Accesssed

Walking home from work one rainy thundery night, her long brown hair was starting to frizz underneath her heavy Parker coat, she looks towards the sky trying to see some glimpse of the stars and hoping that the rain would stop long enough to get home.

At 27 Sarah, really wasn’t were she thought she would be now in her life, she lived in a dismal ex council flat on a rough estate on the outskirts of Taunton. She had no boyfriend and her career and dreams of going into law where all but that, a dream.

She worked in a rundown call Centre, a job she had only taken on for the summer before she was going to be attending university with her friends, but this was something which would never come to pass. Instead 6 years on and she hadn’t progressed at all. Not through lack of trying.

She looked at the holes in her worn out sneakers and tried to imagine a life much better than the one she had. As she walked past a shop and stopped she looked at her reflection in the window, her skin was pale and lifeless, and the clothes she wore where items she hadn’t replaced since college and her tiny 5, 7 frame looked more skeletal every day. This is how she always saw herself.

She would always receive compliments about her figure, she had a curved hour glass shape but was still only a size 10. Her mother would always tell her she looked Ill and would threaten to force feed her before she left for her own flat.

She walked continplating her situation she would be facing once she got home, what would be waiting for her, hopefully nothing.

Walking to the checkpoint in the wall when her phones begins to ring.

CALLING LIZ

“Hey Liz what’s up??” Please don’t ask me when I can you back please!!!

“Hey bitch where have you been?? Being trying to contact you all day you avoiding me or something??”

Sarah sighs, she had been avoid her as it’s had been 2 months since she had borrowed money off her friend and had used up nearly all of the excuses on why she couldn’t pay it back.

“No coulee just been trying to put the hours in at work. Why what’s up???” Crap I shouldn’t of mention work or money now she is going to ask?!!! Stupid Sarah

“Oh yeah!! How is the sweatbox??? Are you still sat next to sweaty spotty Mike?? Ew! That guys was so gross!!!” You could feel and hear the revulsion in her voice.

Sarah, Liz and most of her friendship group had met and in college and for the summer had decided to get full time jobs with the local call centre just to help all of their bank balances before setting off to university.

Unfortunately for Sarah she had been told the crippling news from her parents that they couldn’t afford the fees needed to send her to university with her friends. Sarah tried to write to the university and apply for a government grant to help with her with the fees, her plans where to study as a barrister and also work part time or evening and weekends to help with the payments... But she had also been declined for this option as well.

But Sarah being the determined person she had always been decided to look on the bright side of things and chose to enhance her career with the company she was already with.

She thought to herself not everyone can have their dream job so I will just make do with what I have in front of me.

A lot of the managers and supervisors had stated with the company in the call centre so maybe she could aspire to do the same.

But after 6 years she was still stuck in the call centre at the same desk, gone were the care free days of her and Liz taking the mick out of stinky Mike with his chip pan greasy hair and Goth t shirts.

Getting to the cash point she could hear the noise of all her other friends shouting for her to come out in the back ground, they were at the local uni bar which they would always smuggle Sarah into so she could still have the uni life night life with them – true friends.

As she enters her pin she decided to take the gamble of trying to withdrawal some cash without checking her balance, she was sure she had at least a tenner left in the account that she could use and after the day she had had no one would begrudge her letting her hair down and having a drink with her friends.

**CASH**

**£10**

**PROCESSING**

Her heart started to beat quicker and she could feel her head getting warm. It was like play roulette but recently the odds where never in her favour.

**INSUFFICIENT FUNDS**

**CURRENT BALANCE -£1077.66**

**AVAILABLE BALANCE NIL**

DAM IT!!!! And I don’t get paid for another week.

She gets back onto the phone with Liz feeling defeated and depressed.

“Sorry Liz maybe another time I am in the red again!” Sarah sighed

“What again??! I will sub you and then we will make it an even £100 that you owe me. How about that? We haven’t seen you for ages.” Liz is almost screaming down the phone, you can hear the group scream Sarah’s name.

Sarah contemplates her friends offer, the weather is getting worse and she can hear the thunder rolling and rumbling louder and louder, she still had to walk come home.

“I will call you back Liz, I haven’t even got home yet and don’t even have the money for bus fare so.” She ends the call and pulls the hood up on the very old and ripped Parker coat which she had been wearing since college. She snatches her card from the cash point as it starts to beep loudly, making her thinking that it is trying to tell everyone in the street how much money she didn’t have and what a loser she was, she walks off in a slump.

What’s the point working 40hours a week and still being skint!!

Never being able to buy anything new!

