Chapter 1
I wake to the sound of my son crying. My mom is frustrated by his cries and yells for me to silence him. I crawl from my bed sleep deprived and exhausted. His father chose to leave me on my own. Blake Wright, son of Melanie and Brock Wright. His brothers, Brent and Mark are jerks like himself. They’re twins and graduated two years ago. Blake and I are set to graduate in May. I’m navigating becoming a mom and high school.
I already had a job as a receptionist. Though I was employed part time, I worked full time hours. My boss, Mr Rinks, said I kept things running smoothly. So, he allowed me my six weeks off. I needed the whole twelve, but he told me he’d have to fire me if I stayed gone longer. My pay was enough to send Kaden to daycare. I got help through assistance programs because I was still in school.
My mom, Merle, scolded me for ending up pregnant. We were barely making it by ourselves. She told me often she wasn’t responsible for feeding him. I discovered a month after my encounter with Blake that I was pregnant. He’d thrown a party to celebrate entering our final year. I begged mom to let me go and she did. I had a cup of punch and thought it tasted like punch, it was spiked. Blake had been drinking all night.
My friend, Lainey, encouraged me to let loose. I felt the alcohol kicking in and asked her to take me home. She liked Blake’s brother, Brent who was present at the party. He flirted with her all night. They exchanged numbers and after I ended up in the bathroom throwing up my stomach contents she took me home. She kept asking me if I was okay, but I remained quiet as she drove me home. Tears fell from my eyes.
Moments before she agreed to take me home, a drunk Blake entered the bathroom. He slammed the door and cursed as he too was throwing up. He emptied in the sink. I stood from the toilet and tried to make my way out, but he pinned me to the wall.
Blake: Where you going beautiful? The party is just starting
I turned away from his alcohol laced breath. He didn’t like that. He forcefully grabbed me by the cheeks.
P-please let me go
Blake: You’ve wanted me for so long, now you want to leave? Come on Sadie, stay.
I trembled as I watched him loosen his belt. I turned to walk away, but he pulled me back to him. I begged him not to, but he replied it wouldn’t take long. He unzipped and lowered my panties. I wore a skirt and flowy top with sneakers.
Don’t!
He cupped my mouth as he entered me. I screamed as he pumped into me. He started to sweat as he continued on. I pushed against him, but he was stalky and muscular. Compared to my thin, scrawny size, I was laughable in comparison. He finished after a few minutes. His grunt signaling he was done. Tears fell down my face as he pulled away.
Blake: Now you can brag you got your turn with me
I stood there trembling. I felt the pain of him taking my virginity. He looked to see himself covered in my blood. I couldn’t believe that was inside of me. He pulled my panties back up and I flinched thinking he was going to hurt me.
Ah!
Blake: You were a virgin? Sadie, I’m sorry. I would’ve been more gentle. Sh-
I found strength in my legs and booked it from the bathroom. I found Lainey wiping her mouth and a cheeky Brent. She informed me she could take me home. She turned to see Blake leaving the bathroom I exited.
Lainey: You and Blake? That’s why your thighs red? He give you some?
I didn’t respond. I climbed into her red BMW. I shakily put on the safety belt. She kept asking questions, but I didn’t hear her. When she arrived to my home, my mom was heading out. She told me she left me dinner in the microwave. I hurried inside. I heard Lainey greet my mom. I rushed to my room to shower. I scrubbed my skin. I cried as the ten minute encounter replayed in my head.
I pulled myself to my bed. My phone dinged, but I ignored it. I climbed in bed and let my grief consume me. Mom came in the next morning to wake me. She asked about the party and I didn’t answer her right away.
Mom: Sadie, you okay?
M-mom
Mom: Yeah? How was the party out did you not hear me?
Something happened, mom
Mom: What is it?
We were interrupted by her phone ringing. She was being called back into work. She worked as a housekeeper. She bid me goodbye and told me we would talk later. I just nodded and smiled. After mom left, I returned to my room. I cried myself to sleep again.
