush. Now Yasmina would die from the poison of the person she had killed.

She laid to rest next to the bush, letting her heart beat until it went still in her chest.

The legend of Belladonna had gone down in history in Calemest. They spoke widely of the plant that had quickly overcome the forest and killed anyone who touched or ate from it. Some people suspected it grew from her anger, others thought it grew from her body.

They say she was killed protecting the country and died in a fit of rage. She was known to be vengeful and beautiful, just like the plant. Her hair dark like the flowers on the bush, her eyes black like the berries. That is why they named it Belladonna, after the princess who had killed the evil prince of Fallin and was now cursed to kill everyone who touched her again.