Adonis
The summer air hung thick and heavy, but when I was with Jayden, it felt like a light breeze always managed to find us. Even now, sitting on the cracked pavement behind the old grocery store, the humid air didn’t feel so suffocating. Jayden was beside me, a thin cigarette dangling from his lips, smoke curling up and blurring the already hazy sunlight filtering through the gap between the buildings.
“You gonna eat that, or just stare at it like it’s personally offended you?” I nudged his arm, pointing at the sandwich wrapped in foil in his lap. Peanut butter and banana, his favourite and the only thing I could reliably get him to eat these days.
He shrugged, taking a long drag of his cigarette. “Not really hungry.”
“Jay,” I sighed, my chest tightening. It was a familiar battle. “You haven’t eaten since yesterday morning. That’s not good, man.”
He just flicked ash onto the ground, avoiding my eyes. Jayden was a beautiful mess. All sharp angles and messy brown hair that always fell into his dark, deep eyes. He was taller than me, almost a head, and the way he moved was all loose limbs and restless energy. But lately, the energy was dwindling, replaced by a kind of weary hollowness that scared me more than anything.
“Please,” I said, softer this time. “Just a few bites? For me?”
He finally looked at me then, his dark eyes searching mine. There was something vulnerable in his gaze, something that mirrored the tangled mess inside my own head. “Fine,” he mumbled, unwrapping the sandwich with slow, deliberate movements. He took a small bite, chewed slowly, and swallowed.
Relief washed over me, a small wave against the constant tide of anxiety that always churned within me. “Good?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
He nodded, taking another bite, a slightly bigger one this time. “Yeah, thanks, Adonis.” He actually smiled, a small, fleeting thing, but it was enough to make my own lips twitch upwards.
“Don’t mention it,” I said, leaning back against the brick wall. The sun warmed my blonde hair, the freckles scattered across my nose and cheeks feeling like tiny sun kisses. Being outside, especially with Jayden, was the only time I could almost breathe.
We sat in comfortable silence for a while, the sounds of the city muted back here. Jayden finished half the sandwich, which felt like a victory. He stubbed out his cigarette, the smell still lingering in the air. I hated the smoking, hated what it was doing to him, another way he was slowly hurting himself, but pushing him about it felt useless right now. There were too many other things to worry about, things that gnawed at us both from the inside out.
“Summer’s going fast,” Jayden said, breaking the silence. His voice was rough, like he’d been swallowing gravel.
“Yeah,” I agreed. Summer was supposed to be freedom, but for us, it just meant more time trapped in our own personal hells. My house, with its constant yelling and the heavy hand of my father, always felt like a cage. And Jayden’s, with the toxic quiet and the unspoken pressure from his parents, was just as suffocating, just in a different way.
“You still thinking about it?” Jayden asked, his eyes suddenly sharp, focused on me.
I knew what he meant. The plan. The one we whispered about late at night, the one that kept us both from completely drowning in despair. Escaping. Running away. Being free.
“Always,” I said, my voice low. “It’s all I think about.”
He nodded slowly, his gaze drifting away again, towards the peeling paint on the brick wall. “Me too.”
We’d been planning it for months, ever since we were twelve and realized that ‘home’ wasn’t a safe place for either of us. At first, it was just a fantasy, a childish dream. But as we got older, as the bruises and the hollow ache inside grew deeper, the fantasy had morphed into a necessity, a lifeline.
“Imagine,” I said, my voice gaining a little more energy, “just packing up and going. No rules, no yelling, no…” I trailed off, the word ‘hunger’ catching in my throat, unspoken but always there in the air between us.
“Just us,” Jayden finished, a hint of a smile returning. “The open road, wherever we want to go.”
“Exactly.” I let myself dream for a moment, picturing it – just Jayden and me, driving towards the sunset, leaving all the darkness behind. It felt impossible, terrifying, but also… exhilarating.
The light atmosphere we’d created started to shift, the shadows of our reality creeping back in. I could feel it in the way Jayden’s shoulders tensed, in the way my own chest started to ache.
“I gotta get back,” he mumbled, standing up abruptly. “Before…” He didn’t need to finish the sentence. We both knew what ‘before’ meant. Before things got worse at his house. Before the silence turned to ice, before the unsaid accusations became unbearable.
“Okay,” I said, standing with him. The lightness was gone now, replaced by the familiar weight in my stomach. Every time we parted, it felt like a piece of me was being ripped away.
We walked in silence towards the front of the building, the bright sunlight feeling harsh and intrusive now. When we reached the corner, Jayden stopped, turning to face me. He looked tired, his eyes shadowed.
“See you tomorrow?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“Yeah,” I said, trying to force a smile. “Tomorrow.”
He nodded once, then turned and walked away, disappearing down the street. As soon as he was gone, the air felt heavier, the summer heat oppressive. The light atmosphere had vanished, leaving me alone in the sticky, suffocating reality.
I walked home slowly, dread pooling in my gut. The familiar sound of yelling hit me even before I opened the front door. My father’s voice, booming and angry, tearing through the thin walls of our house. I flinched, taking a deep breath before pushing the door open and stepping back into the storm.
Days blurred into weeks, summer stretching out, both a blessing and a curse. Every moment with Jayden was a stolen breath of fresh air, a temporary escape from the darkness. We spent our days wandering through the town, exploring hidden parks, listening to music, just talking. And slowly, subtly, something shifted between us.
It started with longer glances, lingering touches, unspoken understandings that went beyond friendship. I’d always felt a fierce protectiveness towards Jayden, a need to keep him safe, to make him smile. But lately, it was more than that. It was a warmth that spread through me whenever he was near, a painful ache when we were apart.
One evening, we were sitting by the lake, the setting sun painting the water in shades of orange and pink. Jayden was unusually quiet, staring out at the water, his cigarette burning forgotten in his hand.
“What’s wrong?” I asked softly, nudging his arm.
He finally looked at me, his dark eyes troubled. “It’s just… this,” he gestured around us, at the dying light, at the peaceful lake. “It feels like…borrowed time, you know? Like it can’t last.”
“I know,” I said, understanding exactly what he meant. The feeling of impending doom, of the fragile beauty of our moments together being about to shatter. “Hey, have you…eaten anything today? And i dont mean a protein bar or an apple.” i said, looking deeply into Jaydens eyes. I already knew the answer, dreaded it. Jayden averted his gaze and stared intk the distance. When he spoke, his voice was quite. “No, i didnt feel like eating today.”
My heart sank and my expression turns sad. I lay a hand on Jaydens shoulder, coaxing him to look at me. “You know, not eating is really bad for your health. I brought you a sandwich, cant you just-“ Jayden suddenly stands up, making my hand fall to the side. I looked up at him in confusion and saw him running a hand over his face. This beautiful face… “i said im not hungry. I have to go now anyway. You know, before uhm…” I nod, understanding his unspoken words. I force a smile and wave him goodbye, watching him go.
I spent the rest of the evening by the lake, not wanting to go home. Its just gojng to be loud again. I stayed until the sun set and the moon comes out, thinking about Jayden and our plan. “One day…we’ll be free. I promise you, Jayden.” I whisper to myself as if Jayden can hear me.