Later that night when I woke up, I heard Lainey’s voice and my mom’s. I washed my face and made my way to them. Mom had made dinner and shared some with Lainey. Lainey and I had been friends since preschool. She was my best friend. Mom liked Lainey.
Lainey: You’re awake! You’ll never guess what happened!
W-what happened?
Lainey: Brent asked me on a date! What a way to start our senior year!
Mom: That’s awesome! Sadie, have some food and let’s finish talking about the party last night
Lainey: Yeah! You got all quiet on me! Did you land Blake? He ask you out?
Mom: Oh you spoke to him! Why didn’t you lead with that!
I didn’t speak with him, mom. No I didn’t land him unless us throwing up in the same bathroom counts!
Lainey: Oh Sadie.. I’m sorry. Hey, Brent invited me to go to the beach party they’re having. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I brought you along
No! It’s fine
Mom: I’m sorry, Sadie. I should’ve told you not to drink anything. Maybe things weren’t meant to be with you and Blake
Mom left Lainey and I in the kitchen. She told me she had a late shift and would be back in the morning. I raked over my food, but ate none of it.
Lainey: What’s wrong Sadie? Surely Blake doesn’t remember you barfing. I heard they were off mollies and percs. He won’t remember!
Great!
Lainey: Why the tension filled words. What happened in that bathroom? You know you can talk to me
He forced himself on me, Lainey! He covered my mouth so I couldn’t scream.
Lainey: That’s not funny, Sadie! If you screwed him it’s fine. I sucked Brent. It’s no big deal. Accusing him of rape, that’s huge!
I went to leave and hepinnedme in. The remnants of the alcohol hadmedizzy. I asked him not to. He said it wouldn’t take long
Lainey: You had too much to drink, Sadie. I get it. If you and Blake hooked up, like I said it’s fine.
I didn’t! I wouldn’t! Lainey I’m telling you he-
Lainey: Don’t! I finally land his brother and you want to ruin it by saying Blake raped you! He could have any girl he wanted. Why would he rape you? Girls throw themselves at him everyday!
I-I don’t know, but he did!
Lainey: Clearly, you’re upset by your decision to sleep with him-
I didn’t, Lainey! You have to believe me! You saw my red thigh!
Lainey: What I saw was you coming out of the bathroom and him following. I get it you have regret. He let you down, but you knew he would. Not one girl we know he’s bagged, brags about his stamina. Dust it off and forget about it, Sae
I wiped away my tears. She wasn’t going to believe me. She thought it would ruin her chances with Brent. I threw away my food and her unfinished plate. I washed the dishes. After a long awkward silence, she started in about what she was going to wear. Once she saw I wasn’t in the mood to help choose an outfit, she left. I turned off the lights and returned to my room.
I cried as the silence spoke to me. I turned my volume off on my phone and plugged it in to charge. Another night of crying myself to sleep ensued. For weeks this was my nightly routine. A month later, senior year started.
I was scheduled to take AP classes, but dropped to advanced once I discovered I was pregnant. I vomited during lunch and felt sickly the rest of the day. By the end of the week, I hadn’t eaten much and wasn’t keeping anything down. Mom drove me to the doctor’s office and he delivered the news.
Dr: You’re pregnant, Sadie. Let’s see how far along
Mom: Pregnant!
W-What? No! I can’t be! T-there’s some mistake
Dr: There isn’t. Your urine and blood test confirmed. I see you’re shocked
Mom: When, Sadie!
M-mom
Mom: I can barely feed you! Who’s the father? I bet he doesn’t want to stick around does he?
I-I
Dr: Mrs-
Mom: I’m not married! Your father left me! Wasn’t that enough to convince you not to end up like me? You go off and get yourself pregnant! You’re still in high school!