Struggling to even buy the essentials when food shopping, just once I would love to buy a steak and Chunky chips with a nice bottle of wine!

Constantly in the red and living in my overdraft!!

Worrying and not sleeping thinking about what is waiting for me when I get home and wondering if the next knock on the door will be bailiffs!!!

Hate my flat!!!!

Beep beep

[Text from Liz – loser!!! Love you babe hope you change your mind xx]

[Reply from Sarah – sorry Hun could really do with a night but not feeling it now! Soz love ya too xx]

As she goes to press the send button her heart starts to race again, she holds her breathe. Bill is now overdue.

[SENT]

Phew!!

She carries on battling through the weather the rain has started to seep through her shoes and her feet are starting to become cold. She quickens her pace and she starts to run through all the bills and family and friends which she owes.

Liz = £75

Mum and dad = yeah don’t think of that there is a bridge there!

Rent = ok no arrears anymore.

Other bills = hmm actually that bridge is looking tempting!!

How had it become this bad, she wasn’t addicted to anything she never stopped working, she had recently had to give up her car as couldn’t afford to have it repaired. But what she didn’t want to remember was the real reason behind her problems.

One life lesson she had learned early on was never trust someone who is on drugs to pay the bills, no matter how much you think you love them. But she didn’t want to go back to the past right now, the past wasn’t going to help with her problems in the present.

It was just getting to her that she was constantly living in her overdraft, she could hear the nagging voice of her mother in her head

“Me and you father never had any one to borrow! How do you think we survived?! We both worked 2 jobs and barely saw each to keep the house going!”

Sarah knew what her mother was saying was right but she hated to admit it. She had tried everything her mum just didn’t understand the jobs in the area we not easy to come by, and things cost a lot more nowadays. Sarah had tried to apply for second jobs but there was nothing around. It wasn’t like she wasn’t trying, but she was also worried about it affecting her first job as well. She was already struggling, she has been late a few times and her performance targets had been way below the average. Each month she was required to take a certain amount of orders and also selling a target of marketing space but in the last few month she hadn’t even come close to reaching her targets and had been advised by her supervisor that because of the lack of performance she would have to undergo more training and also attending monthly reviews which after 3 months if nothing had changed in her performance or target levels then her employment would be reconsidered.

All of the things were starting to bury Sarah but she was never going to give up and go home, she would never hear the end of it, what a disappointment she is and how she was nothing like her sister Vanessa because at her age Vanessa had a husband and a child and stable job etc.

Sure things would get easier right?

Beep beep

[Text from dad – hey love you ok? X had another red letter arrive for you today. I did get to it before your mother saw, it’s for car insurance £123.69. Do you need to me to help and pay it??]

Her heart sank, what else could happen today? I thought that had already came out??

Beep beep

[Text from +447770681489 – cash for electronics! Find your local branch. Open late. Click here]

She was just about to delete it when she stopped and looked at her phone, it’s was the latest mobile she had been offered an upgrade and had been sent the latest phone last week it was still brand new. She then had an epiphany all the old game consoles he left behind and old phones she could sell them and it could all go towards paying that debt and her friends and family, she knew it would t cover everything but maybe it would show that she was trying. The phone would surely get her around £300+ so she could pay the insurance and then buy some food, actual food!

She picked up her paced.

As she turned the corner into her street she could see flashing blue lights and could hear the commotion coming from outside her building, this wasn’t an unusual occurrence on her street, the last time her parents had come to visit a drunken fight had broken outside which resulted in a police riot van being called. Since that night her mother had refused to go anywhere near her street, this hadn’t bother Sarah this much as visits from her mother weren’t exactly the most pleasant of experiences there was always something wrong with the flat or it was never up to her mothers standards.

There was always something wrong with her flat even the way she lived her life. It was from the colour of the walls to the jobs she had, even the way she looked, she would bathe before seeing her mother, even if she had in the morning, just to make sure there was nothing she could complain about but she would still get the comment of “your hair is greasy! Why don’t you dye it a colour which isn’t so dark it makes you look ill!”

When Sarah had first moved to her new flat she had invited her parents over for a meal. She had taken annual leave to ensure that she had enough time clean the flat and make it spotless, the smell of bleach could be smelt from down the hallway. She then started to cook the meal to ensure that everything was perfect so her mother would not complain.

Sarah knew that if her mother could smell the bleach then she should leave her alone for that night, but this was wishful thinking on Sarah behalf.

KNOCK KNOCK

Sarah stopped and quickly surveyed the flat before she edged towards the door to ensure there was nothing out of place which could possibly be picked upon.

