Chapter 1 Crazy!
Becca's POV
This is crazy! I really shouldn't trust him! What am I even thinking that I could talk to him without getting emotionally beat down. He is going to manipulate me all over again. He is going to have me doubting myself... I already doubt myself. But not my decision to leave him.
Why am I doing this is the first place? It isn't like Zach has ever shown any interest in his daughter. I even told him I was pregnant, and what did he do? He grumbled that that was just one more mouth to feed... That she would take all the attention, when I should be focused on him. What kind of selfish bastard says something like that?
If he didn't want a child, he should've kept it wrapped up, or maybe not had sex. Hey, there's an idea! It's not like it was planned. He came home drunk again. Only that time he was horny. He knows I can't be on birth control. I'm one of the few who are actually allergic to it. I didn't want my tubes tied. At some point I wanted to have a baby.
It's been 6 months! 6 months since the divorce and all of a sudden he wants to talk about custody over Lucy? He has no money, no security, and he's abusive and he expects me to hand over my daughter? He's crazier than I am!
I remember when I met him. I was young and naive. I'd just come from one of my finals and I was celebrating with my girlfriends at the bar. We were fine on our own... Why did I have to find him that night? Everything would have been better if I'd just never met the man.
I don't know what it is about the bad boy, but I fell hook, line and sinker. He had a bike and a sexy smile. He came in with his little biker friends and they sidled up to me and my friends. It just so happens he was the one who caught my attention. I've regretted it for years.
No one ever said a damn thing about him being abusive... Not until we said "I do." And then something flipped a switch in him. I wish his friends had warned me. Said something that made me see how dangerous he could get when he loses his temper. But all they did was smirk at us and order beers.
Suddenly, he was possessive and angry. If a man looked at me, or talked to me he would beat me for it. Even if it was just about an assignment or work. He didn't give a damn. He was obsessed and convinced I was going to leave him for someone else. He had to show me that I only belonged to him.
He spent more time at the bar and less working at his shop. He depended on me to make the money. I spent 8 years in school to become a pharmacist. Late night studying, stressing about tests, making my way to the top of the class.
What did he do? He rode his bike and spent all my money at the bar!
And when I told him I wasn't paying for his alcohol problem he turned mean. He yelled at me, telling me he deserved all of it! He told me I belonged to him. And because I belonged to him so did my money.
None of this I told to my family. I was scared. I didn't want to them to know how bad things were. Not financially, of course I had the money. It was the control he had over me. The abuse I took over and over again for something I didn't even do. I would keep silent. I had to. I was a professional doctor. That meant not letting anyone know how much pain I was in.
He would beat me, but never where anyone could see. I kept my mouth shut. I don't know why. I guess I didn't want people to talk. I didn't want people to see me as weak. I need to be strong. Be professional. It hid all my flaws.
But then I found out I was pregnant. There was no way in hell I'd let that bastard hurt a child. I stayed away from him as much as I could, and yet he would still find me and hurt me. I refused to lose my baby. Not to him! The baby was so much more important than him. My baby needed me! She needed me to step up and protect her.
So, I left. One night while he was out drinking again, I packed a bag and moved in with my little sister Trish. I knew I wouldn't stay there for too long. Just a week or so. Just until I could find my own place.
She didn't ask any questions, just held me and let me cry. Later that night, she told me she'd seen him at the bar with one woman or another. Never the same one. I don't know why that hurt so much. It shouldn't. Not after everything, I should've just felt numb... But I felt betrayed, and more determined to leave him.
He was pissed when he found out I left him and he did everything to get me to come back to him, but I refused to be manipulated. I was doing this for me and my baby. He told me Trish lied and that there was never any other woman. She must've seen someone else. He would never cheat on me...
Yeah, right. Like I'd believe him after everything he's done to me. The cheating wasn't even the worst thing. It was the way he made me feel about myself. How I felt useless and worthless. It was how he blamed everything on me, and made me believe it!
A week later I found my own apartment and set it up for me and my baby. This would be the start of our new life. I could deal with anything, as long as my baby was safe.