I’m sorry, mom
Mom: Sorry? I can’t afford an abortion, Sadie! You’re going to have to have this baby unless its daddy can give you the money!
Dr Mender performed the ultrasound and confirmed I was a little over six weeks pregnant. That was the exact date for the night of the party not that I had doubt that Blake wasn’t the father. He’d gotten me pregnant. My mom was furious.
The ride home was quiet and apprehensive. I stared at the picture of my little human. She didn’t wait for me to get out of the car, she made her way inside. I slowly made my way inside.
Mom
I called out. She didn’t answer. I found her crying on the back porch, smoking.
Mom: Why, Sadie? Why did you follow in my footsteps. Seeing me struggle wasn’t enough? A fucking baby, Sadie!
Mom, he r-raped me
She dropped her cigarette as she stared at me shocked. The tears poured from me.
Mom: Who?
Blake.. he pinned me in. He wouldn’t let me leave. He said it wouldn’t take long. He covered my mouth so no one would hear me scream. Mom, I didn’t do this on purpose
Mom: So, you slept with him and now that your bad decision has landed you pregnant, you cry rape? Really , Sadie? You’ve drooled over this boy for years! I should’ve known it was that party. Fuck!
I didn’t, mom. I swear
She reaches up and slapped me. I held my face as she just stared at me.
Mom: Own your choices! You didn’t mention it until now! Don’t make those people angry! I can’t fight them. Ask him for the money to have an abortion. Surely, he’s not ready to become a dad
She left me holding my face. I cried as she was the second person who didn’t believe me. Lainey had avoided me ever since she left this summer after I told her. She was head over heels for Brent. The week before school started, he broke up with her. Said he needed a woman who was available during the morning hours per the post on socials.
I didn’t post online. I only looked. I worked at an accounting firm. I made the schedules and kept the office running smoothly. I made around ten grand this summer. I was going to use it to go to college, but now I needed it for the baby. I didn’t know how Blake was going to respond to me telling him that he got me pregnant. I had to be prepared for his rejection as well.
I spent the whole weekend worrying over his response. I couldn’t focus at work and my boss noticed. He told me he hoped I was going to come back refreshed after a couple days paid, off. On Monday, I entered my English class and took a seat in the front. I took my notes and packed up when class was done. I waited for Blake to make his way past me and asked if he had a second.
Blake: Sure, Sadie. What’s up?
Do you remember the night of the party this summer?
Blake: Yeah. Hey I’m sorry I was rough
About that-
Blake: I didn’t mean to pressure you. I was drunk and I’m sorry Sadie.
I’m pregnant, Blake
Blake: W-what?
His friends beckoned for him to come on or they’d be late for class. He wore shock as he walked past me to join them. He gave me one more look and then returned to his jock ways as he disappeared from view. I didn’t want to cry as the next class made their way inside. I had whispered our conversation, but I felt like everyone heard it.
Miss Reei asked if I was okay. I gave a reassuring nod and continued on to my next class. I had calculus. I took notes and packed up when it ended. I made my way to Genetics class. Blake was in this class. He stared at me as I entered the class. I sat in the front and took notes. When class was over he passed me a note as he exited the class. It read for me to meet him at his car after school.
I made my way to history class. I took notes and packed away my things as the final bell of the day rang. I made my way to my locker and gathered my things. I was stuffing my backpack when Lainey appeared. I closed my locked and turned to see her waiting.
Lainey: Hey, Sae
Hi
Lainey: Look, I know I blew you off for Brent. We’re done now that he slept with me. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you about Blake. I heard him telling Logan that you said you were pregnant. Your mom called to yell at me and ask me why I didn’t tell her about you and Blake. I told her I didn’t know. She called me a liar and said I didn’t have to cover for you since you were already pregnant
She didn’t believe me either. Yes, the doctor said I’m a little over six weeks pregnant
Lainey: I’m sorry, Sae. I was being a love struck dummy. Brent got me pregnant. I let him convince me that we weren’t ready for a baby. Once I had the abortion, he dumped me
I’m sorry. You okay?
