Chapter 1
"Excuse me, kind sir, share with us your woe,
Tell us, sir, how you lost your big toe."
"My toe? My toe?
You want to know of my toe?"
"Yes, kind sir, pray tell, let us know."
"Alright, I will, I shall tell you a tale,
Of how I lost my toe, over this glass of ale.
But I must warn you all, it is a bit squeamish,
So hang on to your beer and try not to turn greenish.
It happened years ago, whilst on expedition,
I was climbing Everest and got waylaid from my mission.
Now, I know what you are thinking: 'Not much of a tale,
He clearly lost his toe to snow and hail.'
But such was not the case how my toe met its fate,
It was a pub in the mountains, I must iterate.
A place made of wood where mountain men frequented,
Who’d all sit around and drinks yak’s milk, fermented.
The choice of their tipple if you really must know,
Was a bottle of whiskey that contained a big toe!"
"How foul! How rude! How incredibly uncouth!
But please tell us the story, we must know the truth!"
The tale of the pickled old toe was told,
It belonged to a Sherpa whose foot got cold.
He went to the pub big toe in hand,
They offered him a seat as he could barely stand.
They put the toe in whiskey so it could be preserved,
To do otherwise would be completely absurd!
For years and years the toe stayed in its whiskey,
Until one day, two local lads got frisky.
One dared the other to drink the liquor,
Kissing the toe was to be the kicker!
And since that day a tradition was born,
To not kiss the toe will always bring scorn.
"So, after 4 shots of vodka and 5 of vermouth,
I felt warmth and courage from my toe to my tooth.
With a shot of this exotic drink at the ready,
I held onto the bar to keep myself steady.
This strange concoction I was bound to pick up,
And as I downed it out came a large hiccup!
And to my surprise the toe slid down,
I thought for a second I’d be run out of town.
As feelings of rage broke out in the pub,
Out from the back came a man with a club!
I did not want mindless violence to ensue,
So I sat back down and took off my shoe.
I bargained my life in exchange for my toe,
And down came the axe with a mighty big blow!
And thanks to me their tradition persisted,
Whilst for my part I can still take a walk unassisted.
So, there you have it my new found friends,
That is how my story ends.
The moral of the story I do hope you get the gist,
Now, keep an eye on my drink while I go take a piss!"
By,
A.E. Miramontes
