What is your opinion?
Unorthodox POV
"The story uses point of view from two characters and try to make the reader feel the first-person point of view (using first person pronoun etc.), do you feel confused? Yes, I am confused too. The story feels like common 'the chosen one', 'fated encounter', and 'flee/fight against shadowy group'. The world building is enticing, not too much or too few. My idea for the story continuation is maybe the background characters (common folks, characters friends/acquaintances, secret organization members) have more depths. Such as character that seemed ordinary and kind actually has dark secret and character from dark organization has redemption quality. "
So much LOTR vibes!Love it!
"This prologue really pulled me in—it has strong LOTR vibes, especially with the lyrical addition of the song about the Eye of the Veil, which gave the whole thing a mythical, timeless feel. I loved the atmosphere and the promise of a deep, layered world. That said, I did notice that at times the prose leans a bit too heavily on metaphor. While the language is beautiful, it occasionally blurs the action and makes it hard to follow what’s actually happening in the moment. Striking a clearer balance between poetic description and straightforward storytelling might help the pacing and keep readers grounded. I really enjoyed the different POVs—they add richness and dimension to the world. You might consider alternating them more fluidly, or perhaps using each to reveal key elements of the plot from different angles. It has great potential to enhance the depth of the narrative. There were also a few moments that felt a little unclear or underdeveloped—possible plot holes or missing logic—but I’m sure those can be smoothed out in revision. The bones of something epic are here, and I’m genuinely excited to see where it goes. Overall, a promising and immersive start—just needs a bit of refining to sharpen the edges. Keep going!"