Laney: Yeah. What about you?
I’m headed to talk to Blake now
Lainey: Don’t let me stop you then. If you feel like it, call me when you get home?
I gave her a nod and made my way to the athletic parking area. Blake was in many sports. Basketball, football and track and field. I was carrying my heavy bag when I looked up to see him nervously waiting. I was a little ways away when the head cheerleader called out to him. Sherry Smith.
Sherry: Blake Wright, I know you aren’t ignoring me! I’m carrying your baby and you need to be available when I call you
I froze in place at hearing that. He looked to see if I had and my facial expression confirmed I had. She continued talking as I turned to walk away. He walked around her to stop me.
Blake: Sadie, wait. Her baby might be mine
Sherry: There’s no might! He’s the father! Are you ready to be a step mom, Sadie Evans!
Blake: Sherry, at least four guys from the team said they were with you. I have video if you need further convincing. Don’t try and pin a kid on me.
Sherry: B-Blakey you know I was practicing for my drama performance
Blake: That’s what I thought. Leave me alone. I’m not your meal ticket
Sherry: Don’t sleep with him Sadie, stay pure. He’s a monster
She stormed away from us. I watched as she stomped to her car and drove away. He took my backpack from me and carried it for me. He opened the passenger door on his G wagon for me.
Blake: Let’s talk inside
I admitted I didn’t feel comfortable inside his car. He sat my bag on the seat as the parking lot cleared. He nervously told me he informed his parents I was pregnant. He told me he was scared and asked if I needed anything. I declined needing anything. I hadn’t expected him to be this way once I told him. That didn’t last long though.
I hadn’t expected this response from you
Blake: I have to ask if you’re sure I’m the guy who’s the father. I did see you on your knees when I entered the bathroom
W-what.. I was throwing up from the alcohol in the punch
I heard a car door as tears fell from my eyes. His words cut me like a blade to the chest.
Blake: You were drunk-
Blake you covered my mouth so I couldn’t scream. You-
Mr Wright: Son, your mother and I are here. Is this the young lady?
Blake: Yes, dad. We were just talking about the pregnancy
Mrs Wright: My son is set to get a football scholarship to play college ball. A baby would ruin his career before it got started. You both drank and it’s unfortunate-
Mr Wright: How much to make this go away?
He raped me in your bathroom. I’m not looking for money
Mrs Wright: What are you looking for then, Sadie?
I just wanted to inform him that he got me pregnant!
Mr Wright: We know you and your mom are barely making it by. Let us pay for an abortion. Our son was wrong for what he did, but he doesn’t deserve to have his life destroyed for a mistake
Mrs Wright: You’re kids! You were drinking-
My blood stained him. I asked him not to do it. You want to silence me? B-Blake! Wasn’t forcing me enough?
Blake: Sadie, I’ve apologized for that. I’m not a rapist! I had too much and you did too
What do you call having sex with someone who said no then?
Mrs Wright: A mistake. Like I said we can take care of this. You shouldn’t be that far along. We will compensate you to never mention it again
Mr Wright: We can also make it hard for you and your mother
So instead of correcting your son and allowing him to bear the consequences for his actions, you threaten the woman he assaulted? He raped me and I didn’t go to the police. I told him I was pregnant and he asked to talk, but clearly this was asetup. Give me my bag, please
Blake: Sadie, please. Let us pay for the abortion. Things don’t have to get bad. It’s an easy solve
If I have the baby, it proves you raped me!
He shoved me. I fell hard on my back. I felt pain in my abdominal area. I held it as the pain resonated. His mom instructed him to get in the car and leave.
Mr Wright: Guess nature will work itself out then?
Mrs Wright: Here’s five hundred dollars for your troubles.
Please, help me. Don’t leave me out here