She answer the door and there was her dad with ‘Their drink’ red wine and a massive hug. Her mother meanwhile was at the door with a look on someone who was trying to smile and suck a lemon at the same time, it almost reminded her of someone who was being forced to walk on hot coals but was also enjoying the painful experience.

Her dad entered the flat and went straight to the kitchen where he proceeded to grab some wine glasses and serve it to himself and Sarah, not even asking his wife if she would like a glass as she was always the designated driver and hardly ever drank.

He quickly highlight that the flat was coming together not really paying attention to anything and continued to sit on the sofa switching the TV channel from Sarah’s crime shows to his favourite 5pm quiz show.

She could feel the presence of her mother lingering in the hall way, inspecting every nock and cranny of the flat, running her beady eyes over ever surface she could glaze her eyes upon. She watched as she smoothly as a snake searching the jungle for pray inspected each room in and out, quietly not saying anything just the same look of distain on her face the entire time, you could almost hear her Mind thinking of something negative to say.

To try and ignore what was going on Sarah decided to go back into the kitchen and check on the dinner and try and clean as much of the used pans as possible just to minimise the comments. But then just as she had just closed the oven door there is was “so when was the last time you ran a Hoover around here? Don’t worry I will do it! Where is your Hoover?” Criticised her mother.

Sarah stopped and sighed she turned to face her mother.

“Come on where is it I cannot make myself comfortable before I run the Hoover around this place is a state, can’t believe you didn’t clean before we came over!?”

“Mum I did it about 2 hours ago I have taken a day’s holiday today to ensure everything was clean!” As soon as Sarah had said it she instantly regretted it, she knew by saying that she had taken holiday that she was going to get more grief from her mother. She had always been a bit unstable when it came to jobs and work, her mother would constantly accused her of losing her job when Sarah had some time off, it was really something that had started to wear thin in Sarah’s mind.

“No mum I haven’t lost my job! I just booked a day annual leave, so I had enough time to clean and also make the meal.” Sarah was getting frustrated already and they had only been in the flat for 20mins.

“STAN! Stan! Did you hear that she has only gone and lost her job again?” Her mother shrieked at her dad, for her to shriek in such a small flat Sarah was sure the upstairs neighbours could probably hear everything which was going on. Her dad, Stan was sat watching the TV trying to ignore the Commotion which was happening right next to him, “For God sake Pat she didn’t say that at all! She has the taken the day off. Do you get paid for that love??” Sarah nodded her head to respond with yes.

Stan always had this uncanny way of ignoring a conversation or argument with the women of his family, it was a version of selective hearing, whenever her mother or anyone in fact started on Sarah she knew he was always there fighting her corner. He would switch from not listen to jumping into the conversation or arguments and stopping it before it had time to escalate.

Sarah had always thought it was the years living with her mother that had made him like it; Sarah’s relationship with her father had always been a close one and she was always counted as daddies little girl, while her older sister Vanessa was wanting make up and new clothes Sarah had always been the tomboy in the family wanting and going fishing with her father, so they had a special bond that her mother and sister could never really get in-between off. There wasn’t a little girl having her father wrapped her finger it was more of a relationship built on respect and mutual understanding of each other, as they were so similar in temperament and character, but Sarah always knew that she could tell her dad anything and he would always be honest on what he thought of her actions, the worse thing in Sarah’s world was when she let him down, and this something that her mother and sister had picked up upon so always tried to find something to bring her down and causes disappointment between her dad and Sarah’s relationship.

“Well????? Where is the Hoover then??” He mothered had order once Stan had completely shut down her accusations, her face still sucking a lemon.

Sarah had come to terms with letting her mother get her own way. It was easier and a lot less hassle that way, another tip she had learnt from her dad, and she didn’t want it to ruin the evening she had planned by arguing. Unfortunately for Sarah that night was going to be no exception to the rule, it was a night of constant knit picking and boasts about how well her sister Vanessa was doing and what she had accomplished and then questions of why Sarah couldn’t be more like her etc.

Her older sister Vanessa was 2 years older than Sarah. Vanessa was planned and was the first grandchild in the family so was seen as a golden child, spoilt rotten by the family. When it was announced that they were expecting Sarah, Vanessa didn’t take the new very well she resorted to tantrums and holding her breathe till she passed out. This is an attitude which continued all the way through until the present day, Vanessa and Sarah were complete polar opposites. Vanessa loved material things and being the centre of attention, Sarah like being on her own, filling her time with making her own things or even just spending time with her dad. Sarah had been informed by her mother and her sister that she had been an accidental pregnancy from the beginning, but this didn’t really bother her that much, but over the years it became something that was brought up more and more regularly as a way to intimidate and destroy her self-esteem.

