This is what it feels like to pretend u dont care
This is what it feels like to smile through the weight in your chest, to laugh when every part of you wants to cry. It’s saying “I’m fine” even though the truth is far from it. It’s pretending you don’t care when all you really want to do is reach out, to let someone know just how much you miss them, how much they still mean to you. It’s the quiet ache of waiting for something that never comes, keeping your distance even though all you want is to be close. It’s holding your feelings in, burying them under silence, hoping they’ll somehow disappear, but knowing deep down they never really will. It’s letting go in moments and then holding on, when no one is watching, when no one knows just how much it hurts to pretend.
It’s standing in a room full of people and feeling like you’re invisible, wishing someone would see through the mask you’ve carefully crafted. It’s nodding along, pretending to be okay, while inside you’re screaming, hoping someone will ask, but knowing they won’t. It’s a constant battle between wanting to be honest and fearing the vulnerability that comes with it. It’s looking at them, knowing they’ve moved on, but still holding onto the pieces of something that isn’t yours anymore. It’s hiding your pain behind small talk, keeping your heart wrapped tightly so no one can see it break, even when you’re falling apart on the inside. It’s the quietest kind of heartbreak—the one no one notices, but you feel with every breath you take. It’s a slow surrender, not of love, but of the hope that one day, they’ll look at you and see you for who you really are, for who you’ve always been.
And as time passes, you begin to understand that pretending doesn’t protect you, it just keeps you stuck. The more you try to bury your feelings, the more they begin to shape you in ways you never expected. But one day, you realize that you don’t have to pretend anymore. You don’t have to hide the pieces of yourself you’ve been shielding from the world. Slowly, you start to let those parts show—quietly at first, then a little louder, until you can finally breathe without the weight of silence pressing down on you. And while it doesn’t erase the hurt, it gives you space to feel it, to let it out, and to find a way forward. In the end, the truth is simpler than the lies you’ve been telling yourself. You can care without losing yourself in it. You can heal without pretending it didn’t hurt in the first place.
