A Word No Wants To Hear

Suicide

Such a nasty word

Every parents worst nightmare

Every best friends greatest fear

Every siblings turn off

I tried as long as I could to hold on

But on these big waves I couldn’t

I’m not well known at school

Not popular I should say

Just as my signs of slipping away went under their radars

No one there to help or listen

But I can’t go to someone

I’ll be a burden

All I want is to be loved and heard

Is there something wrong with me for that

Time feels like it’s in .5

I could use an extra speed up

I notice every single wish or comment against me

But I still don’t even feel like I’m here

All I have is myself

But it’s not enough

I’m not ready to die yet but I can’t live with this pain anymore

It’s like begging to be pulled out of a heavy train wreck

And no one is helping you, just leaving you to die

So I do it, I grab it

And hold my peace bringer in my hands

I load the magazine and hold it tightly in my grasp

I block out any thought of what anyone will think about me

Probably blaming people and pointing fingers

I load the g*n cocking it back and turning the safety off

Bang. Maybe if I just kill myself it’ll all be better, better without me and better for me

Bang. I hold my chest watching blood stain my shirt

I didn’t mean to do that…

I wasn’t paying attention

I am frozen by the shock

The world begins to fade as I hear my mother running to my fading body, sobbing

I try and block it out

I wasn’t ready to die, but I had to escape this horrendous pain

Bang. Lights out… I succeeded

I no longer feel this hopeless pain

The pain felt like a void I couldn’t escape

Pain that’s what caused it right???

No

Alongside pain was hopelessness

The thought of being unnoticed and not heard

The feeling of not being loved

But that doesn’t matter until your gone

Your not famous till your dead

Until everyone gets over it and forgets about it

But that’s fine I didn’t always want to be star of the show the whole time or at all

I just wanted to be heard

And just like that

SUICIDE is just a nasty word

The WORD that parents would never want to hear

The WORD that best friends cry over

The WORD that siblings breakdown to

Suicide…