The Change
This was hunger, this is it
Twice the love—
I’ve had 'bout enough of it
She’s in ruins, he’s in pieces
She can’t escape—his darkness is too great~ Lili
Tara
It’s funny, in a twisted sort of way, how unpredictable life is. When you really think about it, change usually makes sense. Most of the time. I’ve looked back at certain moments and thought, yeah, change was necessary. But this one?
This change?
It isn’t sweet. It isn’t cleansing. It’s bitter. Sickening. Like something rotting underneath everything we thought was stable.
I find myself spiraling, trying to make sense of it—this version of change I didn’t see coming. The worst part? It’s the kind I can’t stop. And that... that eats at me.
Who would’ve thought this is how things would go? That I’d be staring out our kitchen window, watching my baby sister disintegrate in real time—fading, unraveling, slipping away from us. From herself. This isn’t what change is supposed to look like.
I shake my head, trying to swallow the guilt, pride, anger—trying to stuff it all down where it won’t show. But underneath it all, I’m terrified. Deep down, I think I always knew something was wrong. The signs were there—subtle, off, like something creeping just beyond the edge of reason. That weird feeling wasn’t just in my head. It was a warning.
And now here we are.
Watching Liliana slip through our fingers, day by day.
I should’ve known. I should’ve stopped it sooner. The signs started three months ago. Not four. Three. I started counting after the first red flag. And now every tick of the clock feels like we’re running out of time. A time limit on trying to fix her—really fix her—before there’s nothing left of the girl she used to be.
Liliana.
The miracle baby. Our mother’s youngest. The one strangers always said looked like she belonged in a mythical legend. The one people pointed at and whispered, I wish I looked like her.
The one I promised I’d always protect.
And yet here I am—watching her fade from the outside in—and I don’t know how to save her. I don’t even know where to begin. My instincts scream at me to step in, to smother her with protection, but she keeps pulling away. She keeps saying, “I’m not a child anymore, Tara. Back off.”
A tear rolls down my cheek as I watch her now—slouched on the patio of our apartment duplex, arms wrapped around herself like she’s trying to stay in one piece.
“How the hell did I let this happen? What the fuck is even going on with her?” I ask out loud.
A sigh answers me. I glance to the side and remember—I’m not alone. Celeste, our oldest sister, stands beside me, doing the same thing I’m doing. Watching. Worrying. Breaking a little more every day.
“You didn’t let anything happen,” she says softly. “We didn’t. Liliana made her choices. She dropped out of college, met a guy, and now she’s... here.”
She trails off, eyes still locked on the fragile figure outside.
Liliana Logan was the girl with the golden future. Everybody knew it. The doctors, the teachers, even strangers on the street. She was the kind of beautiful that made people double-take—an olive-skinned girl with rich hazel-brown eyes and soft, wavy hair that always framed her heart-shaped face perfectly. Where Celeste and I inherited a rounder softness, Liliana had a sharper, more delicate beauty. Petite, sure, but with a kind of presence that made you pause.
I glance at Celeste, irritated by her calm, detached tone. She doesn’t get it. That’s exactly why I feel so guilty—because I knew. I knew the city would eat her alive. If I had just convinced her to go back to school... maybe she wouldn’t have met him.
I slump into a chair, the weight of that day pressing down on me again. May 8th. Exactly three months ago.
The day everything began to fall apart.
FLASHBACK — May 8th, 6:30 PM
“So you’re deadass not going back to college? Like, seriously?” Celeste asked for the third time.
I was spiraling. Liliana dropping out? She was supposed to be the one to break the cycle. To finish college. To make our late mother proud. Celeste and I gave up our teenage years, picked up night shifts, took bartending gigs and danced at Logos just to keep the lights on and make sure she had a chance.
And now she was just... walking away from it?
“I said yes,” Liliana replied, casually twisting her hair up into a bun and propping her foot on the couch. “I don’t know, something about being out west didn’t sit right with my soul. College just isn’t my thing. Not with my anxiety. And people out there? Weird. Like, deeply weird. After everything that happened... I’m not going back.”
Celeste and I stared down at her like she’d lost her damn mind.
“Lil, this can’t be happening,” I muttered, leaning against the wall. “I love you, but do you not see how fucked this is? How impulsive you’re being?”
She locked eyes with me, all fire and defiance. A look I’d seen before—right before she was about to go full verbal smackdown.
“You know I’m nineteen, right? Not nine? Why is it such a big deal that I don’t wanna do college? Especially when I literally got stalked there. I almost got kidnapped, Tara. You want me to go back and pretend it didn’t happen?”
I sighed. That was the thing about Liliana. She looked like an angel—but she was all bite when pushed. Brilliant, too. ADHD brilliance. Quick wit, wild logic. The kind of mind that didn’t know how to sit still long enough to follow society’s little checkboxes. I decided to try something different this time.
“Look. I don’t agree with your decision, but you’re right. You’re old enough to choose. But you know the deal. You’re gonna have to work. You want to stay in this city and skip school? You help pay rent.”
I sank onto the couch next to her.
Celeste blinked. “You’re... actually okay with this? Did you finally start smoking weed or something?”
Liliana laughed, flopping onto the cushions beside us. “Tara the Impaler has finally mellowed out? Who would’ve thought a year of college was all it took to chill your ass out.”
“Don’t get used to it,” I muttered. “Now where the hell are you planning to work?”
Liliana hesitated. “Well... I kinda already have a job. I applied about a month ago, just in case.”
“What the fuck—so you knew you weren’t going back?” I snapped.
She shrugged, smiling. “Got hired at that new fancy café-lounge. Hostess gig. Figured you guys wouldn’t want me working at Logos anyway, and I’m not even old enough for that. I start tomorrow.”
Celeste grinned and shook her ass for dramatic flair. “Welcome to the wonderful world of paying bills, bitch.”
I rolled my eyes. Typical.
“Just... promise us you won’t get distracted,” I said. “Promise you won’t forget your dreams. Promise Mommy that.”
Liliana hugged me. “I promise. On sisters’ honor.”
BACK TO PRESENT DAY
“I can’t see her like this anymore,” I whisper. “She doesn’t want our help, but she’s falling apart. She’s been hospitalized twice for dehydration. She barely eats. She jumps at everything. I even had her drug tested—clean. Whatever’s happening... it’s not normal.”
Celeste clenches her jaw. “It started when she met him. We still haven’t even met the guy. That’s what scares me most.”
I nod slowly, my heart pounding as I stare through the glass. It’s been a day since she came home from the hospital. She’s worse now. Detached. Blank.
I don’t know what’s happening to her. But I know what we’re going to do about it.
“Celeste,” I say, eyes still on our sister. “I have a plan. A real one.”
Celeste raises an eyebrow. “Operation Save Liliana loading?”
I fold my arms. “Whether she likes it or not.”
