Heart and Mind

Leaving home at fifteen

A face among five others, voice too low to hear

Falling into the background, a place I do not fear

One by one it empties, room bigger, beds free

My own bed, a place of solace, privacy

A look, a stare, whispering from voices once gone

Eggshells beneath my feet, I fear I am always wrong

Disappointment, annoyance, freeloader, who me?

Not an adult, only fifteen, how could I be?

A fight like no other, I am gone, into the night I run

Passing by with tears and a wave to the boy who would make me a mum

Uncertainty, fear, the unknown waits but I am free

Disproval, a waste, not good enough, all behind me

My first love

You were everyone’s choice, but you pick me, like I pick you

Sat behind the abandoned centre after dark, staring into eyes so blue

Kisses, smiles, wondering hands, exploring, discovering, out of sight

Until we are together, you fill every thought throughout my day, my dreams at night

Strong, individual, liked and silent, silent by choice

My strength in times of need, when I can’t speak, you become voice

Words, I love you, said without hesitation or thought

Regrets over words those angry moments brought

I push and I push until you are not there anymore

My strength, my voice, behind the slammed door

Tears fall, heart scarred, a moment of madness ends it all

Nothing will bring you back to me, you are not a fool

Nobody will ever love you more than me, your words I laugh at

Young and naïve, I accept it as a challenge, we will see about that

Searching to prove you wrong, would tire me, rob me of years

Words washed away, time and time again, by my lonely silent tears

Homeless

A small room of my own, simple, enough

I tremble, heart beats fast, I need to be tough

Nails holding window closed, so I can sleep

He is coming for me, I weep, I weep

Another day, another I don’t care

Waking from the recurring nightmare

Its all in your head, it will pass on by

Bad dreams are just that, don’t ask why

My first love, still standing beside me, he is there

Bright blue eyes and light blonde hair

He is the one, my one, my forever

I find out I am pregnant when we are no longer together

What’s for me, path so unclear

I was going to be a mother, not like mine I fear

Side glances and whispers, heard and seen

At the baby growing inside me, at only sixteen

To stubborn to hide, I face it, I am strong

A strength I will always need and come to rely on