It took a long time for the divorce to go through, because Zach had his lawyer block it. I don't know why, but he refused to let me divorce him. My lawyer was fighting every step of the way. But it was never about Lucy, it was always about me!
Honestly, I don't know where he got the money for a lawyer, unless he actually started working and stopped drinking. Maybe he got the money from his parents. I have no idea. He should've just let me go! We didn't need to make it a long drawn out process. He was just being stubborn and so was his lawyer. I was more than frustrated with both of them.
It took a whole year for the damn thing to dissolve, and by that time, Lucy was born. It was hard and emotional. It took me so long to get the strength to stand up against him. I'm still working on my self worth. Everything seems so shaky right now.
But Trish and Mom and Dad, along with my little Lucy are putting me back together piece by piece. I don't know how long it will take, but someday I will be the strong independent woman I used to be. The one who had dreams and chased them. The one who thought I was worth the work.
Now my little Lucy is 9 months old. Mom and Dad are in love with her, and Trish is the best auntie. They spoil my little one to death, and I'm not even upset. She needs all the love she can get.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm enough for her. But then I look in her little blue eyes and I know I would do anything for her. She never seems to think I'm not enough for her. She just loves me with her whole little soul, and that seems to be all I need.
I don't know if I will ever love again, but if all I ever have is my daughter, then that is enough. She is enough. We will be a family, along with my sister and my parents. That's really all I need.
I most definitely do not need Zach charging back into my life like some bad boy full of broken promises. Not when I've finally gotten rid of him. I've even gotten over him! That's harder than it sounds. Somewhere deep down I was in love with him. But not anymore. I didn't need him anymore.
So far I've kept Lucy out of his life. I don't want him to have anything to do with her. And until now, he didn't even seem like he cared. Never once in the whole year we were fighting for the divorce did it cross his mind to fight for child custody... Not that I'd give it to him in the first place, and he knew it.
So, like I said, why the hell is he wanting her now? There has to be something I'm missing. I'm starting to second guess myself all over again. I hate it! I hate what he does to me. But I won't let him see it. He won't see me shed one tear.
What exactly is he expecting to happen with this meeting? He knows I won't give her to him. I have been avoiding him for the last two months, and then he showed up at my work yesterday and told me he wouldn't leave until he talked to me today about Lucy.
That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I also didn't want to deal with a confrontation at work, so I agreed to meet him here today. It was the only thing I could think of to do. Not that I could avoid him forever, just yesterday. If I didn't show up, he'd hunt me down. I know he would.
I just don't understand what all this is about? Can't he find some new chick to play around with? He knows I don't want anything to do with him.
My stomach turns as I signal to turn into the diner we agreed to meet at. This is it... Is there still time to turn around before he sees me? I'm starting to shake with nerves.
I can see his bike sitting in the lot. If I was a violent person, I'd set the damn thing on fire. I could feel the idea burn deep in my heart. He's always loved that bike more than he ever loved me. It would be poetic justice.
But that's not me. I need to be professional and think things through. I can't let my emotions ruin me. I can't let people see me fall apart. Especially not my ex-husband.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my heart. Why does he do this to me? Make me feel like I'm losing control of my life? I just got everything together! I can't go crazy just because he wants to talk to me about a daughter he wants nothing to do with. This is neurotic.
I want to cry and scream, but I won't. I'm going to keep it together if it's the last thing I do. I refuse to fall apart at a time like this!
At least I know Lucy is safe right now. I left her with her grandma, and mom was more than happy to help... Actually, she was upset with me that I agreed to this stupid meeting in the first place, but was happy to keep my daughter from her father.
My heart pounds against my rib cage. He can't do anything here. There are people around. He can't hurt me. Logically I know this. But it doesn't stop my hands from sweating as I approach the diner.
I can see him, sitting in our old spot. He sees me instantly.
There is a dangerous look on his face. Something cold and calculating... Something very different from the impulsive man I fell in love with.
I want to run away. I want to turn around like I should've and just never look back.
How did I even get talked into this in the first place?
I gulp down my insecurities and steel my spine. Then I reach for the diner door, take a steadying breath and enter the restaurant.