There were some moments of the evening which were enjoyable when Sarah and Stan could talk and have chats about things they had seen on TV or reminiscing about old times and laughing about things they had done. These would be briefly interrupted with accusing and scowling comments from her mother;

“How many glasses of wine have you had?” Or “have you paid your rent? You better have and don’t come to us for any handouts!”

Sarah and Stan would both just roll their eyes and continue with the conversation, purposefully filling their wine glasses for each other in a defiant act against her mother, this would result in an evil look being exchange between Stan and Pat.

They continued the night, with no more drama and Pat complimented Sarah on her food. That was always something Sarah could do right in her mother’s eyes.

It was starting to get late and Sarah was grateful when he mother and dad decided it was time for them to leave, this meant she could finally sit down and relax why watching her crime shows.

The bonus of her mother coming over was she would always insist on cleaning the kitchen and doing all the washing up, but this wasn’t really a helpful and kind gesture towards Sarah but almost something she would use in the future as something to moan at Sarah about in front of other people to make her feel small, by this time the story would of changed by then and it would be told in a way which made out that Sarah didn’t clean her house and that her mother had come to the rescue.

Before Sarah sat down, she decided to have a glass of the delicious red wine which her father had brought with him, he always brought too many bottles and would leave them behind just so she would have some for the week. As she lifted the bottle she hears something drop from underneath, she looked under the bottle then onto the counter. 5 £20 notes folded in half had dropped from the bottom there was a post-it on them. Luv xx

This is the event which had made Sarah adamant that her father would not be paying for her insurance bill. She opened her front door completely ignoring all the confusion and chaos which was continuing to happen outside, she was on a mission and nothing was going to stop her. Opening the door she could see the post lying on the matt, most of them with big bold letters – PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE – THIS IS NOT A CIRCULATION – PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL- FINAL REMINDER.

These letters were becoming all too common recently but she would deal with these at another time. As soon as her mobile phone connected to her wifi she clicked on the Link from the message she had received and up loading an internet page with some other links;

** Please allow us to detect your located**

**allow**

** searching……........**

** search results – there are 3 branches in your area

5miles – clobber cash, 74melbeck road

3miles – clobber cash, 1 Princes Street

25miles – clobber cash express 27 high street.**

Brilliant Princes Street is only up the road I can make it there before the closing time cash in my phone and then make it back to pub to meet Liz and the guys and then tomorrow go and see dad and pay the money for the insurance!

Sarah decided that she wouldn’t try and look for any other electronics for her to sell as it was 6:30 and the shop closed at 8pm, it would take her roughly 20-30mins to get there as well, most of the money was coming from the sale of the phone anyway so she decided do the rest one a different day when she had enough time.

Quickly searching for the box and charger for the new phone she then quickly look for the spare mobile she could use instead.

6:40pm she set off out the flat she hadn’t even picked up the mail off the Matt and just step over on it leaving muddy foot prints on the white envelopes slamming the door behind her. The flashing lights were still present outside her building but the shouting and chaos had subsided, she still didn’t take notice as she dashed around the corner.

Rain was heavy and continue to seep through her already damp shoes and starting to soak her socks through, at this point she didn’t really care selling her phone would temporarily get her out of a hole, and show people that she was trying to get on top of her debt. She felt positive about things for the first time all day and almost wanted to skip to clobber cash but knew if anyone saw she may be mocked for the rest of her life so stayed at a brisk pace for now.

After a good 20minutes she the rain was persistent but she continued her journey defiantly her feet felt numb but it was not going to stop her.

As she crossed the road entering the town centre she decided to start changing the sim cards on the phones to check that the older phone was charged enough for her to use straight away, if not she was going to be cheeky and maybe ask someone in the store if she could charge it while dealing with the paperwork on the other phone, she had everything set out In her mind. What if the shop gives more than £300 for the phone?? Ooo maybe means I could get a takeaway on the way home I haven’t had a kebab and chips for ages!!! NO!!!!! The rest can go on other bills do not be stupid!!

As she fiddled about with the backs of the phone, her pace slowed; to busy trying to remove the back of the new phone she wasn’t paying attention to the surface of the pavement and that it was switching from a smooth surface to cobbled street. As she made her next step her foot landed awkwardly on the first cobble, she ankle twisted and bent, trying to stabilize itself to the different angle but it was too steep and before she knew it, her whole body went crashing spectacularly to the ground, her knee smashed onto the slippery wet cobble stone below her and she could do nothing but watch as the battery left her hand and went flying and skidding under the cast iron gate and landing on the park steps below.

