Chapter 1
The arrival in Germany six years ago was tough. First, of course, I had to tell my mother everything, which, thank God, she didn’t press further about. During those days, I kept receiving calls from Mason. On all platforms. After a short time, I decided to block him everywhere, no matter how much it broke me. Even on my Facebook profile, I was back to single and removed Mason from my list, deleting all the profile pictures we had together. At school, of course, everyone found it hilarious. From "She looks even emptier than before" to "The guy on Facebook was obviously a fake, he looked incredibly good, what would someone like that want with her?" it was all there.
Tanja kept calling until she was back in Germany, after which she kept pestering me. But I never wanted to hear from Mason again, and luckily, I never had to see him again.
I actually received an excellent report card; even the evaluation from America was top-notch, which I didn’t expect at all after my spontaneous dropout. Accordingly, my graduation was incredibly good, and the university clinic accepted me without hesitation.
Eventually, the day came when I moved out of my parents' house. Tanja and I found a nice apartment at the edge of Frankfurt, I got my driver's license, and I was the proud owner of an incredibly cool rust bucket in light blue. "Don't take it personally..." Tanja said as she pulled the last box from my car, making the seats squeak. "But I'm buying you a new car, and you can pay me back." I laughed. "Only over my dead body," I replied. The car lasted four years; I would never willingly give up Hugo.
That evening, I unpacked the last box in my room. I had set up a small shelf right next to my bed and was assessing all the decorations I had that might fit there. Until I stumbled upon a framed picture, and my breath caught. I had avoided this photo of me and Mason in New York; I didn’t even know why I packed it and brought it along.
It would be a lie to say I didn’t think about Mason every day. This was now six years ago. I was twenty-four, and he would soon be twenty-six. How had his life turned out? Did he become a doctor? Or did he continue with music? Or maybe nothing at all? Did he have a wife? Kids…
There was a knock, and I cleared my throat. I quickly set the picture down, thinking I would frame another picture there later. Tanja walked in on the phone. "Yoshua wants to know if he should bring pizza." I shrugged. "Sure."
Yes, indeed. Yoshi had eventually come to Germany, and he and Tanja were still in a relationship. He was also the one who, together with my mother, helped us move. Tanja went back out, talking about salami and not too much cheese. I sat on my bed and put my head in my hands; my life had taken a turn I hadn’t planned for. When I first met Mason, I had other plans. I actually intended to have started a family by this age. My inner child was definitely laughing at me, day after day. Of course, over the years, there were always people who thought they could get closer to me, but I blocked them all. Except for one person in the clinic. Henry wouldn’t give up; more or less, he was the only one allowed to invite me to dinner. When I started my training, he made himself known and was still a resident; now he was an attending physician in neurology. I didn’t know what was between him and me, but it distracted me well, and by now, I wasn’t so depressed anymore and was getting my life together. Thank God, that would stay that way.
I closed the bedroom door behind me and went into the living room, where an absurdly large couch stood, but Tanja insisted on that size, and since she paid most of the rent, I held back. She was sitting there with Yoshi, and the phone was set up. I could guess what was coming. "Come join us!" Tanja called out as casually as possible.
I had cut off contact with everyone else. I no longer had a best friend, and Shin and Emily could go to hell. Tanja kept trying to get me to come over, and each time I fled. There were even moments when Mason was present.
I took my pizza, thanked Yoshi, and went to my room, closed the door, threw the pizza on the desk that had been set up for a while, and flopped onto the bed. I had lost everything I had gained. I went to America with no expectations. On the contrary! I thought it would be even worse there.
And there I gained a best friend, felt support, and for the first time felt important.
I found my great love, for whom I would have given everything. And from one day to the next, everything was just gone, and I was back to square one; I wouldn’t wish that feeling on any girl.
The next morning, I slammed my car door shut, adjusted my bag, and headed to the clinic. Not five minutes passed before Henry approached me. Tall, blonde hair neatly combed to the side, a slight athletic gait, bright blue eyes. The exact opposite of Mason; Mason was dark, also tall and slim, but he didn’t care how he walked.
Henry pulled me out of my thoughts when he gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Not even five minutes at work, and already found the prettiest woman in the clinic!" he said. I raised an eyebrow. "Stop it," I replied. Tanja came up to us in her white uniform, ready for another day at her job. Tanja had actually trained and passed to become a physiotherapist. She seemed a bit rushed and ignored Henry as always. He was nonexistent in her world. "Good morning!" she almost shouted too sharply. "What's wrong with you?" I asked, and she noticed my skeptical tone. "Oh, hey... Nothing!" She quickly gave me a kiss on the cheek. "See you later for lunch!" She walked past me down the left corridor. "She’s got a screw loose," Henry murmured. "Inappropriate, Henry," I commented harshly; something was up.
The day went by normally: handover, meetings, information exchange. Who's pregnant and who isn’t, who just gave birth... I was able to greet some mothers who had just come from the delivery room. It was my dream job; every single baby was a miracle, I blossomed here, I sometimes didn’t recognize myself, and it wasn’t uncommon for me to stand up to some doctors or take charge of the ward. Now, I was sitting at the front at the reception, studying papers about new women who were either waiting for their child to arrive or those who were in the delivery room. However, I was still waiting for papers from a doctor I didn’t know. All the other nurses were talking about this new doctor; they were almost nervous and behaving like little girls, but I hadn’t seen him. I just hoped he was easy to work with. I heard a slight clink, a clipboard with papers lay in front of me, and I grabbed it. I looked at the signature, and the air left my lungs. I felt hot and simultaneously felt my circulation fading.
I recognized the signature and the name, of course. I looked up sharply and stared into unnaturally bright green eyes. I heard my breath catch. "Hi," he said softly. I couldn’t respond; I was having trouble breathing. "What are you doing here?!" I was quiet, but my tone was sharp. He didn't respond; he just looked at me, and I stood up shaking my head. "This can't be true. I just forgot about you." As if, Mason is and always will be my great love; even now, as an adult woman, I still hung on to my thoughts about him at night, and just when I thought it was getting better, he suddenly reappears. I silently took the papers and walked to the back. This is a bad joke. In which soap opera am I living? I felt nauseous, and my impulsivity led me to call in sick.
Just as I entered the large waiting area, I ran into Tanja. I became angry. "YOU!" I shouted and immediately walked up to her. She turned around, and from her expression, I immediately saw what I meant. I jabbed my finger deep into her chest. "YOU knew! What were you thinking?!" She looked to the left and had no answer. "How am I supposed to work like this?!" - "Mari, you two really should talk," she said. "You can go to hell. I’m going home, and woe betide you if you try to talk to me."
I left her standing there.
