Chapter 1
Ashley’s eyes fell soft, an unmistakable look of pain upon her contorted face. “You . . . what?”
Zach sighed, his heart tensing up; he could feel the start of a palpitation as he stammered out, “We can’t do this anymore. I have to leave.”
Avoiding her gaze did nothing to deflect the feelings flowing from her, manifesting into an invisible ball and colliding with Zach’s body. He watched as she started to shake her head slowly. “No. No, you can’t do this!”
He swallowed hard.
“After everything we’ve been through? You’re just going to throw it all away?” Ashley’s voice was straining as she held back her tears. She had a hard time swallowing, and her face began to flush. Zach glanced up briefly and was met with her large round green eyes, the whites now having a hue of pink. It only made his decision more painful.
“Listen,” he started, hoping to end the conversation before it got any worse, “I can’t be with you. It’s not right.” He found himself struggling with his own emotions, but he forced his words to be stoic—he hoped to maintain a level of finality so as not to lead her on to believe there was any hope of keeping their relationship. He wondered if it would matter at all.
He watched as she took a step forward, her hands now up to her chest, wringing each other as she took sharp breaths in between words. “I know you’re hurting, and I know you think you’re a bad guy, but you’re still a good husband. And father.” Her words were more than palpable; they latched to Zach’s soul, adding weight to the guilt that pulled down on his heart. He knew it was all his fault. After all, he created the situation, didn’t he?
With a flick of his gaze, he spoke calmly, keeping his stoic, distant tone. “Does a good husband and father cheat on his wife?” Another heavy heartbeat.
“It’s not cheating! It wasn’t even real!” She pleaded. “Listen, it’s okay! It happened just one time, okay? Just please, don’t leave me.” The tears she fought so hard to hold back now rolled down her reddened cheeks, framing her round face.
“I can’t . . . I just can’t do this anymore. I have to go.” Zach took a moment. “And I’m not coming back.”
Her quiet crying became soft whimpers, echoing in the quiet of the gray room. “Is it really that easy?” She asked as she continued to wring her hands, her arms tightly packed against her body. She was tensed up and stiff, standing alone with the weight of the decision, hoping to convince her lover otherwise.
But then something happened. She suddenly erupted, breaking through the sadness with a flare of her nostrils and brows furrowing. “You know what? No. Who the fuck are you to treat me like this?”
Zach was stunned by the sudden change in demeanor, drawing his attention to her as she seemed to unravel her innermost thoughts and feelings.
“I don’t need some fucking pretentious asshole telling me if I’m worthy or not to keep around! How can you just cut me out like this? As if I don’t matter?” Her words came out so quickly, with such conviction, Zach barely noticed how out of place her accusations and feelings were. He had to calm her down.
“Look, I’m not sure where you are getting this idea of me deciding if you are worthy or not from, but that isn’t the argument.”
She sniffled, her glowering strong. “Oh, isn’t it?” She snapped back.
“No.” He continued, calm on the outside, keeping the raging sea dammed up behind his eyes and soul. “Your worthiness is not in question. It’s all about me and what I’ve done.”
“Yeah. It always is about you, isn’t it?” She slapped her thighs in a gesture of irritated confusion. “So what? I was just a thing to be used? Is that it? Use me then discard me?” Her voice was now hitched, riding a fine line of yelling and raised voice. “And now because of your mistake, I have to suffer, right?”
Zach didn’t want to continue this argument. He wanted out. He wanted to cut it clean, hoping she’d understand, but from the way things were progressing it was evident that there would be no clean cut from her.
“I can’t live with you!” He lowered the dam a little, letting some of the raging water out. “You know this! I’m married, and I cheated with you!” He shot a quick glance up at her. “I have to go.”
Her angry expression quickly subsided, leaving desperation to step forward. “I don’t want to be alone! Please don’t leave me alone! I don’t want to lose you! Please!” He watched her eyes dance, her body movement jittery and sporadic as she found excuses for him to stay. “Look, we can forget any of that happened, okay? We could go back to being friends and never bring this up again!”