“FOR FUCK SAKE!!!!” She almost screamed but kept it at a low toned rant at herself, as she picked herself up off the cold wet floor she inspected her self, she was soaked and dirty! She had made a golf ball sized hole in her new black skinny jeans and the zip on her coat had somehow broken and was all uneven. She looked to the dark cloudy sky as the rain beat down onto her face and mutter “oh fuck off!!! Seriously??!!”

She had inspected the contents of her pockets to check for any other items which maybe missing, she huff and sighed as she realised she also smashed the screen on the old phone, but that wasn’t important as long as the screen worked, she hoped.

Once she had inspected her fall area she determined that nothing else was missing and that she now had to concentrate on trying to get the battery back, she became even more Pissed off when she walked closer to the gate, it was off peak season, this meant the council locked all the gates after 6:30pm to ensure that no homeless people or anti social behaviour could take place.

The battery was on the 4th step, even she if she lay back down on the wet floor and tried to reach there was no way she could get to it.

I really don’t need this right now!!!

7:05pm there was still another 10-15 mins of walking left she had no time to mess about she had to get her thinking cap on. She stood back sizing up the gate in front of her. It was an old Victorian style iron gate with the spiked arrow detailing at the top to deter people from jumping over them. Sarah wasn’t much of a jumper, or climber, jogger actually anything physically exerting wasn’t really her forte, but this was a matter of life or food so she starting thinking of how to defeat the gate. It was only hip height, Sarah was 5,7ft and had the bonus of having long legs and a small upper frame so she knew she could do this with ease… Hopefully!

She packed the remnants of the other phones and pieces back into her pockets and ensured they were all zipped up and out of the way so they too would not fall out, she rearranged her clothing to ensure nothing would get caught of snagged on the gate.

She took a brief look around to make sure no one was watch her, as she knew that it was against the law to jump the gates after they had closed and she would get a stern telling off and even a fine from the police, and from the way her luck was going recently it would probably happen.

The rain had slowed to a drizzle and formed a muggy mist in the air, it had been very warm for an October, so thunder storms had become regular occurrences in the area. You could almost feel the electric in the air, the feel you get when you are about to touch a woollen jumper which was static was all around, it made the hairs on your arms feel like they were standing on end; There was no wind at all so the air was also very muggy, Sarah had been sweating the entire journey under her heavy Parker coat.

She placed her foot onto the bar of the gate, she looked over to the battery it was safely on the centre of the step and was still intact. She pushed her body up with her arms and swung her first leg over the gate carefully trying to manoeuvre her leg in-between the spikes, they were not sharp so it did not matter if her leg hit them it was just awkward. She got her leg past the spike and safely placed her foot onto the other side of the bar; next - this bit was going to be difficult she had to tip toe with one leg and swing with the other and also lift body at the same time, as she did this she could feel her foot slipping from the bar of the gate her arms where also struggling to take her weight the moisture of her palms not being able to grasp the gate hard enough were starting to slip, she quickly threw her other leg over the gate and planted both feet on the same bar. Phew!

She stepped down onto the top step and nearly slipped on the stones wet surface, all that effort she had made just to be taken out by the step again was something she thought would happen to her, so she decided to carefully walk to the fourth step. She walked and retrieved the battery quickly inspected it in the limited light that she had from the street lamp above her, she hoped that the shop wouldn’t care about the few scratches which had been caused by the fall as long as it worked. She shoved it into her pocket and made her way back up to the gate, this time she wasn’t too worried about scaling the gate as she knew now that she could do it! Just before she started she checked the time, 7:17pm right really need to stop messing about now and get going!

As she got the the top of the gate she could her a roll and then a clap of thunder, it was so loud it sounded like it close, she looked around to try and see the corresponding lighting but she couldn’t see it. The rain had started to come down hard again the gate was becoming more slippery the more Sarah hesitated. She grabbed the top of the gate and set her self up to climb, she had swung her leg over and had lifted her Body, and she was just about to lift her next leg off the bar and swinging around when BANG!!!

A bolt of lightening as if from nowhere came crash down only a few yards away from her striking an electrical pole. Sarah screamed and lost her grip on the top of the gate, her balance is gone and she goes crashing to the pavement head first.

Smoke and burning is the last thing she smells as the rain subsides and her world falls into darkness.