Armani

The moon casted an eerie glow into the room. A shiver ran down my back. Cars driving by could be heard through the walls. I didn’t understand cities. People seemed to be up at all hours of the night. But I was up too. I shouldn’t have been up. I should’ve been sleeping before I started my new job in the morning.

A baby’s cry broke through my thoughts. I guess I wasn’t the only one up in the building. I slowly got out of bed. The linoleum floors were as cold as ice. The kitchen light buzzed when I turned it on. I walked over to the door. I unlocked it and locked it again. I repeated that for what seemed to be a hundred times.

I let out a defeated sigh. No matter what I did, I didn’t feel safe. Making sure the deadbolt was locked didn’t even give me a sense of safety. The walls were too thin. A lot of them had cracks barely covered up with paint. The other cracks weren’t even bothered to be covered. I needed this job to go well. I needed to get out of this stuffy apartment.

I slowly made my way back to my room. I climbed back in bed and waited for the shivering to stop and the goosebumps to leave my arms. How did I end up here? I felt hot tears fall down my cheeks. My body shook as I sobbed. I looked up at the ceiling. I was terrified of being found. I don’t know how I even feel for him. He was just a controlling bastard who beat me.

I thought leaving would help, that I’d feel better. Instead, I was terrified of being found. I just wanted to live my life in peace, not live the rest of my life in fear. I tucked my knees into my chest as I cried.

This was supposed to be easy. There wasn’t any love anymore. So why was leaving so damn hard on me? I was raised to leave when abused. But no one told me the truth. No one tells you that leaving the person you would do anything for would be so damn hard. I shook my head at the ceiling. Why me? Why does bad shit always happen to me?

A frantic knock at my door made me freeze. Was it him? Did he find me? The knocking didn’t stop. I groaned. I slowly climbed out of bed. I slithered my way over to the door. Still too terrified to go directly to the door. I looked through the peephole. I saw a handsome man with something in his hands. He had curly brown hair and stubble along his jaw. I didn’t know him.

I slowly unlocked the door and opened it slightly. I barely peeked my head out. “Hello?” I hated how weak and small my voice sounded. He pushed his way into my apartment. I noticed the baby carrier in his hand as he set it down in the living room. He also set a bag down next to it with a carseat base. “Who are you,” I asked him.

He turned towards me. I noticed his striking blue eyes. “I’m in a hurry and need someone to watch Ava.” I furrowed my brows at him. I wrapped my arms around my small frame. I was glad I was actually wearing clothes.

“Um… I’m sorry but I have to work in the morning and I have no clue how to take care of a baby.” I scratched the back of my neck and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. He stepped closer to me. I immediately looked down to the ground.

“Give me the number of your boss. I will figure it out for you and I’ll pick her up as soon as I’m done with work.” I nodded and scribbled down Mrs. Waite’s number. I handed the sticky note to him. “She likes to snuggle and she barely cries. I’ll pay you later,” he told me before he left. What the fuck just happened?

I looked at the sleeping baby in the carrier. She looked so precious. I wasn’t good with babies. They were too small and seemed too fragile. I gently picked her up and held her close to me. I did the unlock and locking the door routine before I brought Ava with me to my room. I couldn’t help but fall asleep soon after getting Ava all settled in.

***

My alarm woke me and Ava up. She cried as I climbed out of bed. I gently picked her up and went over to her bag. I found her formula and started making a bottle for her. I was dragging my feet. My eyes were still heavy but I needed to get both of us to work. I yawned as I gave her a bottle. Her cries stopped and I just needed to get ready for work. I couldn’t stop yawning as I tried to do my makeup for the day.

I tried to shake off the sleep but I just couldn’t. Everything was so hard to push myself through. I really wasn’t a morning person. I also didn’t care for coffee. I looked towards my dresser and saw all of my medications. I contemplated taking my depression medication. The darkness seemed to be filling my mind each day. I looked away from it and back towards the baby laying on my bed. I scooped her into my arms. She was a sweet bundle of joy.

She let out a giggle as I buckled her into her carrier. I kept a jar of formula in my cabinet. I don’t know why I left one in there. Maybe it was because he gave me two jars. Maybe it was because I hoped she would be back. Her smiles and giggles seemed to give me a sudden burst of energy. I quickly repacked her bag before making my way over to her. “You really are a sweet little angel,” I told her as I covered her up with a blanket. I smiled at her. Maybe a little angel like her could pull me out of this darkness.