The room fell silent as the two looked upon each other’s faces. He remained the same but could feel the odd mixture of emotions inside him, tumbling around like clothes in a tumble dryer.
Finally, the silence broke as she sputtered small cries again, returning back to her close, tight, stiff stance, one hand covering her mouth. “Please, Zach. Don’t go.”
Zach was done talking. This had taken enough of his time and he wanted to move on with his life. To forget this ever happened.
To forget her.
Before he could leave, she blurted out, catching him again. He was growing frustrated, but let her speak.
“I get it,” she said softly.
Zach’s brows scrunched up as he shook his head and whispered, “Huh?” He turned back around to look at her face.
“I get it. You have to do this. I get it.” She repeated. She had finally come to accept that this would never work, that there was no amount of mending that could fix what was clearly broken. There was no cleaning what was defiled. Whether in sincerity or with deceit, hearing her accept the situation somehow made him feel worse rather than providing any closure.
He studied her face, watching the tears slow and a pained smile grow. Her posture loosened, relaxed, head tilting slightly. She crossed her arms and looked away, staring at the floor.
Watching her struggle with the reality of the world she knew coming to an end was more than enough to tug at Zach’s heartstrings once more. He had known her for almost an entire year and had grown so close. Very close. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for her; She just couldn’t be a part of his life anymore.
He suddenly found himself unable to leave like he wanted. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them, given the bond that they shared. But what else was there to say? They finally agreed on the decision, yet he felt as if the book had a final page to be written. But what?
It dawned on him. There was just one last thing to do, one final goodbye gesture to send off to.
Zach walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her body. She rested her head under his chin and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in tight.
“I’m sorry for what I’ve done to our friendship.” He nearly choked on his words.
Zach felt a smile grow on her face as she pressed her head against his chest. She whispered back just as quietly, “You’re forgiven.”
He broke into a wistful smile one final time before saying “Execute Override ninety-two”, and everything went black.
Zach awoke in a chair, the same chair he sat down in hours ago, and looked around. He was in his workshop, a dingy basement with bare-bones essentials like a carpet without padding, a comfy chair, a workbench with a stool, and a television on the wall. The lights barely cast enough light to illuminate his section of the basement.
He took a moment, blinking the weird sensation of feeling out of his body. He still felt as though he wasn’t fully back, though he was, clearly.
He felt the trails of tears that stained his cheeks. Then as quickly as he could, given he still was reeling from the simulation, he walked over to his laptop, and found the program. Ashley.exe.
Zach took a moment’s pause, staring at it, remembering all the times he had with her. The past simulated year he spent with her. The tears sprang back into action as he realized it was all going to be erased.
But it had to be done.
He right-clicked, slowly moved his mouse to the “Delete” option, and clicked. A pang of heartache struck him as he watched the file vanish into the ether.
Goodbye, Ashley.
Suddenly, a familiar voice hollered down the stairwell. “Honey!” It was his wife.
Gathering his strength and clearing his throat, he pushed through the pain and hollered back, “Yeah?”
“Honey, dinner is ready! You’ve been down there for hours, come up and spend some time with your kids and eat with us!”
He nodded to himself, his eyes unfocused. “Yep. I’ll be right up.”
He heard the door softly close and then heard his children’s footsteps running about the floor above him, presumably heading towards the dinner table.
He refocused on his laptop, eyes scanning the screen. He was looking over his life’s work, a new-age simulation. On-demand lucid dreaming. A user could plug in any scenario and make up a character or two, slip on the head cap, and boom, they’d live out that fantasy. He had one for fantasy adventures, a thrilling car chase scenario, even one where one could be the president.
But Zach regretted having ventured into creating a romance simulation, not knowing how powerful his convictions would have been, the guilt that he would have felt.
She was a program, sure . . .
. . . but she was real to him . . .
